The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[Melana]

Oh! Oh! Viagra is mentioned and Cape pops by to say hello.

 

[Cape Brewing]

It wasn't the Viagra... it was Paul's four hour chub. Tough not to notice someone talking about half a roll of dimes like that

 

[paulthenurse]

Go ahead. Call it a half a roll of dimes. Alice calls it a better night than usual.

 

[paulthenurse]

Oh wait I didn't mean that

 

[Yooper]

Go ahead. Call it a half a roll of dimes. Alice calls it a better night than usual.

Because at least you're not snoring?

 

[paulthenurse]

You're hardly one to be talking about snoring there, Little Miss Asplundh.

 

[Yooper]

You're hardly one to be talking about snoring there, Little Miss Asplundh.

Little!???!!! Little?!!/! You called me LITTLE? Them's fighting words right there.

How dare you. You are a big meanie, Paul.

 

[paulthenurse]

Ok Fatso. Sorry. My bad.

 

[Yooper]

Ok Fatso. Sorry. My bad.

Well, you are the first person that I can think of to call me "fatso".

You are original, that's one thing I can say.

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm unique.

 

[Cape Brewing]

That's not the word 99% of the people who know you use

 

[paulthenurse]

GfY

 

[paulthenurse]

Not for nothing but there is something that's been bugging me for a while. I am so sick and tired of school crossing guards stopping traffic half a mile away from the god damned school if some kid so much as looks across the street. Look, if those little bastards can't make it across the f'ing street without some hausfrau in a yellow jacket jumping out into traffic waving a stop sign to help them we, as a society, don't want them to survive till adulthood. If they do they'll reproduce and bring a whole new generation of idiots who can't manage to cross a street into our midst.

 

[Melana]

We'll make sure to put a crossing guard in front of your nursing home Paulie - just to piss you off.

You know, if you'd stop driving while the kids are out you would avoid the whole situation.

 

[the_bird]

There actually aren't that many crossing guards around. They just have to keep a roving army of them around Paulie at all time, to ensure he doesn't come within two hundred feet of any children.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Sounds ligit

 

[paulthenurse]

The worst part is that the little fu(kers feel entitled, as though God himself has decided that they have some sort of right to walk across any god dammed street anywhere and all traffic needs to immediately crash to a stop. And they grow up feeling like this and then they're adults and just step off the God damned curb into traffic, looking right at you the entire f'ing time, daring you to run their asses over.

 

[Melana]

Paul have you checked your blood pressure today?

 

[paulthenurse]

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

 

[Melana]

Just for you Paulie.

 

[paulthenurse]

I wouldn't mind that. At least those little bastards are moving their asses. It's when they saunter across the street at the speed of arthritic turtles and look at you and laugh . "Look, I made you stop and there's nothing you can do about it."

We're doing them a grave disservice. Those little pricks ought to have a healthy respect for a 3/4 ton truck moving at 30 mph. I guarantee, run one of the little sh!ts over and all their little friends will learn a VERY valuable life lesson.

 

[Melana]

30mph in a school zone? Officer give that fat man a ticket. Or escort him to the donut shop. How about both?

 

[paulthenurse]

Toughen up, Buttercup

 

[Yooper]

Toughen up, Buttercup

Wait. Wait.

SHE'S "buttercup", and I"m "Fatso"? Heck.

Apparently, you really DO like her better than me.

 

[Cape Brewing]

@paulthenurse in a #toughspot

 

[Melana]

Wait. Wait.

SHE'S "buttercup", and I"m "Fatso"? Heck.

Apparently, you really DO like her better than me.

True. I think you have the names reversed. Sucks to get old and forget peoples names. Early onset dementia is a bitch, eh Paulie?

 

[paulthenurse]

I don't like anyone.

Especially Cape.

And retarded little sh!ts who think they have some sort of divine right to make the entire civilized world stop in its tracks so that THEY can cross the street.

Hey kid, you want some rights on the road? Get your old man to pay excise taxes on your f'ing Air Jordans.

Till then, stay outta my f'ing way. You've been warned.

 

[Melana]

Run Forrest, RUN!

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

I don't like anyone.

Especially Cape.

And retarded little sh!ts who think they have some sort of divine right to make the entire civilized world stop in its tracks so that THEY can cross the street.

Hey kid, you want some rights on the road? Get your old man to pay excise taxes on your f'ing Air Jordans.

Till then, stay outta my f'ing way. You've been warned.

and me?

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

what i hate is the school busses that stop at every other house instead of a neighborhood bus stop