SWMBO's being a pain!

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Keith66

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Swmbo and I both like good beer, mostly Belgian and Bavarian. Swmbo and I both hate paying high prices for good beer. Swmbo and I both keep our consumption down because of the price. Swmbo suggested that I try homebrewing. I brew good beer and cider; swmbo like what I brew. I do too! Now swmbo gives me **** and says "All you ever drink anymore is beer. I don't want to be married to an alcoholic or a drunk. It's bad for your kidneys and liver." Granted, now that I have more beer on hand for much less money, I'm drinking more. I used to drink a beer or three per week. I would love to have drunk more, but it was too expensive. Now I drink a beer or three per day. Sure, that's a 700% increase, if you want to look at it that way, but it's not like I'm getting drunk, maybe a little buzz every other day or so. Swmbo used to drink a beer or two each week, and sometimes wouldn't finish them. Now she drinks a beer or cider every day or two, so she's up quite a bit too. I have never had addictive tendencies, though maybe obsessive/compulsive. I think eventually the newness of homebrew will die down and I'll probably drink less, maybe a few brews per week. What's been your guy's experience?
 

BrewerinBR

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If SWMBO is concerned and you care for SWMBO then maybe take a week off from drinking completely. See how it goes, if you find it hard to go a full 7 days without a beer maybe you should consider more seriously what she is saying.

I started drinking more when I started homebrewing and SWMBO said she was concerned. I quit for a week and found it more than challenging. Then I took more seriously what she was saying.

at least IMHO
 
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Keith66

Keith66

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Sounds like good advice. I've gone for weeks before without a drink and never even realized it. Might be worth a try this time. Thanks.
 

Flykilbosa

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Home brewing does that to all of us (I think)....my intake went up when I first started, but I go a week or so here and there to "cleanse" my liver. If you have a problem, you better stop brewing though!
 

fizgig

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I find there's plenty of time to drink beer after the wife goes to bed. Also keeps me from drinking too much with such a late start.
 

KingKlong

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I can't keep my fridge full enough to drink more than one a day. Life only allows me to brew about once a month. So me and mine find other things to but heads over.
 

Zuljin

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You need to drink more. A lot more. Start downing six or more a day. Then, when she's about ready to leave or kill you, tone it back to one to three a day. It'll look like you've really cut back, but really you just got what you want. It's like selling cars. Set a high number and get whittled down... to your real price.
 

BobbiLynn

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When hubby gets like that, I just appease him and quit drinking for a week. By the end of the week, he is begging me to just have a beer and relax. Nothing like a couple homebrews for a good night's rest. Just go easy on them and you'll be fine. Act all happy and go-lucky when you've got a beer or 3 to drink, then get all pissy when you don't have any. It's like learned behavior, your other half will say, wow, he's such a nicer guy when he's got a beer in his hand.
 
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Keith66

Keith66

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When hubby gets like that, I just appease him and quit drinking for a week. By the end of the week, he is begging me to just have a beer and relax. Nothing like a couple homebrews for a good night's rest. Just go easy on them and you'll be fine. Act all happy and go-lucky when you've got a beer or 3 to drink, then get all pissy when you don't have any. It's like learned behavior, your other half will say, wow, he's such a nicer guy when he's got a beer in his hand.

Thanks BobbiLynn, I was hoping a woman would weigh in on the topic.

The local German club had a big Bockbierfest last night; and on the way home I decided that that would be my last beer for a week. You're probably right, in a week she'll be telling me "Okay, you made your point, just have a beer already." If not, I'll put my brew gear up for sale cheap.
 

BobbiLynn

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Beer is nice but not worth conflict at home. Usually after a week, or if I just do M-F without beer, he's ready to take me out and buy me a beer, or starts asking if I have any of that good beer ready. I really do get irritable though, when I can't enjoy a beer or 2 in the evening to help me relax and sleep. Then, not enough sleep, I get grouchy. There were times in the past when hubby gave me a hard time about my beer, but it was just a matter of working with him as far as what he thought was acceptable, then reach a nice compromise.

Another thing I do is clean and cook a lot on brew day. In between waiting for a boil, mashing, etc. And he sees how happy I am when I'm brewing. I try to share with him things I want to try, and because he's a good cook, I am him for recipe advice. Don't overdo it though and sound like you are obsessed. It took me 5 years to get hubby to accept my newest hobby. Got to ease them into it, and maybe sometimes have a beer when the other half isn't looking.
 
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Keith66

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Swmbo popped open a cider tonight, and I changed my mind. No "fasting." I think I'll just match her 1-to-1 and see how that goes for awhile. I appreciate everyone's input. Thanks!
 

bennie1986

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Just started kegging... That has upped the consumption but will probably level out when it gets to be the norm.

My wife doesn't drink at all and hates that I do. When we met she knew I could put them away and every now and again I have to remind her she knew what she was getting into. I can always stop when she really wants me to, like when she was pregnant and I have to be ready to drive to the Hospitle I quit for a few months all together with out a problem with each kid.

The way I figure it is if I'm not causing problems because of drinking then why the hell should she care?
 

OrdinaryAvgGuy

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Started brewing in January. Since the, I would say consumption has more than doubled.

Have brewed 10 or so batches since then and enjoy trying them all. I expect our consumption to level off once I establish a few regular house brews. Then again, I don't know. $7 or so for a case of good beer makes it difficult to resist. Plus making it is fun.

Prior to brewing Ide say we drank a 12 to 24 beers a month. Now... 24 to 48 a month or more.
 

cluckk

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Your wife's problem is not your drinking. It is her concern for your health and her sense of security--since her life is tied to your choices. Always keep that in mind. If you drink yourself into oblivion then she is dragged into oblivion with you. If you break your health with drink then she has to pick up the pieces. In marriage we have to remember that we are no longer two people, each going their own way who just happen to mingle certain parts of their life and are easily able to retain those things that "are none of her business." The moment you married her everything you do became her business and everything she does became yours--I'm speaking from 26 years of marriage, by the way, and from almost 20 years of doing marital counseling. This is because if one screws up both are screwed, so neither has a right to make any choice without considering its impact on the other.

If she thinks you are drinking enough to cause problems then your drinking has already caused a problem. Cut back. I drink at most one or two a night on weeknights and sometimes up to three on Saturdays. Occasionally I go above this when having friends over, but refuse, even then to let myself even get buzzed. If I ever start to feel a buzz I switch to iced tea, coffee or water. These are my choices, not for my sake alone, nor solely for the sake of my religion, but because I love my family and don't want to make choices that put their future in danger or that diminish their respect for me. Your wife's respect is the last thing you want to lose.

Instead of cutting off for a week and thinking that will prove you don't have a problem (the minute you are taken in by the "I'll show you I don't have a problem" you demonstrate that you do have a problem), why not set a rule for yourself (in conversation with her) that you'll limit yourself to a certain number per day? Then follow the rule, not because SWMBO makes you, but because you care for her and want to show it.
 

fizgig

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Rather than limit beer intake like cluckk suggests, my rule is 30 push-ups and 15 curls per beer before I open the fridge, I have some 30lb dumbbells by the beer fridge. If I can't do them, no beer. I've never run into that issue so far. If I'm away from home, I owe myself some push ups, it can get rough after a long happy hour.
 
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Keith66

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I'm already only drinking what cluckk and BobbiLynn drink: typically 1 per night (but not every night), sometimes 2, occasionally 3; if I feel a buzz, I stop. Before I started homebrewing though, I'd spend $160 on 50 or so beers at Bevmo or Total Wine, and make that last about 2 months... roughly a beer every other day or less for me, and even less for swmbo! We were hardly drinking anything! Now that she sees me drinking EVERY DAY, she says she doesn't want to live with an alcoholic or a drunk, and I'm ruining my kidneys and liver! But wait, this is coming from a woman with class II obesity... I don't want to live with a cow or a whale, and she's ruining several of her organs including her heart!... not that I could ever point that out. Hence the term SWMBO. "Yes dear, I'll cut back." (Here's a ridiculous idea: How about I drink whatever the hell I want until you get down below 200 pounds!)

Afterthought: Drinking is supposed to be enjoyable. I enjoy drinking a beer with swmbo. I enjoy drinking more than one beer, even though swmbo usually only has one. I enjoy nursing a few beers throughout the day on the weekend. But I HATE drinking ANYTHING when I think she might be in the mood to complain. Just takes all the fun out of it. Not very relaxing at all.
 

Hopper77

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keith66 said:
i'm already only drinking what cluckk and bobbilynn drink: Typically 1 per night (but not every night), sometimes 2, occasionally 3; if i feel a buzz, i stop. Before i started homebrewing though, i'd spend $160 on 50 or so beers at bevmo or total wine, and make that last about 2 months... Roughly a beer every other day or less for me, and even less for swmbo! We were hardly drinking anything! Now that she sees me drinking every day, she says she doesn't want to live with an alcoholic or a drunk, and i'm ruining my kidneys and liver! But wait, this is coming from a woman with class ii obesity... I don't want to live with a cow or a whale, and she's ruining several of her organs including her heart!... Not that i could ever point that out. Hence the term swmbo. "yes dear, i'll cut back." (here's a ridiculous idea: How about i drink whatever the hell i want until you get down below 200 pounds!)

+1!
 

GarageDweller

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I got rid of my hall monitor. Took the odometer off the kegerator. Now I have no one to piss off with my drinking/brewing. Maybe I can turn the music up loud enough to piss the neighbors off? Probably not...
 

BigJack

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Half the year, I'm on 1-2 beers a night three nights a week, 0 beers three nights a week, and all I care to drink (usually only 3-4) 1 night a week.

Baseball season tends to really screw that up. 1 beer every three innings for 168 games plus the playoffs if the Rangers are so fortunate.
 

fizgig

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That's kinda redonk if she's preaching healthy intake to you. Figure out something she likes and say I'll only drink beer when you eat (whatever she eats daily, cookies? chips? ice cream?).

Sounds like she's projecting a bit.
 
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Keith66

Keith66

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That's kinda redonk if she's preaching healthy intake to you. Figure out something she likes and say I'll only drink beer when you eat (whatever she eats daily, cookies? chips? ice cream?).

Sounds like she's projecting a bit.

...and BINGO was his name-o!
 

BobbiLynn

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I tried that technique with hubby back when he was overweight. When he asked how many beers I had, I asked how many fried pork chops or cookies he had. It really didn't go over well, getting on to him about his weight. He got really defensive and started saying crap like was I going to leave him for a fitter guy. Just wasn't worth the argument. Hmm. But now that I think about it, seems like it was around that same time he started accepting my beer. He will still say something here and there, but when he does, he's usually right, and time for me to cut back. Like when a new beer is ready to finally drink and it's tasty. I may go a little overboard at those times.
 
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Keith66

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Swmbo knows she needs some serious motivation to get on her diet and stay on it; she really wants to lose some weight. I think I just found her motivation.
 
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cluckk said:
Your wife's problem is not your drinking. It is her concern for your health and her sense of security--since her life is tied to your choices. Always keep that in mind. If you drink yourself into oblivion then she is dragged into oblivion with you. If you break your health with drink then she has to pick up the pieces. In marriage we have to remember that we are no longer two people, each going their own way who just happen to mingle certain parts of their life and are easily able to retain those things that "are none of her business." The moment you married her everything you do became her business and everything she does became yours--I'm speaking from 26 years of marriage, by the way, and from almost 20 years of doing marital counseling. This is because if one screws up both are screwed, so neither has a right to make any choice without considering its impact on the other.

If she thinks you are drinking enough to cause problems then your drinking has already caused a problem. Cut back. I drink at most one or two a night on weeknights and sometimes up to three on Saturdays. Occasionally I go above this when having friends over, but refuse, even then to let myself even get buzzed. If I ever start to feel a buzz I switch to iced tea, coffee or water. These are my choices, not for my sake alone, nor solely for the sake of my religion, but because I love my family and don't want to make choices that put their future in danger or that diminish their respect for me. Your wife's respect is the last thing you want to lose.

Instead of cutting off for a week and thinking that will prove you don't have a problem (the minute you are taken in by the "I'll show you I don't have a problem" you demonstrate that you do have a problem), why not set a rule for yourself (in conversation with her) that you'll limit yourself to a certain number per day? Then follow the rule, not because SWMBO makes you, but because you care for her and want to show it.

Very well put!

fizgig said:
Sounds like she's projecting a bit.

Yup!
 

Doomsday

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Just start brewing some heavy stuff like barley wine :cross:

That way you only NEED a good 1 or 2 to get a nice buzz.
 

JUST_BREW_IT

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Half the year, I'm on 1-2 beers a night three nights a week, 0 beers three nights a week, and all I care to drink (usually only 3-4) 1 night a week.

Baseball season tends to really screw that up. 1 beer every three innings for 168 games plus the playoffs if the Rangers are so fortunate.


You mean 162 plus playoff games?

I'm a cubs fan, I know exactly how many games we play every year (162) :D
 
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Keith66

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So I found out why swmbo was on my case. She heard me say "I need to empty some bottles," and thought I was trying to drink 5 gallons of beer as fast as I could just so I could brew more. (I don't have the heart to tell her she's right.) She said she's fine with me drinking a beer a night, sometimes 2 and occasionally 3. She just didn't want me trying to empty 60 bottles as fast as I could. Besides, she wants some for herself. (She's so needy!) Our discussion resulted in me getting permission to buy a bunch of new bottles so I can brew some more. In all honesty, I can see why swmbo got concerned, then upset. We're currently drinking my first 3 brews ever, and all were ready at the same time (see list below). Thanks to my OCD, it's been all I talk about lately, and I've been drinking to make up for lost time (when I had to pay store prices for fancy beer), so I can see how she got a little concerned. Novelty is to blame, mostly. So now that we've got a new understanding, it's back to brewing... and emptying bottles so I can brew more. Thanks again for the input folks! :mug:
 

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Isn't it funny when an argument isn't even about what you thought it was about?

Hubby went off on me about getting a tattoo, and for some reason I thought he didn't want me to get one! Turns out he was actually pissed I didn't buy some farm equipment he says we needed, but I thought was impractical and we didn't really need it. So I told him we couldn't afford it right now. Then I go and spend $200.00 on a tattoo. Well, $180.00 on the tat and $20 on beer while I waited at the bar across the street. Finally, I realized what he was actually mad about! Solved the whole problem by buying the equipment he says we needed(but got along fine without in the past).
 
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Keith66

Keith66

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Isn't it funny when an argument isn't even about what you thought it was about?

Hubby went off on me about getting a tattoo, and for some reason I thought he didn't want me to get one! Turns out he was actually pissed I didn't buy some farm equipment he says we needed, but I thought was impractical and we didn't really need it. So I told him we couldn't afford it right now. Then I go and spend $200.00 on a tattoo. Well, $180.00 on the tat and $20 on beer while I waited at the bar across the street. Finally, I realized what he was actually mad about! Solved the whole problem by buying the equipment he says we needed(but got along fine without in the past).

You could have killed two birds with one stone and avoided the whole mess if you'da gotten the piece of farm equipment tattooed on your... well... wherever you got your tattoo. Just a thought. :D
 

BobbiLynn

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You could have killed two birds with one stone and avoided the whole mess if you'da gotten the piece of farm equipment tattooed on your... well... wherever you got your tattoo. Just a thought. :D

Good idea, but it was a seeder with about 20 different plate attachments, maybe next time he insists we need another old tractor, now something like that I might get tattooed somewhere special, just for hubby. :eek:
 
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