Seems like the OP process is essentially making a split batch with half kettle sour and half sacc/brett, then blending them back together. Interesting thought but I guess I would rather just go with a straight kettle sour if speed is the objective.
30 minutes is way too long! I agree, batch size could be an issue. Does the TO need to be modded to bypass thermostat control?
Personally I am getting great results with the heat gun method. Might be good to start with something simple.
Secret ingredient is about 1/4 cup of bread crumbs to give it structure. Learned that from an old school Italian deli in Brooklyn that is probably a luxury condo now.
You should try some commercial examples. Jolly Pumpkin and Bruery have some darker sours that I can get in my local high end grocery store. The only thing you can't do is highly hopped styles because hops inhibit souring.
I doubt that you contaminated your wort with wort. The lack of fermentation is potentially a problem, but it could be a good thing in that you would expect to see fermentation if it was infected. When you say "bag of yeast", are you talking about dry yeast or liquid, and did you make a starter?
I just got a 5lb bag off of ebay from Bodhi and it came in a USPS flat rate padded envelope. Unfortunately I do not think you are getting much more in there. You might have to go for a flat rate box but those cost more.
It might be easier to all agree on a couple of selections and each order...
The downside risk of bottle bombs is way, way, way worse than the upside benefit of 3+ volumes. I would not do it with standard bottles. I am sure your 2.7 vol beer will be fine.
You might start collecting some Belgian bottles with thicker glass to experiment with in small batches but make sure...
So it turns out these were in fact bottle bombs. Fortunately I aged them inside a kitty litter bucket to be safe. I decided to add one to a cider I am currently making and lo and behold one of them had pushed the cork out. Opened another to add to the cider and it was a gusher. I now have them...
I have had fantastic results with Sweet Maria's Congo beans using heat gun/dog bowl. Possibly my favorite coffee I have roasted, although I haven't been at it long. I can't remember the profile off the top of my head, but typical for me is FC at 10 minutes/12:30 end of roast.