The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[DakotaRules]

Yeager never drinks beer in public because someone might offer him something without blueberries. Good grief, imagine the spot THAT would put him in. Can't drink a real beer because it might (in fact it probably WOULD) taste like beer. Wouldn't want to go there...

And he's learned though bitter experience to NEVER pull out a pint of his Blue Balls Ales in front of us.

So what's a guy to do?

Chris's solution is to claim that he can't drink that day because of... His 'Excuse du Jur' usually runs along these sorts of lines...

A. "I have to take McKenzie to the vet to get her dingleberries waxed."

B. "I promised Leeanne that I would wash and iron the curtains in the living
room again. She was pretty pissed that I did such a crappy job ironing the
pleats last week, I don't dare screw it up again."

C. "I really would love to try your beer but I'm at my limit for 2011! Heck, I've had three beers since January first. No way! You trying to send me to rehab?"

D. "I have to take Leeanne to get HER dingleberries waxed. I did it for her the last time with a DIY kit, and the stubble was BRUTAL! We're NOT going to go through THAT again. I didn't sleep for a month, I didn't dare close my eyes. Every time she was just about asleep she'd move a leg a little bit and scream like she had a hedgehog in her knickers. I was VERY afraid."

Or his last excuse to me at Masstoberfest, "I'm going to take my wife out to dinner tonight (2pm at that time) I can't have a beer"

Me: "What time is dinner?"

Flounder: "7pm"

Shaking my head....

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

Do me a favor, Never compare me to that ever again. I am nowhere near that. I drink all the time, and no fruit in my beer please. Whew

 

[the_bird]

Or his last excuse to me at Masstoberfest, "I'm going to take my wife out to dinner tonight (2pm at that time) I can't have a beer"

Me: "What time is dinner?"

Flounder: "7pm"

Shaking my head....

... he was probably trying to figure out a nice way to say he didn't want to drink YOUR beer.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

quick uestion, does anyone know if I head over to the big apple in wrentham and get some of their pressed cider, if that would make a good hard cider?

 

[DakotaRules]

... he was probably trying to figure out a nice way to say he didn't want to drink YOUR beer.

That's fine if he didn't want to drink my beer, I only brought commercial beer. But thanks bird I know you liked what I brought.

 

[paulthenurse]

Do me a favor, Never compare me to that ever again.

You're right, that's not a very nice thing to do to Yeager.

 

[Cape Brewing]

quick uestion, does anyone know if I head over to the big apple in wrentham and get some of their pressed cider, if that would make a good hard cider?

I'll know in a week or so. I have five gallons of Big A cider from last year still in a carboy. I'm bottling it before the end of this week.

 

[DakotaRules]

I'll know in a week or so. I have five gallons of Big A cider from last year still in a carboy. I'm bottling it before the end of this week.

Also the club has been sending out a ton of emails and places to get it. Check the club forum.

 

[paulthenurse]

It only took six years, two milligrams of Ativan, a double shot of single malt, incredible sleep deprivation and the Skull Candy buds shaking out of my head BUT I'm one down and two to go in the Root Canal marathon!


My face feels frozen and I just dribbled all over my shirt.

 

[Cape Brewing]

My face feels frozen and I just dribbled all over my shirt.

Sounds like an average Saturday night over at the "special bar" you hang out at.

 

[paulthenurse]

Ya,I was worried that I sounded like Yeager kneeling in front of you at the last 'Norton Area Group Brew'

 

[paulthenurse]

Again, knowing I'm playing with fire,


My lips are numb and seem to be made of leather.

At a dive with a once-hot bartender, with still quite respectable yabboo's, who pours like she's hoping to score a sugar daddy as her tip.

Sorry Honey, I'm just here to drink. And gaze, in awe-light.

 

[paulthenurse]

New bar, J
"'l food

 

[bluemoose]

New bar, J
"'l food

WOW! I'll have what he's having.

"'l food indeed!

 

[Cape Brewing]

I... I... I can't even respond.

 

[the_bird]

I'm thinking at this point, he'd be passing out and dribbling all over himself even without the root canal.

 

[DakotaRules]

I'm thinking at this point, he'd be passing out and dribbling all over himself even without the root canal.

Beat me too it! +1

 

[Cape Brewing]

If there is a God up in Heaven, the alcohol had a massive, yet not-dangerious-in-any-way, interaction with the pain meds and he's getting put into protective custody as I type this.

.... numb face, slurring his words, screaming about Yeager and blueberry beer.

I would actually pay about $500 for video of that.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

I'll know in a week or so. I have five gallons of Big A cider from last year still in a carboy. I'm bottling it before the end of this week.

So, 1 year in the fermenter? what kind of yeast? any additives?

 

[DakotaRules]

So, 1 year in the fermenter? what kind of yeast? any additives?

Search the cider forum and Apfelwein all your answers are there.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

Search the cider forum and Apfelwein all your answers are there.

I have made apfelwine...thats not what I am shotting for...

 

[DakotaRules]

I have made apfelwine...thats not what I am shotting for...

Again check the cider forum.

 

[Cape Brewing]

So, 1 year in the fermenter? what kind of yeast? any additives?

I did five gallons with 1 lb if dk brown sugar, 1 lb if red currants, I lb of white raisins and 1 lb of cherries. I did one in '08 and I was very pleased with it. We will see how this one comes out.

 

[DakotaRules]

Ah I didn't know you did anything to that. Did you get any mold or funk?

 

[paulthenurse]

Where am I?


How did I get here?


Why am I wearing lederhosen?


Why is my mouth killing me?

 

[Cape Brewing]

LOL... tell me you woke up like some a-hole with a Yankee tattoo on your azz or somethin!

 

[Cape Brewing]

Ah I didn't know you did anything to that. Did you get any mold or funk?

Nope... not one bit.

 

[DakotaRules]

Where am I?

How did I get here?

Why am I wearing lederhosen?

Why is my mouth killing me?

Sounds like instead of a tattoo he hung out with the Spankees. I bet hes wearin ass-less lederhosen and more than his mouth hurts.

 

[Cape Brewing]

I think he passed back out.

 

[paulthenurse]

No new tattoos, thank you.

And I didn't really pass out yesterday, I came home, made myself a drink and fell asleep on the couch before I took a sip out of it. I'm not really sure how that's different from passing out, but I'm going with 'mindset and total alcohol intake.'. I really only had three drinks after the root canal. (Apparently I also had some food. Or wanted some food. Or thought I was food. I don't really remember.)

Man, I gotta tell you, that Ativan farked me up. I don't do benzo's well. I got two mg of versed before my sinus surgery five years ago and I missed an entire week. About two weeks after the surguty I said to Alice, "Ya know what's weird? They gave me general anesthesia and sent home without seeing if I could urinate."

She looks at me kind of funny and say's "You really don't remember?"

"Why am I suddenly sure I don't want to here this?"

"Ya, you insisted you were fine, went into the bathroom and peed all over your jonny . You must have apologized to Maria about five thousand times."

"I need to get a new job, I can never go back there."