How lame breweries get started

[fijigus]

wow. Every time I see something and think, "people aren't that dumb are they?" and then am reminded that there are millions of people and every level of stupid is already taken. It's just amazing. It's like America's Funniest Home Videos but instead of getting hit in the nuts, they are posting a vague job listing on craig's list.

 

[WayFrae]

I just want to send him a link to this thread hahaha

 

[day_trippr]

I just want to send him a link to this thread hahaha

Not yet.

This thing could have legs...

Cheers!

 

[ObsidianJester]

Yeah I'm staying tuned in for this one too..

 

[boydster]

Did everyone see this already? The photoshop work is exquisite.

 

[sandyeggoxj]

Did everyone see this already? The photoshop work is exquisite.

It is fast when it is parked. Nice. Where do I buy that v6 fancy looking red cop magnet???

 

[boydster]

Investors wanted.......

 

[day_trippr]

Did everyone see this already? The photoshop work is exquisite.

You think so?

 

[insanim8er]

Did everyone see this already? The photoshop work is exquisite.

So he has his labels made...now if he can find a non brewmaster brewmaster

 

[JINKS]

subscribing

 

[Renoun]

Choosing Seattle as a place to open an intentionally sub par brewery shows how clueless this guy really is!

Seattle has suburbs. Head to a grocery store or a Costco just a bit out of town and the selection on the shelves changes significantly. The infrastructure is here to brew crappy beer and the real estate gets cheep if you drive a half hour.

 

[podz]

Seattle has suburbs. Head to a grocery store or a Costco just a bit out of town and the selection on the shelves changes significantly. The infrastructure is here to brew crappy beer and the real estate gets cheep if you drive a half hour.

Open it in Yelm and call it the brewery from hell

 

[Broham1]

Seattle has suburbs. Head to a grocery store or a Costco just a bit out of town and the selection on the shelves changes significantly. The infrastructure is here to brew crappy beer and the real estate gets cheep if you drive a half hour.

I went to high school 30 minutes outside of Seattle. I know demographics change, but that still doesn't mean intentionally brewing bad beer is a savvy business model.

 

[stamandster]

Where did you find his photoshop stuff!!??? He could call it "Near Beer". I think he took his ad down. I don't see it when searching.

 

[boydster]

Where did you find his photoshop stuff!!???

Here, I wrote the address phonetically, it is his car company-to-be:

em-ay-are-es-aych-ee-ell-em-oh-tee-ee-are-es dot com.

 

[Owly055]

Choosing Seattle as a place to open an intentionally sub par brewery shows how clueless this guy really is!

Seattle has their share of sub par drinkers.... It's not entirely populated with sophisticated yuppie types.

 

[Broham1]

Seattle has their share of sub par drinkers.... It's not entirely populated with sophisticated yuppie types.

So, it's a good plan, then?

 

[mattd2]

Where did you find his photoshop stuff!!??? He could call it "Near Beer". I think he took his ad down. I don't see it when searching.

Here, I wrote the address phonetically, it is his car company-to-be:

So this is really his other "business"? I also went to check the emails but found the listing was taken down!

 

[boydster]

So this is really his other "business"? I also went to check the emails but found the listing was taken down!

Yes, and maybe that means I'M HIRED?!?!?! You guys, I'm so excited right now, my dream is coming true!

I need to get back in touch and take it to the next level I think.

 

[soccerdad]

Why does the OP make me think of this?

 

[Broham1]

Why does the OP make me think of this?

Love that movie!

 

[boydster]

I think our dialogue has run its course. I didn't get the gig. Bummer.

Hello,

A friend of mine forwarded me your ad a few weeks ago. I'm going to be moving to Seattle in July and the opportunity I was planning on pursuing has unfortunately not panned out so I'm looking for a new potential gig. Are you still looking for a brew master?

I've been brewing for 8 years, mostly 5-10 gallon batches. From the ad, it seems clear you're just getting started so I'm guessing there is going to be some work to be done before money starts flowing in, so I'm wondering what kind of hours you are looking for (I'll need to have some time to make money while getting things going with you if we do this) and when you want to mash in on the first brew.

Let me know,


Thanks,
Dave

I originally went through a brew master website that had employment
listings. all the masters wanted at least $80,000 a year!!

I have several buyers interested in a beer that fits their market. my
plan was the standard 5 gallon mixes, package the product in a ready
to sell format. than present the finished products to the buyers.

Depending on the end result we would gear up for production.

After that, extending our market would be the follow up.

Thanks,
Mark

Mark,


Thanks for getting back to me. I can get by on less than $80k to start. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm interested in brewing as a second stream of income. Would you be open to a profit sharing relationship so we can both grow our income if things take off?


What kind of beer(s) are you planning to go to market with? I've got a few recipes that I am pretty happy with, and based on the ad it seems like you have some recipes as well. I'm thinking something light and crisp. But then, IPAs are a big hit on the craft scene right now, too.


What are you thinking for distribution? If we're going 5 gallons batches, are you planning on bottling or just distributing corny kegs? I can probably brew a batch per day to start out. But if we're going to make any money, we need to scale up to doing multi-BBL batches regularly probably. Do you have a facility to use? An old warehouse or airplane manufacturing plant perhaps?


I realize you don't know much about me yet, but I want you to know I'm really excited about pursuing my dream of brewing for a living. Besides beer, I make wine, mead, cheese, yogurt, sauerkraut, a mean lacto-fermented salsa, and just about any other fermented food I can think of. My biggest hits for beer are a blonde ale (my Miller Lite buddies go nuts for it), an IPA with a full 2 pounds of hops in every 5 gallons, a spicy and malty red ale I make at the beginning of every football season with some cayenne pepper and okra (sounds weird at first, but trust me it works), and a saison that I brew repeatedly in the summer whenever there is an impending heat wave. As far as life commitments, it's just me and my turtle. I need to cover rent, utilities, food for both of us, and home brewing, but between brewing and a day job that shouldn't be a tough nut to crack. I am hoping to brew full time eventually. I also like snowboarding (the powder on the west coast is awesome!) and noodling for catfish. Are there any good fishing holes around Seattle?


I'd love to hear more about the beers you are planning on getting started with and the timeframe you are looking at to get started.


Regards,
Dave

That was my plan. Steve Ballmer was profit sharing, that is how Gates
got him to leave Proctor and Gamble.

The five gallon is only the sampler program. No sense making 300
gallons of beer no one wants!!

Time frame is getting started in about 60 days. I've got a major
project to get started first!.

thanks,
Mark

I hear you on getting them sold on the test batches first! Curious - What else do you have cooking? I'm interested in opportunities here... I've done a lot of sales and marketing, if that's useful. Have you ever heard of Cutco knives? Also, do you need a new set of knives? Seriously, though.

In the B2B world, I've found 60 days usually means something more akin to "I want this project to start soon but I probably won't get around to it for another 6+ months at best" so I just want to make sure this is something you are serious about before I get my hopes up. After all, I've got a turtle to feed.

Anyway, it's getting late here on the east coast so I should probably retire soon. I don't want to lead you on, here. Are you looking for someone to brew your recipes, or do you want me to brew my own beers that you will distribute? I just want to know so I can get a batch going with whatever you are looking for. I figure I'll brew one up and send it out to you for review, then you can let me know if you want to proceed. If you can take that brew to your potential buyers, we'll know if we're in business before I show up for my first day of work, right?!


Have a good night,
Dave

Cutco knives are big I think, may have some.

What else I got going?

Look up D** A******** guitars, I'm taking over ownership and
restarting DA in about two months.

A******** will fund the beer company and the M****** GTO, look up
m******motors.com

Mark

Wow, it certainly looks like you keep yourself busy. I don't know a lot about cars, but yours looks fast. Guitars are something I can relate to. Been playing since I was 12. I'm a big blues guy... Taj Mahal, BB King... Also a BIG Kenny Loggins fan. Not sure what it is, he just seems to get everything right when he plays, you know? I have a Strat, a Les Paul (Epiphone, admittedly, but it's a REALLY nice one - 60's reissue), and a broken Carvin for electric guitars and a Martin Backpacker that I like to bring camping sometimes.


D** A******** - looks like they make that clear guitar that Flea used when the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing on stage naked? Classic.

So I have a couple things that I'm unclear on. First, how much are you planning on paying for a brew master in the beginning? I'm flexible, but I at least want to get an idea of where you are at before we go too far. Second, do you need help with the guitar company? Third, with all of these business endeavors, how much time are you going to be able to devote to the brewing company? Is that something that the brew master will pretty much be handling? This is a biggie, because I'm probably also going to be starting a business when I get settled in so I need to know how to split up my time. I have been looking into beekeeping, as honey is at a premium, and I think I'll be trying my hand at it. Plus, since Wenatchee is nearby, if I have a surplus of bees I can make a few extra bucks letting the apple farmers use some hives to help pollinate. Added bonus: I still get the bees back with the hives, and I'll have even more honey! Mo' honey, mo' money, am I right?! Seems like a winner, but it's seasonal so like I mentioned, I just need to start budgeting my time so I know where and when I can dedicate hours.


Thanks,
Dave

Dave,
That is/was a A******** with the Peppers. Borrowed from Grohl, John
got his own.

The brew master wages are open for talks...per hour or batch.

I try not to manage, I hire people that don't need managing.

The car will be fast 300HP. The guitar is still in pre production.

The bee thing is something I've looked at. honey bees now have a high up keep.

We have a bunch of fruit trees nothing for years, lack of bees. This
year we have a bumble bee hive somewhere near. We could see hundreds
of bees at any time, got fruit this year.

MS

Mark,

So I've been trying to think about a fair deal here for both of us. Granted, we're starting small, but I don't know if you are expecting me to handle all of the brewery responsibilities or if there will be other staff to handle supplies, cleaning, etc. If I'm going to be el solo lobo, that means I'll be ordering ingredients, making on-the-fly adjustments to correct for variations in the hop alpha acid content or malt lovibond to maintain consistency, cleaning equipment, brewing, packaging, equipment maintenance... it's a lot to do. I'm thinking we should start out on a per-gallon basis (for test batches) and then, once contracts are signed move to a salary basis. Does that make sense?


For the test batches, let's have the business cover the cost of ingredients and equipment plus $__/hr payroll (keeping in mind, most of the time the beer is fermenting I won't be doing anything - we're talking brew time plus a few check-ins for QC and then packaging).

Once contracts are signed and we're at a consistent production level, $__k/yr plus profit sharing, netting somewhere north of $__k total, allows me to focus solely on the brewing business.

I understand we're not going to start there. That's the short-term goal, though. In the meantime, I'm planning to pursue the beekeeping to help cover expenses for me and my turtle. I have been checking into bee colonies, and the Africanized honey bees seem to be very hardy. I think they would probably be the most resilient against colony collapse disorder. They get a bad rap, but they are already here and seriously, it's natural selection in action. People are so resistant to change sometimes, but the world is changing around us and I think we need to embrace that.

Do you have openings with the guitar company? Having played guitar for so long, I can do more than just restring them. I've installed new pickups, replaced necks, and adjusted truss rods just to name a few things. Also, do you think in addition to the car and beer businesses, the guitar company could fund a meadery? I make some great melomel (it's just mead with concord grapes and star fruit, in this case) that all of my friends keep telling me they would buy if it were in stores. I'd love to take advantage of that opportunity, and I feel like this might be the right time to try and do it.

I was serious about trying to put a brew together to send you as a sample of my work. Do you have anything in mind for going to market and I'll try to brew something to style? I can also brew up some of my mead, it is ready to drink much more quickly than some of the other commercial stuff I've encountered, usually a month or so is all I need to turn it around.

Thanks,
Dave

How much background do you have working in a brewery?

Mark

Like I mentioned before, I've been brewing for 8 years. I brew 5-10 gallon batches at a time, and I brew them weekly. Consistency is my focus, and I am proud to say that I do a fantastic job reproducing the beers that I brew from batch to batch. Not trying to brag, as I am my harshest critic and always looking for ways to improve, but I do make great beer.

2 of my favorites (for 5 gallon batches)

Red Ale:
Mash the following for 60 mins @ 154:
10 lbs 2 row
.75 lbs C60
.25 lbs C40
2 oz C120
1 oz Chocolate Malt
24 oz Cayenne Pepper
1 lb Okra

Boil for 90 minutes, hop according to this schedule:
1 oz Warrior @ 60
2 oz Fuggles @ 10
1 oz Nelson Sauvin @ 5
1 oz Fuggles @ whirlpool



Blonde Ale:
6 lbs 2 Row
1 lb Popcorn
1.5 lb CaraPils
12 oz Bisquit
Mash @ 150 for 75 minutes

1 hour boil again, hops are easy since it's a blonde ale, whatever is available to bitter it up to 40+/- IBUs and then something like Simcoe or Citra late in the boil for the finishing hop.

Dave,

I needed someone with actual kettle brewery experience.

I've been making 5 gallon batches for over 30 years.

MS

Well now I feel like I've wasted an awful lot of time. I was up front about my experience from the very beginning, and now here we are. No interest in even seeing what I can do for you, it seems.

The car doesn't even look very fast. And I don't like seeing Flea's package.

Good evening.

 

[CastleHollow]

Hey, he knows about profit sharing because of... um... Steve Ballmer. So he's got that going for him. Which is pretty nice.

"I try not to manage, I hire people that don't need managing." I wonder what he actually manages to do.

 

[boydster]

He wants an experienced brewer that manages the brewery himself for less than $80k... I just hope he doesn't steal my recipes.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Hey, he knows about profit sharing because of... um... Steve Ballmer. So he's got that going for him. Which is pretty nice.

"I try not to manage, I hire people that don't need managing." I wonder what he actually manages to do.

Sounds to me like he is the type who wants someone else to do all the work and him reap all the rewards. Basically a "Let me be your partner in a business you do all the work/pay for everything and I get my 3/4 of the profits."

 

[kombat]

Sounds to me like he is the type who wants someone else to do all the work and him reap all the rewards. Basically a "Let me be your partner in a business you do all the work/pay for everything and I get my 3/4 of the profits."

And what's wrong with that? Isn't that what angel investors do? Ever watch Shark Tank? They put up the capital and take the risk, you do the work, and if you're as good as you say you are, the investor makes money. If not, then they're the ones that lose their cash, while you move on to the next gig. Sounds like pretty standard Capitalism 101 stuff to me.

This thread is starting to feel wrong. I mean, the guy's obviously a tool, but in every one of his posts, he was being open and honest with boydster/"Dave", while boydster fed him a bunch of lies. I feel a little dirty.

 

[insanim8er]

an IPA with a full 2 pounds of hops in every 5 gallons

I wonder why he doesn't want to hire you...

 

[StalkingWilbur]

Hahahaha.

Mo' honey, mo' money.

I don't feel dirty. It made me happy.


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[Homercidal]

He's been brewing for 30 years, so he KNOWS how much work it is. He just doesn't want to pay someone what they are worth.

I can see his point about not wanting to brew for himself. He's a busy man. I know he told me he took a 2-car garage up to a 15 person business bringing in $230,000 a month.

Probably that car company though...

 

[WayFrae]

Hahahaha so good!

 

[insanim8er]

He told me he took a 2-car garage up to a 15 person business bringing in $230,000 a month.

And here we are sitting on our fat asses calling him an idiot for posting that ad on CL...

 

[Homercidal]

He also said he doesn't have a brewery. He doesn't spend money until he has a customer.

Good thing Homebrewing and brewing on a system capable of supporting 300 restaurants is exactly the same!

 

[hunter_le five]

He also said he doesn't have a brewery. He doesn't spend money until he has a customer.

Good thing Homebrewing and brewing on a system capable of supporting 300 restaurants is exactly the same!

An insane business plan if I ever heard one.

"Okay, that beer's pretty good. What kind of price can we get if we order 3 cases each for 6 stores as a trial run?"

"Not sure, this is just a concept batch, we haven't had a chance do a full production batch and run the numbers yet."

"Okay.... well when can we expect to have a ready product for market testing?"

"Well let's see.... we still need to find a suitable property, source the brewing equipment, hire a Master-Brewer-Kinda, get licensed with the city, state, and TTB, do a few test runs and calibrate the equipment, sign supply contracts with Hop Union and select a maltster, get label approval.... maybe a year, year and a half, if everything goes well."

"What in the hell is a Master-Brewer-Kinda? Wait, don't answer that. You mean to tell me you don't even have a brewery yet?"

"Why, is that a problem?"

"Nevermind, I think we'll just go with Sierra Nevada."

 

[stamandster]

Here, I wrote the address phonetically, it is his car company-to-be:

whu...??

marsh_lmot_rs lol

 

[insanim8er]

whu...??

************ lol

I'm sure he didn't type it, so this post wasn't listed in google searchs.

You just blew our cover!

 

[WayFrae]

whu...??

m***********s lol

Edit it out quick!

 

[Billy-Klubb]

whu...??

marshelmathers lol

would the real brew master please stand up,
please stand up,
please stand up?


two trailer park brewers round the outside...



I think I ftfy.

 

[stamandster]

Guys guys guys... he's obviously a professional troll.