The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Melana]

Dear Far and Full,
Perhaps she likes you
Sincerely,
Wishing I had a sandwich.

 

[Psylocide]

Dear Fat and Full,

I have had the kids working at Subway remake my sub just about every time I've been there (no longer).

"Easy mayo" does not mean to empty half the bottle on my sandwich instead of the whole bottle, which seems to be standard procedure over there.

Sincerely,

Get it together. Mayo should not be the star of your sandwich.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Far and Full,
Perhaps she likes you
Sincerely,
Wishing I had a sandwich.

Dear Melana,
She may, but really isnt my type. She is old enough to be my mothers older sister and does not seem to have been in america long enough to understand english. You can have the other half of mine if you want.

Dear Fat and Full,

I have had the kids working at Subway remake my sub just about every time I've been there (no longer).

"Easy mayo" does not mean to empty half the bottle on my sandwich instead of the whole bottle, which seems to be standard procedure over there.

Sincerely,

Get it together. Mayo should not be the star of your sandwich.

Dear Get it together,
You are right there. Condiments are not dupposed to be the headliners of the meal. Whether it be a sandwich, steak (A1 is blasphemy on a good steak), or anything else for that matter. This bacon strip that was sliced as thick as my thumb is pretty darn good though. I had to cut off the pinky sized section of fat though, gotta make some effort to be healthy after all.
Sincerely,
Ugh, I ate too much.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Fat and Full -
Al that stuff was old and gross and we were going to toss it to the pigs at the end of the shift. The mayo and mustard covers up the mold and off odors. Glad you liked it.
Sincerely, your mother's older sister

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Dear Karma,
I understood that my close call with frozen pipes was a warning shot for some misdeed that I had done. Heard that message loud and clear. Was it really necessary to fire another shot at me yesterday?
Sincerely,
Still shocked at the water bill (for the house I own but do not occupy) being 10X what the last one was.

Come on... a break is desperately needed here.

Dear Melana:
Have you checked to see that a break isn't exactly what happened at the house with the high water bill? A broken pipe would be my 1st thought when encountering such a high water bill. Just a thought.
Sincerely, GF.

 

[Melana]

Dear Melana:
Have you checked to see that a break isn't exactly what happened at the house with the high water bill? A broken pipe would be my 1st thought when encountering such a high water bill. Just a thought.
Sincerely, GF.

Dear GF:
Yes, I made a trip there yesterday to check the system out and there is no break anywhere.
Sincerely,
Melana

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear GF:
Yes, I made a trip there yesterday to check the system out and there is no break anywhere.
Sincerely,
Melana

Dear Melana,
Toilet tanks are another place that will screw you on water consumption. If the house is vacant, you may as well just shut off the water to the house at the main valve where it comes into the house. Otherwise check all faucets for leaks, and shut off the valves at strategic places like the toilets. A leaky toilet seal can really increase water consumption.
Sincerely,
I have fixed way too many leaky terlits.

 

[Beernik]

Dear toilet leaks,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Sincerely,
Bevis & Butthead

 

[Colorowdy]

Dear Monday/ coworkers,
%)-&@ you. That is all I'm better now.
Sincerely I don't have much more hair to lose and it's Monday.

 

[Zepth]

Dear thinning hair,
I recently had work induce high enough blood pressure to burst some in my eye. Work sucks the big one these days.
Sincerely,
Still has 2 foot long hair.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Still has 2 foot long hair,
Get a haircut you hippie!
Sincerely,
Hey kids, get off of my lawn!

 

[Renegades_Brew]

Dear neighbor

I understand that by some twisted agenda you feel the need to contact the newspaper and get a story published about how our association "isn't" doing its job correctly. However it is by your own laziness that you haven't done what it is you need to do to get the documents you want.

I understand that your shortsightedness only allows you to see your own issues that are all of a sudden "major problems". But for once can you actually look at what your actions are going to cause?

Sincerely,
I want to move and it will be hard enough to sell my place without you making it harder by getting newspapers to do stories with no merit on our subdivision.

 

[Komocabo]

Dear calls to India,

Listen, I get it that we are 13.5 hours apart, but we don't need meetings that start at 6:30am, then another that starts at 7:00pm. I do have a normal job to handle during the hours of 8am-6pm...

Sincerely,
Not paid enough to work from 6:30am to 8:30pm. That's called 2 jobs. Please review my compensation structure immediately.

 

[Fedora]

Dear As*** le Boss,

You really think I'm coming back after lunch, don't you? Better floccin learn not to take good employees for granted or they soon become not so good employees.

Sincerely, This

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear Computer systems,
So far we have had 2 separate print servers crap the bed, as well as part of our mail server. Then after reporting these issues, to the server guys, they come back and insult us Helldeskers for bringing it to their attention. Can you all just be nice to us for once? I feel beaten down and need a beer.
Please,
Hell Desk guy

 

[Newsman]

Dear Hell Desk guy,
I feel your pain.
Sincerely former IT guy

 

[LAHammer]

Dear NFL,
Offsides - 5 yard penalty
Holding - 10 yard penalty
Deflated football - ??????
Sincerely,
Get over it already!!

"The probe, led by NFL Executive Vice President Jess Pash and prominent criminal defense lawyer Ted Wells, was launched soon after the game and has already compiled interviews with Patriots personnel, game officials and "third parties with relevant information and expertise," the league said. Renaissance Associates, a private investigation firm, is providing forensic expertise in the reviewing of videos and other electronic evidence."

Seriously????????????????
Deflated football forensics????????

 

[ubnserved]

Dear getting over,
That right we cheated now gimme my trophy!
Sincerely,
Hahahaha

(Sarcasm alert!)

Real simple to see if they cheated... pump the balls up to pressure if they hold pressure for a day someone cheated, if they don't then drop it. You cheat, you lose, go home!

 

[LAHammer]

Dear Ha,
I think the Colts deflated the balls thinking they were going to screw up Brady. Maybe 'forensics' will show hoof prints on the balls.
Sincerely,
Who's laffin' now

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear trash talking football guys,
Just a reminder that you have your own thread for all that tribalistic chest thumping. Take it there, please.
Signed,
You're entitled to trash talk... over on that thread

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Brewing Log,
I kept the notes, why didn't you organize them for me? I think I've done my fair share, and since you know how much I like paperwork (which is "not at all"), I think you should keep yourself organized. Besides, by the time the bottling (and "sampling previous batches") is done and it's time to file, I'm usually not in any condition to organize anyway.
Sincerely,
In need of a brewing secretary

 

[TXCrash]

Dear brussel sprouts, tempeh, cranberries, pistachios, rice and seasonings,
You did your job last night and impressed short vegan hippie chick. But did you really have to wedge yourself in that have to poop but can't spot?
Sincerely,
She's back in half an hour and I'm still pooping. And I've gotta shower, and have agreed to a long ass walk. Isn't fiber supposed to make it better?

 

[Inkleg]

Dear brussel sprouts, tempeh, cranberries, pistachios, rice and seasonings,
You did your job last night and impressed short vegan hippie chick. But did you really have to wedge yourself in that have to poop but can't spot?
Sincerely,
She's back in half an hour and I'm still pooping. And I've gotta shower, and have agreed to a long ass walk. Isn't fiber supposed to make it better?

Dear still pooping,

Good to see you back in the game (dating not pooping ).

Sincerely,
Hoping Vegan chick likes grill cheese.

 

[KayaBrew]

Dear Blizzard,

Thanks for dodging the Adirondacks once again. I didn't want to ski waist-deep powder anyways...

Sincerely,
Whiteface sucks when it's not snowing

 

[Beernik]

Dear Blizzard,

It's 52F in SLC. We have only had two weeks of snow this winter.

WTF?

Sincerely,
Water Restrictions Are On The Horizon

 

[azscoob]

Dear water restrictions, if you get no snow there is no surplus runoff, no runoff means watering restrictions, watering restrictions mean less summer lawn mowing... You are welcome!

Sincerely,
****ty half assed winter weather.

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Dear Blizzard,

Is it bad that I'm enjoying seeing my GF so tortured by the fact that we will inevitably lose power for several days? She needs to harden up.

Sincerely,
Waiting for the outage on the couch with the dogs.

 

[Renegades_Brew]

Dear dance group,

You rented the space for a rehearsal starting at 6... You then proceeded to take the next two hours to bring in your dance floor, have me set a "dance lighting look". All this time I am just sitting here doing nothing waiting for anything to happen... Then all of a sudden you want to start. But now you need a microphone that you conveniently left on stage and your photographer who was here before any of your dancers just decided that the lights are "too dim"

Sincerely,
Be glad I know I'm getting paid the overtime for this and you are getting charged majorly for wasted time.

PS... You are scheduled in the space till 9... Please don't go long... I need to be up at 4:30...

PSS... You failed. And are currently sitting around talking. The rental clock ticks on...

 

[azscoob]

Dear waiting for the outage,

You are on the couch with the dogs instead of your GF?

Sincerely,
You are doing it wrong..

 

[AdamBomb]

Dear Yeast,
Hurry the F$&# up!

Sincerely,
Thirsty brewer