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Post the stupid things you did when drunk

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Ize

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LOL, yeah, I'm going to have to re-read the entire thread again...


:off: U working the next couple of nights or off and able to catch the games?

Ize
 
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Biermann

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Dang, sorry I didn't reply there. . .

Well, to answer a belated question----I've had to work. And I have three more days ahead before a break.

My job can either suck or be great (schedule wise).

Oh well, I chose this career. . . .
 

Moun10

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OK here's my not-so-brief contribution that's still somewhat fresh in my memory. It was about a month ago. It kind of proves that adult beverages, a female coworker and a bicycle are always (or never) a good combination.

The evening started off innocently enough with a little after work happy hour send-off for a coworker of six years or so. 3 chocolate cake shots and many beers later the conversation with a few remaining male coworkers and the woman who was leaving turned to the quality of her boob job including things like "you can touch them to see how natural they feel." After some serious discussion and investigation, I found myself alone with the woman when the last remaining male coworker was in the restroom. We are both drunk and she says "I want to kiss you". She is 10 years older and I have worked with her for the last six years so obviously in my drunken state I think yeah that's a great idea. After a little getting silly in the bar we decide to leave together. As we are heading back to her car we run into her fully tattooed, chopper building brother. This freaked me out a bit but he takes off on his bike and we move on. After an extended goodbye at her car and me kind of coming to my senses a bit to go home alone, I head back to the office to get my bike to head home. Then I set out on an extremely curvy 3 1/2 mile bike ride home where I cut a corner a little short at the end of my block and end up forehead first on the street. Apparently I forgot to latch the strap on my helmet because when I hit the ground it came off. The hitting the ground sort of woke me up and I remember laying on the ground feeling around for my helmet. At this point I could not help but laugh out loud. The next day (and last awkward day at work with the female coworker) with a little road rash on my forehead, a friend at work that was there at the end of the night before, asked me if I noticed how long he went to the restroom. Apparently he came out of the restroom, saw something that made his jaw drop and the waited for a break in the action until he could stop by and say he was leaving. Again all I could do was laugh. No more chocolate cake shots.
 

sudsmonkey

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Moun10 said:
OK here's my not-so-brief contribution that's still somewhat fresh in my memory. It was about a month ago. It kind of proves that adult beverages, a female coworker and a bicycle are always (or never) a good combination.

The evening started off innocently enough with a little after work happy hour send-off for a coworker of six years or so. 3 chocolate cake shots and many beers later the conversation with a few remaining male coworkers and the woman who was leaving turned to the quality of her boob job including things like "you can touch them to see how natural they feel." After some serious discussion and investigation, I found myself alone with the woman when the last remaining male coworker was in the restroom. We are both drunk and she says "I want to kiss you". She is 10 years older and I have worked with her for the last six years so obviously in my drunken state I think yeah that's a great idea. After a little getting silly in the bar we decide to leave together. As we are heading back to her car we run into her fully tattooed, chopper building brother. This freaked me out a bit but he takes off on his bike and we move on. After an extended goodbye at her car and me kind of coming to my senses a bit to go home alone, I head back to the office to get my bike to head home. Then I set out on an extremely curvy 3 1/2 mile bike ride home where I cut a corner a little short at the end of my block and end up forehead first on the street. Apparently I forgot to latch the strap on my helmet because when I hit the ground it came off. The hitting the ground sort of woke me up and I remember laying on the ground feeling around for my helmet. At this point I could not help but laugh out loud. The next day (and last awkward day at work with the female coworker) with a little road rash on my forehead, a friend at work that was there at the end of the night before, asked me if I noticed how long he went to the restroom. Apparently he came out of the restroom, saw something that made his jaw drop and the waited for a break in the action until he could stop by and say he was leaving. Again all I could do was laugh. No more chocolate cake shots.
That starts off all " Dear Penthouse letters" and ends up like Mad magazine. F.ed up!
 

Gabe

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I was wasted on SN and tried to jump over a huge bon fire.... didn't make it and went to the hospital with 2nd degree burns. NO FUN. Very Funken Stoopid.
 

jpsloan

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Two Halloweens ago, I was pouring shots for the Halloween party. And yeah, I adopted the policy of doing a shot for every shot I handed out. Bad idea.

Within a half-hour, I had managed to mix Everclear and Butterscotch schnapps into what I thought was a fancy shotglass. My wife points at it and says:

"Sweetie... that's a candleholder."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not. It's just a fancy shot glass."

"No, sweetie, it's a candleholder."

"No way! It's a shot glass. What's this stuff on the side?"

"It's wax, dear."

Yeah, I took the shot anyway. Couldn't breath for about a minute, ran outside, and went spleen-first into the lawn. I kind of don't remember the rest of the party.:rockin:
 

dibby33

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RE the bloke chucking in the glass and then drinking:::

I think I recognise the pub !

May be in Motherwell, Scotland
 

McCall St. Brewer

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I once got drunk in a bar on Kamikaze shots (I must have had about 20 of them). At some point in the evening I was sitting at the bar with my friends and I was getting a bit bored I guess, so I sank a shot glass in a half-empty glass of beer that I assumed someone had abandoned. Well, this nice Mexican-American gentleman came along and decided to make a big stink about it, claiming it was his beer. At this point I discovered that I was now too impaired to speak. One of my friends came to my aid, though, and launched into a protracted apology on my behalf, offered to buy the gentleman and his other Mexican-American friends more beers, and on and on and on....

Since I could not participate in the conversation due to my condition, I soon lost interest in it and decided to go and use the facilities (which just happened to be right next to the exit from the bar). While I was in the WC I decided I was ready to call it a night (by then I didn't feel so good any more). Since I was right at the front door I simply left and went home without telling anyone I was leaving.

The next day I found out that the aggrieved gentlemen had not been satisfied with my friend's apologies and offers to replace their 75-cent glass of beer (this was back in 1982), and went outside in the alley to wait for me so they could kick my *ss when I came out. Little did they know, but I had already left and gone home!

OK, now to the really dumb part. I got home and crashed, but felt really bad. So, what would any intelligent person do under the circumstances? Why, I went to my girlfriend's house, of course! I spent quite a long time there worshipping the porcelain god and then passed out on her bed until morning. Apparently I crashed flat on my back right in the middle of the bed so that she had nowhere to sleep.

Unbeknownst to me (until I opened my big mouth in the morning) she did not know that I was drunk. She had apparently felt sorry for me during the night because she thought I was simply sick with the flu or something. When she found out the truth I was pretty much way back in the doghouse for awhile after that!
 
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Well then, you all just blew every stupid thing that I've done completely out of the water. Awesome!!! I think the worst that I've done involved smokin' some green, eating some LSD, and drinking some Jim Beam. Apparently I got up in the middle of the night and took a whiz in my buddy's parents' kitchen sink. Thankfully the 'rents were gone for the weekend. The funny part was that one of my friends woke up, and walked by me while I was doing the deed. He patted me on the shoulder and went and took a whiz in the bathroom.
 

McCall St. Brewer

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How about this-- not me but a colleague at work: a group of us were sitting around swapping stories about stupid things we had done while drunk when Rick (not his real name) pipes in and says "Hey, here's one. Did you ever drink so fast that when you puked it was still cold coming back up?" All of us looked at him in disbelief and said "Umm. Well, no, actually."

Has that happened to any of you?
 

Sir Humpsalot

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Nope. Never happened to me... but then, I never did the whole "slam the beer" thing. My technique was always to get there early and have a sippin' beer on hand. Wait for other people to show up and get a little bit liquored up, then keep drinking, just a little slower than them... and 4 hours later, when they're falling off the floor and crashing through windows, I'm still sipping away with a nice steady buzz.


Anyway, there's one dumbass thing that I do. In fact, I did it again last night. :(

I went to Three Floyds. I'd heard so much about that place that I wanted to check it out and it's pretty local to me. So I go in, have a few beers, meet some very cool people, and then they close down on me and I go home feeling fine.

I get home, I'm talking to my girlfriend... and then I get the urge for a cigarette. But I'm trying to quit and I'm doing really well... I haven't had a smoke now for a little over a month. I'm using Commit Lozenges, so I pop one in my mouth. I'm at a point where intoxication is the best time for me to have a lozenge. If I have one sober, I really don't feel it or notice it- it doesn't do much for me, but after a few beers it gives me a nice mellow little buzz. It also gives me hiccups and sort of upsets your stomach. But hey, I'm trying to quit smoking, it ain't supposed to be like candy! And the lozenges really only get to me when I've had a bit to drink.

So I'm sitting on the phone, talking to my gf, sucking on a lozenge, feeling good. And then the lozenge "kicks in". I start hiccupping, and the next thing you know, I'm running to the bathroom and projectile vomitting.


I hadn't puked in 3 years. Not since the last time I quit smoking. And the same thing happened only that time, I was in my friends van. I'd had one beer and was just starting on the lozenges. Same thing. I opened the side door of the van and projectile vommited at a stoplight. Let me tell you, I felt REAL sorry for the car sitting at the stoplight on our right! I bet most have people have never survived a driveby puking before.

And it happened one other time last time I quit- my favorite bar, two beers, straight to the bathroom. I learned quickly that you do NOT drink simultaenously with the lozenge, but 9 times out of 10 the lozenges are fine after drinking, but every once in awhile, it just gets to me...


Pretty embarassing, really, for a guy in his later 20's to have 2 or 3 beers and then start puking all over himself. :cross: But the good thing is, I'm not so drunk that I can't control myself... so I've never missed or caused a mess during the Commit-induced puking. But it's still awfully gross. I can't wait till I've completely quit smoking again!
 

the_bird

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Speaking of projectile vomiting...

I very, VERY rarely get soused. VERY rarely. Two nights before my wedding, though, my future brother-in-law (who has registered here but not yet posted) decided to get me good and drunk. REAL good and drunk.

So, had a great time, shot a lot of pool, just good to kick back and not have to worry about driving or anything (SWMBO was driving us).

Next morning, I'm not feeling so well. We're staying at SWMBO's mom's house, only one bathroom. SWMBO's in there taking a shower, door's locked.

I need to puke. BAD.

The only other place to "go" was the kitchen sink, which is fine, except that the future mother-in-law is in there. Praying. Got the rosary beads out. She's quite Catholic, you know? She's a member of some Dominican order, she's practically a nun. And I'm throwing up in the kitchen sink, four feet away from her as she prays over her bowl of Honey Nut Cheeri-os.

Good thing she likes me, and that she blamed her son for my condition!
 

Fiery Sword

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mmditter said:
Did you ever drink so fast that when you puked it was still cold coming back up?".....Has that happened to any of you?
To set the scene, picture first-year-of-college morons gathered on the back porch of a house with 3 30-packs of beer-water and a funnel with a long tube and valve at the end. the overall "system" capacity was 3 12 oz. cans of beer. I was the brave (stupid) soul who was convinced he could handle a 3-beer injection. Keep in mind, 80% of the liquid would be in your stomach within about 3-4 seconds due to gravity.

Well, it all went down. I remember actually being able to feel the cold ball of liquid sloshing around in my innards for about 20-30 seconds.....then I think the internal pressure just got waaAAAAY too much and it all had to go somewhere. Yes, it was still very cold. And yes, it went a long way. I've never been under a funnel since, and to tell you the truth probably in the 8 years since haven't drank as much BMC in total as I did in that one night. Ahhhh to be young and stupid.....
 

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1971 was in the army at Schofield Barracks Hi. Went to see Love Story at the on post theatre after drinking lots of beer. Before the show started I went to relieve myself. Got the wrong door I guess.All that tile confused me. Wasn't until I recognized the round hole in the glass that the ticket booth wasn't a urinal. Oh Well! I'll never forget the look on that guys face!
 

Hopfan

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How did I miss this one??? This has to be the most hilarious post on this site, definitely one for the ages.

When I was in college, we had a keg party to celebrate a snowstorm. My roommate gets good & drunk and starts to tell us about a date with the local that everyone of us wanted to get with. When he gets to the part about getting head in his car, we're all making plans to find this girl the next day. He tells us that after he "finishes" she leans up to kiss him and spits it in his mouth. Needless to say, our plans with this girl go flying right out the window. He told us he sat there for a while wondering whether to spit or swallow and does that make him gay? The next day, I bought him a butt load of twinkies so he could enjoy the creamy filling.

As for me, I was in England for my first stint as an engineer for a UK firm. I was there for 4 months and had made some terrific friends including some very generous barmen. My last night there, they took me out for a meal and a pubcrawl. I had left my car at the pub next to the hotel and we went out and got basted. We ended the night back at the original pub and the landlord let us stay after hours for a private party. Well, don't remember leaving, or much of anything else, but I woke to a very rude knock the next day to ensure I made my afternoon flight. There was a woman in the bed with me, to this day, I still have no idea who she was but I do know that when I left, she was still breathing, so feeling confident that I was just leaving a very unconscious woman there, I grabbed my bags and headed for the parking lot, only to find a crowd of people standing around my car and laughing. Apparently, I had decided to drive to the hotel (remember, the hotel was right next door to the pub we were at) Not sure of the route, but it seemed to have taken me through a corn field, a wheat field, several types of bush and tall grass and at least one width restrictor because pieces of all the aforementioned were hanging off the car in some fashion. It took me quite a while to pay that one off and to this day, I will never get drunk enough that I might be in a position to think it's OK to drive.

There was another time that involved much beer, my neighbors hot tub, the neighbors wife, my wife and a camera, but that one belongs in the Secret Forum.:D
 

fifelee

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I was going to talk about drunken sledding behind pickup trucks, but after reading about Hopfan’s roommate, I have to go toss some cookies.
 

the_bird

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Hopfan said:
When I was in college, we had a keg party to celebrate a snowstorm. My roommate gets good & drunk and starts to tell us about a date with the local that everyone of us wanted to get with. When he gets to the part about getting head in his car, we're all making plans to find this girl the next day. He tells us that after he "finishes" she leans up to kiss him and spits it in his mouth. Needless to say, our plans with this girl go flying right out the window. He told us he sat there for a while wondering whether to spit or swallow and does that make him gay? The next day, I bought him a butt load of twinkies so he could enjoy the creamy filling.
Methinks he may have not provided sufficient "warning" to the lady in question, and she decided that what cums around, goes around, so to speak... :D

EDIT: And why am I suspicious that this really happened to your "friend"?....
 

Chairman Cheyco

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Lord Sterrock Hammerson 8 said:
Drunk when i found this website and decided to register under "Lord Sterrock Hammerson 8"

Do i really need to say anything else? :cross:

LOL! I bet that's fun to type in when you're on a different computer! What's your password: of Ulm?
 
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Lord Sterrock Hammerson 8 said:
Drunk when i found this website and decided to register under "Lord Sterrock Hammerson 8"

Do i really need to say anything else? :cross:
Twas a foul blow to Archibald Newton Sterrock Hammerson, the eighth male heir sired by Archduke Baltus and Regina Sterrock Hammerson.
 

Beerhead

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Ok I got one for you guys

So one night, I'm over at a friends house, at a party drinkin away, having a good time, the usual. So anyways, the party starts to wind down a little, and I am at a very good place right now (an its not just from beer :D ). So I decide its about time to find myself a place to crash so I go upstairs and grab a couch spot, and lie down and watch some T.V.

About 20 minutes later, some ******* comes up to me, can tell I'm f$cked up and starts asking me to give him my weed. I mumble at him no, and tell him to leave me alone. The kid wont let up though, and keeps buggin me and buggin me. So I sit up and tell the kid to get out of my face. The kid then walks over and is about to force me to give him my sh*t when I start feeling that beer-a-wigglin in my stomach.

Right when the kid is about to reach down to me I projectile vomit all over him, his clothes, his shoes, everything. I even think I got some splatter in his mouth. This kid could have bathed in what I gave him. The best part was that the kid then goes running outside ripping off his clothes in 20 degree weathter puking all over the lawn.

Needless to say that guy did not come back for seconds :cross:
 

dibby33

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Biermann said:
Ever call a woman by the wrong name after drinking heavily??

That occurred tonight for me. :D :drunk:
Not that I am aware of, but I do get mixed up where and what I have done with wife as opposed to with previous girlfriends - that can cause a bit of an issue!!! "Remember when...." "No, that was not me". SLAP
 

dibby33

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Yuri_Rage said:
I'm guessing, "Well, do you want to..." Isn't an appropriate answer...
I normally would give it a shot, but never ever works. I have used this in reverse if I did not want to go somewhere though - just pretended that I had been there before in my "past life" ;)
 
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Biermann

Biermann

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yeah. . .

well, I'm under the influence as we speak, and I carried on a conversation with the babysitter, calling her the wrong first name "Jen" instead of "Jess."

Damn do I feel drunk and stupid. :cross:
 

Bernie Brewer

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Ok I've got one, 'cept I didn't do it. I only had to be awake all night because of it.

We were on the last leg of our vacation last summer, in the last night of two weeks worth of hotel rooms. Around 2 AM or so the goomer across the hall from us came back lit up like a Christmas tree and decided to sit in the hot tub in his room. While the hot tub is filling, he takes a shower. And passes out. Hot tub overflows, floods his room, the room beneath him, and the hallway. Motel staff go in his room, find him in the shower, and wake him up. When he refuses to pay for the damages, they call the cops. Cops arrive, arrest the now VERY belligerent drunk and haul him away. The hotel staff spent the balance of the night in the hallway with a Shop-vac sucking up all the water. So we didn't sleep much that night. And we never got any kind of reimbursement for the room, either.:mad:
 

dibby33

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Biermann said:
*LOL*

Indeed.

:cross: :drunk:

and to make matters worse, I totally have to work at 0700.
:D In Tasmania it is only 14:45. Just pretend you are over here.

Reading you lot getting a few beers down the throat sure does make me thirsty.
:mug:
 
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