A Bit Lost....

[Broken Crow]

My local classical/jazz radio station just played Wendy Carlos (of course, a selection from the marvelous "Switched On Bach"....which I've had the Quadrophonic LP [and I have have the playback gear for it laying around somewhere] since the seventies when I could first go out and purchase albums with money I'd earned and paid income-tax on. Every time I hear it I listen to the components that produce it, and am especially fond of a ladder-filter that Bob Moog made.... Because of my brain-damage and memory/cognition deficits, I can't even give it its proper name despite having made three versions of it myself: The first, being the 'linear-signal nazi' that I am, using highly linear carbon-film resistors which while it may have fit the subjective description of "Phat" was too sterile and solitary. My next two remakes, one; a simple replacement with carbon-composition resistors, and another entirely new design, both sounded and scoped as too noisey. Just thinking on this while listening was very depressing: I can no longer even name the filter, I can no longer describe the important diffences to the signal of plastic-film vs. carbon comp resistors and even if I wanted to make one; I can no longer do the simple math to do so, I can no longer accurately hear the result [owing to permanant tinnitus/hyperaccusis/shifting Fletcher-Munson curves with every slightest movement of neck or head and to top it off I can't even keep time or play a single one of my keyboards, electronic drums, bass, guitar, trumpet, clarinet.....hell I can't even play my tambourine, nor can I program any of this because in 2014, I lost the ability overnight to continue using any software or the various racks of gear in my previously full-time "Sound-for Picture"-post production studio that had been serving the local independant film-makers, musicians and artists for the previous seven years..not counting all the other roles I've played behind the scenes of my local arts-community since the eighties.
Sorry to post this here, but I just needed to type it out and get it out there... Immediately after I was injured, I lost pretty much all my friends, and of those who remained, I pushed them away because I had decided to terminate this 24/7 of pain and I was hoping to fade away so as not to cause too much upset. On the advice of what little legal assistance is afforded to someone in Canada who has been injured by a major employer, I deleted and ceased my social media, so this here is all I have to connect with the world beyond those trips out of the house to buy needed supplies and my interactions with clerks.
Please, do NOT post sympathies or be 'sensitive'!!! I prefer levity and as some of you may have seen, I employ it wherever I can... I treat and expect of myself just the same; I AM a (insert politically incorrect term for neurologically challenged person here) Please treat me the way I would have been treated in the 70's unless I'm asking for clarity and then talk to me like I'm a five year old... I know exactly what I am and I'm sick of 'politeness' causing people to beat around the ****ing bush to not offend, but become far more confusing to my limited memory span instead! [If you say three sentences two me, I will respond only to the last as if the first 2, even if they contain contradictory information to the last, were never said...and even withing a sentence, too many ideas are too much for me to process as I had to look back at what I was typing multiple times] On the whole though, I have seen improvements over the last 4 years so I'm not about to check out. But hey...because of my memory span issue, I totally forgot what I was typing here and why in the time it ook to type it, but I'm gonna hit post and hope it gives some of you that may be interested some insight into any 'why' about me you may have on reading my posts.

 

[bracconiere]

Holy wall of text, bat...wait, crow man! i actually sat through that!

now i need a second sentence..

(and now)



(i honestly don't care for the ganja...but the song is funny)

 

[ba-brewer]

I seen your footer a week or so back mentioning brain damage and you saying so in post, so thanks for elaborating a little.

Been enjoying your music matches, glad to see you around here and to have crossed your path.



edit: hope you're not lactose intolerant.

 

[Broken Crow]

Thank You!! Honestly, I'm not even sure what I said up there... I'm usually in an upbeat mood, but I've been trying to talk about some things to desensitize myself so I can reamin clinical when I finally get a courtroom hearing, because examples like the above loss of composure still, after years, come out unexpectedly and uncontrollably...usually at a bad time when I have to answer simple, but unexpectedly triggering questions from a doctor or lawyer when I need to be clear and precise like I used to be, but get totally derailed by own brain.
I'm totally loving the music-match because I have a rather large collection of music, and despite prior to 2014, being able to hear as little as one note and then be able to identify the band, studio, gear, recording/mixing engineer, mastering engineer, and often the producer and specific room in what studio...that's all gone,.. I even forget many of my favourites and can't name the band or a single song, BUT..Hearing a word seems to find it's way through the synapses and has been helping me remember them. Plus it's just really enjoyable to listen to a wide variety that I didn't pick out myself.