Crappy Valentine's Day!

Ugh. For numerous reasons, my wife and I came to the realization today that we're splitting up. 3 hours before we were supposed to go out for a romantic dinner.

Cancel that, cancel the babysitter, and all I want to do is call up one of my buddies and go drinking.

Since they're all freakin' married, it sure as heck ain't a good weekend for that

So it looks like all I got is you guys.

I'm here for you! We don't "do" holidays and birthdays and things, although we have friends visiting and we're spending time with them. We don't celebrate dinners out or cards/flowers or such things, even though sometimes I'd like to!

Our friend went hog hunting today at like 4 AM, so it'll be an early night so I'll drink a beer with you tonight and be there in an "imaginary friend" kind of way.


Breaking up sucks but sometimes staying together sucks worser. Not that it will make you feel better right now, but it is the truth- I promise.

Dude, that is cr*p news. Been there and it's never easy to reach that sort of decision.

As you say nothing for it but to crack open a HB here. [emoji481]

Yooper said:

I'm here for you!

Breaking up sucks but sometimes staying together sucks worser. Not that it will make you feel better right now, but it is the truth- I promise.

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Thanks Yoop. In all honesty, neither of us have been happy for a long time. Just sucks that it had to come to a head today...

mcspanner said:

Dude, that is cr*p news. Been there and it's never easy to reach that sort of decision.

As you say nothing for it but to crack open a HB here. [emoji481]

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My keezer has been having trouble holding temp lately... I might go commercial.

Besides, crying in HB sucks

Saw this at the beer store, had to laugh.

Maybe it's time to get an account for myself.

(She already had one.)

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Sorry you're going through this.
We're here for you as prescribed by your doctor.

Guess I should document...

Had Oskar Blues Pinner and a Mama's Yella Pils.

Now this, one of my favorites...

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Best wishes for you, hope the spit goes smoothly, kids involved?
I grown to enjoy being divorced, YMMV.
Cheers

ChefRex said:

Best wishes for you, hope the spit goes smoothly, kids involved?
I grown to enjoy being divorced, YMMV.
Cheers

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Yeah, 3 kids. 8, 6, and 3 yo. That's going to be rough.

On day 1 we both agree that this needs to be amicable. With kids, it's just a reality that we're not leaving each other's lives.

But as I said, neither of us were happy, and neither of us WANTS the other to be unhappy. So this is a really terrible and painful *positive* step...

Kids complicates things and you need to think of them above all, you have a large community to lean on here.
Stay strong.

Man, that sucks, my condolences to all involved...

Next one. I'm not in that much of a drinking mood, though, I guess...

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Ugh, sorry to hear this, my friend.

Hope you can get things worked out for the best of you and your kids.

Inkleg said:

Sorry you're going through this.
We're here for you as prescribed by your doctor.

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ChefRex said:

Kids complicates things and you need to think of them above all, you have a large community to lean on here.
Stay strong.

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day_trippr said:

Man, that sucks, my condolences to all involved...

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AZ_IPA said:

Ugh, sorry to hear this, my friend.

Hope you can get things worked out for the best of you and your kids.

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Thanks all...

Ugh. Insomnia. Almost 3 am and I've been awake since 12:30...

Hey brother my thoughts go out to you and kids, it does suck been through almost 20 years ago and my current marriage has been up and down to the point of me moving out and her moving too, we're still dragging it around....I wish you the best!

You and your children are in my thoughts.

Rough man, sorry. Look at it this way - although it will be hard in the short term, hopefully it will make things better over all.

Not that I'm trying to save your marriage, I don't have the power to do that only God does, but I've found that anything is salvageable unless you've lost her respect. Love is a choice, not some fluffy feel that always stays around. Man I truly hate this for you two, mainly because of the kids. I was that kid before and it still affects me today with me being 38 years old. Whatever the outcome, may your spirit be at peace and may you have the chance to remain connected with your kids.

I'm going to walk into sticky waters and offer some advice from someone who has never fully recovered from a divorce in 93.

In all seriousness, leave the buddies and the beer alone for grill outs. Evaluate the roots of ya'lls issue and find a way to sort through this buddy. I don't pretend to understand what's wrong, but speaking for myself........Looking back now, the things that I chose to divorce my wife for now are petty and would never cause me to blink a eye in today's time.

Either way man, good luck, not just for you......But for your family. Talk this out, get some professional counseling. I know it's easy for a stranger to write this Dr. Phil stuff out when we don't know whats wrong, but take a careful look at what your doing and why you're choosing to do it.

Hang in there bro!

bwarbiany said:

Guess I should document...

Had Oskar Blues Pinner and a Mama's Yella Pils.

Now this, one of my favorites...

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And now you've skunked your beer. Everybody knows you can't put beer in sun light, let alone open the damn things.

JosephN said:

Not that I'm trying to save your marriage, I don't have the power to do that only God does, but I've found that anything is salvageable unless you've lost her respect. Love is a choice, not some fluffy feel that always stays around. Man I truly hate this for you two, mainly because of the kids. I was that kid before and it still affects me today with me being 38 years old. Whatever the outcome, may your spirit be at peace and may you have the chance to remain connected with your kids.

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bigken462 said:

I'm going to walk into sticky waters and offer some advice from someone who has never fully recovered from a divorce in 93.

In all seriousness, leave the buddies and the beer alone for grill outs. Evaluate the roots of ya'lls issue and find a way to sort through this buddy. I don't pretend to understand what's wrong, but speaking for myself........Looking back now, the things that I chose to divorce my wife for now are petty and would never cause me to blink a eye in today's time.

Either way man, good luck, not just for you......But for your family. Talk this out, get some professional counseling. I know it's easy for a stranger to write this Dr. Phil stuff out when we don't know whats wrong, but take a careful look at what your doing and why you're choosing to do it.

Hang in there bro!

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Thanks guys... Appreciate your concern. There's already been counseling, and anything to stay together now is just going through the motions...

Yooper said:

Breaking up sucks but sometimes staying together sucks worser.

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There's really no topping this statement. That's basically the only thing that can be said except that I am sorry to hear your bad news.

That sucks man, I'm sorry...I went through it a while back. I had a son with my ex then we broke up. It was awful, but my son and I got through it. Just love your kids..That's all you can do. There is life after this. After my Hell, I met my wife now and we've been together for 22 excellent years and had another son.. I sometimes think, Why the hell didn't I meet her before all that misery.. I must have slaughtered a village in my past life...

Take care!

Sorry to hear your bad news, Staying busy helps somewhat!

So sorry to hear. I have friends whose lives significantly improved after a divorce. There can be light at the end of the tunnel, but it is never fun.

Hello said:

There's really no topping this statement. That's basically the only thing that can be said except that I am sorry to hear your bad news.

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Thanks...

Bulls Beers said:

That sucks man, I'm sorry...I went through it a while back. I had a son with my ex then we broke up. It was awful, but my son and I got through it. Just love your kids..That's all you can do. There is life after this. After my Hell, I met my wife now and we've been together for 22 excellent years and had another son.. I sometimes think, Why the hell didn't I meet her before all that misery.. I must have slaughtered a village in my past life...

Take care!

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I know this is going to be harder than we think, especially when all the financial stuff has to be figured out. But I'm lucky in that I've got a great job as an engineer, so even with the pain of spousal support neither of us will be destitute (and she does have some income).

And we are both on board that loving the kids comes first... And if we fight too much, we're failing in that regard. So we have to do it right.

ChelisHubby said:

Sorry to hear your bad news, Staying busy helps somewhat!

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I know... Right now I don't want to do ANYTHING. I want to crawl in a hole. But I realize that's a horrific, stupid, and dangerous thing to do. (Especially for people like us who have gallons and gallons of beer available!)

But in our marriage, I've long been the one to try to be the over-helper when it comes to the kids, and so I've long denied myself time to get out and do things. A lot of this had to do with her depression in years past where she didn't want to do things on her own, and so I felt guilty taking time away from the family for myself. This was compounded by the fact that I travel frequently for work, so I did get "some" outlet, but business trips are no substitute for time with friends. I look at this as an opportunity. I'm going to do the things I want to do.

This morning, that was taking my son for a hike. Tomorrow morning, that's going for one myself. Thursday, it'll be going to hang out with the homebrew club guys at a brewery (which I probably wouldn't have attended before). Next Sunday, I'm hosting a club brewday at home. And as weird as it might be, we had already planned a "date night" at a comedy club for next weekend. Might as well still go to it and get a few laughs in...

Cyclman said:

So sorry to hear. I have friends whose lives significantly improved after a divorce. There can be light at the end of the tunnel, but it is never fun.

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I think it's going to be better for me. Well it sounds conceited to say this, I honesty fear that she's going to regret losing me. I've been the "dutiful husband/father" who put everyone's needs ahead of mine. I see this as an opportunity to get my own life again.

**** dude... sorry to hear that. Hope it works out for the best.

Sorry bro. One of my best friends was married to a women who was clinically depressed. He did everything in his power to make their marriage right but she was miserable no matter what, and would not get help. He had loads of guilt but ultimately realized he was was miserable too and she / they couldn't be fixed. The divorced, and within a few years he met a great girl and is now engaged. He is like a new man, completely revitalized. It was a really dark time for him through the low points, and I imagine this is where you are at and will be for a while. Hang in there, do the right things, and know that it will get better sooner than you'd think possible.

Wow... Moving quickly... We'll probably have a consultation with a divorce mediation firm before the end of the week...

My wife does divorce mediation as her career. Absolutely better and less expensive than getting lawyers.

BrunDog said:

My wife does divorce mediation as her career. Absolutely better and less expensive than getting lawyers.

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On Saturday I started doing research and came to the conclusion that because we're doing this amicably, that was best. At the same time a mutual friend who is an attorney was advising my wife that when it's amicable, mediation is best.

It's still going to be hard, because the living situation and money get really complicated as I make ~80%+ of our income... But it's better than an adversarial lawyer situation...

Just saw this thread. Sorry to hear about you going through this. Hope the mediation works out well, and glad to hear that you're making plans to get out and do things you previously couldn't!

Sorry to hear, man. I truly hope you can separate amicably. I know several couples who tried, but were unable to do so. It seems most people have a hard time just letting things go, and letting things go.

Sorry to hear this for the both of you and especially the children. Life must go on. Now I'm being nosey! How are things progressing?

benco said:

Sorry to hear this for the both of you and especially the children. Life must go on. Now I'm being nosey! How are things progressing?

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Well, actually. Still amicable, and with the exception on my mother-in-law, everyone has been reasonable.

Telling the eldest child tonight (8 yo), so that's going to be rough.

bwarbiany said:

Well, actually. Still amicable, and with the exception on my mother-in-law, everyone has been reasonable.

Telling the eldest child tonight (8 yo), so that's going to be rough.

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Aww man that's not going to be fun I bet. Good luck

Good luck man. Been there, although there was nothing amicable about mine. Good luck with the kids. My daughter is now 8, ex and I have been divorced for almost 4 years, and it still breaks my heart any time she asks "why can't you just come back to live with me and mommy?" I think she gets it at this point (I remarried this past summer), but it sounds like you both have the right attitude - do whatever is necessary to maintain the emotional health of the kids. Other than that, keep your head up, and the quicker things can work through to completion, the better.

Update... So far everything is going swimmingly... We're even going through monetary stuff without friction.

At the beginning when we were talking about dating other people, I was worried she'd get jealous. But even that has been OK so far.

I honestly think we'll salvage a friendship out of this

bwarbiany said:

At the beginning when we were talking about dating other people, I was worried she'd get jealous.

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So she's already banging one of your friends?

I kid, I kid.

Good luck, and hope it stays amicable. And, most importantly, you're both happier...