Things one guy should NEVER say to another guy

[Malted_hops]

" Oh, hey, there you are. I didn't recognize you with clothes on. "

backstory: this was said by my neighbor when I met him at a restaurant. I usually sit outside in shorts and sandals. When he walks his dog in the evenings, they stop by for a few to chat. Guess it really was the first time he saw me with a shirt, long pants and shoes on...

Hope some people can add their own stories, where what someone has said could be misconstrued if overheard without knowing the whole story.


Here's to a long and funny thread.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Here help me hold this....

 

[Billy-Klubb]

"This tastes like d!ck." usually followed by, "How do you know what that tastes like? What are you doing later?"

 

[drainbamage]

This isn't exactly something said directly to another guy, but...my boss has a tendency to make really bad double-entendres purely by accident. He also likes to talk about politics. The one day, he was asking me my stance on the whole "allowing gay Boy Scouts" issue, among other things. He was trying to explain to our other coworkers later in the day, but phrased it as, "yeah, we even hit on gays in the Boy Scouts." He got some weird looks from that one.

 

[beaksnbeer]

"You should try his meat, melts in your mouth, falls off the bone and great smoky flavor" from a guy I work with who stopped over on one of my big brew days where I have 3-9 people over to brew or see how it's done. I served smoked ribs NC style.

 

[Zuljin]

We had a group brew day and I grilled a bunch of sausages. Didn't occur to me I was putting on a sausage fest.

"Yeah. Bill's helping me and I still can't keep it up."
"It" being sludge flow from a clarifier.

 

[teal]

"hey - nice watch"






While standing at a urinal......

 

[Jaybird]

A buddy of mine is a Bear hunter and makes sausage out of the meat. One day he asked me if I wanted to try his bear weenie... "Uhhhh No Sean I do not want to try your bare weenie"

Cheers
Jay

 

[Billy-Klubb]

A buddy of mine is a Bear hunter and makes sausage out of the meat. One day he asked me if I wanted to try his bear weenie... "Uhhhh No Sean I do not want to try your bare weenie"

Cheers
Jay

a guy I work with is always getting antelope & deer and having them made into jerky & sticks (like Slim Jims). he's always asking if any of us want to try his "meat stick". funny thing about it is he doesn't know how socially awkward it sounds. he's not trying to be funny, he just doesn't get it.

 

[stevereigh]

a guy I work with is always getting antelope & deer and having them made into jerky & sticks (like Slim Jims). he's always asking if any of us want to try his "meat stick". funny thing about it is he doesn't know how socially awkward it sounds. he's not trying to be funny, he just doesn't get it.

You could probably fix that real quick by replying one time "Yeah hunny, I'll try to swallow your meat stick whole" and give him a sexy wink. He'll never say it again.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

You could probably fix that real quick by replying one time "Yeah hunny, I'll try to swallow your meat stick whole" and give him a sexy wink. He'll never say it again.

"Do you have any fresh from the smoker? I like a hot meat stick"

 

[McBrewskie]

"hey - nice watch"






While standing at a urinal......

When I was a younger man if I was in a public place and used the restroom and there were guys in the stalls as I'd leave I'd give a big burly "hey, nice dick" as I was leaving. Of course wouldn't do it if there was anyone that could see who said it.

 

[TxBrew]

You smell pretty.

 

[drainbamage]

"hey - nice watch"






While standing at a urinal......

Wait, isn't any conversation at the urinal off-limits? Even something like, "hey buddy, I think your hair is on fire" must be said with a strict no-eye-contact rule and a minimum distance of two urinals away.

 

[NormPeterson]

"you want to ride mine first? I promise it'll be fun."
In reference to a friend letting me try his bike since I have been looking at bikes a few months now.

 

[KeyWestBrewing]

This was during a league game for bocce. My friend took his last shot, which stopped just too far away for a point. I come up to shoot when he turns and says to me.. "If your ball's gonna count you gotta put it in inch inside me."

We all knew what he meant but man was that the wrong choice of words to use.

 

[beaksnbeer]

This was during a league game for bocce. My friend took his last shot, which stopped just too far away for a point. I come up to shoot when he turns and says to me.. "If your ball's gonna count you gotta put it in inch inside me."

We all knew what he meant but man was that the wrong choice of words to use.

Most definitely in Key West

 

[Diaperload]

Wanna play tips only?

 

[TANSTAAFB]

Wait, isn't any conversation at the urinal off-limits? Even something like, "hey buddy, I think your hair is on fire" must be said with a strict no-eye-contact rule and a minimum distance of two urinals away.

YES! But apparently not everyone got the man code memo. Conversation may commence upon handwashing. Drives me nuts...I mean crazy...

 

[Xpertskir]

"I'm lost, can you give me directions to.."

 

[Glynn]

nice package

 

[Bookworm]

The first time one of by British buddies asked, "do you want to go out and smoke a fag?" I was like Noooo, and just what the hell are you talking about? I did not know what to think, he was a tough as nails manlier than everyone British special forces guy. I did not know if he was making a pass or inviting me to go out and shoot someone for no reason.

 

[BlackGoat]

"my cat's name is Christmaskitty"

 

[TahoeRy]

A couple of buddies and I do a lot of offshore fishing and one of them just bought a new reel that I suggested he buy. We have a group text message that three of us all chat and reply on about fishing and other stuff. The day after he purchased the reel we got a text that read: "I cant quit playing with it". I laughed so hard until I got a reply from my other buddy that read: "ha ha, I still play with mine too". I almost sh*% myself I was laughing so hard. Luckily, we all knew what he was talking about.

 

[RedOktoberfest]

Nii-ice shaft!

I was beginning my jr year on the varsity lacrosse team. I was friends with a rich senior kid who had sold me his stick at the end of the previous season. A stick, complete with the market's first titanium shaft. I got that complement several times that season.

 

[NormPeterson]

I had two in one sitting with my brother. For the past 6 years or so my brother and I like to compete in football games against each other. I beat him 3 in a row at madden. He said, "I bet you can't take me in the original football on the Nintendo." I told him "put it in right now" (first). Once he put the game in the screen went black. He took the game out to blow it and put it back in. The screen went black again. I then said "god you just don't know how to blow it right. Let me show you how you're supposed to blow it."

 

[Billy-Klubb]

When I was a younger man if I was in a public place and used the restroom and there were guys in the stalls as I'd leave I'd give a big burly "hey, nice dick" as I was leaving. Of course wouldn't do it if there was anyone that could see who said it.

we used to do the same thing in Vegas.

 

[Diaperload]

In the construction business....

"Can you hand me that black caulk."

 

[CreamyGoodness]

In the construction business....

"Can you hand me that black caulk."

A woman I was dating years ago told a story about helping to build sets for theators, and enjoying the results she was getting with that said product. She apparently took a step back to look at her work, and told the entire room "I love the black caulk". Giggling ensued.

 

[TCHDNSD]

"Dude, your wife is HOT!"

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Worse, "dude your wife is hot" or "dude your daughter is hot"?

 

[dstranger99]

^

Yes !! Or, "Damn, I'd love to try some of that p*ssy"............

 

[gartj]

Any sentence with the word "yummy" or "cute" in it.

 

[RedOktoberfest]

Want a cookie?

 

[TCHDNSD]

Worse, "dude your wife is hot" or "dude your daughter is hot"?

Is it still ok to think it? Or was it ever ok? I'm a little fuzzy on the rules.

 

[Bookworm]

"If I had sisters as hot as yours I would do them and just never tell anyone!" What!! Was actually said to me, only in much more vulgar terms. Then I punched him. Lucky for him he never talked to me again.

 

[n240sxguy]

"If I had sisters as hot as yours I would do them and just never tell anyone!" What!! Was actually said to me, only in much more vulgar terms. Then I punched him. Lucky for him he never talked to me again.

Awesome!

 

[Subsailor]

A former buddy once, about my oldest daughter, 16 at the time: Hey, dude, Stephanie is hot, you ever see her getting in or out of the shower?

 

[n240sxguy]

A former buddy once, about my oldest daughter, 16 at the time: Hey, dude, Stephanie is hot, you ever see her getting in or out of the shower?

OMG!!! What is this world coming to!

 

[Beer-lord]

"want me to push your stool up for you"?