Golf Tournament (humor)

I generally don't pass this sort of stuff along, but I thought the golfers in the crowd might appreciate it.

Subject: Golf Tournament

An Inspirational Story

Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament.

At first I said, "Naaahhh! I already play 3 or 4 times a week."

Then they said to me, "Come on, it's for
handicapped and blind kids."

Then I thought......****, I could win this.

Click to expand...

Chad

I'd still lose probably...

That's too funny!

Will the blind kids play at night?

This young man is paired with a Priest and when they get to a long par 3 the priest says

"What club are you going to use on this hole, son?"

The young man says "An eight iron father, how about you?

The priest says "I am going to hit a soft seven and pray"

So the young man hits the 8 iron and puts the ball on the green about 10 feet away from the hole. The priest tops his 7 iron and the ball dribbles forward about 20 feet.

The young man says "I don't know about you father, but when I pray I keep my head down."

I was getting ready to post this same thing...I am out of the golf humor loop by 22 months

Man and wife go golfing. At one point the man slices his ball and it lands in front of the maintenance shed. He is about to hit a safety shot, when his wife notices that the shed has doors on both ends and is unlocked. She convinces him that he shold try to shoot through the shed and maybe gain some yards. He agrees to try it.

His wife goes to the other side of the shed and opens the doors. She waits for him to hit, but after along moments she wonders what is taking so long and pokes her head into the shed just as he hits the ball, which goes right for her head and kills her.

Next year the man and his new girlfriend are playing the same course, and he slices right up in front of the shed again. As they approach the ball the girlfriend says, "hey, I think you could hit right through the shed and gain some yards!?

The man hangs his head and says, "The last time I tried that something bad happened."

"What?", asks the girlfriend?

"I ended up with a double bogey..."

Irate golfer to the course owner - "My wife just got stung between the first and second holes!"

Course owner - "Tell her to close her stance!"

Man and wife were discussing what would happen if either of them were to die. The wife say, "Honey, if I should die suddenly, I want you to keep my golf clubs in case you find another woman. That way she can go golfing with you too."

To which the man replied, "Naw, she's left-handed!"

A priest, Jesus, and an old man tee off.

The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole.

Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole.

The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.

Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Nice Shot Dad!"

Two golfers walk into the clubhouse after a round and the bartender notices that one of them is speaking very hoarsely, and there is a black and blue mark across his throat. He asks what happens and the other golfer says, "We were up on the back 9 helping a couple of nice ladies find their balls in the pasture next to 13. Joe is looking around, when in a moment of inspiration he lifts up a cows tail and there is a ball, stuck right in the cow's butt! He calls out, "Hey, lady, does this look like yours?"