Gonna have a baby, is my life over

[GilaMinumBeer]

The part about the cars does not seem quite fair.

Where she puts the kids after they are dry is what really concerns me.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Well, to be fair, it is a pretty inane question that's been asked a million times. The question you need to answer is, "what type of dad are you going to be?"

A really crappy dad that values his own hobbies and desires over that of his family? Your life won't change that much, other than the child support payments.

A really good dad that values the upbringing of his child over his own desires? Yes, your life will change a lot, mostly for the better. You won't get to do many 100k bike rides, but you won't really miss them that much. But it's easy to get burned out, hanging out with a small dictator that demands constant attention and care. You're going to have to figure out the proper balance between fatherhood and personhood. Just like every other dad has had to figure out for themselves.

I know what you're saying here, that if you put everything else in life ahead of your kids you'll end up losing them, losing the marriage, etc. And it would be deserved for having terrible priorities.

But I do want to point out that it's possible to be a wonderful father and still make child support payments... I'm about to start doing it. I've been a good father to them their entire lives. That's not going to change based on the fact that we'll be sharing custody.

It will mean that I'll only have my kids 40% of the time. But I plan to make that 40% worthwhile. It's not their fault that their parents can't be married. I'm going to try to be better for that 40% than I even was 100% before, because I'm going to miss them the other 60% of the time.

 

[mwfripp]

well said as I sit here with my two kids who I just picked up from their mom's house and am so stoked to be with them. Makes the ****ty day at work seem like forever ago

 

[jrgtr42]

My little guy is 10.5 months old.
Don't expect everything to be exactly the same from day one, but with some modifications, (and deft negotiations with SWMBO) you can still do most things you do now. Don't expect to go out with your friends any old time, just because it's Tuesday, or head out for a century ride, or brew every week.
At first, at least, you'll need to be around most times, yes, she is the one who the little one will be glued to at the chestal region for about half the day, but you'll need to pick up slack. Diapers, cooking, cleaning and so forth, again, at least for the beginning.
As the kid gets older and not eating every couple hours, you can start bringing things back into play.
HEading out for all-day bike rides: not such a good idea. Heading out for a quick hour or 2 ride, not bad. Depending on your brew rig, you may be able to keep going depending on timing and so forth.
Long story short, for the first few months, everything's about the baby. Once s/he starts sleeping through the night (most times) and eating real food, you can once again bring your personality towards the front. Don't get me wrong, until they can actually walk, talk, feed and dress themselves (not to mention going to the bathroom alone) you're going to be beholden to the kid to a greater or lesser degree.