My drunken Sunday thought for the day

CornyKegs 728
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If any state of matter besides gas exits, you have officially **** yourself. If plasma exits, call a physicist.
 
I'm not innocent by any means, but man, you couldn't drag my stories out of me with a medium rare porterhouse and a six-pack of IPA.
 
Laughing_Gnome said:
How many lumps does a fart contain until I have officially **** myself?
Click to expand...

I don't know the official ruling, but I once missed a softball game due to a fart that crossed the line. If only it had been lumps I might have been able to salvage the situation and make the game. As it happened though, there was little to be done except formulate some sort of plausible excuse as to why I was halfway from the car to the diamond and then turned around and didn't return. :eek:
 
If you hold a fart in it will travel up the spine to your brain thus explaining where sh1tty ideas come from!:drunk:
 
I work in construction. The only place to ever drop a duece is the dirty outhouses on site.
One time a couple years ago I barely made it. I got there just in time. But I was in such a hurry I forgot to check and see if there was any TP. When I got done I saw there was nothing, not even the cardboard tube left. I waddled out and checked the next outhouse over....no TP. I did this until I checked every sh1tter there. No farkin TP!!!

Well, I went in wearing a long sleeved t-shirt. I came out with a muscle shirt.

Now I carry an extra roll in my tool box.
 
VatorMan said:
Similar story except I free balled for the rest of the day.
Click to expand...


Oh man I can't do that! I went commando once or twice before when I didn't have any clean chonies...must have been laundry day.

I came home with the worse case of Swamp Ass (adult diaper rash) ever.
 
talleymonster said:
I work in construction. The only place to ever drop a duece is the dirty outhouses on site.
One time a couple years ago I barely made it. I got there just in time. But I was in such a hurry I forgot to check and see if there was any TP. When I got done I saw there was nothing, not even the cardboard tube left. I waddled out and checked the next outhouse over....no TP. I did this until I checked every sh1tter there. No farkin TP!!!

Well, I went in wearing a long sleeved t-shirt. I came out with a muscle shirt.

Now I carry an extra roll in my tool box.
Click to expand...


I used to work with a guy that did that not once, but twice. The first time he used his socks. The second time he used his sleeves, like you. wonder what he'll do next time????
 
OMG- I no longer want to see ANY of you naked. I have way too much information here to still consider you all hot.

Still, in order for me to be proved wrong, please post nude photos at: theseguysmighttillbehottome.com. Thank you.

:D
 
If it looks like this, you have $hit yourself.


mod edit (Yooper): nope. not that picture.

For the record, it wasn't a porn pic. It was a pic of a runner in a marathon who had an "accident". I thought that in the NSFW drunken ramblings forum, in a thread about $hitting yourself, the pic wasn't over the top.
 
stevea1210 said:
If it looks like this, you have $hit yourself.


mod edit (Yooper): nope. not that picture.

For the record, it wasn't a porn pic. It was a pic of a runner in a marathon who had an "accident". I thought that in the NSFW drunken ramblings forum, in a thread about $hitting yourself, the pic wasn't over the top.
Click to expand...

We've had that picture around before, and while not pornographic, we have a "no ****" rule in the pictures. From the description, though, I think they've got the gist of it! ;)
 
Laughing_Gnome said:
I've seen it before too. I thought it was HAWT! :D
Click to expand...

Oh, and BTW, Gnome- the answer to your question is 1! One lump and it's offical that you've crapped yourself. We have very strigent rules about such things. We women would NEVER, ever, have lumps. As a matter of fact, we don't even fart. It's our body chemistry. :mug:
 
YooperBrew said:
Oh, and BTW, Gnome- the answer to your question is 1! One lump and it's offical that you've crapped yourself. We have very strigent rules about such things. We women would NEVER, ever, have lumps. As a matter of fact, we don't even fart. It's our body chemistry. :mug:
Click to expand...


Nice try, but completely false, as this accurate documentary footage clearly shows :)

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzJron2bScU]YouTube - sarah palin farts[/ame]
 
theseguysmighttillbehottome.com doesn't resolve. Pity, because I have all these pictures ready to go :(
 
wow.... this thread is really messed up!

Now for my contribution... A buddy of mine borrowed my tent and sleeping bag for a camping trip a while back. He drank some stream water and got real sick... he told me that he gambled with a fart and lost one morning. He told me that a few minutes after giving me my sleeping bag back...

I don't know what to do with the sleeping bag... I haven't dared open it to see if there are "lumps." Do I wash it? Or do I burn it and accept my loss?
 
Doog_Si_Reeb said:
wow.... this thread is really messed up!

Now for my contribution... A buddy of mine borrowed my tent and sleeping bag for a camping trip a while back. He drank some stream water and got real sick... he told me that he gambled with a fart and lost one morning. He told me that a few minutes after giving me my sleeping bag back...

I don't know what to do with the sleeping bag... I haven't dared open it to see if there are "lumps." Do I wash it? Or do I burn it and accept my loss?
Click to expand...

Roll it up and smoke it? That sounds like some good ****! :)
 
The best pants pooping story that I ever read was "I **** my pants in the South of France" by John Ames.


I have Googled for the original New York Press article but I can find it !!!
 

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