The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[smurfjuice]

I know you get it Smurf but for the un-enlightened, the quote was from Gerry Ford after assuming the office when Nixon resigned. I didn't vote for either of those two fools this week. In fact, I wrote in "None of the Above." But he is the president elect, like it or not. And those fu<ktards marching around, threatening to leave, should all feel free to do so. He won. Fair and square. The other side is whining about how he manipulated the system to win and how the system is unfair, conveniently forgetting that their candidate manipulated their parties system to steal the convention from the crazy bastard from VT.
I fought for this country once, (OK, I didn't fight per se, I was in the f'ing Coast Guard) but I'm perfectly wiling to pick up an M1 Garand and help escort the flag burners to the new wall and through to the other side. You don't like our system? Go make your own.

Now, can we get back to busting Yeager's balls?

Well said ...

 

[paulthenurse]

I don't think I've ever had a post on this thread that wasn't well thought out, appropriately researched, and generally worthy of a Pulitzer Prize.

Ok, maybe that time from a few years ago when I questioned wether or not the Duchess of York shaves The Royal Vag was not a literary masterpiece but then again, Melville also wrote Typee.

I'm not conceited. I'm convinced. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[HoppyDaze]

I don't think I've ever had a post on this thread that wasn't well thought out, appropriately researched, and generally worthy of a Pulitzer Prize.

Ok, maybe that time from a few years ago when I questioned wether or not the Duchess of York shaves The Royal Vag was not a literary masterpiece but then again, Melville also wrote Typee.

I'm not conceited. I'm convinced. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Step away from the bottom shelf Vodka

 

[paulthenurse]

But it's so wrong. It speaks to me on a genetic level.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

See! This name makes sense.

View attachment 1479511205417.jpg

 

[day_trippr]

So, a sour, spiced cranberry ale - that has garnered exactly zero reviews on BA - has a good name.
That's great.

Cheers! (I'll mail them a cookie )

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

It was at the packy. I didnt buy it.

 

[paulthenurse]

Global warming my ass.
View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1479726495.322756.jpgl

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

I've seen more white stuff on a powdered donut.

 

[HoppyDaze]

Global warning has nothing to do with pumpkins. Believe me I love the pumpkins.

 

[the_bird]

Global warming my ass.
View attachment 377801l

It's late November you ****ing *****.

 

[smurfjuice]

Well said ...

 

[paulthenurse]

It's late November you ****ing *****.

Happy fu(king Thanksgiving to you too.

 

[the_bird]

I just can't deal anymore. This year ****ing sucks. Just had to put our old Troy-dog down, day before Thanksgiving. Had a previously-unknown tumor on his spleen burst, causing internal bleeding and anemia; he had, at most, about a day to live. 2016 can't get the **** over with quickly enough.

 

[day_trippr]

Condolences on losing the pup, bt/dt a handful of times over my life and it's never easy.

And I won't miss 2016, either.

Other than that...hope Massholes everywhere have an epic Thanksgiving.
And try to avoid politics, it doesn't go well with turkey...

Cheers!

 

[bob1852]

Sorry to hear that Jay,

Hope you can have a happy holidays nonetheless. And just remember; your life could be worse........
















.......................you could be PaulTheNurse.

 

[paulthenurse]

I was pretty done with this year up till last week. My dad died in May, every time I could dive this summer events conspired against me, my daughter moved back to San Francisco, yada yada yada . I work three 12 hour shifts a week and do two or three 8-10 hour shifts in clinical as slave labor for my Nurse Practitioner Program. (I'm Mrs Yeager's bitch on one of those days. She is great but I'm getting tired.) I'm ready to climb the nearest clock tower with a bolt action rifle. Until last week. I delivered a baby. Pretty friggin cool. And the kid had a nuchal cord and I got that unwrapped from her neck and the next thing you know the kid opens her eyes and sees me and screams like Jamie Lee Curtis in a slasher flick. (As Mort said so eloquently, "Imagine opening your eyes for the first time and the first thing you see in your life is Paulthenurse? That kid is fu(ked for life."

But it made me happy. I apparently developed an optic situation and I was somewhere on the continuum between sniffling and blubbering and the mom hugged me half to death.


So 2016 wasn't all bad.



Except I feel bad for that cute little girl.

 

[the_bird]

... thank you, Paul. I needed that. Good on you.

 

[paulthenurse]

Yup Pretty f'ing cool.

Sorry about your puppy. I get it.

My puppy Samantha died shortly after my ex and I broke up. She (Sam) lived with me and I came home one morning after an overnight shift, let her out to pee and went up to take a shower. WhenI came downstairs I opened the door to call her in and she didn't come. She went out, layed down under a tree -on a warm spring day and died. Good for her.

So I was supposed to go sailing with a friend that afternoon but I cancelled. It as a good fifteen years ago and cell phone coverage was pretty sketchy on Cape Cod. So I call my pal up and tell him that I'm not going sailing with him because my dog died. Only I'm in my car and hes in his car and he hears me say, "I can't go sailing because my daughter died."

And he freaks out. He's totally sh!tting himself. "OMG, that's so horrible! I am so sorry. What the hell happened?"

And I'm like, "Well, I mean, she was 17. She had a good long run and died lying under a tree in the sun this morning. It's not like she got run over by a car or something, She lived a long life. She had it pretty good. It's not like they live forever."

And he's totally freaking out. "What? Where are you? What are you doing?"

And I tell him that I've got her wrapped up in a blanket in the back seat and I'm driving her to a special hill that we used to hike together to bury her under a tall tree looking out over the ocean.

And he TOTALLY freaks out. Starts screaming at me to pull over, that hes' going to come get me and help me through this and I can't do what I going to do and how he understands my grief but I can't do that.

And I'm like... "Look. I love the damn bitch but I'll be damned if I'll be one of those crazy mother fu(kers who drop a thousand dollars to buy a plot and have a freakin' headstone. She's dead, she had a great life, she was loved, but I'm not a friggin *******. I'm keeping her collar and her name tag (I still have it on my key ring) but I'm burying her, calling it a day and then drinking to excess to see her off and do you want to join me?"

If your find my version of this story amusing you should hear his version.....

 

[the_bird]

I mean, if you weren't YOU, they wouldn't have assumed you were talking about your daughter. People's expectations of your behavior aren't all that high, if I'm honest.

Troy went pretty fast and without too much pain, apparently. He was old and arthritic, but doing OK. But, he threw up a couple of times last night, and then just laid down and didn't want to get up. When I got him to the vet, they noticed he was really pale. Checked his abdomen, and found free blood in it, then confirmed on the ultrasound that his spleen has a big tumor/tumors. Guess they can live with them for a long time without showing any symptoms, until they rupture, at which point they're anemic and weak and there's ****-all you can do short of removing the spleen (and that's not a surgery you're doing on a 13-year old dog). By the time it gets to this stage, the cancer's generally spread, anyway. They figured he might have had a day... but at least he didn't seem to be in any real discomfort. Just... tired. Real tired.

And it's not just this. There have been so many things, big and little, that we've been dealing with. Small things I can handle, like finding out that we've got to gut a bathroom because we've got massive water issues. Stresses that my wife is going through with her PhD advisor, who has become quite literally insane. Watching two of our best friends going through a divorce and getting caught up in the emotional trauma. And, deeper **** going on that's basically forced us to cut close family out of our lives.

It's just been a ****, **** year, and now I'm missing my old guy.

 

[bluemoose]

Could be worse. You could live in Eastern Mass.

 

[bluemoose]

Maybe this will help. (****)
( unless it is your family, then I'm really sorry)

http://www.barstoolsports.com/bosto...ing-day-freakout-taking-you-into-thanksgiving

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Have an enjoyable Thanksgiving Massholes. Do what feels right, if you've had a recent loss, or if this is a first thanksgiving without a loved one, my dad passed in April. He didn't care much about the thanksgiving spread, so where ever he is eating or not eating, as long as some spirit isn't nagging the crap out of him to eat more, I know he's at peace. Paul that is some funny story about your friend and your dog. Never loose your sense of humor. Have a good day all... I'm back to cooking in a minute.

 

[Melana]

Happy Thanksgiving Massholes. Perhaps 2017 will be better for all.

 

[paulthenurse]

Ht

 

[dryboroughbrewing]

Happy Thanksgiving Massholes, as I sit here at my in-laws next to the sewage treatment plant remembering my dog who also died this year, I heartedly concur with the fck 2016 sentiment.

 

[smurfjuice]

Embrace the massholiness ...

 

[bluemoose]

Thanksgiving leftover pizza today. Yum. Did you fire up the half-finished oven for some of these, Paul?

 

[paulthenurse]

No time to use the pizza oven. In a dead out sprint for the end of the semester.

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm setting the over/under at 8 for "How many "Fat guy sprinting jokes" in the next few days.