The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

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Dear fruit trees and berry bushes I planted at my in-laws yard,

You think you could do some more growing? My father in law is getting impatient, talking about mowing you berries off and just giving up on you apples, which might involve a saw. I just gave you all a good hit of fertilizer, please make good use of it.

Sincerely,
A son in law that thought jostaberries would be an amusing gift
 
Dear @Kent88 ,

Just what the hell are jostaberries?

Sincerely, thought I had a well-rounded knowledge of fruits but am gobsmacked by this one; here in WA we have blackberries, ALL OVER THE PLACE, literally they grow anywhere you don't want them to
 
seatazzz said:
Dear @Kent88 ,

Just what the hell are jostaberries?

Sincerely, thought I had a well-rounded knowledge of fruits but am gobsmacked by this one; here in WA we have blackberries, ALL OVER THE PLACE, literally they grow anywhere you don't want them to
Click to expand...

Dear @seatazzz ,

Jostaberries are a hybrid of gooseberries and currants. They're all in the Ribes family. Currants, of course, are used in mead and sour beer. If you're a fan of the hit BBC show Keeping Up Appearances, you also know that gooseberries are occasionally used in wine.

My idea was to give a few jostaberry plants to my in-laws, have them produce like crazy after a couple years, and giggle when they couldn't find a way to use up all the unfamiliar berries (even though my father in law loves gooseberries).

Currants:
22currants600.1.jpg


Gooseberries:
Gooseberries-Ripening-on-the-Shrub.jpg


Jostaberries:
JOS.jpg


Sincerely,
A son in law who is bad at pranks
 
I'm 70 yo now and smoked for 53 years averaging a pack and a half a day. Quitting when you don't really want to quit just won't "take" because there isn't much out there more addictive than nicotine. Imo one needs to reach the realization that smoking may actually shorten ones existence in this particular shared Reality. Then quitting is actually easy because you scare TF out of yourself. I went through that two years ago and haven't had a smoke since - don't miss it - even though I really enjoyed it.

So, yes, quitting is a *****, but it can be done...

Cheers!
 
Dear Chernaya Lisovenko black currant bush in my yard,

You're doing a good job producing berries, to the point where you're almost collapsing from the weight of those berries. I still don't think we'll have enough for wine, and I don't have any sour beer to add berries to. I have no idea what to do with those berries, assuming I get them and they don't all go to the birds.

Sincerely,
A Gardener
 
Dear Husband of (almost) 17 years,

On this, your last day at your 22-years job, when we had planned to go to our favorite brewpub after work (incidentally run by my mentor who taught me a lot about brewing), and you suddenly decide it would be a better idea to go hang out with your friends (not telling your wife until a bit late), it may behoove you to realize that when you text "you ok?" and you get crickets, yes your wife may be a tad pissed off.

Sincerely, that couch looks awfully comfy, don't it?
 
oh yikes...

Reminds me of a retirement at my wife's last job. Lady worked at the plant, if not since highschool then shortly after graduation. On her last/retirement day her husband rented a limo to pick her up from work and take them to their favorite eating/drinking establishment. It's something I've filed away in my mind for when my wife retires.
 
seatazzz said:
Dear Husband of (almost) 17 years,

On this, your last day at your 22-years job, when we had planned to go to our favorite brewpub after work (incidentally run by my mentor who taught me a lot about brewing), and you suddenly decide it would be a better idea to go hang out with your friends (not telling your wife until a bit late), it may behoove you to realize that when you text "you ok?" and you get crickets, yes your wife may be a tad pissed off.

Sincerely, that couch looks awfully comfy, don't it?
Click to expand...

How can a man so stupid survive in the same job for 22 years without being fired for incompetence? 😂
 
Dear

Kent88 said:
we all support you!
Click to expand...
Sincerly
day_trippr said:
Then quitting is actually easy
Click to expand...


P.S. The More Money 'THEY' get the more telepathic strugles they give you. i know this from experience. used to be easy for me to, just tell myself, i was bored with smoking, tell myself i want a couple years off. and totally plan on starting back up. now i can't even get back on dry snuff :(
 
Sammy86 said:
Dear Potty Training Twins,

Please for the love of god you have to go poop. It's been three days now and nothing. We're running out of fruit and y'all need to go poop in the potty before we send you back to daycare.

Sincerely,

A very tired Potty Training Dad
Click to expand...

Dear Sammy,

I think is when you get em hooked on healthy food early. if they're eating fruit. how about split pea baby food?

Sincerly,

childless guy, taking a guess... :mug:
 
bracconiere said:
Dear Sammy,

I think is when you get em hooked on healthy food early. if they're eating fruit. how about split pea baby food?

Sincerly,

childless guy, taking a guess... :mug:
Click to expand...

Dear @bracconiere,

These two are WAY past baby food...they eat anything and EVERYTHING healthy their mother feeds them. They are scared to poop on the john.

Sincerely,

@Sammy86
 
Sammy86 said:
Dear @bracconiere,

These two are WAY past baby food...they eat anything and EVERYTHING healthy their mother feeds them. They are scared to poop on the john.

Sincerely,

@Sammy86
Click to expand...
Dear @Sammy86
I'm not suggesting you go stunting their growth with daily trips to Starbucks, but would a splash of cold brew with milk work on them the way it works on most people? All I know is, at about 10:00 am all three toilets at my office are occupado, with several more impatient fellows pacing in the hall.

Sincerely,
Also want to suggest bran muffins.
 
Dear Sammy (again),

I didn't go through that till i was 16-17, and scared of drug dealers for a while....you know how to handle drug dealers!

Sincerly,

Anonymous ;)
 
seatazzz said:
Dear @Sammy86 ,

Just the smell of fresh not-yet-brewed coffee pods in the morning gets my bowels racing to the exit. Maybe just waft some under their cute little noses?

Sincerely, sorry for the TMI
Click to expand...


Dear @seatazzz ,

Sounds like this is just a time to explain metaphors...and at least that "porcelain god" is just a saying, don't worry about it. you'll get it later...

Sincerly,

Someone that hacked an account..... :D


edit: or maybe, once again complete amature....get it a bit dirty so it doesn't seem to clean to that sorta thing in? just a thought? lol (i hope the wide webs don't traumitize your kids!)


edit 2: i don't know, i'm out....
 
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Dear HBT,

i just...well, think of this as humorus sorta...'pissed off', 'porcelain god'....'**** list'? and then this happens! 🤣

Sincerly,

i tried leaving, just someone that would like to heal old wounds....but i will strike it trough, ...

edit: and now there's social media!
 
Dear Jayjay,

do crazy child stars get advice like that before or after they go on their typical crazy spat?

Sincerly,

Old man sick of being a kid.....
 
Dear freezer,

You absolute [stream of expletives], I spent 15 minutes rearranging stuff so I could make sure your door would close before we left for our long weekend and you [stream of expletives] popped your door open while we were gone anyway. [Stream of expletives]!

Sincerely,
Do I need to start looking for a new fridge/freezer, since the compressor was running more than usual for the last 3&1/2 days?
 
Nah. "Running" is the one thing compressors do well.
It's the "starting" that kills them...if they don't spring a refrigerant leak first...

Cheers!
 
Dear Human Race,
“Social media satiates our appetite for moral disgust and tribal conflict.”
Sincerely,
Worried About Human Race

[Edit: I only somewhat see the irony of posting this particular rant on essentially a social media site]

[EditEdit: and yeah, I may have not used "irony" correctly, Mom]
 
Dear..

Sounds like the reverse of marijuana..

Sincerely...

WTF, are apples still legal in washington? could be fermented into a dangerously intoxicating drug!
 
bracconiere said:
Dear..

Sounds like the reverse of marijuana..

Sincerely...

WTF, are apples still legal in washington? could be fermented into a dangerously intoxicating drug!
Click to expand...
I guess there was a federal ban up until 1966. It was tied to the fact that these plants introduced some sort of pest that destroyed crops and forests... Not that they contained some sort of drug.
 
Michigan requires a permit to plant black currants. Red currants, white currants and gooseberries require a permit only if the planting site is in the white pine blister rust control zone. Alpine currant is exempt from permit requirements.

To obtain a permit to grow rust-resistant currants and gooseberries, e-mail [email protected]. Indicate the varieties you intend to plant, the quantity, and address where they will be planted
 

Attachments

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