Drunken Challenge

So a week ago I was drunk and offered to brew a batch for barter. Here's the winner:

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Hello fellow craigslister!!

How do you do on this fine afternoon? My name is Diane XXXXX (for now at least, I am getting married in six weeks!!) The wedding planning has been crazy, I am just looking forward to getting it over with. In any case, I am running low on funds, so I am exploring alternative options for drink packages. When I stumbled upon your ad, I thought you and I could really help each other out. So here is the deal. I need a keg of beer for my reception. It's going to be a pretty classy affair, so I was hoping to get a barrel of my fiance's favorite beer, Milwaukees Best. After pricing it out at a few different locations around town, I have come to the realization that it will not fit within our budget. My question for you is this: Could you brew me a keg of beer that is exactly like Milwaukees Best? It would need to fool all the guests into thinking they were really drinking Milwaukees Best (I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with the in laws). Let me know if this is even possible, and how much you would charge.

Thank you, have a wonderful afternoon

Diane XXXXXX, aka Simply the Best. (aka Little Miss Sunshine).

What are YOU getting in return?

A beer exactly like Milwaukee's Best, huh? Bet you can't do it.

Wow........

Impossible.

What was your posting?

Hmmmm...gotta lager that bad boy, eh?

She better be offering EF.

Pick up two cases of the swill for 15 bucks, pour into a purged corny, charge with CO2 and you are golden.

So what will you charge for your efforts.

Six weeks to perfect a batch of American light lager...you better get cracking!

As I recall, you brew 5-10 gallon batches, and you're gonna need to get her 15.5 gallons of Beast Clone. Might I suggest making about 35 gallons, 5 gallons at a time, each with a subtle variation? Then you take 3 of the closest matches and blend them into one Sanke.

Got a filter setup? That'll help speed the process and get you the perfect clarity you'll need.

WTF is her budget that she can't afford a keg of Milwaukee's Best?

The only way to save money on the Beast is to whore for the Beast. Yeah, I'll buy her two kegs, for EF and EF 2 Mouth.

Little Miss Sunshine, huh? Getting the two of you together would be like pouring boiling wort in a cold carboy.

So she's after a whole barrel. Do you know how many bottles of homebrew you'll have to drink to fill up a barrel of Cheesy goodness? You better get started.

Fingers said:

So she's after a whole barrel.

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I'm guessing she's only in need of a 1/2 barrel and just doesn't know the terminology. It's worth clarifying, though.

rdwj said:

WTF is her budget that she can't afford a keg of Milwaukee's Best?

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Yeah! It should cost about 70 bucks at the most unless your state is like PA and has an 81% tax rate on alcohol.

If she can't handle 70 for a keg of beer, then what will she use for payment the day before she is married.

rdwj said:

WTF is her budget that she can't afford a keg of Milwaukee's Best?

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BWAhahahhaha

EdWort said:

If she can't handle 70 for a keg of beer, then what will she use for payment the day before she is married.

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Prima Nocta

Cheesefood said:

Prima Nocta

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Cool, so what will SWMBO say about your first dibs on the wedding night?

Cheesefood said:

Prima Nocta

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Now THERE'S a score.

EdWort said:

Cool, so what will SWMBO say about your first dibs on the wedding night?

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Do I look stupid enough t mess everythin up by telling me wife?

Sadly enough, I think it's gonna be hard as hell to make a beer that crappy. You oughta just make a bunch of Haus Pale Ale and call it even....forget lagering! Also, isn't there gonna be some cost in getting the sanke?

You should make a 5 gallon batch of Kolsh, then top up with 10 gallons of water and call it good. Do I have to do ALL the thinking around here?

eviltwinofjoni said:

You should make a 5 gallon batch of Kolsh, then top up with 10 gallons of water and call it good. Do I have to do ALL the thinking around here?

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I think you're on to something here....... and yes, please think for me; I have beer to drink

Cheesefood said:

Do I look stupid enough t mess everythin up by telling me wife?

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Well, if your last avatar was actually you-I'd have to say yes.
Current avatar-I'd have to say probably.

btw what is that a costume of anyway (current av)?

Cheesefood said:

Do I look stupid enough t mess everythin up by telling me wife?

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You were stupid enough to pass out drunk with a dirty-chat session with an ex-g/f still on the screen...

BTW - "EF to mouth" - LOL!

Wait...is that craigslist listing actually Cheese's? WTF? Why would you offer 5 gals for a dollar, dude? Or is this some kind of nefarious backdoor plan to score some EF? "Interesting trades considered", as Kramer says?

This whole thing is very odd.

Yeah, what exactly is 'EF to mouth'? Does that mean cheese tosses a little salad after the EF?

Evan!, my friend, you don't watch nearly enough pornography...

the_bird said:

Evan!, my friend, you don't watch nearly enough pornography...

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Apparently not. For shame...

Evan! said:

Wait...is that craigslist listing actually Cheese's? WTF? Why would you offer 5 gals for a dollar, dude? Or is this some kind of nefarious backdoor plan to score some EF? "Interesting trades considered", as Kramer says?

This whole thing is very odd.

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It's in the barter section. Cheese brews the beer, Little Miss Sunshine gives him some EF.

Evan! said:

Or is this some kind of nefarious backdoor plan to score some EF?

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Hmmm. "Backdoor plan". Couldn't have said it better myself.

I think you are screwed.

Cheesefood said:

Prima Nocta

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Nominated for best post. My side hurts from laughing.

Flyin' Lion said:

Nominated for best post. My side hurts from laughing.

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I second that. This is wrong in soooooooooo many ways.