The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Gameface]

Dear Beer Judge at the 2014 COHO Spring Fling,

8+3+16+3+8=38 and not 35 as the total was shown on my scoresheet.

Sincerely,

Hefeweisen Entry #0127

BTW: I still wonder that if the scores were added up correctly, would it have medalled.

Dear poster above,

This has happened to me as well. It is frustrating. But from what I have learned about judging is that the winner is not chosen based on score. If they thought your beer tasted better than the others you would have meddled, I mean metaled, I mean...well whatever, you would have gotten a medal.

Sincerely,
Fellow homebrewer

 

[BGBC]

Dear Local Home Brew Store Employee,

Thank you for putting up with me and my questions. I am a better brewer now because of your help.

Sincerely,
A New Brewer.

Dear LHBS employee,
Just because you sell brewing supplies does not mean you know everything about brewing. If you don't know the answer to a customer's question, please don't make something up.

Sincerely,
Another customer

 

[Calichusetts]

Dear hipster/untappd users at festivals;

I get it, you need your unique check-ins/badges. But get out of the line first, pay attention to where your walking, stop spilling beer on people, and possibly look up and have a conversation with other beer lovers and/or brewmasters.

Sincerely,
Untappd user who likes to hang out with people and not glowing screens

 

[Scele]

Dear Tourist:
2 questions:
A) What does the speed limit sign say?
B) How fast are you going?

Sincerely
Guy behind you trying to get to LHBS before it closes.

 

[estricklin]

Dear Beer Judge at the 2014 COHO Spring Fling,

8+3+16+3+8=38 and not 35 as the total was shown on my scoresheet.

Sincerely,

Hefeweisen Entry #0127

BTW: I still wonder that if the scores were added up correctly, would it have medalled.

I just scored a couple of 41s on a Perry, and went to a mini BOS round but didn't medal. Wadda ya do right?

 

[Homercidal]

Dear penis,

I don't think I like you anymore.

You used to watch me shave, now all you do is stare at the floor.

 

[FoCobrewguy]

Dear LHBS employee,

I know there are other options to get the same thing done that might be cheaper. I have tried them and am trying to make brew day a little easier. Let me give you my money and buy the item that may not be necessary if I think it will help.

Sincerely,
Annoyed customer who just wants to spend some money on brew gear.

 

[Fedora]

Dear Beer,

I just wanted to say, I love you.

Sincerely, Kenny'sbeersoakedbrain

 

[smccarter]

Dear fellow drivers,

Put your phones down and drive.

Sincerely,

Guy who likes driving and has somewhere I'm trying to get to.

exactly

 

[NoCornOrRice]

Dear Hipsters,

STOP,

Thanks,

A concerned citizen

 

[smizak]

Dear Untappd user,

Thank you for turning my hobby into an obnoxious hipster pissing contest. I used to love just chatting about beer and making it, now I'm expected to prove how "beer" I am by revealing my Untappd medal status.

Sincerely,

Guy who's last refuge from social media has been unfortunately compromised.

P.S.
Get off my lawn.

 

[geoffey]

Dear people who live in small mountain towns:

I'm trying to enjoy the clean mountain air and relax a little. Sorry for nor driving 85 mph constantly while visiting your little town while spending hundreds or thousands of dollars at your local family owned businesses. If you're in such a ****ing hurry I know a place you might fit in well: the large city I just left so I could unwind for awhile.

Sincerely, everyone who's ever tried to take a deep breath and relax for a moment.


Sent from my iPad using Home Brew

 

[Scele]

Dear Clients,
You drive me to drink.
Sincerely
Consultant

 

[wardens355]

Dear HR,

Please never review my internet history.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Machine Shop,

Stop spilling coffee on my drawings. I will cut you so bad and ruin your lives with impossible tolerances.

Sincerely,

The guy that spends long hours making the drawings you destroy.

 

[Newsman]

Dear fellow drivers --
If someone behind you flashes their lights or honks their horn, YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FSCKING SLOW!!! (In Georgia the law states you are to move over for other drivers who want to go faster...too many people don't follow THAT law either!)

 

[hunter_le five]

Dear Drunk Tourist,

Get the f*** off of my bike. That motorcycle in the parking lot is not some part of the attraction/tourist trap you are visiting. It is my personal means of conveyance, which I use to get here every day. You're lucky I'm the type of person that offers a polite warning first instead of just unceremoniously knocking you on your ass. Enjoy the rest of your visit.

Sincerely,

Guy who works here

P.S. - I'll be waiting for you in the driver's seat of your car when you get back, just to see how you like it. Sorry about all the broken glass, but you should've thought to leave me a key.

 

[SmCranf]

Dear everyone at work,

My brain does not function until either, 10 am or 2 cups of coffee.

Sincerely,
Not a morning person

 

[Scele]

Dear Apple,
Listing "Cloud photo storage" as a feature and marketing it may not be a good idea less than 2 weeks after a bunch of your clients were victims of a very public hack.

Sincerely
Non-marketer.

 

[Scele]

Dear Head Brewer at CAP brewery,
What's the point of using cascade and amarillo in a beer if I can't taste them?

Sincerely
Scele.

 

[sconsi]

Dear Average Microbrew/CraftBrew/Beer Fest Attendee,

You do not actually know what good beer tastes like, so stop imparting your sophomoric opinion on people who actually know what they're talking about--you're annoying. Picking up a sixer of Boston Lager does not make you a beer connoisseur. Anyone who thinks that Sam Adams is a good example of a craft beer, a craft beer, or a good beer in general should be waterboarded with aforementioned Boston filth until they come to Jesus. Please leave the festival and study up on how beer is supposed to taste and leave the actual sampling to the professionals.

Sincerely,
All of Us

p.s. You also can't hold your liquor because you've been downing [insert crappy name here] light for your whole life. Yet another reason that you need to drink good beer.

 

[Scele]

p.s. You also can't hold your liquor because you've been downing [insert crappy name here] light for your whole life. Yet another reason that you need to drink good beer.

Proposed rule change: You can only make statements about how well you hold liquor after having whiskey or moonshine.

 

[sconsi]

Proposed rule change: You can only make statements about how well you hold liquor after having whiskey or moonshine.

Well luckily for me, it is after 11 a.m. on a Friday

 

[geoffey]

Dear Beer Snobs,

Lighten up, it's just beer and you're no better than anyone else- no matter how much more you think you know about craft beer than everyone else.

Sincerely,

Average craft beer fan


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[loeks]

Dear Average Microbrew/CraftBrew/Beer Fest Attendee,

You do not actually know what good beer tastes like, so stop imparting your sophomoric opinion on people who actually know what they're talking about--you're annoying. Picking up a sixer of Boston Lager does not make you a beer connoisseur. Anyone who thinks that Sam Adams is a good example of a craft beer, a craft beer, or a good beer in general should be waterboarded with aforementioned Boston filth until they come to Jesus. Please leave the festival and study up on how beer is supposed to taste and leave the actual sampling to the professionals.

Sincerely,
All of Us

p.s. You also can't hold your liquor because you've been downing [insert crappy name here] light for your whole life. Yet another reason that you need to drink good beer.

Dear Jim Koch,

I'm a bit of a beer snob, and I just found out recently that I REALLY like Boston Lager. But I hate that the label says that it was the first recipe you ever tried and haven't changed it since. Lucky bastard.

Sincerely,
A New Fan of Boston Lager

 

[stevehardt]

Dear NFL Owners,

Could one of you please hire Jon Gruden as a coach so we don't have to listed to his annoying a#$ every Monday night?

Sincerely,
NFL Fans everywhere

 

[Arrheinous]

Dear beerfest/Oktoberfest bathroom campers and 'grunters':

If I wanted to wait 10 minutes to hit the head I'd get in the ladies' line.

Sincerely,
People with fiber in their diets

 

[Natdavis777]

Dear housekeeping,

Please quit putting 1/2 ply toilet paper in the bathrooms....the majority of my diet is protein supplemented with beer.

Sincerely,
Guy who uses the Think n Stink


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Toilet,
I'm gonna decimate you.

Sincerely,
Butt

 

[Fedora]

Dear Toilet,
I'm gonna decimate you.

Sincerely,
Butt

Dear Butt,
I'm sorry I decimated you.

Sincerely, To Many Bottles Of Oxygen And Welding Gas