I love puns!

[Conan]

Joke time, all my originals:

What did the police call the guy they arrested at the sandwich shop?
-----"sub dude"

Mrs. Claus walked into Santa’s office to see him leaning precariously to the side. She asks, cautiously, "Santa- what are you doing??" To which he replied: "I’m listing!"

Why was the bull so infatuated with the cow? Because she was utterly amazing!

What do you call a Tibetan fly?....."Buddha-Pest!"

What’d the attorney prefer to wear to court?--- his “Law-Suit”

I crack myself up. Kyle

 

[Reno_eNVy]

Happy Punday-eve!

 

[LabRatBrewer]

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

 

[Conan]

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

^Now that is my kind of humor! Kyle

 

[Conan]

Oh, and one I thought up today:
What did Blackbeard use to edge his curtains?

Queen Anne's Lace!

 

[rjd]

true story:
a farmer where I used to live had sheep and one old one was adept at escaping through the fence so he made a collar out of 1x2 wood strips so it could still graze but not fit through the fence. First time I saw it I said "there is a mutton for punishment!"

 

[Chipman]

So a man named Rudolph and his wife were walking down the street in Soviet Russia and it started to rain. She turned to him and said "Oh no it's starting to snow" he replied "No no that's rain."She says "Oh no looks like it's sleeting" He replies "I'm pretty sure that's rain honey" She asks "Well what do you know anyway?"

His reply: "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"

 

[Reno_eNVy]

Punday!

Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.

 

[LabRatBrewer]

A grenade thrown in a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

When I was on my honeymoon in Mexico the "lounge" bar of the resort had a single, rather cute little gecko on the wall that would just hang out there. I noted to my wife that he was a lounge lizard. I got a kiss for that one.

 

[LabRatBrewer]

She was a homely whiskey maker, but I loved her still.

 

[JonM]

A guy sent a list of ten puns to his friends and asked them to tell him which of the ten puns made them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Nerdy puns:

Wanna hear a sodium joke?
Na.
How about a potassium joke?
K.
I made up a uranium joke just for U!

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Why did the wolf jam a whole duck up his nose?

Its sad really, he fell into the trap of snorting quack.

 

[JonM]

"Look at that S car go!"

 

[LabRatBrewer]

When chemists die, they barium.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

 

[MoreHops]

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
Dam.

True story: I knew a girl a few years ago by the name of L. White. Her best friend was M. Wong. I referred to them as White & Wong.

 

[mcbaumannerb]

Pearls Before Swine - good for a few puns a week!

 

[LabRatBrewer]

 

[LabRatBrewer]

...what is this?

 

[neko]

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?



Cuz then they would be bagels.

 

[JonM]

True story: I knew a girl a few years ago by the name of L. White. Her best friend was M. Wong. I referred to them as White & Wong.

A friend told me his dorm had roommates named Juan and Thu (pronounced like Two.)

 

[mcbaumannerb]

Very good friends of our family named their dog Shanda ... their last name was Lehr (pronounced leer). I guess it's a good thing they never had a daughter!

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I can honestly say I have ever known two Scotsmen by the names of Ben Dover and Phil McCavity

 

[JonM]

I can honestly say I have ever known two Scotsmen by the names of Ben Dover and Phil McCavity

How about Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick?

 

[JonM]

This reminds me of the staff at Car Talk Plaza:

Our Swedish bicycle tester is Soren deKiester
Our teenage daughter liaison is Sasha Payne Diaz
Our Russian chauffeur is Pikup Andropov
Our hygiene expert from the Tokyo office is O. Takashowa
Our food tester is Howard M. Burgers
Our provider of guaranteed repeat business is Lucinda Bolts
The head of our working mothers' support group is Erasmus B. Draggin.

and on and on for about 700 more.

 

[mcbaumannerb]

and old one ...

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Here's a favorite that sounds ignorant until the punchline.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just Juan.

 

[Homercidal]

...what is this?

A Dandy Lion.

 

[Bithead]

Couple who's last name is Buggi (pronounced buggy). Named their son Orsen.

 

[Mike M]

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Did you hear about the race between two silk worms?
They ended up in a tie.