The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[balrog]

Dear Really Clear Beer 3wks In Fermenter
I am so very sorry about me new autosiphon everyone told me to get but I didn't take even a little time to practice first and munged and dropped and stirred you into muddy slop today.
Sincerely,
Needs 3 hands with this silly thing and a real clip that really works and doesn't break

 

[ChefRex]

Dear 45 gallons in the fermenters, not counting bottles.

This would be impressive if any of those beers had any real ABV.

Signed, As much but with more of the good stuff.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear As much but with more,

Remmy, is that you? Oh wait, I'm sorry, I forgot you folks weren't capable of actually brewing something flavorful unless it was buried in ABV...

Sincerely,
U mad bro?

 

[Zepth]

Dear pipeline folks,
I'd like to join your club.
Sincerely,
10g on tap, 10g lagering, 28g in fermenters.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear oatmeal cream stout I kegged a couple weeks ago,
I am sorry. I really should have transferred you to the keg sooner. I really meant to do it and not leave you in the fermenter on the countertop in my basement kitchen where temps fluctuated +-15-20 degrees with the airlock on for a couple weeks. I deserve you being drier than intended and not the way I wanted you to turn out. I will do better from here on out. I promise.
Sincerely,
Said that before, mean it this time

PS, on the plus side everybody who drank you on Saturday night really liked you so I am glad you do not hate me for being so irresponsible.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear As much but with more,

Remmy, is that you? Oh wait, I'm sorry, I forgot you folks weren't capable of actually brewing something flavorful unless it was buried in ABV...

Sincerely,
U mad bro?

Dear Brother Mad,

I hate my liver. I hate everyone's liver.

Sincerely,
Fave Beans and a Nice Chilled Chianti

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Brother Mad,

I hate my liver. I hate everyone's liver.

Sincerely,
Fave Beans and a Nice Chilled Chianti

Dear Chianti,

Fffffffftptttptptptpffffffptptptpt.

Sincerely,
Dr. Lecter

 

[Devin]

Dear Off Flavors,

Screw you.

Sincerely,

Me

 

[Komocabo]

Dear Me,

Screw you!

Sincerely,
Off flavors

 

[Komocabo]

Dear sour beer,

I really, really don't get it... Just plain nasty!

It's called a spoiled batch of good beer. Re-labeling it doesn't make it taste better.

Sincerely,
Been wanting to get that off my chest for a while

 

[Psylocide]

Dear

Dear sour beer,

I really, really don't get it... Just plain nasty!

It's called a spoiled batch of good beer. Re-labeling it doesn't make it taste better.

Sincerely,
Been wanting to get that off my chest for a while

Dear off your chest guy,

I know. The best one I had tasted like ten year old Worcestershire sauce mixed with mustard and death.

Foul stuff... different strokes.

Sincerely,

Don't get it, doesn't bother me.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear Chevrolet,
Please explain to me why one of your cars, that was assembled in Canada, no less, refuses to start when it gets below twenty degrees.

Sincerely,
Frozen Fingers in Minnesota

Dear Chebby buyer,
Haha!
Sincerely,
Ford Guy


Dear coffee drinkers,
I like it hot, I like it black, No cream, no sugar, no Keurig bullsh!t. I love my YouBrew coffee maker, but the coffee from the french press/hairo skelton is better.
Sincerely,
Never enough time to drink all the coffee I want. Traveling sucks, starbucks isn't open early enough most places, and gas station coffee is foul when black... until you're at least 5 (20 oz) cups in...

 

[feinbera]

Dear coffee drinkers,
I like it hot, I like it black, No cream, no sugar, no Keurig bullsh!t. I love my YouBrew coffee maker, but the coffee from the french press/hairo skelton is better.
Sincerely,
Never enough time to drink all the coffee I want. Traveling sucks, starbucks isn't open early enough most places, and gas station coffee is foul when black... until you're at least 5 (20 oz) cups in...

Dear Traveling Sucks,

We're sorry we couldn't meet your high expectations. We strive to please all of our customers equally, and apologize that there is still some volume of lo-calorie sweetener, non-dairy creamer, and artificial flavoring syrup which will make our product palatable. Please check back soon – we've got some really exciting things in the works with Clostridium-fermented lima beans kilned to about 450L!

Sincerely,
Gas station coffee

 

[Beernik]

Dear Child of Mine,

When the assignment says, "Write the spelling test words with the consonants in blue and the vowels in red," why do you come upstairs with green and brown pencils?

Sincerely,

Dad's Twitching Eyeball

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Twitching Eyeballs,

I don't need your rules. Or Colorblindness. Yeah, that's it. Colorblindness.

Sincerely,
Child of Mine

 

[Inkleg]

Dear Hitachi Wand,

You just ROCKED my wife's world..................again.

Sincerely,
That was fun for both of us!

 

[Natdavis777]

Dear homemade pizza dough,

I have conquered you....

Sincerely,

Wannabe glorified chef

 

[balrog]

Dear Child of Mine,

When the assignment says, "Write the spelling test words with the consonants in blue and the vowels in red," why do you come upstairs with green and brown pencils?

Sincerely,

Dad's Twitching Eyeball

Dear Twitching Eyeball,
Aaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahaha
Sincerely,
Mine are finally old enough to go to college....and once back there post holiday, immediately call - not to express gratitude or how they miss me - but to have me tear apart the house and car looking for the forgotten room key and Dropped meal plan card

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear kids in college,

Get a job.

Sincerely,
I don't have kids in college, I'm just tired of spoiled college kids.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Sour Beer Hatas -

Will ya just try being hip for once in yer miserable friggin' life?

Sincerely,

We who knows what's KOOL

 

[Hamaki]

Dear Hitachi Wand,

You just ROCKED my wife's world..................again.

Sincerely,
That was fun for both of us!

Dear fun for both of us,

This Hitachi wand you speak of sounds like a cheap knock off of the original Hamaki Rocket. Though I spent much of my formative years toying with the idea, when ready to go into production the Rocket was never widely accepted. Initial feedback indicated premature product launch. Still, I suspect possible patent infringement. If the Olecranon process is employed to jump start the Hitachi wand I think I have a valid complaint! If there are many other similarities I'm sure I'm not the only one with a valid complaint!

Sincerely,

Frustrated Rocketeer

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear fun for both of us,

This Hitachi wand you speak of sounds like a cheap knock off of the original Hamaki Rocket. Though I spent much of my formative years toying with the idea, when ready to go into production the Rocket was never widely accepted. Initial feedback indicated premature product launch. Still, I suspect possible patent infringement. If the Olecranon process is employed to jump start the Hitachi wand I think I have a valid complaint! If there are many other similarities I'm sure I'm not the only one with a valid complaint!

Sincerely,

Frustrated Rocketeer

Dear Frustrated Rocketeer,
I'm not sure what a Hitachi Wand or a Hamaki Rocket are, or even WTF the Olecranon process is, but I suspect since tongues are free and effective, not to mention fun and safe from patent infringement and do not require a purchase from AdamEve.com, my lady doesn't care about my ignorance.
Sincerely,
No one is frustrated under THIS roof

 

[biochemedic]

Dear Frustrated Rocketeer, No one is frustrated..., and That was fun for both of us,

Beer...it's not frustrating (usually), and doesn't require batteries or window curtains...

Sincerely,
TMFI

 

[Beernik]

Dear Wife,

Take your YouTube clam snuff film downstairs. That's the nastiest thing I've heard since the Iron Chef where they filetted and roasted live eels.

Sincerely,
Husband

 

[Strut]

Dear everyone.

Please stop adding lactose to your beer.

Sincerely,

Gassy Ass

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Boss,

Please make with that raise/promotion I was promised two months ago.

Sincerely,
Guy with other tempting job offers

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

Dear Vacation,

Why you gotta end?

Sincerely,
Guy that went back to work today

 

[KayaBrew]

Dear cancer tumors,

GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY BRAIN ONCE AND FOR ALL!!

Regards,
Your unwilling host

 

[ChefRex]

Dear Host,
Stay strong!
Sincerely, Receiver of bad family news

Not to be a downer, someone head this thread in a positive direction

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Double IPA,
Thank you for the great buzz when I'm awake and for your technicolor dreams when I'm asleep.
Sincerely,
Who needs weed when a DIPA hits you twice