Don't read if you are easily insulted or have a sense of humour - I mean it!

[Orfy]

Glad most of you took it so well.

 

[Bernie Brewer]

Now before anyone takes this seriously consider if you have taken it in the manner meant. If not I suggest you go post in another thread.



To the citizens of the United States of America

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except
Kansas , which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Our soon-to-be-ex prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor
for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the
Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year
to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England . It will be
called "Come-Uppance Day."

No problem there- Nov 2 is my anniversary, and I wouldn't mind it being a national holiday, even if it is only in England


10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
your own good. When we show you German, Swedish and Italian cars
you will understand what we mean.

Um all the German Italian and Swedish cars I've owned were horrible. I'll only drive American or Japanese vehicles, sorry.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of humour.

We actually have some roundabouts here. Not many, but some. That's where all the accidents happen over here.

12. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling "gasoline") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French Fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat,
and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

Mayo? yuck. Vinegar? Even worse.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with
customers.

Fine with me

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
"beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's
Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

No comment

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast Engl ish actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four
Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears
removed with a cheese grater.

You actually watched "Four Weddings and a Funeral"? On Purpose?
Pu$$y.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
"football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

HUH?

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball.

OK NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!!! LET REVOLUTION #2 COMMENCE!!!

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

If you're taking back the country, why do you care???

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due backdated to 1776.

Same sh!t, different dictator.

Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice day

I've really no problem with it, because that way Hillary can't be president , but that's another thread and/or forum entirely.........

 

[Pumbaa]

I've really no problem with it, because that way Hillary can't be president , but that's another thread and/or forum entirely.........

Trying to remain in good humor and non political I SWEAR TO F****** GAWD if she is elected to either Prez or VP I quit. I will leave the union and try to force me back in. I will also very seriously consider declaring war on my former homeland and take the entire nation by force if neccessary.

(If I leave then take over I cant be tried for Treason )

 

[TheJadedDog]

I know I am going to regret this (I've only watched these things because I would rather not get divorced for refusing to watch a movie), but Andie McDowell was playing an American in Four Weddings and a Funeral; therefore, no English accent was attempted on her part. Now, Gwynth Paltrow has played English characters in several movies and her accent is deplorable which would have made her the better example.

 

[Yuri_Rage]

Any one know what this is?

An unstable and complete piece of sh!t?

 

[Fingers]

Do me next, Orph!! Do me next!!!!

 

[knarfks]

Doesn't matter to me, I'm in Kansas and the new rules don't apply.

The US was supposed to be completely converted to the metric system by 1996...yeah, that didn't work at all.

I do agree with the football comments. I played rugby for 3 years, after playing football. Rugby is such a better game it isn't funny, harder hitting, less pads, fewer injuries(the pads cause more injuries than they prevent statistically).
Soccer is a great game if you are watching teams that are good like the EPL, Seria A, spanish league and not the MLS

 

[Alamo_Beer]

Well I'm in Texas anyway so we'll just go back to being the Republic of Texas....thats fine

 

[WOP31]

I am with you greenhornet, just a little further south!

Viva La Revolution

 

[dibby33]

This is the Arch Bishop of Haggisburry here.

I will only get involved with the running of America (or Hagmerica as it will be known) once proper beer is served in all pubs / hotels / bars. Now, you HBs have to step up your game and get brewing, get out there promoting your fine product and presuade your fellow countryman to stop buying the **** that people only buy 'cause they have no brains to buy anything else.

I am off home via the bottle shop where I shall be having a beer / or ten. Been on call for the last seven days and I clock off at 9pm tonight (last race).

 

[Schlenkerla]

Trying to remain in good humor and non political I SWEAR TO F****** GAWD if she is elected to either Prez or VP I quit. I will leave the union and try to force me back in. I will also very seriously consider declaring war on my former homeland and take the entire nation by force if neccessary.

(If I leave then take over I cant be tried for Treason )

If you think people hate GW. Just wait if that be-otch gets elected. It'll make GW look like the most beloved pres.

I don't know anyone who would willing to piss in her ear if her brains were on fire.

Frankly, I don't think the US is ready for a women president or a black president. Most people would never admitt it openly.

If Hillary has a bad monthly cycle we might even bomb Iran & Syria!!!! Oh - that's right she probably had menopause. Even so it might help Iraq.

I expect she might ask Rosie O'donnell to be Secratary of state.

Wouldn't that be wonderfull.

 

[Ryanh1801]

Doesn't matter to me, I'm in Kansas and the new rules don't apply.

The US was supposed to be completely converted to the metric system by 1996...yeah, that didn't work at all.

I do agree with the football comments. I played rugby for 3 years, after playing football. Rugby is such a better game it isn't funny, harder hitting, less pads, fewer injuries(the pads cause more injuries than they prevent statistically).
Soccer is a great game if you are watching teams that are good like the EPL, Seria A, spanish league and not the MLS

Hell ya Rugby is awesome. It pisses me off that they don't show it in the U.S. Rugby is probably the funnest sport I have ever played, and most physically demanding. Football is for wusses. Not to sure about the injury part, I played football for 6 years and never had an injury. I played Rugby for a year and ended up with a torn ACL, LCL, and meniscus.

 

[boo boo]

ROFLMSO...........

That's a nice peice of British Humour.

 

[Bernie Brewer]

Hey wait a minute- the last time the Brits controlled America, there were only 13 colonies, so isn't that all you'd get back??? Ah you can have them-that way there's no more Yankees or Red Sox. and you can have the Cubs and White Sox, too, as a good faith measure!

Oh and by the way, you takin back Canada, too?? Just wondering.


And Shlenkerla, I think Americans are indeed read for a woman or black Prez. I am. Just not that b!tch.

Yoops, if you run, I'll vote for ya:rockin:

 

[Pumbaa]

Oh and by the way, you takin back Canada, too?? Just wondering.

If they took back Canada they would end up with Qubec, and who the hell wants all them Frogs?

 

[Schlenkerla]

And Shlenkerla, I think Americans are indeed read(y) for a woman or black Prez. I am. Just not that b!tch.

Even my wife admits HC would make an aweful president. Many people would vote Republican for the first time purely out of disention.

She's a flippin' crook. Most of the white water people are dead. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a conspiratist theorizer. That be-otch would make payback in spades if she got to be president. She's just an angry uptight flippin' b hell bent on righting personal wrongs if you ask me. Just listen to her speaches, she gets all crancked up as if Bill was pushin' her buttons. Her public persona is 1/10th of her private one.

I'm not racist or really sexist but joking about it is kind of funny stereotypically speaking. Honestly I think most blue class whites would come to the polls in droves to make sure neither got elected. Many people would find excuses to not vote for a black or women president. I don't think we are that progressive of a a society yet. Its not that women or a black could be good president. I just think America is still pretty WASP-like. (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) Those are the people with all $$$$$$$$ and can control the election.

 

[Reverend JC]

I played Rugby for a year and ended up with a torn ACL, LCL, and meniscus.

Yes, this makes you a non-wuss, or not smart.

Seems like i would have stuck with football, your body would have been thanking you 25 years from now.

Edit: re-read your post and now see why you brought up the injuries and it was not to brag as I thought from the first read.

I am sure rugby is more fun to play what with all of the throwing your body around and such, but i will stick with good ol' american football.

 

[Fingers]

If they took back Canada they would end up with Qubec, and who the hell wants all them Frogs?

[rant]
Ha, you kidding? It's hard enough keeping Quebec a part of Canada. If Britain takes back Canada, all they'll get from Quebec is bitching, whining, and a squalling catfight that just won't go away. I think that's why the US hasn't tried to annex us since the 19th century. Nobody wants to deal with the incessant dripping and blithering. If only the Bloc Quebecois would run in provinces other than Quebec, I know quite a few people that would vote for them just so they can fulfil their separatist agends. Freakin' go already.
[/rant]

 

[delboy]

I'd just like to voice my concern, surely we don't want burdened with the american colonies again, we gave them up for the carribean colonies :fro: , im more than happy with the calypso, cricket and rum