Hey captain know it all.... I know you and your blogging consensus have it all figured out and all... However...
I know enough about yeast to know (and have been instructed by people with PHD's on the subject) that even the smartest people on the subject (yeast and fermentation) admit we only have reached the tip of iceberg when it comes to knowledge on yeast and fermentation. There are unlimited factors.... Pitch rate is only one.
What is thought now--will be different in the future. Brewer's are not yeast farmers or biologists--we make beer. Stressing yeast can even be desirable. When it comes to homebrewing, the vials and smack packs, pitched active, after a starter, is sufficient for most any beer. Including a simple pilsner.
The best tools you have are your taste buds and observations.
For example: Two weeks ago I brewed, by coincidence, I brewed 12 gallons of pilsner--one of several batches this year. I bought a smack pack, made a starter the night before, and pitched it the next evening. During the afternoon I slowly cooled it to ferment temperature before pitching.
The beer just finished out--spot on final gravity. Tastes absolutely great. They all have come out great this year. And they all begin fermentation within 24 hours.
In your world--the "mr. malty world"--the "correct" amount of yeast I should pitch is 8.4 vials (if the yeast was manufactured on the brew date!!!) with out a starter or three with a starter (of 12 litres!!!).
This again, from practical experience and observation, is completely not necessary. If makes you feel better, spend the time and money on "correct" pitch rates.
Personally,
I just pitch an amount that is adequate and save the time and money. All the mythical off flavors and horrendous results from not staying true to "Mr. Malty's" commandments set in stone--have never manifested.
Anecdotaly, I am sure there are plenty of homebrewers, on this forum no doubt, who routinely don't pitch the "correct" amount of yeast--and have great results as well.
That is certainly not bad advice.... it is just practical advice.
ps. the dry lager yeast is good advice. simplicity. although none are my favorite for taste.