I Think I'd Make an Excellent Advice Columnist- Another Rant

[boydster]

Dear Creamy,

I've been having these dreams lately and in them, I am reliving a moment in my past. The thing is, the dreams started out like watching an old video tape; I was just observing. Now, I'm starting to feel like an active participant. Almost like, if I wanted to, I could change the past.

Example: Last night, I had a dream about this time when I was a kid and my dog was hit by a car in broad daylight (it was an accident, but very sad). Only this time, instead of a car, it was a falling branch. And instead of my dog, it was my current neighbor's car. And it took place at night this time. And it was intentional, not an accident... Someone cut the branch down, I felt like I was seeing it happen in first person, laughing maniacally. When I woke up this morning, it was like my dream changed everything. My feet were dirty, my arms were sore, and my neighbor was pounding on my door with a police officer standing next to him looking very angry. And his car... get this... had a branch fall on it overnight!

TL;DR - What is the best shampoo for controlling my dandruff?

Sincerely,
Snowy in Summer

 

[the_bird]

Dear Mr. Creamy.

For the last 18 hours i have been stalked by some dude with a tiny erection. How do i make him go away? I've tried wearing yoga pants, because no guy wants to see a man in yoga pants, right?.......He still won't go away though!!!

Well, it was only partly the yoga pants; it was also the wig, makeup, and falsies.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Well, it was only partly the yoga pants; it was also the wig, makeup, and falsies.

I don't wear a wig (Allegedly)

Just admit it, Birdie, you are hot for my ass!