Post the stupid things you did when drunk

[rdwj]

You seem very interested. I'm assuming you've never had the courage to find out whether or not your gay?

Ya, very interested! It's a pretty crazy thing to admit! I have no problem with people that are gay and can even tell you which guys I might like if I went that way, but I don't think it's necessary for me to try before I know.

I've seen my fair share of naked guys and have even accidentally downloaded "movies" that weren't what I expected and it does nothing for me.

 

[Cheesefood]

I don't think it's necessary for me to try before I know.

I used to think I'd never like black coffee, or bourbon, or statistics, or broccoli.

Then I tried them and made up my mind. Apart from that, it was one of those "If I really want to get the most out of my life, I have to take chances and try new things" moments. It wasn't for me. Not that it didn't "work", but that it just wasn't aesthetically pleasing. But at least I'm sure that I know.

I guess it was something I just had to experience.

Now, hasn't anyone else done anything crazy when drunk?

 

[rdwj]

I guess I should fess up with something even though mine is very tame compared to some of the other stuff here.

When was in my late teens, I was at a wedding for a good friend's sister. One of the Bride’s Maids was my friends second cousin and we hit it off. We drank, danced, and I was pretty much all over her. We were both hammered and sitting at a table talking when this waiter came over and asked the girl I was with if she was ok and if she needed anything. I wanted to sober up a bit, so I kinda interrupted the guy and told him to bring me a glass of water.

He gave a look like he didn’t understand, so I repeated myself – a little ruder and said something about it being his job. The waiter left mumbling something I didn’t understand and I was a little pissed because I wanted a glass of freakin’ water!!

I asked the girl I was with – “Can you believe that a-hole waiter!?!?”

She answered, “That’s not a waiter, that’s my dad!”

Turns out what I thought was a waiter uniform was his tux without the jacket. I didn’t REALLY put it all together until the next day and was pretty surprised that…

1. Her dad didn’t wipe the floor with me
2. I still got some from the bride’s maid!!

 

[Orpheus]

OK,

That last one reminds me so I'll bite.

I was at a Halloween party once in Vancouver. I was drinking quite heavily and noticed one guy leaning against the wall, in no costume, but without an arm.

I went right up to him and told him what a cool costume that was, and asked him how he made the missing arm look so real.

It was when I grabbed his stump and started rubbing it that I realized this was not a part of his costume, but his real stump from his real missing arm. I was too drunk to tell the difference.

I took my foot out of my mouth and promptly inserted a few more pints to drown my embarassment.

 

[rdwj]

...It was when I grabbed his stump and started rubbing it that I realized this was not a part of his costume, but his real stump from his real missing arm.

OMG is that funny!

 

[the_bird]

Grabbed his stump and started rubbing it?

You guys are really stuck on the man-love, aren't you?

 

[knewshound]

While awaiting the arrival of some friends that were driving up from SoCal, my wife to be and a few other friends were killing the time drinking Pina Coladas.

LOTS of Pina Coladas.

TOO MANY Pina Coladas.

For a reason that I still do not understand, I ended up in the garage of the house we were in and somehow managed to put a 16 penny nail directly through the knuckle at the base of my middle finger.

And no, I never felt a thing.

Woke up the next day and my hand was stiff and sore, and I had nearly forgotten about the nail.

The day after that I awoke to find my hand had swollen to the size of a softball and I had the curious red line running up my arm.

Now I am not the brighest bulb on the tree but even I knew it wasnt good.

The specialist that saw me took one horrified look, determined that it was a nail and instantly admitted me to the hospital for IV AntiBiotics for a week.

He was rather bemused when he told me I wouldnt have had to worry if I had waited to come in. I would have been dead in another 36 hours.

One day I shall tell you a story about me, a 12 pack, a skill saw and why they call me lefty.

Cheers,

knewshound

 

[Brewnurse]

OK.......... I was at a college party in a friends apartment. It was getting pretty late and I was feeling Noooooo pain. After realizing I had no more beer in my cup, I started to wards the kitchen where the kegs were placed. To my surprise there was a line! WTF! So, in my infinite wisdom decided that if I climbed out on the balcony I could swig and jump myself onto the other balcony of the kitchen. That's right ..........did I mention it was on the fourth floor?..........Well, I missed! Shocking , I know! And proceeded to fall into the bushes below , and missed astand pipe by about twelve inches. A slight concussion, some bruises, and two days in the hospital were all I needed.

But I did have a great big keg party when I got home!

 

[sudsmonkey]

We seem to be a twisted lot ( especially Puumba) who have lived some crazy crap( Brewpastor drinking India water) and experienced much of what life has to offer( Cheesefood. Let me say that I appreciate your courage in sharing with the group. I'm a little weirded out by it, but that's my problem.). It's a miracle that we all grew up to reach the legal drinking age! Maybe we've all matured now. Maybe it's just that store-bought alcohol makes you do crazy stuff. I don't know. I outgrew my deathwish at 21. The alcoholism remains the same. It's nice to still be here to look back on the dumb stuff. Glad to be here. Glad you guys made it, too.

Buncha drunks!

 

[mjm76]

Gee...and I really thought it was the maids who left us without TP.

 

[homebrewer_99]

Blew chunks in high school band class.

Man, "Chunks" is the name of my dog...no wonder he seems happy a lot...

 

[Biermann]

I used to think I'd never like black coffee, or bourbon, or statistics, or broccoli.


Now, hasn't anyone else done anything crazy when drunk?

Nope. . . .the habanero 'bout does it for me.

You guys are making me look lame!!:cross:

 

[Biermann]

Gee...and I really thought it was the maids who left us without TP.

Nice

Good to see you finally posting on here. Welcome.

 

[Biermann]

Nope. . . .the habanero 'bout does it for me.

You guys are making me look lame!!:cross:

Take that back: I thought of a couple more.

. . . I kissed an older, middle aged (female) coworker in front of my (then fiance) when drunk--but it was a dare thing.

I also had some hot chick come up and make out with me on my bachelor party night when I was really really drunk. (I was a victim--and I think she was there with a bachelorette party, and was equally drunk). I then proceeded to tell my fiance about it (and about the strip joint) when I got home.

Its amazing she still married me. That said, I'm proud to say that those were the only indiscretions EVER.

 

[freebird]

4 pints of Killian's Red

2 bottles of Boone's Farm (strawberry hill)

a pint of Smirnoff 100 + kahlua + about a pint of heavy whipping cream (racing octane White Russians)

started at 7 PM, got done drinking the above at about 10 PM. (at the volunteer fire hall no less). about 10:30 I decided that I was gonna be sick or die or something, so I induced me some puking (can't stand running my finger down my throat). felt TONS better, sat down to rest in the fire hall parking lot. and woke up at 1:30 AM with my 2 buddies and a couple local skanks (one of whom my buddy was wanting to hook up with, desperate times ya know) staring at me, flat of my back...

next morning my dad looked at me funny... asked stuff such as "what'd y'all do last night" and other unusual questions (parents usually pretty cool). I said "hung out at the fire hall"; kind of tried to blow it off... when I put my boots on by the front a couple hours later, they was 1/3 leather and 2/3 chunks of soured cream from them so-called white russians....

So the next time I got really good n' lit (drank a couple bottles of wild irish rose on top of a jumbo fish platter with extra slaw and hushpuppies from Captain D's), I remembered to crawl up in the back of the truck to avoid the splatter problem. Didn't have to run my finger down my throat that time though.

I also drank 5 23 oz pilsners (BL) at a restaurant, and ate a giant plate of nachos. then decided we needed some Miller Lite for the trip home. after the second one of them, the truck got small and started spinning. it was about 25 degrees outside, I had my head out the sliding back window puking into the bed of my buddy's brand new pickup... and he was drunk (other guy sober and driving) saying "WTF did you eat??? damn it smells good!!!!"

nachos was so diluted they had no bile in 'em, and did smell pretty good....

I survived by:

1) always getting "half sobered" before I went to bed - the white russian night was the only time I ever been real hung over, and it lasted 2 days.
2) always having a sober driver (completely sober)
3) not liking any kind of liquor (white russians the only exception)

there was also the time I tried to hook up with a local skank, she wanted to see how fast my Trans Am would run... we hit 140 with the T-tops out. glad one of the local morons from the fire hall parking lot crew insisted on tagging along, I would have regretted her (now). which brings me to rule 4:

4) never even a sip while driving the T/A (man I miss that car)

 

[Desert_Sky]

been caught waking up from a drunken stuper and taking a piss in the cat box.



I miss the college years sometimes

 

[Brewnurse]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmeShnJdOhY#




This guy should not drink any more!!!!

 

[Biermann]

Yeah. . . .that's gross.

 

[Ize]

Bier,

You may want to start a poll on this one... I'm gonna have to go back and re-read, but methinks Pumbaa may be in the lead with his, however Freebird, man the food PBP is out of control...

My crap is tame...

Parking lot surfing on a large rectangular metal meat tray, at the end of a chain, behind a jeep in the parking lot of the steakhouse I used to work at in St. Louis. Poor-mans' road rash...

Night of my bachelor party, after the Cardinals game, took a leak in the Arch Parking garage in downtown St. Louis before heading to the Landing. Make a mental note to yourself, NEVER pi$$ in Arch Parking. Or at least don't get caught. It's Federal Property. The 2 Park cops were NOT amused. There was holster fondling believe it or not.... Got me a $50 Federal ticket which I paid, versus the Federal Warrant they would have put on my a$$ if I hadn't... (gimme a break, I had to pi$$, it's a PARKING GARAGE for pity's sake...) 50 bux to take a leak....

This one is hard to explain. Imagine seeing a billboard from your car on the Interstate. One for the local tv station with their 10 o'clock anchors' big heads and cheesy smiles. Note the tops of their head protrude ABOVE the top edge of the billboard... For some reason the logic of drinking requires you to climb the billboard in the dark of night above the interstate and remove the top of the sports guys head... (His name was Zip, <no joke> this may have contributed to the motivation) The next night, drinking required us to go back for the top of the news anchors' head. I distinctly remember local law enforcement that evening, but never actually encountered them. Don't even ASK where we hid the tops of the heads. That's a whole 'nother story...

While not even close to my respected brethren who have posted before me, these were a couple of standouts. More will occur to me over my varying states of consciousness.

Ize

 

[Biermann]

Yeah, we could have a "fall out poll" on who posted the most decadent/stupidest drunk tales on here...

I vote for pumbaa. . . although there are a few that rival him.

 

[Ize]

LOL, yeah, I'm going to have to re-read the entire thread again...


U working the next couple of nights or off and able to catch the games?

Ize

 

[Biermann]

Dang, sorry I didn't reply there. . .

Well, to answer a belated question----I've had to work. And I have three more days ahead before a break.

My job can either suck or be great (schedule wise).

Oh well, I chose this career. . . .

 

[Moun10]

OK here's my not-so-brief contribution that's still somewhat fresh in my memory. It was about a month ago. It kind of proves that adult beverages, a female coworker and a bicycle are always (or never) a good combination.

The evening started off innocently enough with a little after work happy hour send-off for a coworker of six years or so. 3 chocolate cake shots and many beers later the conversation with a few remaining male coworkers and the woman who was leaving turned to the quality of her **** job including things like "you can touch them to see how natural they feel." After some serious discussion and investigation, I found myself alone with the woman when the last remaining male coworker was in the restroom. We are both drunk and she says "I want to kiss you". She is 10 years older and I have worked with her for the last six years so obviously in my drunken state I think yeah that's a great idea. After a little getting silly in the bar we decide to leave together. As we are heading back to her car we run into her fully tattooed, chopper building brother. This freaked me out a bit but he takes off on his bike and we move on. After an extended goodbye at her car and me kind of coming to my senses a bit to go home alone, I head back to the office to get my bike to head home. Then I set out on an extremely curvy 3 1/2 mile bike ride home where I cut a corner a little short at the end of my block and end up forehead first on the street. Apparently I forgot to latch the strap on my helmet because when I hit the ground it came off. The hitting the ground sort of woke me up and I remember laying on the ground feeling around for my helmet. At this point I could not help but laugh out loud. The next day (and last awkward day at work with the female coworker) with a little road rash on my forehead, a friend at work that was there at the end of the night before, asked me if I noticed how long he went to the restroom. Apparently he came out of the restroom, saw something that made his jaw drop and the waited for a break in the action until he could stop by and say he was leaving. Again all I could do was laugh. No more chocolate cake shots.

 

[Wheat King]

She is 10 years older and I have worked with her for the last six years

sweet!!!!!

 

[sudsmonkey]

OK here's my not-so-brief contribution that's still somewhat fresh in my memory. It was about a month ago. It kind of proves that adult beverages, a female coworker and a bicycle are always (or never) a good combination.

The evening started off innocently enough with a little after work happy hour send-off for a coworker of six years or so. 3 chocolate cake shots and many beers later the conversation with a few remaining male coworkers and the woman who was leaving turned to the quality of her **** job including things like "you can touch them to see how natural they feel." After some serious discussion and investigation, I found myself alone with the woman when the last remaining male coworker was in the restroom. We are both drunk and she says "I want to kiss you". She is 10 years older and I have worked with her for the last six years so obviously in my drunken state I think yeah that's a great idea. After a little getting silly in the bar we decide to leave together. As we are heading back to her car we run into her fully tattooed, chopper building brother. This freaked me out a bit but he takes off on his bike and we move on. After an extended goodbye at her car and me kind of coming to my senses a bit to go home alone, I head back to the office to get my bike to head home. Then I set out on an extremely curvy 3 1/2 mile bike ride home where I cut a corner a little short at the end of my block and end up forehead first on the street. Apparently I forgot to latch the strap on my helmet because when I hit the ground it came off. The hitting the ground sort of woke me up and I remember laying on the ground feeling around for my helmet. At this point I could not help but laugh out loud. The next day (and last awkward day at work with the female coworker) with a little road rash on my forehead, a friend at work that was there at the end of the night before, asked me if I noticed how long he went to the restroom. Apparently he came out of the restroom, saw something that made his jaw drop and the waited for a break in the action until he could stop by and say he was leaving. Again all I could do was laugh. No more chocolate cake shots.

That starts off all " Dear Penthouse letters" and ends up like Mad magazine. F.ed up!

 

[Gabe]

I was wasted on SN and tried to jump over a huge bon fire.... didn't make it and went to the hospital with 2nd degree burns. NO FUN. Very Funken Stoopid.

 

[jpsloan]

Two Halloweens ago, I was pouring shots for the Halloween party. And yeah, I adopted the policy of doing a shot for every shot I handed out. Bad idea.

Within a half-hour, I had managed to mix Everclear and Butterscotch schnapps into what I thought was a fancy shotglass. My wife points at it and says:

"Sweetie... that's a candleholder."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not. It's just a fancy shot glass."

"No, sweetie, it's a candleholder."

"No way! It's a shot glass. What's this stuff on the side?"

"It's wax, dear."

Yeah, I took the shot anyway. Couldn't breath for about a minute, ran outside, and went spleen-first into the lawn. I kind of don't remember the rest of the party.:rockin:

 

[dibby33]

RE the bloke chucking in the glass and then drinking:::

I think I recognise the pub !

May be in Motherwell, Scotland

 

[McCall St. Brewer]

I once got drunk in a bar on Kamikaze shots (I must have had about 20 of them). At some point in the evening I was sitting at the bar with my friends and I was getting a bit bored I guess, so I sank a shot glass in a half-empty glass of beer that I assumed someone had abandoned. Well, this nice Mexican-American gentleman came along and decided to make a big stink about it, claiming it was his beer. At this point I discovered that I was now too impaired to speak. One of my friends came to my aid, though, and launched into a protracted apology on my behalf, offered to buy the gentleman and his other Mexican-American friends more beers, and on and on and on....

Since I could not participate in the conversation due to my condition, I soon lost interest in it and decided to go and use the facilities (which just happened to be right next to the exit from the bar). While I was in the WC I decided I was ready to call it a night (by then I didn't feel so good any more). Since I was right at the front door I simply left and went home without telling anyone I was leaving.

The next day I found out that the aggrieved gentlemen had not been satisfied with my friend's apologies and offers to replace their 75-cent glass of beer (this was back in 1982), and went outside in the alley to wait for me so they could kick my *ss when I came out. Little did they know, but I had already left and gone home!

OK, now to the really dumb part. I got home and crashed, but felt really bad. So, what would any intelligent person do under the circumstances? Why, I went to my girlfriend's house, of course! I spent quite a long time there worshipping the porcelain god and then passed out on her bed until morning. Apparently I crashed flat on my back right in the middle of the bed so that she had nowhere to sleep.

Unbeknownst to me (until I opened my big mouth in the morning) she did not know that I was drunk. She had apparently felt sorry for me during the night because she thought I was simply sick with the flu or something. When she found out the truth I was pretty much way back in the doghouse for awhile after that!

 

[fishmonkeystew]

Well then, you all just blew every stupid thing that I've done completely out of the water. Awesome!!! I think the worst that I've done involved smokin' some green, eating some LSD, and drinking some Jim Beam. Apparently I got up in the middle of the night and took a whiz in my buddy's parents' kitchen sink. Thankfully the 'rents were gone for the weekend. The funny part was that one of my friends woke up, and walked by me while I was doing the deed. He patted me on the shoulder and went and took a whiz in the bathroom.