Wife and Fat Kitty

[JohnSand]

No, not porn you perverts. This is serious.
We have a fat cat. She waddles when she walks. She thumps on the floor when she jumps off a chair. So, I carefully measured and slowly cut back on her food. She gripes a little, but she stopped gaining weight. The trouble comes when my dear wife, who is obsessively skinny starts sneaking food to the cat when I'm not home. So, should I:
1 Get rid of the cat.
2 Get rid of the wife.
3 Get rid of both, and just invite stray cats and stray women in when I want affection.
4 Chain them both in the basement until they learn their lesson.
5 Just forget the whole thing and drink more beer.

Just kidding, I would never chain up a cat. It's illegal.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Drinking more beer can't hurt... Too much. With my life experience dealing with cats I say get rid of the little devil spawn but that's my personal experience not anyone else. As for the wife yea just chain her up and whip her occasionally till she learn her lesson. Lol

 

[jhoneycutt]

Oh and try inviting in a stray woman once or twice just to see what happens. Keep is updated too.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Make the cat the wife's responsibility. That way, you are absolved. You're welcome.
Regards, GF.

 

[Homercidal]

Now normally I'd try to come up with a humourous response involving your wife and/or the cat.

But I just can't get past the fact that IT'S JUST CAT! Let it stuff itself until it dies.

It does remind me of The *****cat Song, by

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

I'm with #5.

Don't get involved, or wife and fat cat may decide the unnecessary one in the relationship is you...

 

[JohnSand]

I like these, but women and cats are all around. I have no fear of living alone.

 

[captianoats]

You do realize it's just a cat, right?

Besides, if you had the chance to lay around licking yourself and eating, I'm sure you would. I know I would.


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[JohnSand]

You do realize it's just a cat, right?

Besides, if you had the chance to lay around licking yourself and eating, I'm sure you would. I know I would.


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You mean you can't?! :cross:

 

[brick]

Glad you're being slow with the weight loss. Hepatic lipidosis can kill cats if they drop weight too quickly...the liver processes too much fat too quickly and fails. Cats are REALLY hard to trim-down safely.

As such, #5 is looking good to me. Of course I'd probably say the same in any situation where that's an option.

 

[JohnSand]

Thanks for the tip Brick. She should be used to it though, she showed up here starving. I guess the wife did too, now that I recall.

 

[beaksnbeer]

I think your wife is eating precariously thru the kitty, then explain that she will have to deal with dead kitty

 

[Temptd2]

I think your wife is eating precariously thru the kitty, then explain that she will have to deal with dead kitty

Eating through a kitty would, indeed, be precarious!

I think you're a lucky man to have a nice wife AND a nice cat!

(--->cat-loving wife here.... )

 

[JohnSand]

Eating through a kitty would, indeed, be precarious!

I think you're a lucky man to have a nice wife AND a nice cat!

(--->cat-loving wife here.... )

LMAO.
I am truly lucky. My wife smiles at me all the time. ("You made me happy, you big idiot" she explains) And the cat doesn't scratch the furniture, and only occasionally pukes on the carpet!

 

[Pinebarrensbrew]

I for one enjoy a fat cat. They don't run around up an down the hall like idiots at 4 in the morning. Usually to lazy to get up and bother you unless it's breakfast or dinner time. The running around like idiot thing is the plus. My cat is average weight and she makes her 75 mph laps every morning about 45 mins before the alarm is set to go off no matter what time it is set for. She just knows. She's liable to be an idiot cat doing 90 mph through the bay window one of these mornings

 

[LabRatBrewer]

... And the cat doesn't scratch the furniture, and only occasionally pukes on the carpet!

That cat would have been a welcome roommate back in the day.

 

[JohnSand]

I for one enjoy a fat cat. They don't run around up an down the hall like idiots at 4 in the morning. Usually to lazy to get up and bother you unless it's breakfast or dinner time. The running around like idiot thing is the plus.

Oh no, she still runs around chasing imaginary foes. She just makes more noise doing it. We're often awakened by a THUMP! to find it's just the cat. I have trained her to stay out of my room, and to not scratch the door. But I don't think I want to stop her from running around. And it is pretty funny, especially when she overshoots.

 

[MikePote]

I would combine #3 and #5.

If you abandon your 1-5 solutions at least be happy you have fat kitty and wife not kitty and fat wife....

 

[unionrdr]

Hey,I thought everyone liked a furry pu$$y?...

 

[JohnSand]

Hey,I thought everyone liked a furry pu$$y?...

Hey! That's either my wife or my cat you're talking about! Or both you sicko! If I'd had less beer and more ambition I'd kick your butt!
Well, if the cat gets too fat, I'm mailing her to you.

 

[BBQB]

Does your wife have a sister?


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[unionrdr]

Hey! That's either my wife or my cat you're talking about! Or both you sicko! If I'd had less beer and more ambition I'd kick your butt!
Well, if the cat gets to fat, I'm mailing her to you.

It's kind of a running joke. Crossing the cat with wife for some middle-aged humor. I for one don't like this shaving into pre-pubescence BS. Nothing personal,just a middle aged observation...

 

[kombat]

One of our cats became pretty overweight. She loves food, and would often follow us around, meow-ing until we fed her. What I eventually learned is that when I fed her to appease her, I didn't have to fill her bowl back up to the top each time. I could just sprinkle in a few fresh bits of her kibble on top of the crumbs and it had the same effect - she'd stop complaining (for a few hours, at least). In her mind, she'd been "fed," so that was that. She didn't seem to care whether we gave her a mound of food, or just a few pieces.

We've slowly seen her gradually get back down to a much healthier weight.

 

[JohnSand]

Nice idea, Kombat. I'll keep it in mind.

 

[JohnSand]

Does your wife have a sister?


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My wife has five sisters. But I'm reserving the hot one in case this doesn't work out!

 

[EoinMag]

You could hang the cat from the ceiling in between feeds.

 

[dobe12]

No, not porn you perverts. This is serious.
We have a fat cat. She waddles when she walks. She thumps on the floor when she jumps off a chair. So, I carefully measured and slowly cut back on her food. She gripes a little, but she stopped gaining weight. The trouble comes when my dear wife, who is obsessively skinny starts sneaking food to the cat when I'm not home. So, should I:
1 Get rid of the cat.
2 Get rid of the wife.
3 Get rid of both, and just invite stray cats and stray women in when I want affection.
4 Chain them both in the basement until they learn their lesson.
5 Just forget the whole thing and drink more beer.

Just kidding, I would never chain up a cat. It's illegal.

#1 followed by #5. Although, obsessively skinny would annoy me. I like a woman with curves, so I could be convinced to go with #3, minus the stray cat part.

I propose #6: Get ride of the cat. Convince your wife she is beautiful as she is and should eat a cheese burger now and then, but continue to hit the gym so she can look and feel good!

 

[NickTheGreat]

Hey! That's either my wife or my cat you're talking about! Or both you sicko! If I'd had less beer and more ambition I'd kick your butt!
Well, if the cat gets too fat, I'm mailing her to you.

If you had MORE beer, you'd have more ambition to kick his ass!

 

[unionrdr]

Boy,some folks just don't appreciate middle-age humor. Bring friends.

 

[JohnSand]

Boy,some folks just don't appreciate middle-age humor. Bring friends.

Geez Doc, lighten up. I thought the smiley and the threat to send you the cat should have been clues that I was kidding. Also the fact that I "liked" your post. If you really want to fight, you'll have to beat the cat first. (That's a joke too. You really don't have to beat the cat.)