texts from last night

[DeathBrewer]

don't kid yourself, bro. it IS the best.

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(502): WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!

If I had a nickel for everytime I've asked this same question.....
.

 

[Clayton]

If I had a nickel for everytime I've asked this same question.....
.

HA HA.....yeah
or ,damn it ! where did all this bile come from

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(848): life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

.
Not necessarily....
.

 

[DeathBrewer]

(407): Remember that dream I told you about where I sh!t out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

 

[DeathBrewer]

(586): White guys get excited about tits
(586): I've always analogized fake ****s to dinosaurs in jurrasic park
(586): Meaning I know they're not real but they still make me happy
(586): But guys misperceive them as a girl being easy
(586): I mean if I spent $5000 on my dick I'd wanna get the return on my investment

 

[DeathBrewer]

I've read this one like 20 times and it still makes me laugh...

(973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

 

[Ceedubya]

(501): Brandy, I need a picture of your ****s. Not time to explain.


I want to beleive that she sent it, that thought makes me happy

 

[Ceedubya]

these ones about made me do a spit take

(323): Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
(206): Doll, if you're still ****ing strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...


(540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus


(818): thank you for a lively/lovely evening
(661): should have blown me.

 

[dontman]

I lol'ed at this:

(315): playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
(315): warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey

 

[dontman]

(608): i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

At least she made it to the hallway. My college roommate had a girl not make it out of his bed. She left before he woke up and realized what happened. Now that was gross.

 

[Uncle Timmy]

.
.
(630): I like you better when you drink
(708): I like you better when I drink too
.
.

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(703): f**king a dude
(703): i mean: f**king a, dude
(703): wow, that comma made all the difference there

.
I can't stay off that site
.
.

 

[dataz722]

(608): Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth

I think this only works for women though...... well maybe not depending on where you work.

 

[slimer]

(901): i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."

 

[bashe]

(630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
(815): that's gum

 

[MikeFlynn74]

(818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
(615): Heaven soaked bacon.

 

[JMG680]

(843): happy early fathers day!!!
(829): im not a father
(843): about that...




(843): I think im pregnant
(803): I think you have the wrong number

 

[dontman]

Does anyone else here find the slideshow of the girl in the Scrunchies ad (at the top of the TFLN site) amazingly hot?:

American Apparel - Photo Collections

 

[IrregularPulse]

Does anyone else here find the slideshow of the girl in the Scrunchies ad (at the top of the TFLN site) amazingly hot?:

American Apparel - Photo Collections

I'm sure Zack Morris does.
Have you seen a scrunchie outside of a 3rd world country in the past 15 years?

 

[dontman]

I'm sure Zack Morris does.
Have you seen a scrunchie outside of a 3rd world country in the past 15 years?

I still haven't. I never even glanced at the scrunchies while watching the slideshow.

 

[shecky]

Have you seen a scrunchie outside of a 3rd world country in the past 15 years?

You're kidding, right? My wife has dozens of those damn things and my 6 yo is rapidly gaining ground on mommy.

 

[GreenwoodRover]

this is me in a few years...

(815): my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

 

[Uncle Timmy]

.
(440): Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
.
.

 

[IrregularPulse]

You're kidding, right? My wife has dozens of those damn things and my 6 yo is rapidly gaining ground on mommy.

Well you Conneticut people are a little "different".

 

[Uncle Timmy]

(574): So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
(574): Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

.
Note to self: verify operation of mute button.
.

 

[Ceedubya]

Does anyone else here find the slideshow of the girl in the Scrunchies ad (at the top of the TFLN site) amazingly hot?:

American Apparel - Photo Collections

I'd hit that THREE TIMES:rockin:

(615): arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life

We used to have Kum and Go's here in Montana but they all closed. I guess they Came and Went.

(215): drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
(1-215): omg no way im finding him!
(215): he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.

God, I'm scared for my own children (both girls). I pray that its all about the parenting.

(412): Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to **** me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

like I said, scared....

 

[Ceedubya]

My favorite one of the day

(925): just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

(edited for correction)

NEW favorite one of the day

(503): I wanna get so ****ed up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

 

[DeathBrewer]

I'd hit that THREE TIMES:rockin:

Mmmm....freckles...

We used to have Kum and Go's here in Montana but they all closed. I guess they Came and Went.

We had those in Iowa. We called them Ejaculate and Evacuate.

God, I'm scared for my own children (both girls). I pray that its all about the parenting. like I said, scared....

You were a young prowler once, right? You should be scared

 

[Ceedubya]

You were a young prowler once, right? You should be scared

That is why I stopped having children after two girls, cuz I figured God was going to punish me for being such a pervert as a young man.