I am wondering...

[CreamyGoodness]

What is it about facebook that makes it so tempting to post something inflammatory? I just did it this morning, and I feel bad about it. Its like telling a guy to die in a fire while the train doors are closing... watch out we have a tough guy on our hands! I'm going to make an effort to not do this again.

Why is it all women are more attractive when they are riding bicycles? What manner of sorcery is this??

Why am I always starving in the afternoon, but I wind up no longer hungry the moment I get home... where the food is?

What obsessed me to drink the "aloe juice cocktail" they sold at the grocery store? Y'know the stuff you have to drink right before you get a colonoscopy?... same effect, and no Rx needed. Take it from Uncle Creamy, friends dont let friends drinkt the aloe juice cocktail.

The aloe juice cocktail is tasty though, for the record.

My #1 craving... gravy. I ask SWMBO just about every day if she'd like pot pie or pot roast or turkey sandwiches just so I can get my gravy fix... alas, no one else wants to eat gravy in the springtime. I just need a little to get me straight, man.

Why is it, after every social interaction, I go home and do a post-mortem? Did my joke about polite Canadians offend the one guy? Did I share too much about my political leanings? Did I get drunk and say something really dumb? One of my best friends has taken to picking up my calls and saying "if you are calling to apologize about that joke last night, dont worry about it, it was dumb but sort of funny." This is why she is my "best man" at my wedding.

Why is it, in my early 30s, has the hair on the top of my head fallen out, and the hair on the side of my head has experienced a growth Renaissance? I go from buzz-cut to Krusty the Klown in about a month. So basically, if you dont like me, good folks, just picture a guy saddened by his ridiculous hair. You're welcome.


*sigh* It'll pass.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

All internet males are Iron Men. All internet women are Victoria secret models.

Any sane hetrosexual male wants to be the seat.

Metobolic Occams Razor.

Aloe sucks. But is good for the hair. Ever see a Aloe plant? It's leaves grow sideways. Might explain the chops.

 

[kgalle]

Thanks for playing.

 

[clamflats]

Why do people ask me a question that they know they don't want to here my answer because they know they won't like my reply?

 

[bad67z]

Why do people ask me a question that they know they don't want to here my answer because they know they won't like my reply?

Advice I gave to my wife on our first date," don't ask a question you don't want the answer to" . Ans 16 year later and it still stands and we are both very happy.

 

[paulster2626]

All of these questions have the same answer, and it's that you have a large buildup of sand in your vagina.

Thankfully this is easily cleared up by a night of drinking Crown Royal or other fine hard liquor with other men while arguing about something. Religion or sports are alway good topics to start an argument. Try to eat a meat dinner while you do this as well - no veggies, no potatoes, only meat.

The drunker you get, the more sand will come out. Once all the sand is gone, your vagina will seal itself up like a fresh wound, and you can go about being a man again.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Uh oh... looks like that one guy was offended by my polite Canadians joke. Sorry bro.

 

[Homercidal]

I have found most Canadians to be very polite. But please note that I do not include French Canadians in that group...

And +1 to gravy.

 

[cheezydemon3]

Mmmmmmm.....My kids have been turned into gravy monsters...........THE BEST APPLICATIONS FOR GRAVY?????????

Hand made beef patties, seasoned with essence, dunked in flour, pan fried to dolden goodness. Gravy made with the remaining flour and the scraped up stuff in the pan

add

garlic powder
onion powder
salt
black pepper
cayenne
milk

Pour said gravy over fried burgers and french fries.......


JOYGASM!

What else were you asking?

 

[TyTanium]

Another +1 for gravy. Now THAT is some creamy goodness, haha.

Good post, Creamy.

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Why is it all women are more attractive when they are riding bicycles? What manner of sorcery is this??

Queen inserted subliminal messages into both Bicycle Race and Fat Bottomed Girls. Given the air play those have had over the last several decades, you have your answer.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

But... but... why would Freddie care about... nevermind my head exploded

 

[cheezydemon3]

But... but... why would Freddie care about... nevermind my head exploded

He didn't, it was a joke.

Apparently, no one cared about being a champion until Freddy decided it was cool too.

Wierd huh.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I personally would have declined his offer to rock me. Freddie's great and all, but that sounds unpleasant.

He didn't, it was a joke.

Apparently, no one cared about being a champion until Freddy decided it was cool too.

Wierd huh.

 

[cheezydemon3]

I personally would have declined his offer to rock me. Freddie's great and all, but that sounds unpleasant.

It wasn't an offer.....he was effing TELLING you!!!!

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

But... but... why would Freddie care about... nevermind my head exploded

He wanted to Tie Your Mother Down and Tear It Up since she's a Sweet Lady, despite any sexual preferences he may have had otherwise. Because after all, Mother Love may seem perverted, but Pain Is So Close to Pleasure and we all just want Somebody To Love.

And he was Freddie-freaking-Mercury, the Stone Cold Crazy, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy! So when he says to Get Down, Make Love, don't feel like you're Under Pressure, but rather just remember that These Are The Days of Our Lives, things could be over in a Flash, so you've got to Keep Yourself Alive!

But only for a reasonable number of years, because Who Wants To Live Forever anyway?

Now, if you hadn't already guessed, it's true: I'm Going Slightly Mad (probably from all that Chinese Torture). All the same, I make Good Company, so Don't Stop Me Now! Let Me Entertain You because The Show Must Go On. You Don't Fool Me, you're enjoying this, I can tell by your Body Language.

Some Day, One Day you'll look back on this rambling post and ask yourself, Was It All Worth It? It might be a day when All God's People are All Dead, All Dead. When Dear Friends are Long Away, In The Lap of The Gods, Forever. But should that day come, simply Spread Your Wings, Ride The Wild Wind and Sail Away, Sweet Sister!

But don't fear, I know that Leaving Home Ain't Easy, that It's A Hard Life, but Don't Lose Your Head, because I think you're Doing All Right. So take Action This Day, Breakthru it all and you'll discover that you're not a Loser In The End.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

*slow clap*

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

Thank you, I'll be here all week! Remember to tip your bar tenders.

 

[IXVolt]

When all the smoke has settled, there's still Biscuits and Gravy.

Mmmmm

 

[cheezydemon3]

He wanted to Tie Your Mother Down and Tear It Up since she's a Sweet Lady, despite any sexual preferences he may have had otherwise. Because after all, Mother Love may seem perverted, but Pain Is So Close to Pleasure and we all just want Somebody To Love.

And he was Freddie-freaking-Mercury, the Stone Cold Crazy, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy! So when he says to Get Down, Make Love, don't feel like you're Under Pressure, but rather just remember that These Are The Days of Our Lives, things could be over in a Flash, so you've got to Keep Yourself Alive!

But only for a reasonable number of years, because Who Wants To Live Forever anyway?

Now, if you hadn't already guessed, it's true: I'm Going Slightly Mad (probably from all that Chinese Torture). All the same, I make Good Company, so Don't Stop Me Now! Let Me Entertain You because The Show Must Go On. You Don't Fool Me, you're enjoying this, I can tell by your Body Language.

Some Day, One Day you'll look back on this rambling post and ask yourself, Was It All Worth It? It might be a day when All God's People are All Dead, All Dead. When Dear Friends are Long Away, In The Lap of The Gods, Forever. But should that day come, simply Spread Your Wings, Ride The Wild Wind and Sail Away, Sweet Sister!

But don't fear, I know that Leaving Home Ain't Easy, that It's A Hard Life, but Don't Lose Your Head, because I think you're Doing All Right. So take Action This Day, Breakthru it all and you'll discover that you're not a Loser In The End.

Damn! You make me live.

and yes, there will always be biscuits and gravy.

 

[Airborneguy]

The aloe juice cocktail is tasty though, for the record.

That is some good ****, but a ridiculous amount of sugar!

We're gonna have to have a NYC meet-up soon. I want to meet the man behind these insane (and inane) rants.

 

[cheezydemon3]

He tried really hard, but despite all the subliminal messaging....*sniff*....we couldn't make him live.

I personally would have declined his offer to rock me. Freddie's great and all, but that sounds unpleasant.

 

[IXVolt]

Cactus slime cocktail sounds deadly enough.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Sounds great, ABG, just to warn you I am a lot more reserved in person!

That is some good ****, but a ridiculous amount of sugar!

We're gonna have to have a NYC meet-up soon. I want to meet the man behind these insane (and inane) rants.

 

[EllisTX]

Wait, you're going to have a chick as your "best man". You're setting yourself up for failure. Marriage has room for one woman only. Don't be fooled if you're soon to be wife says it's ok for now.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

They are actually really good friends in their own right Ellis... I do appreciate the concern, however.

 

[Airborneguy]

One I my best friends had his female cousin as his best 'man'. He's also one of the toughest, and best cops I've ever worked with. I guess it's true that men who are secure can get away that type of thing.

 

[EllisTX]

Oh, answer to bike question.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I'm not a particularly tough guy, but I know enough to hash out all the possible sticking points before I get in a situation.

One I my best friends had his female cousin as his best 'man'. He's also one of the toughest, and best cops I've ever worked with. I guess it's true that men who are secure can get away that type of thing.

 

[EllisTX]

One I my best friends had his female cousin as his best 'man'. He's also one of the toughest, and best cops I've ever worked with. I guess it's true that men who are secure can get away that type of thing.

I think it would depend more on the woman being secure than the man