The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[paulthenurse]

Hey, ya know what I like to do?

I like to call up my accountant and ask his advice on a tax matter. Then when he gives me that advice I say, "That's stupid, I'm not going to do that!"

Then I call up my mechanic, and describe what's going on with my truck and he says to bring it in so he can take a look at it and I say "Nah, I don't want to do that."

Then I call up my favorite chef and ask him how to cook a steak and when he tells me to broil it I say, "Nah, I think I'm going to microwave it."

Then I call up my mother and ask her how to irritate the sh!t out of people and she says "Just do what your friend Cape does" and I say "I should have thought of that myself."

 

[bob1852]

“Yeah... we’re pretty sure we have an accurate estimate of when he went into full cardiac arrest.”

Paul's comebacks are almost as quality as the ol' "the Jerk Store called..."

 

[bob1852]

Hey, ya know what I like to do?

I like to call up my accountant and ask his advice on a tax matter. Then when he gives me that advice I say, "That's stupid, I'm not going to do that!"

Then I call up my mechanic, and describe what's going on with my truck and he says to bring it in so he can take a look at it and I say "Nah, I don't want to do that."

Then I call up my favorite chef and ask him how to cook a steak and when he tells me to broil it I say, "Nah, I think I'm going to microwave it."

Then I call up my mother and ask her how to irritate the sh!t out of people and she says "Just do what your friend Cape does" and I say "I should have thought of that myself."

See?

 

[Cape Brewing]

Hey, ya know what I like to do?

I like to call up my accountant and ask his advice on a tax matter. Then when he gives me that advice I say, "That's stupid, I'm not going to do that!"

Then I call up my mechanic, and describe what's going on with my truck and he says to bring it in so he can take a look at it and I say "Nah, I don't want to do that."

Then I call up my favorite chef and ask him how to cook a steak and when he tells me to broil it I say, "Nah, I think I'm going to microwave it."

Then I call up my mother and ask her how to irritate the sh!t out of people and she says "Just do what your friend Cape does" and I say "I should have thought of that myself."

Is it bad that it is starting to smell like bad cheese?

And before you get all high and mighty on me..100 isn’t even a real fever so save it.

 

[paulthenurse]

Is it bad that it is starting to smell like bad cheese?

And before you get all high and mighty on me..100 isn’t even a real fever so save it.

Why would I get all high and mighty? You asked, I advised, you ignored. Now it's going to fall off. No skin off my back. I'm not the one going to have to pee sitting down for the rest of my life.

 

[Cape Brewing]

I was going to get the big orthopedic boot you mentioned but figured a sandal would be just as good

 

[day_trippr]

Wait - did someone else drop a boat trailer on his foot?
Is that a thing, now?

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

It's the new "Pod Challenge"

 

[paulthenurse]

While there have been a few published case studies of successful recovery from Over-enthusiastic Rusty Trombone Syndrome early antiretroviral therapy is essential. You should have come by for the script.

 

[the_bird]

love that converted heating oil tank smoker - great idea!!

Converted? He's cooking a whole hog over #2 fuel oil.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Wait - did someone else drop a boat trailer on his foot?
Is that a thing, now?

Nah... barefoot in the dark grabbing wood for a fire pit... stepped on the wrong thing and sliced my foot open pretty good.

Paul’s pissy cuz I flipped him a pic asking for a second opinion... and then followed 0% of it.

 

[the_bird]

Seems smart to me. "Paul, what should I do?" and then don't do that.

 

[paulthenurse]

“Oh..... My insurance card??? I left my wallet at home...., can you bill me for my co-pay? $100? Really? ****. Ya. Send me a bill.”

The advice was worth what you paid for it. Of course, since there’s no bill there’s no record, so when you dick falls off I’m in the clear.

 

[paulthenurse]

Converted? He's cooking a whole hog over #2 fuel oil.

If my memory is correct you ate about 1/4 of said hog

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

JD Martinez!!!!

 

[Cape Brewing]

Who’s JD Martinez?

 

[paulthenurse]

He’s batting cleanup on yo mamma.

 

[smurfjuice]

Is that like a DH ?? ...

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Cape is a DH

 

[paulthenurse]

No one seems to disagree.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Is it wrong to strongly contemplate hitting Armsby for lunch on the way to Treehouse and then for a drink on the way back? Hill Farmstead Mary and a burger

 

[smurfjuice]

No ...

 

[paulthenurse]

It’s never wrong to detour to the Abbey when in the Greater Wusta Metropolitan area.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Is it wrong to strongly contemplate hitting Armsby for lunch on the way to Treehouse and then for a drink on the way back? Hill Farmstead Mary and a burger

View attachment 582886

As long as you post pics on your sweet Instagram acct along with nothing but 400 NEIPA pics its totally ligit

 

[Cape Brewing]

Dude... all you had to do is add Trillium, make it four, and you woulda hit the “hey!!! Everyone look at me name-drop!!” Four-bagger homerun.

 

[paulthenurse]

Sounds like someone is butthurt their brewery was left off the list.

 

[paulthenurse]

And four-bagger? Are we STILL talking about your mom?

 

[Cape Brewing]

You’re such a ******.

Really?? So I text you separately with “watch... lame ‘butthurt’ comments coming in 3... 2...”

... and you couldn’t wait 25 effin seconds before blowing it?

Your self control is embarrassing (hence the waistline)

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

As long as you post pics on your sweet Instagram acct along with nothing but 400 NEIPA pics its totally ligit

Marys a Pilsner [emoji238]

 

[paulthenurse]

“Paul... Paul.... Hey Paul I’m gonna tell a funny on HBT in 10.. 9... 8... 7....”

And I’m a ******?