How many times per day do you....

Fart?

SWMBO and I were discussing this last night. She had some kidney bean salad the other day and was horrified that she had farted "maybe 10 times" yesterday. I lap that number by 8:00am, and mine are good, long, loud and stinky ones. Her were little puffs that I couldn't hear or smell.

IIRC 15-17 is the average for humans but if I have any milk products watch out

btw . . . http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/FartBooks.htm

Dunno if I ever stop farting.

I hardly ever do. I remember after some abdominal surgery, they asked me if I "had passed gas yet". That lets everyone know things are returning to normal. I was like, um, no, but I rarely do. I don't burp, either, unless I drink a coke quickly and I only drink a coke a couple of times a year.

My son and daughter, however, are fart machines. They take after their father......

45-50 maybe 1000.

I dunno

i am with seefresh - pretty much continually.
forget cattle - i am the biggest methane producer

It depends on what I eat and drink, but 15-20 sounds about right for a normal day

...surprisingly, not too often for myself; but when I do, "GET OUT!". The worst is when it happens in my office and someone walks in. I now actually keep a bottle of Polo cologne in my desk drawer. If something nasty comes out of my a$$, I just spray the cologne in the air. The bad part is, the cologne is so strong that people throughout the building can smell it. My colleagues already know that when they smell the cologne, I let one rip.

A few times at either end of the day, I s'pose.

I had mass quantities of cooked cabbage last night (luv the stuff). I'm gonna need a golf swing counter to see about today. I'd probably say 10-15 on a normal day. I'm a huge trumpeter in the morning though which is the equivalent to probably 5 for the normal human.

My dog farts. I just tell him to stop.


Damn dog.



(and I don't even own a dog!)

My @$$ has been pretty notorious and has been known to clear out parties on occassion....but whilst at work I'll let one slip out down a different aisle so I can air out before returning to my desk....dubbed: cropdusting in cubicle world

worse then this.. i know someone who only goes for a **** once a week at the most

just seems unhealthy!

XELA said:

worse then this.. i know someone who only goes for a **** once a week at the most

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Those people are generally full of ****.

Kai

worse then this.. i know someone who only goes for a **** once a week at the most

just seems unhealthy!

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That is just not right. If I don't crap at least once a day (usually the same time everyday too, wierd) My day is just screwed.

Oh & I fart all the time, love cropdusting at work!

The Queen does not fart. She had a fartondectomy and they go in her handbag.

The is the best thread yet. Right up my alley!

Bavarian Hefe's can really build up the pressure! Watch out then.

does a 10 second long fart still count as only 1 fart?

I'm thinking the avg one is 1 second so you got 10 for 1 there todd :rockin:.

This topic made for an interesting topic around the dinner table tonight. Me and 3 girls (swmbo and 15 and 12 year old) They at least answered honestly...well, mostly. The concensus was 'bout 10 times per day. Then the 15 year old an swmbo thought 10 was too many, maybe 6. I think the 12 year old was closer with her guestimate.


loop

todd_k said:

does a 10 second long fart still count as only 1 fart?

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Yes, but you get bonus points for length (duration)- DOF. My son has perfected the rapid fire technique and those are single, short bursts that repeat like rapid gunfire. He always wins the competitions with those. Sometimes 20 in rapid fire sucession. As a mother, I'm so proud!

Between having lactose intolerance, an addicition to cheese and ice cream, and the side effects of prilosec, I'd have to say, "infinity".

When we started dating, I warned my wife about the morning 1812 Overture.
I'm still amazed she married me.

I would say anytime i wake up. Anytime i lay down for the night. after i eat anything. and then there is the times when my stomach is just upset because of stress or something.

I would say on average 23.7 F.P.D (farts per day)

todd_k said:

does a 10 second long fart still count as only 1 fart?

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God no! Those are stacked charges! It takes considerable colonic discipline to merge those babies and release them in a controlled wheezle that spans many steamboats. The force is strong in this one. You must now look to your inner peanut whistle and develop the necessary prehensile sphincter control required to blow at least the first few bars of Stairway to Heaven. Fart? I think not. I think NOT!

Are farts supposed to be lumpy?

Can't say I've ever counted, but I have noticed that every time I rip one off at work, one of the more attractive females I work with will automatically come over to my desk to ask me a question. Not sure how that happens, but it never fails to attract them.

I've found the trick is to take a walk around the room whenever I get the urge. One of the guys I work with calls it "crop dusting"

Often... probably more often than is healthy, and they certainly don't smell like roses

Speaking of farts

Careful there is a wee bit of foul language.. Just in case Kids are around


Enjoy

Why is it that homebrew makes you fart more? Is it the yeast, the hops the malt? I Have heard different discussions on this and havn't found a good answer, or one that suits my fancy yet.

Usually, gas is caused by undigested sugars that make it to your intestine and are broken down by bacteria, producing gas. So if I had to guess, I'd have to say it would be the malt that causes it. But I'm not a doctor and I hated anatomy so I could be wrong.

This is one of the funniest threads I've read in a while.

I hope you guys are counting it as one when you go semi-automatic. I get some that take three to four pushes to get completely out, but they only count as one (albeit an uber-fart).

Good thing about drinking bourbon is that it doesn't ravage my system like beer does. A couple of brews and I'm John Coltrane the next day.

Do you get bonus points or points taken away for a Shart? Not that i need to know, just asking is all

Reverend JC said:

Do you get bonus points or points taken away for a Shart? Not that i need to know, just asking is all

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Only if it happens as a Dutch Treat (A Dutch Oven gone terribly wrong.)

You know, with all the differences we have in the world, there are a few things all men can agree on:

1. Farts are funny.
2. Farts are funnier when you then pull the covers over your partner's head.

I just fired off 4 in rapid sucession as i sat down to type this.
I must now leave my office if you will excuse me.

robnog said:

Usually, gas is caused by undigested sugars that make it to your intestine and are broken down by bacteria, producing gas. So if I had to guess, I'd have to say it would be the malt that causes it. But I'm not a doctor and I hated anatomy so I could be wrong.

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Although that makes perfect sense, I find that green beer, wheat beer, or hydrometer samples clouded with yeast tend to increase my FPD by quite a bit. Based on that empirical data, I conclude that the yeast has something to do with it, too.

To answer the OP: somewhere between 0 and 100...not very consistent, but quite content.

Yuri_Rage said:

Although that makes perfect sense, I find that green beer, wheat beer, or hydrometer samples clouded with yeast tend to increase my FPD by quite a bit. Based on that empirical data, I conclude that the yeast has something to do with it, too.

To answer the OP: somewhere between 0 and 100...not very consistent, but quite content.

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Yuri! Long time no see! Back home yet?