SWMBO Woes

[SmugMug]

Thanks for the BIAB idea. I'll definitely have to look into that. Now....to find a solution for rigging up a temp controlled fermenting container on a budget. Anyone know how big of a "dorm fridge" I would need to store a 6.5gal bucket off the top of their head?

 

[Whiskey]

Son of fermentation chiller can be built for about $35-$70 depending on what you have lying around.

 

[The Pol]

If you went the NO CHILL route, the container size is

11" wide
17.5" tall

then add the airlock height.

These are 6 gallon containers (Winpak) from USplastics.com for $15

 

[SmugMug]

Son of fermentation chiller can be built for about $35-$70 depending on what you have lying around.

Depends. I don't have a plastic tub big enough to fill with water/ice. I was thinking one a mini fridge would be a good out of the way solution and the wifey OKd it. I just need to research how big of one I need.

 

[SmugMug]

Keep in mind I live in AL and need to keep my gear in a non-temp controlled garage. It gets pretty hot in there during the summer. I could possibly do a Saison without too much of an issue, but I'm not a huge fan of them and no one wants to brew a beer they don't like to drink.

 

[Whiskey]

Keep in mind I live in AL and need to keep my gear in a non-temp controlled garage. It gets pretty hot in there during the summer. I could possibly do a Saison without too much of an issue, but I'm not a huge fan of them and no one wants to brew a beer they don't like to drink.

If your wife okay'd a mini fridge then go for it. I can keep my fermenting beer @ 63f in a 90+f garage with 2 1/2 gallon jugs rotated out twice a day, using the SOFC. You can do the same with a swamp cooler if you have someplace inside you can store it. Just throwing out an idea that could save you some cash.

 

[HenryHill]

I have a hard time believing that you get more than $3500 out of a garden per year, so it isn't survival garden, it's a hobby.

You said that in 2 or 3 years you would have more say in the relationship, however I suspect you will have less.

She thinks to limit you to two brews a 'season'; I have 4 seasons and I would say BS. Is she that controlling in your drinking expenses, and every other facet of your loving marriage? If a guy is controlling, a chick's friends will diss the he!! out of him; getting this yet?

There is no advice we can give that will help you, if you won't stand up for yourself.

 

[phillc]

Time to go shopping...

Just kidding! Had to be done!

I am unmarried, although been 100% loyal to the same girl for over 7 years, and don't have any kids.

Congratulations on the boy and good luck on the brewing!

Phill

 

[MMW]

There are lots of seasonings...

salt
pepper
paprika
coriander
cinnomon
clove
garlic...


Oh...seasons, sorry.



/comedian

Anywho...The allowance thing is key-- it's saved my marriage more than once. You want it that bad? Take it out of your starbucks/eat lunch out money. (This works for her purses/shoes/etc and my tinkering hobbies).

I'm financing this hobby with bologna sandwiches

 

[Munsoned]

I'd start with the things you CAN control, like cleaning out the garage or other areas of the house. If you can free up some space, make a little $$ in a yard sale, etc., it will give you both a sense of accomplishment, will benefit both your hobby and your household in the long run, and might enable you to get back on track... I'd try to think of things that work to BOTH of your benefit before trying to find loopholes... Just my $0.02.

 

[Evan!]

Yep, I'm with brewtus---lucky as hell to have a wife that supports my obsession fully (I can put up with the eye-rolling when I walk in the door with a 50 lb sack of grain slung over each shoulder )

I'm no shrink, but I'd say that this is just a symptom of a larger problem. Marriage should be a partnership, not a subservient relationship where you get told what to do. If she's not willing to compromise, then you need to sit down and have the heart-to-heart "you're not my owner" talk. If she can't deal with that, then marriage counseling might be your next resort.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

There is no advice we can give that will help you, if you won't stand up for yourself.

+1!




Of course, if your SWMBO looks like;

then, forget anything HH or I have said cause we are full of sh......

 

[SmugMug]

Gents, let's not look too deeply into things from a marriage perspective. Our marriage is a very happy one. There are just some things that are not high priority to her and this is one of them. I posted this because I'm sure there are fellow brewers who have also run into these issues and could sympathize. It sucks, but it's not tragic and certainly not worth a long drawn out battle and causing undue friction in our marriage.

 

[springer]

If that were the case nearly every married man I know would have to do the same on some level. You're in denial if your wife doesn't have your nuts in a vice over something you like doing.

Dude that isnt true . If she really was your equal in the marriage there would be a discussion about it not just an ultimatum. My wife fully supports every venture I partake in. She was the one who put the 3k down payment on my Harley now she owns one and we ride together.

She bought me a BC and 100 lbs of grain for Christmas. My wife loves to cook so I indulge her with stuff for the kitchen (like my damn stainless steel brew table). She hasn't helped brew yet but on brew days I never need go get a brew she keeps them coming.

 

[JesseRC]

Let's be honest, my wife has her hobbies and I have mine. While she's not interested in all my hobbies, I think she gets enjoyment out of seeing me be happy and entertained. Likewise, she makes jewelry and crafts, I do get a kick out seeing her be passionate about something. We're not trying to bash your swmbo, we're just saying she's not totally being fair or she's not understanding that this is a hobby and not a drinking opportunity.

 

[Evan!]

Gents, let's not look too deeply into things from a marriage perspective. Our marriage is a very happy one. There are just some things that are not high priority to her and this is one of them. I posted this because I'm sure there are fellow brewers who have also run into these issues and could sympathize. It sucks, but it's not tragic and certainly not worth a long drawn out battle and causing undue friction in our marriage.

So it's not a high priority to her; it's obviously a high priority to you, and the fact that she doesn't seem to care about your priorities doesn't sound good to me. No, it's not "tragic" that you can't brew as much as you want, but more to the point, the fact that you're willing to submit fully to your wife just so that you don't ruffle any feathers or "cause friction" is, at least in my humble opinion, only going to lead to further domination/submission in the future, until your Saturdays are spent browsing Jo-Anne Fabrics and watching Sex and the City marathons.

Sorry, dude, I mean no offense, it's your life, your marriage, so you do what you want...I just hate to see people who don't assert their equal role (and the importance of their equal desires) in a relationship because they're afraid to cause friction. I'm not saying you have to be a dick and expect to get everything you want, but when your wife says "I don't care about your brewing, so you only get to do it 8 times a year", and you just capitulate, it says a lot about the dynamics of the relationship...even if by both accounts your marriage is a happy one.

 

[The Pol]

You know, MY priorities ARE my wifes priorities... why? Because my happiness is important to her. HER priorities are important to ME, because her happiness is important to me. Yah, I dont get into scrapbooking, but it makes her happy and making sure that she gets to enjoy her time and her hobbies IS a priority to me.

 

[JesseRC]

You know, MY priorities ARE my wifes priorities... why? Because my happiness is important to her. HER priorities are important to ME, because her happiness is important to me. Yah, I dont get into scrapbooking, but it makes her happy and making sure that she gets to enjoy her time and her hobbies IS a priority to me.

exactly!

 

[Evan!]

You know, MY priorities ARE my wifes priorities... why? Because my happiness is important to her. HER priorities are important to ME, because her happiness is important to me. Yah, I dont get into scrapbooking, but it makes her happy and making sure that she gets to enjoy her time and her hobbies IS a priority to me.

******* right. We support each other, because we realize what makes the other happy, and depriving them of that without good pragmatic reasons (for instance, if I were to propose buying a brutus 10 just before we have our first child) is never good.

 

[shecky]

You know, MY priorities ARE my wifes priorities... why? Because my happiness is important to her. HER priorities are important to ME, because her happiness is important to me. Yah, I dont get into scrapbooking, but it makes her happy and making sure that she gets to enjoy her time and her hobbies IS a priority to me.

+1. It shouldn't be a tit for tat thing. I have been told I couldn't by brewing odds and ends because we didn't have the money for it at the time. My wife has also skipped buying her cross stitch and knitting supplies for the exact same reason.

I asked this morning if we had cash for some supplies. She said, 'Yup, you better make a list so you're prepared.'

 

[SmugMug]

Sorry, dude, I mean no offense, it's your life, your marriage, so you do what you want...I just hate to see people who don't assert their equal role (and the importance of their equal desires) in a relationship because they're afraid to cause friction. I'm not saying you have to be a dick and expect to get everything you want, but when your wife says "I don't care about your brewing, so you only get to do it 8 times a year", and you just capitulate, it says a lot about the dynamics of the relationship...even if by both accounts your marriage is a happy one.

Again, I think you're reading too much into the original post. I still get to brew and I still get to keep the wife fairly happy at the same time. Perhaps I over-emphasized the gravity of the discussion in the original post. Or perhaps some of you are just reading too much into it. Regardless, I don't think it's something so important to me that I have to bow my back to her and tell her what's what. I'm sure we will continue to have discussions on the matter and we will continue to find more middle ground. I think I've learned a valuable lesson about this forum.

Thanks to you guys who congratulated me on my son. He is the ultimate dictator on how often I get to brew. He gets top priority to everything.

 

[HenryHill]

My wife has several hobbies, I never limit what she does, trash what she wants to do, or say she can't do something she is intent on doing. She doesn't like beer but has no qualms about how much I drink, or spend to drink.

HOWEVER, the kids, and even the grandkids, will test you and try to exploit you to do whatever they want to do and try to control what they will let you do. It is inherent in women, genetically bred, and environmentally refined from the examples of the older of the species. It does not go away, it does not get better. You have to stand up and say NO! You have to constantly be aware of where any conversation is going, and expect controversy in doing whatever you want to do, no matter how small and perfectly acceptable to you, they can have a tendency to want to mold and form you into what they want you to be; no matter that that will make you unhappy.

I first mentioned I wanted to brew and I got 'NO YOU'RE NOT!', and all sorts of other tantrum BS. I said 'who are you to tell me what my hobbies are going to be?' I stood firm, and built a respectable all stainless brewery, grain mill, ferment cheezer, storage for bulk grain and hops, etc. etc. She still rants from time to time, but I just ignore it. When there are friends or company around or over, she brags it up, but when it's just me and her, she STILL tries to start sh!t; I just ignore it.

While I was out doing a stick and brush fire this spring, she actually set up another table to hold the brew gear in the garage, and gave me some more room and organized it and made it into a brew corner, instead of just a claimed bench with stuff scattered around.

Preserverence, Buddy, and vigilance.

Don't try to tell us, we're trying to tell YOU.

 

[krausenmustache]

So it's not a high priority to her; it's obviously a high priority to you, and the fact that she doesn't seem to care about your priorities doesn't sound good to me. No, it's not "tragic" that you can't brew as much as you want, but more to the point, the fact that you're willing to submit fully to your wife just so that you don't ruffle any feathers or "cause friction" is, at least in my humble opinion, only going to lead to further domination/submission in the future, until your Saturdays are spent browsing Jo-Anne Fabrics and watching Sex and the City marathons.

Sorry, dude, I mean no offense, it's your life, your marriage, so you do what you want...I just hate to see people who don't assert their equal role (and the importance of their equal desires) in a relationship because they're afraid to cause friction. I'm not saying you have to be a dick and expect to get everything you want, but when your wife says "I don't care about your brewing, so you only get to do it 8 times a year", and you just capitulate, it says a lot about the dynamics of the relationship...even if by both accounts your marriage is a happy one.

I agree with this. The fact is, we all make concessions to SWMBO, but we do it in the form of compromise. As an adult, I wont stand for having hard and fast rules placed on my hobbies. Ill stick to a budget and help around the house/kids, etc., but all that aside, my time is my time, regardless if she approves.

 

[Evan!]

Again, I think you're reading too much into the original post. I still get to brew and I still get to keep the wife fairly happy at the same time. Perhaps I over-emphasized the gravity of the discussion in the original post. Or perhaps some of you are just reading too much into it. Regardless, I don't think it's something so important to me that I have to bow my back to her and tell her what's what. I'm sure we will continue to have discussions on the matter and we will continue to find more middle ground. I think I've learned a valuable lesson about this forum.

Thanks to you guys who congratulated me on my son. He is the ultimate dictator on how often I get to brew. He gets top priority to everything.

Well, that's cool if you're going to continue having discussions on the matter...that's all I was saying! You misrepresented the situation a little bit in the first post, though...as far as I could tell from the OP, your wife said "you can brew 8 times a year" and you said "okay".

My first child is due in about 40 days. I'm sure I'll be cutting back, so I've been stocking the kegs now. I mentioned that to the wife, her response was an enthusiastic "oh, stop it, you'll still be brewing!" Garsh, I sure love her.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I never actually realised that this was a serious thread. As that seems to be the case, my wife's happiness is paramount. No question about it. If she is unhappy, then I am unhappy. I just thoght this was obvious to the point of being a non-topic.

The only caveat is that it is our duty as spouses to test our partners borders of happiness, so that we can achieve our own contentment also.....And vice versa......Jeez, when did people get so insecure that this could actually be a serious thread? ???

 

[Schlenkerla]

Gents, let's not look too deeply into things from a marriage perspective. Our marriage is a very happy one. There are just some things that are not high priority to her and this is one of them. I posted this because I'm sure there are fellow brewers who have also run into these issues and could sympathize. It sucks, but it's not tragic and certainly not worth a long drawn out battle and causing undue friction in our marriage.

Like I said earlier, with a new baby, you need to have time to assimilate the new one into your family. Brewing may take a back seat for awhile until the household is back to normal. Your schedule will be tighter, eventually feeling normal again.

Not having a baby sleep through the night will mess your schedule quite a bit.

There's anxiety on the part of the mom due to the newness of the baby. Think about the baby health, the cost of formula, diapers and medical bills. That will work itself out soon.

As others have said, having a budget and planning ahead is key to having some harmony and acceptance of this hobby. By planning, I mean don't announce tomorrow that you are brewing and that this is the first time she heard of your intentions. Book the time before she has the chance to object.

 

[The Soft Underbelly]

Yeah I do. She's already agreed to let me have my own space when we move to a bigger house (probably about 2-3yrs away). As it stands, our house is just too small and the garage is full of "stuff", not to mention hot as all get-out. I just have to have patience.

ARGH!

Good idea on the gallon bottle of wine. Too bad no one likes to drink it.

Ahhhh.... the space argument! I have to sympathize there. My wife and I live in a duplex with no basement. While she hasn't specifically set limits on my brewing, we've agreed that this hobby shan't out grow our space restrictions. (i.e. no AG till we have a bigger crib)

As for your issue, just brew it! There's an old saying "it's sometimes easier to ask forgiveness than permission"

As for you wife's gardening hobby, point out that hops are as ornamental as they are useful, put her to work growing some hops and I bet she'll beg you to brew with 'em.

 

[krausenmustache]

My wife has several hobbies, I never limit what she does, trash what she wants to do, or say she can't do something she is intent on doing. She doesn't like beer but has no qualms about how much I drink, or spend to drink.

HOWEVER, the kids, and even the grandkids, will test you and try to exploit you to do whatever they want to do and try to control what they will let you do. It is inherent in women, genetically bred, and environmentally refined from the examples of the older of the species. It does not go away, it does not get better. You have to stand up and say NO! You have to constantly be aware of where any conversation is going, and expect controversy in doing whatever you want to do, no matter how small and perfectly acceptable to you, they can have a tendency to want to mold and form you into what they want you to be; no matter that that will make you unhappy.

I first mentioned I wanted to brew and I got 'NO YOU'RE NOT!', and all sorts of other tantrum BS. I said 'who are you to tell me what my hobbies are going to be?' I stood firm, and built a respectable all stainless brewery, grain mill, ferment cheezer, storage for bulk grain and hops, etc. etc. She still rants from time to time, but I just ignore it. When there are friends or company around or over, she brags it up, but when it's just me and her, she STILL tries to start sh!t; I just ignore it.

While I was out doing a stick and brush fire this spring, she actually set up another table to hold the brew gear in the garage, and gave me some more room and organized it and made it into a brew corner, instead of just a claimed bench with stuff scattered around.

Preserverence, Buddy, and vigilance.

Don't try to tell us, we're trying to tell YOU.

Very true, women will always try to test the limits of their control over you (as I'm sure we do to them, without realizing it). And there is nothing wrong with letting them have some, but the line needs to be clear. If I like something, and I can do it within a reasonable budget, and it doesnt affect our family time, I'm going to do it as often as I can/want to.

 

[Evan!]

I never actually realised that this was a serious thread. As that seems to be the case, my wife's happiness is paramount. No question about it. If she is unhappy, then I am unhappy. I just thoght this was obvious to the point of being a non-topic.

The only caveat is that it is our duty as spouses to test our partners borders of happiness, so that we can achieve our own contentment also.....And vice versa......Jeez, when did people get so insecure that this could actually be a serious thread? ???

I didn't realize that offering marriage advice to someone who's complaining about his wife's limits on his brewing was an indication of insecurity. Gnomey, you sure like to denigrate people who aren't as "wacky crazy make every thread into a PCP overdose" as you...

 

[SmugMug]

Well, that's cool if you're going to continue having discussions on the matter...that's all I was saying! You misrepresented the situation a little bit in the first post, though...as far as I could tell from the OP, your wife said "you can brew 8 times a year" and you said "okay".

My first child is due in about 40 days. I'm sure I'll be cutting back, so I've been stocking the kegs now. I mentioned that to the wife, her response was an enthusiastic "oh, stop it, you'll still be brewing!" Garsh, I sure love her.

Yeah, I realize now that my OP was a bit on the "passionate" side. But the 8 times a year was a compromise and we have agreed to have further discussions on the matter.