my job = not good

[JoshuaWhite5522]

so if you do not know me, I am in the army. I have pretty much accepted that this is the one field that I will do welll for myself in. After 6 years I am now an E-6. My wife is now telling me, after my second year+ deployment that she doesn't want to deal with what it takes to be a military wife. She says she would rather do without all the additional luxuries (not that there is many of them),and inconvieneces than see me re-enlist. I'm almost 30 without a degree of any kind, i have a wife and daughter that i love with all my heart. I grew up having to do without many things. I do not want to ever tell them that they cannot have something. I do not think that I am all that marketable in the civillian market. I like my job, but don't like the hardship on my family. If I was the only one to make the call I would just stick it out for the next 14 years until retirement, but I'm not. Maybe I've just had too many homebrews tonight and SWMBO picked the wrong evening to bring this up. What does eveyone else think?

 

[Mermaid]

Well...

I can say that I think it takes a certain type of personality to be an Army wife. It's hard to be away from your mate for long stretches of time. Some women can weather through it and others find it unbearable. At least she's being honest with you at this point - it may have been bothering her for a while and she finally got up the guts to tell you.

The only other Army couple I have known met while they were both active duty. She was a nurse and he had some job associated with health care administration.

He's still "in" and she is not and last I heard they were together as a family in Germany.

It's a tough road. It's a decision that you guys are going to have to work through. I do think it's a bad time to be re-thinking your career, but if there's some way you could finagle getting out of the Army and getting into school - even if it's trade school - and ride it out until the economy improves that might be one option. Is there any way you can take time away from active duty to go to school and then go back in?

Good luck.

 

[Justinieon]

Personal Opinion.... Go to school, get a degree. (You Military folks can do it for pretty much nothing right?) Get a job back here (Although WAY Easier Said than done, I know.....) and be with your ladies.

Change is sometimes good.

 

[arturo7]

What do you do for the Army? Would someone pay you to do it as a civilian?

 

[Fusorfodder]

Have you taken a look at http://www.fedshirevets.gov/ yet? Your service can get you preference for government jobs. Also, if you have a clearance, that's a great way to get into a job in the private sector. Companies will frequently take under-trained people with clearances, and then get them up to speed on their dime. Essentially they are trying to fill government contracts on the spot since the clearance process can have a months to year(s) backlog.

Good luck, and thanks for serving!

 

[sacrifice]

Personal Opinion.... Go to school, get a degree. (You Military folks can do it for pretty much nothing right?) Get a job back here
Change is sometimes good.

Have to agree with this statement. I got out with just a few days short of 10 years. I had a wife and two kids and was worried about what I would do if I got out. It took some time adjusting because I really liked the Army, but all it all worked out well.

 

[phrogpilot73]

I enlisted at 17 years old (both parents signature required!), in boot camp by 18... Spent 2 1/2 years enlisted before I entered the Naval Academy. Graduated, was commissioned, and became a helicopter pilot in the Marine Corps. Hit all the right wickets to have a very promising career. Then I met my wife. My priorities changed.

My wife is Active Duty Navy, and we couldn't co-locate (at least we couldn't if I was still going to fly). So what did I do? I got out. My wife stayed in. The transition was tough. The Marine Corps was all I'd ever known, and really all I ever wanted.

Was it worth it? YES! I'm a reservist now, and still get to fly helicopters. I'm also a USMC Civil Servant. And my wife encourages me to get a federal/state brewer's license.

The Army will survive without you there; as a matter of fact - the Army will be there for you for 20-30 years. How long will your family be there? Your whole life. If you need an Army "Fix" join the Reserves, or be a civil servant. But whatever decision you make, realize that family should always be first.

Also, you'd be surprised the jobs you are eligible for as veteran...

 

[TMet]

Get a degree man, use the post 9-11 GI Bill. I spent 6 years in the Marines, went on to be a contractor, and now travel all the time in private sector security. I'm getting out of it all even though money is great. My wife does mind me being gone, but sticks by me 100%. It's only a matter of time though before it starts wearing on you too. During my second deployment I was ready to make the military a career but one day I was talking to my Gunny about it and he told me to look around at the people his age. They all looked way older than they actually were. Most were on their second or third wife, or had giving up on getting married. Basically, make a decision, obviously your wife doesn't want you in. I'll tell you now civilian life is much harder, but may come down to the military or her. Hopefully it doesn't, but it IS a possibility. I'm sure you've seen it many times as have I. I love my job but I can't stand being away from home anymore. Maybe you have more fortitude than I have for it. But we're the same age and I'm going through the same thing, just kinda backwards I guess.

Edit: I just read the post before mine. Reserves could be an option too. It's a little extra cash and you could still work toward your retirement. Although it will take a bit longer to get your points. Definitely keep it as an option if you want to keep the pickle suit and your family if it comes to that. Again, I hope it doesn't ever come to having to make an absolute choice.

 

[Denny330]

I agree on getting the F out. I did 9 years in the navy and GTFO day is still my best day. What do you do for the army now? If it is halfway marketable, you will find somewhere to land and the family will be better for it. Does your Army job have a union equavalent? If so, drop by the local union shop and ask about the market prospects. Getting a degree will help too. Look at Thomas Edison St College out of jersey. Good online programs and they are flexible enough for work and family time to be planned around them (plus they accept military school credit). It is kind of a crackerjack degree (I have one, no whiners if you have one too), but the checkmark of batchelors degree can be checked on any application or resume.

How long do you have until your enlistment is up?

 

[homebeerbrewer]

First of all, thanks for doing what you do. Second, my son will be going into the USAF soon, he's waiting on his clearance. (Sorry, the second part is just me being a proud Dad. )

I know that this has been asked already, but what do you currently do for the Army? Next, what education have you had, either before, or during your time in the Army?
And finally, what opportunities does the Army give you for further education?
The answers to all three of those questions will give you an idea of what opportunities are available to you in the civilian world. You could take your current job and education and expand on it. Or, if the Army provides education assistance, you could go to school for a whole new field.

Good luck in whichever direction you choose to go.

 

[hoppymonkey]

+1 on the family. I'm not in the military, but I don't have much of a life with my current carreer either.( LONG hours, random bouts out of town, weekend work, etc etc) I'm tired of coming home to a tired wife and a sleeping daughter and not seeing either one of them awake in the morning. I feel where you are coming from about growing up with nothing, but I am just now convinced that is not worth it.( I'm 30 as well and never listened to anyone about the way I work until recently) I wish you luck on finding that equilibrium as I search for my own.

 

[Pappers_]

No words of advice, Josh, just of support. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[jmendez29]

My wife is now telling me, after my second year+ deployment that she doesn't want to deal with what it takes to be a military wife. She says she would rather do without all the additional luxuries (not that there is many of them),and inconvieneces than see me re-enlist. I'm almost 30 without a degree of any kind, i have a wife and daughter that i love with all my heart. I grew up having to do without many things. I do not want to ever tell them that they cannot have something.

There's your answer right there.

First, your wife came out and told you that she doesn't want to deal with it. She could have just left you, but she didn't. She's a good woman, stick with her.

Second, you have two ladies at home who love you very much. Who can you say that about in the Army. There's good people there, and great friends. They may love you as a brother, but it's not the same.

Third, you say you don't want to ever tell them that they cannot have something. Simply having a husband and a daddy at home every day is quite an accomplishment. It may not seem like much but it is. I used to be in the Navy, and my family life improved when I got out. I used to work rotating shift work at my current job, but now I'm M-F 9-5 and my family life improved. In both cases, I took a temporary pay cut, but no amount of money can replace what I now have.

Get out. Seriously. It really sounds like you are a dedicated man to a great family. Take care of them. It will be difficult, it will be kinda scary. But hell, you were in combat zones. You can handle civilians WITHOUT guns. Besides, if you're only 6 years in at E-6, you shouldn't have too much difficulty finding some kind of work. Seems obvious to me that you're intelligent enough to make things work no matter what happens.

 

[GregR]

I do not want to ever tell them that they cannot have something..

being in the military, you're basically telling your wife that she can't have her husband for 6 months to over a year at times. and you're telling your daughter that she can't have her daddy for the same time. you're more important to them than what you can give them.

that being said, the Job market sucks and not having a degree is a draw back. are you due for non deployable orders soon? if you're going to be stateside for a few years stay in and take night classes at a community college for free with tuition assistance. once you're ready to transfer to university get out and use the post 9-11 bill. you'll have your degree about 2 years after you get out and will have a guaranteed paycheck during that time (although it will be a huge pay cut. trust me, I got out as an E5 with 4.5 years)

as has been said before, it sounds like you have a great wife who is willing to stick by you. so stick by her too. I know you've personally seen and heard numerous stories about servicemen getting letters on deployment from their soon to be ex's or they come home to a trashed and empty house, their brand new car gone and their wife takes the baby and runs off to Oklahoma and sends a text message saying she wants a divorce.

or at the very least, keep your options open and send out some resumes. you never know who might hire you..

 

[Cheeto]

so if you do not know me, I am in the army. I have pretty much accepted that this is the one field that I will do welll for myself in. After 6 years I am now an E-6. My wife is now telling me, after my second year+ deployment that she doesn't want to deal with what it takes to be a military wife. She says she would rather do without all the additional luxuries (not that there is many of them),and inconvieneces than see me re-enlist. I'm almost 30 without a degree of any kind, i have a wife and daughter that i love with all my heart. I grew up having to do without many things. I do not want to ever tell them that they cannot have something. I do not think that I am all that marketable in the civillian market. I like my job, but don't like the hardship on my family. If I was the only one to make the call I would just stick it out for the next 14 years until retirement, but I'm not. Maybe I've just had too many homebrews tonight and SWMBO picked the wrong evening to bring this up. What does eveyone else think?

JoshuaWhite5522,

As I read your post it reminds me of what I went through, but my wife at that time didn't stick around. She didn't understand the pride and sense of purpose that I felt while wearing the uniform.
In the interest of my family I walked away from my Active Career, but I signed up with the National Guard here in WA. Yes I did get a divorce. ( I am not trying to tell you that is was the right answer but it worked for me) I enjoy the time I have spent in the National Guard, to include the two deployments (Iraq 2003-2005, Iraq 2008-2009). I found a Civilian Career that mirrors my MOS and it happens to be a Federal position. There are dozens of them available here in the state of WA.

If you love your family by all means do what is right for them, but there are several compromises that you can make if you enjoy serving your country.

I now have a supportive wife 3 kids a wonderful home and I couldn't be happier!

If you have questions PLEASE feel free to PM me.

 

[dwarven_stout]

First, your wife came out and told you that she doesn't want to deal with it. She could have just left you, but she didn't. She's a good woman, stick with her.

Second, you have two ladies at home who love you very much. Who can you say that about in the Army. There's good people there, and great friends. They may love you as a brother, but it's not the same.

Third, you say you don't want to ever tell them that they cannot have something. Simply having a husband and a daddy at home every day is quite an accomplishment.

This.

I'm just about to ETS. I chose not to extend my USAR contract for another deployment. That was one of if not the hardest decisions I have ever made, but I'm convinced it was the right one. I'll finish my degree at 27, be able to see my wife almost every day, and I'll always have Ramadi in 2006 to remember if I decide civilian life is too dull.

 

[Airborneguy]

If you don't have a problem with moving someplace new, apply for a bunch of law enforcement jobs. You should be able to get one of them. That's what I did Although I only had one in mind and it was a much better time to get hired 9 years ago, so I didn't need to shop around. You might need to shop around now, but the jobs are out there.

The military is no way of life for a family. Especially not nowadays. Good luck whatever you do. Choose family first, they are all you really have in the long run.

 

[JimBell]

We appreciate your service.

Make your decision based upon what is best for yourself and your family. You haven't shared your MOS, but more likely than not there is a civilian version of it available. You don't want to tell your family that they can't have something, then you deny them their father?

 

[Airborneguy]

He's in the infantry. I remember seeing it once before.

 

[PDawg]

I have been in for 18 yrs, this is my 9th one year deployment. The military is a straight family killer these days I see it all the time. I have a wife who is totally commited to my career but if I had to do it again I would not. The sacrifice you have given to America is far more than most people will ever give. If you decide to walk away, do it with your head held high and your ladys by your side. Thank you from the bottom of my familys heart for what you have done.....Dave

 

[JoshuaWhite5522]

Sorry I posted and then didn't stick around to involve myself in the conversation. As Airbourne said I'm infantry, so that dosen't transfer into much other than law enforcement, or security jobs. Should have been smart and went the lab tech route or something. I am working on the degree and have about 75 credit hours from a few seperate schools. I have been working on finishing up a BA so that I could become a comissioned officer. It's a move that you increase the qualiy of life for the three of us, but would problably end up keeping me away even more. It is definitely a rock and a hard place trying to decide how to best provide for the family.

 

[bob1852]

usajobs.com you will find something.

 

[rawlus]

thank you for your service.

 

[dougf]

Its almost opposite for me. My wife wants me to stay in, I want to get out.

In the end do whats right for you and your career, otherwise you will regret going against your heart. She isn't the one who has to deal with all the bull, she gets to stay home and be with her daughter, so don't let her steer you in the wrong direction.

 

[jmendez29]

Sorry I posted and then didn't stick around to involve myself in the conversation. As Airbourne said I'm infantry, so that dosen't transfer into much other than law enforcement, or security jobs. Should have been smart and went the lab tech route or something. I am working on the degree and have about 75 credit hours from a few seperate schools. I have been working on finishing up a BA so that I could become a comissioned officer. It's a move that you increase the qualiy of life for the three of us, but would problably end up keeping me away even more. It is definitely a rock and a hard place trying to decide how to best provide for the family.

You have a lot of good information here so far. As said before, with multiple deployments under your belt, you have given more of yourself to America than most people will ever realize, and that is more than enough.

If you already have that much college completed, then you are in a better position than you realize. If you can find a position that you won't be near combat, then get that and finish your degree. It won't guarantee you a job, but it will help. And it would also help you acclimate yourself to "civilian life". At my last job, we got a guy who claimed to be a former Army Ranger. I kinda doubted it, but I couldn't prove one way or another, but thats a different story. Over about two years, he went from a forklift driver, to a machine operator, to floor supervisor. He was kind of a tool when it came to dealing with people, but the point is that it's possible to go from some kind of infantry position to an "everyday" job. There are employers out there who realize that you may not have experience in whatever field it is, but that you are highly trainable. And in some companies, that's worth more than experience.

So keep your head up and be proud of what you have already done for us and your country. Remember your friends and support them from a distance. But most importantly, get out while you still have that choice. If you're open to moving anywhere, then you will have NO problems finding work. Maybe even something equally rewarding as what you are doing now. But keep your promise to your young family. They need you more than your country. And if you still have that "itch", join the reserves. Assuming the wife complies with that decision.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Your wife wants her husband, your daughter wants her daddy, you don't ever want to tell them they can't have something... Seems obvious to me. Use those benefits to the max, get the degree, keep your wife & daughter (and yourself) happy just by being there for/with them. BTW, 11B experience does come in handy in the world of forestry, firefighting, survey, oil exploration, guide services (hunting/fishing), postal service, police, EMT, corporate security, etc... Don't sell yourself short, you might be surprised at what your experience has prepared you for. No matter what you ultimately decide, I wish you the best of luck. Thank you for your service to our country. Regards, GF.

 

[JoshuaWhite5522]

Thanks everyone for all the support and advice. I may be looking at the glass a little half empty. There is definitly a comfort zone associated with where I am now. I still have to ride out these two years. So we will see what happens. I will continue to work towards a degree, and figure out exactly what it is going to be. Nice thing about the army is that they don't care what your degree is if you want to be an officer.