texts from last night

[EvilTOJ]

I can say without a doubt that I have never been to Tennessee, so it wasn't me.




/hopes that I have no TN visitors

 

[dontman]

Was this anyone on here?

Anyone here would've finished the beer first before passing out.

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

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I really wish I hadn't read this one BEFORE I had dinner.
.

 

[Ceedubya]

(909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?


I say give it a sniff, you should be able to figure it out

 

[MBasile]

(909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?


I say give it a sniff, you should be able to figure it out

You should know almost instantaneously :cross:

 

[MBasile]

(307): Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.

She must be a sponsored workin' girl!

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(626): i love how people use prayer to talk **** about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

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Amen! :rockin:
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[david_42]

(858): I'll start drinking again when I know where I am

Obviously, not someone from HBT. All we need to know is where the tap is.

 

[dataz722]

Obviously, not someone from HBT. All we need to know is where the tap is.

Hell I don't even need to know where the tap is. Just the nearest beer, shot, bottle, glass etc....

 

[MBasile]

Hell I don't even need to know where the tap is. Just the nearest beer, shot, bottle, glass etc....

I like your thinking and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

[johnnyc]

I like your thinking and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

TotalFarker?

 

[bashe]

(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

 

[enderwig]

..........

(651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made forking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

 

[enderwig]

(613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

 

[bashe]

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.


(321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
(1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
(321): no his phone, idiot.


(514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.


(530): You screamed, "I am going to **** this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.


(847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

 

[DeathBrewer]

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

Bbwahahahahahaaahaaa!!!! That's my new favorite...so ****ed up...

 

[Lost Pirate]

(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

 

[GregR]

(443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

 

[dataz722]

(443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

hahahaha, thats my area code

 

[IrregularPulse]

hahahaha, thats my area code

Sure it's not your phone? I know I agree with everything he's saying!

 

[bernerbrau]

Now I have to go buy mario kart.

 

[IrregularPulse]

Make sure you give me your Mario Kart number. We play A LOT after bean goes to bed. a few pints and Mario Kart makes a great night cap

 

[Baja_Brewer]

Make sure you give me your Mario Kart number. We play A LOT after bean goes to bed. a few pints and Mario Kart makes a great night cap

Mario Kart is the best. Ever. My roommate and I were worried about our GPA's tanking because we spent so much time playing. Needless to say I failed a class... but my GPA actually went up because I did so well in other classes.

This is one of the top 10 things I'm looking forward to going back to school

 

[GearBeer]

Hooray for failing classes due to video games! I never did manage to fail one because of video games but it wasn't for lack of trying.

My vice was Halo (the first one... and the second one). We spent at least 4 hours and sometimes as many as 10 playing Halo each day in my dorm "house" (section of a floor) freshman year. We frequently fielded full 4v4 teams with people waiting to rotate out.

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling ****faced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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This is true. Don't ask me how I know......
.

 

[Dwain]

(803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

 

[johnnyc]

(516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

 

[OMJ]

(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
(716): do you not see the irony in that??

 

[ZBrewMan]

(440): I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

Heretics!!

 

[dontman]

(706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

Made me laugh.