Things one guy should NEVER say to another guy

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I was out once years ago with my friend Anna (a beautiful woman, but we put ourselves in the friendzone after 1 date a year earlier), this guy who was a friend of a friend and his sister. His sister was 21 at the time, and totally lovely but a little... well... 21.

Dude spends the entire time we are out ogling Anna. He pulled me aside, and was serious as a staff infection when he said "I'll trade you my sister for Anna". Dead serious.

I told Anna we had to get the hell out of there... because I was afraid she would hear about it and kill him.
 
He pulled me aside, and was serious as a staff infection when he said "I'll trade you my sister for Anna".

I worked at a golf course and got my littlest sisters boyfriend a job there for the summer.
One of the guys i worked with sister had a job working the bev cart. She was cute, for sure. Verge of being hot.
I would wait until the bf was in the break room then say" hey Josh, trade you my sister's number for your sister's number."

Bf would get pissed every time, but i never got to exchange numbers with Josh's sister. :(
 
Hay bud your fly is down.....Want me to get that for ya?
I had just had surgery on my shoulder and I was in a sling and unable to do much of anything..... A dude in Washington state said that to me. I was like F*^k NO! I can get it!!!

I have laughed like crazy over that many of times over that!..

Cheers
Jay
 
Melana said:
Holy moly, did the guy live?
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Much self control and patience, learned over many years kept me from striking him. My first response included much cursing and a violent trembling/shaking that I could barely control.

He and I were fixing to go overnight for fishing in the morning. Stephanie was getting ready for a date and had gone to take a shower and my wife was helping her get ready, when he let go with the comment.

I told him, "Paul, you've never seen me truly angry but you know my history, I highly recommend you leave and never come back, especially if Marti (my Wife) finds out what you just said. We have not seen or heard from him since. We did learn through some other friends that he was divorced from his wife and was serving time for molesting his step-daughter.
 
"Hey I need some help timming this shaft" (we were cutting down arrows for our hunting trip)

"Can you fish this cork out of the bunghole " Brewing related and I'm sure I'm not the only one this was said to.
 
I keep jiggling it, but it won't go up!
(While trying to get a hydrolic lift with a loose wire in the switch to work)
 
"So how did you and your wife meet?"

"Do you ever show off pics of your wife's boos?"

"I'm pretty handy with a camera if you ever need anything filmed."

All from the same dude that I have to be locked in a room with for eight hours at a time. The first isn't offensive like the others but still, I never wonder how a dude met his wife.
 
"Have you seen my nuts?"
My brother and I were putting together an old bed and had the bolts in but needed to screw on the nuts.
 
Billy-Klubb said:
I used to say that in the bars quite a bit. I wasn't talking about hardware though. I got kicked out of a lot of bars.
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Your name's not Justin is it?!?! I had a buddy back in Texas who used to pull his nuts out towards the end of the night and walk around waiting for people to notice. His favorite was "have you seen my wedding pictures?"...Balzac..."dammit Justin!"
 
"Thanks for asking me out tonight" I did this the other night when what I wanted to say was thanks for inviting me along, my drunk brain could not find the words it wanted.:drunk: :eek:
 
Bookworm said:
"Thanks for asking me out tonight" I did this the other night when what I wanted to say was thanks for inviting me along, my drunk brain could not find the words it wanted.:drunk: :eek:
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Did you at least complement his nice jeans?
 
Billiards is a other obsession of mine. I've been know to be in a bar and say, "I think I'll go play with my balls now." More than one person has spit heir beer across the bar. :)
 
At a Willie Nelson concert, went to the bathroom and they had one of those trough style urinals. a guy walks in, goes to the urinal, and immediately says loudly "Okay guys, quit looking at my cock, I know it's huge and you just wanna stare, but stop"!
 
jhoneycutt said:
Did u at least go?
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Yes. I said it as I was leaving the bar to go home. Good thing I was in walking distance, if I could not come up with the words I wanted I probably did not need to drive.
RedOktoberfest said:
Did you at least complement his nice jeans?
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Well... If they had been nice jeans, I was willing to lose a friend, and possibly get punched I absolutely would have.:p
 
I've been called out several times for say "go potty" instead of "take a piss" or similar.
 
TANSTAAFB said:
Your name's not Justin is it?!?! I had a buddy back in Texas who used to pull his nuts out towards the end of the night and walk around waiting for people to notice. His favorite was "have you seen my wedding pictures?"...Balzac..."dammit Justin!"
Click to expand...

nope. and I'd start at the beginning of the night.:rockin:
 
this was actually said to me in the kitchen at work last week:

"Hey Thomas - I was just thinking about you, I was in the bathroom with Jim..."

The backstory is this guy from a different department and I used to run into each other everyday about 3-4 times during the day in the men's room - we were just both oddly on the same pattern I guess. For awhile - a month of so we didn't see each other often and he mentioned this guy Jim from another department was his new "run into" buddy. A few weeks later we are both getting coffee and he said that and it took everything in my power not to crack up immediately.

Its one of my favorite out of context comments I have ever been part of.
 
it was never said directly to me, thankfully, but there was a surveyor at my old job that would take work to our CAD techs and ask "can I slide this in your pipeline?"
 
In the hospital when an intubated patient is biting down on their endotracheal tube they can actually suffocate themselves. I use this device that looks like a little like a plumb-bob with a spiral to crank open their jaw. On the package its actually called an "Oral Screw".

Anyway here's the line: "Nurse, I need an oral screw, stat!!!":D
 
In keeping with the spirit of this thread, I offer this tip: never pay off a bet or debt in the men's room
 
Went to a buddy's house in Seward this weekend, wanted to go out and get some rockfish and maybe a chicken halibut or two. Had a few home brews and got around to talking fishing and I asked if we were going in his boat;

Him: Man, I got some problems with my lower unit, you want to check it out?
Me: Shouldn't your wife be checking your lower unit?
Him: No man, I mean on my boat motor, man!
Me: laughing, as it sinks into his head.
 

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