SWMBO Woes

[Whiskey]

I think I've learned a valuable lesson about this forum.

The forum is called Home Brew Talk, most here are pretty avid (rabid?) Home Brewers. You will be hard pressed to find a better pool of knowledge about our Craft.

However, we can only respond to what you post, and what you posted originally and the posts afterwards painted a different picture then what you last posted.

I also agree with what everyone else posted the last several posts, it is all about compromise.\



EDIT: BAH to my slow posting!

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I didn't realize that offering marriage advice to someone who's complaining about his wife's limits on his brewing was an indication of insecurity. Gnomey, you sure like to denigrate people who aren't as "wacky crazy make every thread into a PCP overdose" as you...

I was not denigrating the OP. I was commenting on the comments the OP brought about.

For the record, I don't trust your smileys any more. You seem to use them as a cover when you are trying to make an unreasonable point.

oh....

 

[HenryHill]

No question about it. If she is unhappy, then I am unhappy.

"If a woman ain't happy, she sure can make a feller miserable"-Harry Keihn-1992

Wise words.

But the reverse is also true. You deserve to enjoy this life doing a simple hobby that keeps you out of other trouble, keeps you home, and makes you satisfied that the rest of the crap we have to go thru in this life is at least balanced to some extent by our chosen form of hobby.

Personal Expression in liquid form. Sanity Maintainer. A small price for her to pay to ensure your continued desire in your joint venture.

 

[Evan!]

I was not denigrating the OP. I was commenting on the comments the OP brought about.

For the record, I don't trust your smileys any more. You seem to use them as a cover when you are trying to make an unreasonable point.

oh....

No, I was specifically referring to you denigrating the commenters. And I was not trying to make any point, reasonable or otherwise, I was just dickin with you. God, why do you have to get all serious? Must be your insecurity!

 

[SmugMug]

I think if I can win her over on the next batch it's all gonna be gravy. This would be a non-issue if she were a beer drinker. Maybe I should start making my own Reisling since that's all she'll drink. She liked the one Frambois she had. I don't care for lambics, but it might be worth making.

 

[BlindLemonLars]

For the record, I don't trust your smileys any more.

Few things are sadder than an insincere smiley. :cross:

Well, I guess the OP's situation is sadder. Boy I feel lucky...if I haven't rolled the brewstand out by noon Sunday, my girl will yell "Aren't you going to brew this weekend?!?"

 

[Whiskey]

I think if I can win her over on the next batch it's all gonna be gravy. This would be a non-issue if she were a beer drinker. Maybe I should start making my own Reisling since that's all she'll drink. She liked the one Frambois she had. I don't care for lambics, but it might be worth making.

Make some Applewein for her, that may be a good start.

 

[BioBeing]

I'd start with the things you CAN control, like cleaning out the garage or other areas of the house. If you can free up some space, make a little $$ in a yard sale, etc., it will give you both a sense of accomplishment, will benefit both your hobby and your household in the long run, and might enable you to get back on track... I'd try to think of things that work to BOTH of your benefit before trying to find loopholes... Just my $0.02.

This is basically what I did. Prior to brewing, my wife kept complaining how messy and dirty the garage was. Now I keep it tidy(ish), organized and swept so I can brew. She did comment the other day that it was never this clean before! She did complain about my obsession for a while, but that seems to have passed. (For now at least.) Plus, she bought some shoes.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

No, I was specifically referring to you denigrating the commenters. And I was not trying to make any point, reasonable or otherwise, I was just dickin with you. God, why do you have to get all serious? Must be your insecurity!

Meh. I have insecurities. I am more or less human.

 

[Evan!]

If said framboise was from Lindemans, be prepared to back-sweeten it plenty with splenda or some other unfermentable sugar. Classic lambics aren't sweet like Lindemans, quite the opposite...so be careful. If she likes lindemans and you brew her a classic Cantillon-style lambic with some raspberries in it, she's liable to spit it out

 

[Evan!]

Meh. I have insecurities. I am more or less human.

News to me...:fro: (I can't tell if that rainbow-fro is sincere or not...sorry)

 

[SmugMug]

Make some Applewein for her, that may be a good start.

I'm asking all my wino friends to save their gallon o' wine bottles for me specifically for this reason. Perhaps some meade or barleywine too. Surely one of those will win her over!

Incidently, does anyone know what size bung those bottles require?? I seriously doubt if those screw tops can hold a tight seal.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

News to me...:fro: (I can't tell if that rainbow-fro is sincere or not...sorry)

That is possibly the most insincere use of wearing an afro wig that I have ever seen. Henry Kissinger used the afro wig to much better effect when negotiating the middle-east conflict in the 70's....But then, he was an expert.

 

[SmugMug]

That is possibly the most insincere use of wearing an afro wig that I have ever seen. Henry Kissinger used the afro wig to much better effect when negotiating the middle-east conflict in the 70's....But then, he was an expert.

So...how does one catch a fart in a bottle/jar? If it really is possible, is it also possible to light the gasses in the jar on fire?? These are serious questions that require serious answers.

Let's get this thread a little more on the lighter side. Mmmmkay?

 

[Whut]

You know, MY priorities ARE my wifes priorities... why? Because my happiness is important to her. HER priorities are important to ME, because her happiness is important to me. Yah, I dont get into scrapbooking, but it makes her happy and making sure that she gets to enjoy her time and her hobbies IS a priority to me.

I couldn't have said it any better. We met in 1977, married in 1988, and after 21 years of marriage we're still going strong! And, congrats on the baby.

 

[Evan!]

I'm asking all my wino friends to save their gallon o' wine bottles for me specifically for this reason. Perhaps some meade or barleywine too. Surely one of those will win her over!

Incidently, does anyone know what size bung those bottles require?? I seriously doubt if those screw tops can hold a tight seal.

Don't worry about bungs. Aluminum foil is the new airlock. :rockin:

 

[SchizoFilly]

Again, I think you're reading too much into the original post. I still get to brew and I still get to keep the wife fairly happy at the same time. Perhaps I over-emphasized the gravity of the discussion in the original post. Or perhaps some of you are just reading too much into it. Regardless, I don't think it's something so important to me that I have to bow my back to her and tell her what's what. I'm sure we will continue to have discussions on the matter and we will continue to find more middle ground. I think I've learned a valuable lesson about this forum.

Thanks to you guys who congratulated me on my son. He is the ultimate dictator on how often I get to brew. He gets top priority to everything.

You're right about putting the boy first, and congrats btw.

If you weren't upset about only getting to brew 8 times a year, then you wouldn't have posted in the first place and none of this discussion would have taken place. I'm going to repeat several other posts here, but I agree with them all.

By not standing up for yourself and your hobby now, you will have LESS ground to stand on in the future. The old adage of give an inch take a mile applies. Don't give up something you enjoy just to avoid a fight. They happen and will continue to happen. I agree that you should choose your battles and not fight just for the sake of fighting, but if you want it then there should be room for brewing. Maybe give on a less important hobby or something else that you spend time and money doing.

2 brews per season is 8 brews per year. 40 gallons. 320 pints. That's not even one beer per day. Not enough for me, but maybe I drink too much. That's another topic, but the numbers don't lie.

Your spending wasn't restricted your hobby was nixed. Did she give up a hobby completely? My wife bought my perlicks for my kegerator, and her only complaint with my brewing is that it makes the house smell like "terriyaki *******". She doesn't even drink beer, but she knows I like beer and like brewing my own beer even more. I support her in everything she does, and on a financial basis whenever possible. I understand that sometimes the finances just aren't there, but in that case everyone needs to cut back.

....and to refrain from making this a total bashing.....

See what you can do about getting group brewing sessions together....it's like the anti-drug commercials say...peer pressure works

 

[SmugMug]

Don't worry about bungs. Aluminum foil is the new airlock. :rockin:

But I like saying "bung". So aluminum foil will work? How tight of a seal? Rubber band tight?

 

[SmugMug]

SchizoFilly, I'm already talking with 2 other homebrewers I know about splitting costs and sharing batches. They don't brew very often, but perhaps I can inspire them to.

 

[SchizoFilly]

SchizoFilly, I'm already talking with 2 other homebrewers I know about splitting costs and sharing batches. They don't brew very often, but perhaps I can inspire them to.

Well that could help too, but I was referring to having other guys around so you could just blame it on them. Childish I know, but whatever works.

Also, it is easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

 

[SmugMug]

Well that could help too, but I was referring to having other guys around so you could just blame it on them. Childish I know, but whatever works.

Also, it is easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

Um not w/ my wife. Been there before with a new laptop...I still get flack from that one. But anyway, I'll find some middle ground and we can both be happy. I just need to have some more patience.

 

[Marko73]

Congrats on the new baby SmugMug! I have a 10 month old and the wife is due again in late June. We will have two kids under 12 months in the house so needless to say I am brewing my a$$ off right now to have a lot of beer to drink during that nightmare. . .

It takes awhile to get used to the rythym of new baby and the change that involves. Give it some time. . .

 

[SmugMug]

Congrats on the new baby SmugMug! I have a 10 month old and the wife is due again in late June. We will have two kids under 12 months in the house so needless to say I am brewing my a$$ off right now to have a lot of beer to drink during that nightmare. . .

It takes awhile to get used to the rythym of new baby and the change that involves. Give it some time. . .

Thanks. I can't imagine having two of them under a year ! We should take up a beer donation for you because I have a feeling you're not going to be too much brewing when that second one comes along. Congrats!

Mine has starting sleeping through the night now. Hopefully, some of the stress in the house will start to subside and everyone can get into a routine.

 

[BlindLemonLars]

Incidently, does anyone know what size bung those bottles require?? I seriously doubt if those screw tops can hold a tight seal.

A #6 stopper fits the gallon jugs I've got. Are you looking to ferment in them, or bottle the apfelwein in them? If the latter, I'm not sure they are safe to carbonate in. And if the former, THINK BIGGER!! <---sincere!

 

[Marko73]

That is a key to all of it. Getting into a routine and having a schedule. It may sound silly, but that is how my wife and I work through a lot of hobbies. She has a scrapbook weekend on this weekend, I will be brewing this day or that, etc. When we plan it in advance, it helps alot with both time and money. Just my $.02

 

[JesseRC]

I guess it's just me, but when I'm brewing out on the patio, I get's some downtime in between boiling and Mashing, where swmbo , me and the kids get to relax and spend time together, watch a movie and stuff.

 

[Sharkeydude]

So, I'm thinkin' you said you had a garage full of junk, right? Here is a suggestion that diffuses the money issue and the junk issue right away: sell your junk on e-bay. That is how I have been supporting my hobbies for years. I sell motorcycle parts, beer stuff...whatever and put the money towards my hobbies.

I recently got back in to brewing and funded the whole enterprise with items sold on-line. I still do. My wife thinks its great because it doesn't eat into the household funds. We keep less junk around that we'll never use (SWMBO is a huge pack rat, but thinks it's great that somebody will buy it) and every body is happy.
I moved the whole operation to the garage once I cleared out a corner from selling stuff. Put a fan up for the hot months, and viola! no fights about smells, equipment, etc. She never sees it or smells it and that makes it a little easier for her to let me, once a month on a weekend, spend a few hours out of her hair doing something that I enjoy.

 

[SmugMug]

That is a key to all of it. Getting into a routine and having a schedule. It may sound silly, but that is how my wife and I work through a lot of hobbies. She has a scrapbook weekend on this weekend, I will be brewing this day or that, etc. When we plan it in advance, it helps alot with both time and money. Just my $.02

It's worth a lot (your $.02). I think I may have been pushing too hard too quick on all my beer goals to the wife and she thought I was trying to open a microbrew by tomorrow and got defensive. But she has a lot she likes to do (scrapbooking being one of them) and it's only fair that we should take the time to schedule individual activities with each other. Obviously most people here are very passionate about this craft...and I'm getting there...and anytime the craft is in jeopardy of being compromised it initiates an immediate defensive response (as we have seen). I think once we can get into a routine with the baby this hot topic will cool down and some of these compromises will relax.

 

[flyangler18]

*******, I'm always late to the party to toss in some salient points. Oh well - it's never stopped me before. My wife knows that I will brew whenever I have the time that I haven't already committed to either rugby, time out in the woods with a fly rod or the hiking boots or with her. She makes a passing remark or rolls her eyes about the smell during the boil from time to time or latest 100 # of grain that's stacked up in the basement - but she is fully supportive of my collection of obsessions in the kitchen or in the brewery because she knows it makes me happy. We're both responsible with our spending because living expenses and paying down debt come first.

I don't put the kibash on the time she spends in volunteer work either at school as an advisor or with ACS's Relay for Life. Those activities are satisfying to her. Our hobbies and interest keep us grounded and relaxed, and that makes for a satisfying and lasting relationship. :rockin:

 

[Evan!]

It's worth a lot (your $.02). I think I may have been pushing too hard too quick on all my beer goals to the wife and she thought I was trying to open a microbrew by tomorrow and got defensive. But she has a lot she likes to do (scrapbooking being one of them) and it's only fair that we should take the time to schedule individual activities with each other. Obviously most people here are very passionate about this craft...and I'm getting there...and anytime the craft is in jeopardy of being compromised it initiates an immediate defensive response (as we have seen). I think once we can get into a routine with the baby this hot topic will cool down and some of these compromises will relax.

You're probably right. In the meantime, a mild sedative should buy you a few hours at least...should be plenty of time to brew a batch and be all cleaned up, and when she wakes up, she'll never know it happened. Just be sure to hide the carboy well...