Vasectomy: Male's POV?

[BrewWench]

What would you say if a man got a vasectomy against his wife's wishes? They already have one kid, but she wants more but he went ahead and got snipped without her consent. Opinions?

Oh, and dancing banana is very appropriate for this topic

 

[ohiobrewtus]

Cut him off until he gets it reversed.

I'm heading down that path myself, but I'd never go and get it done without first coming to an agreement about it with my wife.

 

[JMD87]

Considering it's reversible, it's not a completely horrible thing to do.... however going against SWMBO's wishes, no matter what you do, is pretty risky in itself.

Either way, you have some big if you already did this.

 

[mrkristofo]

Just don't perform it yourself.

 

[Evan!]

If you're married, that's a decision that should be made jointly. If she's wanting more kids and he gets snipped without her consent, then he's got the obligation to reverse it if he wants to maintain a healthy relationship.

If he doesn't, well, she's allowed to go find another sperm donor...at the local pub.

 

[the_bird]

It clearly signals a problem in the relationship and is a valid cause for divorce, but fundamentally - his body, his choice. You can't argue that just because she wants a child, he should be obliged to impregate her; if he feels especially strongly that he does not want another, why shouldn't he have the right to make sure that doesn't happen?

Fundamentally, the marraige is f*cked, anyway. Without wanting to make too many assumptions, sounds likely that she was set on getting pregant regardless of his wishes.

 

[Jester369]

Yeah, seems to me the real issue is not the snip, but the 'not making more children' thing. And if both parents don't want a child, then they probably shouldn't have one. Both parents need to want a child, and I personally feel it would be wrong to pressure ones partner into having one.

 

[Damonic]

Yeah, that sounds like trouble in paradise.

 

[david_42]

He's entirely within his rights. No one controls someone else's reproductive capacity.

That said, the relationship is probably headed for the tank.

Knew a couple that had the exact opposite situation: he wanted more kids, she didn't and demanded HE get cut! Divorce.

(As a historical note, when my mother was in the hospital with number 6, she insisted dad get a vasectomy, "Before you leave today." He agreed, since the last three kids all represented failures of other forms of birth control.)

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

The ONLY way I would consider a vasectomy incognito is if I seriously suspected infidelity.

 

[BrewWench]

The ONLY way I would consider a vasectomy incognito is if I seriously suspected infidelity.

...or if you thought she was going to skip a pill or something to get pregnant "on accident," which was my first thought.

 

[EdWort]

I had it done, but only after I convinced my wife to have a second child. I figured she went through labor twice, it was the least I could do. It did take me a few years and two $20 co-pays to get it done though.

The doctor would not do the procedure unless he consulted with BOTH my wife and myself. I find that pretty common.

While within his rights to do so, I predict the marriage will fail. It takes two to tango and such a decision should be made by both husband and wife for either the Big "V" or tubes tying IMHO.

 

[Desert_Sky]

this reminds me, i need to get mine done. Wife is spayed but I want to be more than sure there wont be any more surprises

As for the original question..... Its the man's choice, simple as that.If he doesnt want any more kids, but the wife does then they have more important issues they should have worked out beforehand.

 

[the_bird]

Yeah. In any case, there's a serious trust issue at work. It's got to be something EXTREME before you would even *think* about getting snipped without telling. Either she's cheating and you want to be able to prove it's not you (although I swear I saw a sub-$200 home-paternity kit recently), or you think she's trying to get pregnant intentionally. I can't fathom any circumstance where a guy would do this without thinking his wife was going behind HIS back (and I can't imagine staying *in* a relationship with someone that I couldn't trust like that).

 

[EdWort]

My sister poked holes in her husbands condoms so she could get pregnant against his wishes. They've been divorced for years now.

 

[Jester369]

My sister poked holes in her husbands condoms so she could get pregnant against his wishes. They've been divorced for years now.

That's messed up! Hope she was unsuccessful!!

 

[EdWort]

That's messed up! Hope she was unsuccessful!!

Nope. The Love (not) child just started college last year.

 

[Desert_Sky]

Nope. The Love (not) child just started college last year.

does the kid know that story?

 

[ArcaneXor]

My sister poked holes in her husbands condoms so she could get pregnant against his wishes. They've been divorced for years now.

And I thought the reason they kept tearing was because of the size of my ...

 

[the_bird]

Did that come (uh... no pun intended) up in the divorce proceedings? Was he still obligated to pay child support on a child that she basically FORCED him to have?

 

[JustDave]

The "his choice" or "his right" part goes out the window once you say I do ..... it's a team effort from then on.

 

[Donasay]

Here is another one for ya, as I have stated earlier, I hate kids (this is a bit of an understatement, I loathe children). And I have been considering getting a vasectomy for a while. I am not currently in a relationship, but if I do go through with the surgery and then subsequently enter a relationship, under what circumstances and at what stage am I obligated to tell the woman I am dating about it.

Usually, the conversation about wanting to have kids usually doesn't come up until well into the relationship, and if it comes up on the first few dates, I know what is on the woman's mind and push her to the side.

 

[EdWort]

does the kid know that story?

Yep, but he loves her and is paying child support. It's just a sad story.

Kids have to be a joint effort.

 

[ohiobrewtus]

My sister poked holes in her husbands condoms so she could get pregnant against his wishes. They've been divorced for years now.

That is seriously sick and twisted.

 

[EdWort]

That is seriously sick and twisted.

Yep, so don't you go now and try it! BrewMama has had enough at 14 (though she looks like she's adopted all of them)

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Here is another one for ya, as I have stated earlier, I hate kids (this is a bit of an understatement, I loathe children). And I have been considering getting a vasectomy for a while. I am not currently in a relationship, but if I do go through with the surgery and then subsequently enter a relationship, under what circumstances and at what stage am I obligated to tell the woman I am dating about it.

Usually, the conversation about wanting to have kids usually doesn't come up until well into the relationship, and if it comes up on the first few dates, I know what is on the woman's mind and push her to the side.

Just say you are sterile. And tell the truth later if it proves to be a non-issue. If it is an issue well, then it's an effective screening tool for you now isn't it.

 

[BrewWench]

BrewMama has 14 children?!

 

[EdWort]

BrewMama has 14 children?!

Well, I may have embellished just a little....

 

[EdWort]

Just say you are sterile. And tell the truth later if it proves to be a non-issue. If it is an issue well, then it's an effective screening tool for you now isn't it.

That's still lying and not a good way to build a relationship that is supposed to last a lifetime.

 

[BrewWench]

And I have been considering getting a vasectomy for a while. I am not currently in a relationship, but if I do go through with the surgery and then subsequently enter a relationship, under what circumstances and at what stage am I obligated to tell the woman I am dating about it.

I'm not completely decided about kids yet, but when dating, it was important to me to be with someone who COULD live without kids. Stuff like that can easily come up on the first few dates, IMO. If a guy I dated had baby fever, well, I'd have to peace out.

I would say that you've had a vasectomy though - if you say you are sterile, it would mean two things: either you've tried to get women pregnant and couldn't, or you saw a doctor who told you that you were sterile. So a woman could assume that you DO want kids. A vasectomy pretty much means that door is closed