The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[LAHammer]

Dear Wishing:
Beer ---- Lots of beer.
And calluses...
Sincerely,
Giving it some days (345)

 

[Psylocide]

Dear Beer,

Don't worry... I won't be gone long.

Sincerely,

Sorry for taking a break from you yesterday. It won't happen again.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Gayle King:
STFU!
Sincerely, Me & at least 1/2 of the rest of the country.

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear red headed step child,
I love ya little man. I know better then most livin' here can be hard. Nothing to do. No where to go. You kinda acted like a hoodrat tonight. I will let you and your friend go tonight. I was there once and you are still way more responsible then I was at your age. This is your get outta jail free card for the year. I will always have your back but tread lightly young man.
Sincerely fat old man that don't know $h!t.
P.S. I was pretty wild til I met your mom.

 

[fimpster]

Dear Stian Mong,

MOAR!

Sincerely,
Interwebs

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear hops additions,
BOOM!
Sincerely,
Mr. Mong & most HBT'ers from now on

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear hops additions,
BOOM!
Sincerely,
Mr. Mong & most HBT'ers from now on

Dear Neighbor,

I forgot to boom my last hop addition. Do you think it's infected now?

Sincerely,
Forgot to Mong!

 

[SupervisingChildren]

Dear Neighbor,

I forgot to boom my last hop addition. Do you think it's infected now?

Sincerely,
Forgot to Mong!

Dear Forgot to Mong,
Nah, it's not infected. However, you did most likely make Budweiser instead.
Sincerely,
Boom! releases the hop aroma and flavor

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear West Ham United,

Sorry to burst all those bubbles you've been blowing...

Sincerely,
I'll take the point.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Dear Atlanta,

Please don't go full shutdown for the tiny bit of cold weather that's expected tomorrow morning. I'd like my flights through your airport to go smoothly.

Sincerely,
Seriously, I'll be pretty pissed if you can't handle a few hours of near freezing temperatures

 

[TXCrash]

Dear ex,
Check, and mate.

Sincerely,
I win

 

[LAHammer]

Dear I win:
Congratulations on the win! Sane is a terrible thing to waste.
Sincerely,
2nd time was a charm
&
Now I know how to act

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Second time is a charm & etc.
It's the etc. that makes the difference the second time.
Sincerely,
Another happy second-timer

 

[Zepth]

Dear metal scrappers,
Some of us happen to need those working fridges and/or freezers in order to make fermentation chambers on the cheap! Why must you impede my beer making for 6.4 cents/lb ?
Sincerely,
Can't stand to see functional items be wasted.

 

[ubnserved]

Dear metal scrappers,
Some of us happen to need those working fridges and/or freezers in order to make fermentation chambers on the cheap! Why must you impede my beer making for 6.4 cents/lb ?
Sincerely,
Can't stand to see functional items be wasted.

Dear not to be wasted,
I have had to deal with those aholes also, every year we bring our fireplace from the back yard into the front on thanksgiving night to have friends and neighbors over to drink beer and light the christmas lights. Usually in the neighborhood of 10-15 thousand. Well a couple of years ago some d!(khead thought that the $500 we spent on our outdoor fireplace was too much and took off with it. The only reason it was still out in front of our house in our yard was because my oldest was coming home on leave in a few days. Made having a few awfully cold that year. Kinda ruined our neighborhood get together because we haven't done it since.
Sincerely,
Turning into the neighborhood grouch always thinking that someone needs a "foot in their a$$"!

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqPEHjeyTno[/ame]

 

[soccerdad]

on thanksgiving night to have friends and neighbors over .. Usually in the neighborhood of 10-15 thousand[/url]

That's a lot of people !!

 

[Psylocide]

Dear guys,

10,000ish people.

Sincerely,

Not so sure about that.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Dear English lit majors
I'm pretty sure he meant lights, not people.
Sincerely,

Reading comprehension

 

[Psylocide]

Dear English lit majors
I'm pretty sure he meant lights, not people.
Sincerely,

Reading comprehension

Dear RC,

Syntax error.

Sincerely,

Yeah, that's it.

 

[Hamaki]

Dear English lit majors
I'm pretty sure he meant lights, not people.
Sincerely,

Reading comprehension

Dear RC,

You serious, Clark?

Sincerely,

Cousin Eddie

PS - They aren't twinkling, Clark

 

[Melana]

Dear Realtor # 2:

I appreciate that you found a buyer for my home in weeks when the other agent did not find anyone in months. Why did you miss a critical detail that on the eve of closing is now costing me money that I should never have had to pay?

Sincerely,
About to go Postal.

 

[Pyg]

Dear "friend",

first off, you dont have a "laid back attitude", you are uptight and completely whipped. You don't dare act in a manner that your lame, conservative wife would consider to be "wild" but the rest of us would call "fun"!

Secondly, my home brewed pale ale is not too bitter it is 44 IBU, and yes "IBU" is a real term.

Third 5.5% ABV does not make a beer "heavy", you do shots of vodka and Goldschlager, man up and drink a beer with some balls.

Lastly, don't tell me my home brew is not a "real beer" as you are drinking Heineken Light from a can!

Sincerely,
your home brewing "friend"

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear @pyg,

It sounds like we have the same home brewing "friends".

Sincerely,
I know that feel bro.

 

[Zepth]

Dear Thief,
I just spend 2 hours on a round trip to pick up something that you decided to swipe from the driveway before I arrived. I also enlisted a friend to assist me with the pickup who also wasted time because of you. Die.
Sincerely,
Is nothing safe anymore?

 

[Zekk]

Dear Not Safe,

Came home from Xmas with my folks to find someone had stolen my catalytic converter out of my old truck, $250 present to myself.

Sincerely,
I park both cars in the garage now

 

[soccerdad]

man up and drink a beer with some balls.

Dear HB friend -

I have started putting testicles in all of my beers .. I use them like dry hops. One or two nuts (sometimes three if I'm feeling really wild) for 3 to 5 days before packaging.

Sincerely - the ahole English major

 

[Singletrack]

Dear Major aho(oops, I mean) English (yeah, that's it),

Are all genders on board with that beer?

Sincerely,

All in good fun (I hope)

 

[Melana]

Dear AIGF,
Why not!
Sincerely,
Representative from the other gender

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear ahole English major,
You're actually an ahole literalist. An English major would recognize a metaphor and appreciate it instead of being an ahole (another metaphor, unless you're actually a sphincter that can type...)
Sincerely,
Someone who, like you, knows how to break Wheaton's Law

 

[PatrickGoss]

Dear ahole English major,
You're actually an ahole literalist. An English major would recognize a metaphor and appreciate it instead of being an ahole (another metaphor, unless you're actually a sphincter that can type...)
Sincerely,
Someone who, like you, knows how to break Wheaton's Law

Damned well put.

PS: I got my BA in English from Purdue.

 

[Zepth]

Dear garage parker,
My father once received a service call while working as a mechanic. Turns out " I don't know how else to tell you this but your drive shaft is gone." What do you mean gone? "I mean it just isn't there any more."
Sincerely,
You aren't the first.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear garage parkers,
Had a certain car alarm kept going off, the car would have been missing.

Sincerely,
Probably just talk. Probably.

 

[Pyg]

Dear HB friend -

I have started putting testicles in all of my beers .. I use them like dry hops. One or two nuts (sometimes three if I'm feeling really wild) for 3 to 5 days before packaging.

Sincerely - the ahole English major

Dear the ahole English major,

I know this has been well covered, but learn the difference between literal and figurative. It will help you later down the road especially with developing a cents of humor!

Sincerely guy married to English teacher for 20 long years!

P.S. I will take one of your "ball beers" any time. Or is it called Testy-brew? Sacky pale ale? Two Nut brown ale?

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Pyg,

Getting these things to market is a pain in the scrotum. I will send samples if we ever get out of court. South Park is contesting the Chocolate Salty Balls Porter, SNL is contesting Pete's Schwetty Balls Amber Ale, Bells does not like Balls Two Testes IPA, and of course Red Bull has filed over Bulls Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout.

Sincerely, the artist formerly known as Soccerdad

 

[Beernik]

Dear Work,

I understand the SOP is to give promotions to someone other than the most qualified applicant.

I am not the most qualified person for the current promotion. After much soul searching, I've decided I'm putting in for it.

Sincerely,
Guy whose new manager refuses to ask him questions because I know more about his job than he does and this is his best option to sideline me out of the program.

 

[jhoneycutt]

Dear Work,

I understand the SOP is to give promotions to someone other than the most qualified applicant.

I am not the most qualified person for the current promotion. After much soul searching, I've decided I'm putting in for it.

Sincerely,
Guy whose new manager refuses to ask him questions because I know more about his job than he does and this is his best option to sideline me out of the program.

Dear guy,

I feel your pain

Sincerely
Other guy

 

[Beernik]

Dear house,

Why is a project never as easy as it should be?

Sincerely,
Replacing the cartridge in a leaky faucet just became replacing all the plumbing from the wall out plus the faucet.

 

[Beernik]

Dear God,

Why can't I have a diatery restriction that prevents me from eating at a cheap, tacky, chain restaurant with bland food?

Sincerely,

The cheese wiz & bologna people won out on te lunch choice today.

 

[DrunkleJon]

ewwww

 

[hunter_le five]

Dear God,

Why can't I have a diatery restriction that prevents me from eating at a cheap, tacky, chain restaurant with bland food?

Sincerely,

The cheese wiz & bologna people won out on te lunch choice today.

Dear Beernik,

Just make up series of suspiciously specific dietary restrictions. That way you will always get what you want.

I'm pretty sure it's exactly what two of my coworkers do. Apparently, they are allergic to everything. It's u̶n̶f̶o̶r̶t̶u̶n̶a̶t̶e̶ amazing that they haven't starved to death by now.

Sincerely,

Youdon'thaveallergiesyou'rejustafinickyeater