CreamyGoodness
Well-Known Member
*Warning. The below is kinda gross. Reader discretion is advised*
As many of you already know, I am balding, and have been since my early twenties. As a kid, I had a massive head of curly hair, think :fro:, and hated it. Twenties come around, and I get a double whammy of hair loss and psoriasis on my head. So now I have long Krusty the Klown hair on the sides, a bald top, and a constant driving itch. Darn.
So, age thirty comes around and, like so many other men, I decide to give in and take it all off. Into the barber I go, and the 1.5 clipper leaves me with almost no hair, and I can scratch my psoriasis raw without inhibition. Bonus points is that I dont have a half-badly shaped head, so the wife assaults me in the most wonderful of ways when I get through the door (to my barber Aron, thank you). Perfect solution, right?
Well, not so perfect. In the summer, my head now sweats 360 degrees. If I wear a hat, I have essentially bottled up a fraction of a liter of sweat, which will sheet down like a carwash over my eyes when I take the hat off. If I DONT wear a hat, I run the risk of burning the top of my head, which then peels. This is just on the way to and from the train, mind you, not a very far walk at all. Some of you live in houses in which it would take longer to walk from the kitchen to the bathroom.
So now I am sweaty, flaky, and peeling. Add to this the dust and soil of a New York summer, and you get quite possibly the worst thing no one has ever warned me about.
Headfunk.
Seriously, why was I never warned?!
By the time I get home I have a thin layer of schmutz on the top of my head that I could scrape off with a butter knife. Kind of a brownish, greyish lint-like paste of sorts. Ever look at the inside of someone's well-worn Berkenstock? Same thing. Another good comparison is the loamy, clay-like crap that forms at the top of a jug of JAOM. I am up to two showers a day and I'm considering a third until October.
One idea I had was to wear a bandana in a neutral, non-gang-affiliated color. No dice, SWMBO said, and I quote "I love you but you look like an idiot". So thats out. I've also tried to sponge my head with a hankerchief locally and at the time of perspiration... but its almost worse to have to walk around with a sweat-soaked rag in my pocket, essentially breeding off-site BO. No good there. And finally, carrying around an umbrella... no... I would be forced to kick my own ass.
So, my plea to the world is this... education. We warn our children at a young age to avoid germs, not pick their noses and eat it, and to bathe regularly. No one warns their children that they will eventually develop headfunk.
Please, HBT, think of the children. Think of the headfunk.
*sigh* it will pass.
As many of you already know, I am balding, and have been since my early twenties. As a kid, I had a massive head of curly hair, think :fro:, and hated it. Twenties come around, and I get a double whammy of hair loss and psoriasis on my head. So now I have long Krusty the Klown hair on the sides, a bald top, and a constant driving itch. Darn.
So, age thirty comes around and, like so many other men, I decide to give in and take it all off. Into the barber I go, and the 1.5 clipper leaves me with almost no hair, and I can scratch my psoriasis raw without inhibition. Bonus points is that I dont have a half-badly shaped head, so the wife assaults me in the most wonderful of ways when I get through the door (to my barber Aron, thank you). Perfect solution, right?
Well, not so perfect. In the summer, my head now sweats 360 degrees. If I wear a hat, I have essentially bottled up a fraction of a liter of sweat, which will sheet down like a carwash over my eyes when I take the hat off. If I DONT wear a hat, I run the risk of burning the top of my head, which then peels. This is just on the way to and from the train, mind you, not a very far walk at all. Some of you live in houses in which it would take longer to walk from the kitchen to the bathroom.
So now I am sweaty, flaky, and peeling. Add to this the dust and soil of a New York summer, and you get quite possibly the worst thing no one has ever warned me about.
Headfunk.
Seriously, why was I never warned?!
By the time I get home I have a thin layer of schmutz on the top of my head that I could scrape off with a butter knife. Kind of a brownish, greyish lint-like paste of sorts. Ever look at the inside of someone's well-worn Berkenstock? Same thing. Another good comparison is the loamy, clay-like crap that forms at the top of a jug of JAOM. I am up to two showers a day and I'm considering a third until October.
One idea I had was to wear a bandana in a neutral, non-gang-affiliated color. No dice, SWMBO said, and I quote "I love you but you look like an idiot". So thats out. I've also tried to sponge my head with a hankerchief locally and at the time of perspiration... but its almost worse to have to walk around with a sweat-soaked rag in my pocket, essentially breeding off-site BO. No good there. And finally, carrying around an umbrella... no... I would be forced to kick my own ass.
So, my plea to the world is this... education. We warn our children at a young age to avoid germs, not pick their noses and eat it, and to bathe regularly. No one warns their children that they will eventually develop headfunk.
Please, HBT, think of the children. Think of the headfunk.
*sigh* it will pass.
