Dear HBT...

[day_trippr]

Counting the minutes before this thread gets binned to the Chit Chat forum

 

[ChefRex]

Dear HBT,
If I am involved in a thread that gets binned to the Chit Chat forum does that make me a bad person?
Signed, Chit Chatty in Cincinnati

 

[Saboral]

Don't know about everyone else, but I use 3 car batteries wired in parallel. Works better if you mix 1 part yeast slurry to 1 part Crisco before you pitch.

No, no, no you must wire the batteries in series and wire to the clock tower lightning rod by precisely 10:04 on your flux capacitor won't start and your yeast will be forever trapped in 1955.


Sent from my iPad using Home Brew

 

[Kyle1111]

Counting the minutes before this thread gets binned to the Chit Chat forum

I am sorry my friend but if we can't even ferment one teeny little iguana with our house beard yeast (no starter, 9V or otherwise) then this BELONGS in the chit chat forum.

 

[Zuljin]

Iguanas? Amateurs. I have one word for you: Komodo Dragon.


Sent from here, because that's where I am.

Well, if you're going for natural saliva yeast, yeah. Now, if you really want to punch it up- gila monster.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Well, if you're going for natural saliva yeast, yeah. Now, if you really want to punch it up- gila monster.

please. I use my technique with angry river crocodiles. after they've been bitten by many boomslangs and rubbed down with poison tree frogs.

 

[Ridire]

Well, if you're going for natural saliva yeast, yeah. Now, if you really want to punch it up- gila monster.

Pft...glia monster. If you LIKE the taste of tannins. Have you never read Palmer?


Sent from here, because that's where I am.

 

[TheVenerableMead]

Dear HBT,

I recently found a clone recipe for 5 gallons of Harp Logger. It was going really really well until I realized I had misread the directions and used one pound of hops instead of one ounce. Now its kind of bitter tasting. So I found a formula for adding water to reduce bitterness. Now the alcohol content is WAY down LOL. My question is, I found a recipe for fortified wine and was wondering if you can do the same thing for beer? Since Jameson whisky is Irish it shouldn't really affect the flavour of the beer, but how many bottles should I add to bring 15 gallons of beer up to 5% ABV?

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear HBT,

I recently found a clone recipe for 5 gallons of Harp Logger. It was going really really well until I realized I had misread the directions and used one pound of hops instead of one ounce. Now its kind of bitter tasting. So I found a formula for adding water to reduce bitterness. Now the alcohol content is WAY down LOL. My question is, I found a recipe for fortified wine and was wondering if you can do the same thing for beer? Since Jameson whisky is Irish it shouldn't really affect the flavour of the beer, but how many bottles should I add to bring 15 gallons of beer up to 5% ABV?

Oh this is an easy one.

All the bottles.

 

[BBL_Brewer]

You guys are all nuts. Brewing with live iguanas? Using batteries for yeast starters? How ridiculous. You should chop your iguana into tiny pieces and freeze them. Its much cheaper this way because once their dead you don't have to feed them anymore. Mix 1 part iguana to 2 parts antifreeze. If you don't have antifreeze handy, just drain some out of your car. You'll have to make a starter before you brew, but that's half the fun. Instead of batteries, every time I walk by a starter I rub a balloon on my head and then touch the starter vessel. This generates plenty of static electricity and eliminates the need for clumsy wires. In the winter time I don't even need a balloon, I just drag my feet on the carpet. Tell your wife to stop using dryer sheets if you're having trouble zapping your starters.

If starters just aren't your thing, you can always re-pitch. Just chop a hole in you bucket lid for the iguana's head and you can keep it alive. You can keep re-pitching until the iguana dies or off flavors develop. It helps to give the iguana a can of red bull at the start of every batch.

 

[boydster]

Dear HBT,

While walking through the forest recently, I was excited to see the new flowers that came in to bloom. Just beautiful, really. Then a thought occurred to me: bees make honey from nectar, and as I have already discovered, they aren't always happy to give it up.

I collected some of the prettiest, most pleasant smelling flowers I could find. I also collected some of the mushrooms that had grown. I am going for a floral and earthy flavor with my next beer and these choices just felt so right, plus using the nectar I assume will help dry the beer out and give a nice, crisp.finish.

I have my mash going now, and I'm trying to plan out when to add the flowers and mushrooms. I was able to extract exactly enough nectar to make a quarter pound of honey - 500,000 flowers did the trick. It was a big haul. I want to use it as-is now. I know I could just add it to the mash, but it is a lot of liquid and I'm concerned it would thin the mash too much. My plan is to boil it separately to invert the sugars and reduce the volume, then introduce it to the mash almost like a decoction. By the way, I also started putting together ANOTHER DIY on getting the nectar from the flowers. Just 3 weeks of 15 hours days doing tedious extraction, and BAM! Nectar. Protip: syringe works better than cider press.

Questions:

Has anyone done this before? Advice?

Next, I have flower petals from 500k flowers to use as a dry hop. What kind of absorption rate should I expect? If it helps, I was able to identify them, they are foxglove.

Finally, my mushrooms are beginning to turn blue? Are they spoiled already? I ate a few earlier to test the flavor, but since then things have gotten a little... strange.

All in all, I'm really excited about this batch. I love the outdoors, so incorporating these things into my next batch means a lot to me.

Thanks!

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear HBT,

While walking through the forest recently, I was excited to see the new flowers that came in to bloom. Just beautiful, really. Then a thought occurred to me: bees make honey from nectar, and as I have already discovered, they aren't always happy to give it up.

I collected some of the prettiest, most pleasant smelling flowers I could find. I also collected some of the mushrooms that had grown. I am going for a floral and earthy flavor with my next beer and these choices just felt so right, plus using the nectar I assume will help dry the beer out and give a nice, crisp.finish.

I have my mash going now, and I'm trying to plan out when to add the flowers and mushrooms. I was able to extract exactly enough nectar to make a quarter pound of honey - 500,000 flowers did the trick. It was a big haul. I want to use it as-is now. I know I could just add it to the mash, but it is a lot of liquid and I'm concerned it would thin the mash too much. My plan is to boil it separately to invert the sugars and reduce the volume, then introduce it to the mash almost like a decoction. By the way, I also started putting together ANOTHER DIY on getting the nectar from the flowers. Just 3 weeks of 15 hours days doing tedious extraction, and BAM! Nectar. Protip: syringe works better than cider press.

Questions:

Has anyone done this before? Advice?

Next, I have flower petals from 500k flowers to use as a dry hop. What kind of absorption rate should I expect? If it helps, I was able to identify them, they are foxglove.

Finally, my mushrooms are beginning to turn blue? Are they spoiled already? I ate a few earlier to test the flavor, but since then things have gotten a little... strange.

All in all, I'm really excited about this batch. I love the outdoors, so incorporating these things into my next batch means a lot to me.

Thanks!

As far as your flowers, I've never done a haul like that. I've always just gone for the handheld orbital sander. In your case, I would probably go with a floor sander. Just make sure you're on a big enough, strong enough tarp so as not to stain your kid's carpet with all that nectar. Aside from definitely doing it the long way, I think you're on the right track there.

As far as mushrooms, I like the contribution best when regurgitated. Eat them all, enjoy the results, and brew while doing so, and by the time you inevitably hurl, you should be done with the boil and your wort in the fermenter. Simply lean over into the bucket, spew, and then pitch. It really softens that mushroom flavor and gets rid of the harsh character, and doesn't take out much of the punch either. Just like steeping tea twice.

 

[jwalker1140]

My home brew is too good and I can't stop drinking it. What can I do?

-Sauced in San Diego

Some other HBT member recently brewed The Most Amazing Beer Ever. I know because he told me so. You need to track him down and ask to try a bottle (he may be hard to reach since he's going on a mantrip and all. But if you do, definitely DO NOT ask for his recipe....). No doubt one taste of his Amazing Beer will probably not only ruin you on your own "too good" beer, but you may quit brewing all together.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear HBT:

I've been following the instructions some have given in this illuminating thread: https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f45/wear-pants-while-brewing-475918/

Since I'm no longer allowed to use cod (court order, once again see referenced thread), I decided to try both randomly dunking my junk, and then alternatively dunking my junk the last 10 minutes of the boil.

The random batch seemed to kick off without a hitch. But with the last 10 minute batch, it's been 6 days and it's still not fermenting. Plus there's this black ooze coming off my junk that's quite painful. What happened? Did I ruin my batch? Or my nardledanglers?

Thanks in advance.

 

[boydster]

Dear HBT:

I've been following the instructions some have given in this illuminating thread: https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f45/wear-pants-while-brewing-475918/

Since I'm no longer allowed to use cod (court order, once again see referenced thread), I decided to try both randomly dunking my junk, and then alternatively dunking my junk the last 10 minutes of the boil.

The random batch seemed to kick off without a hitch. But with the last 10 minute batch, it's been 6 days and it's still not fermenting. Plus there's this black ooze coming off my junk that's quite painful. What happened? Did I ruin my batch? Or my nardledanglers?

Thanks in advance.

You have infected your nardledangers. Many may suggest seeing a doctor, or even cutting them off, but trust me on this one: let it ride for a year. It may begin to smell funny, and you could see a nardle pellicle form if the wound opens. That's all perfectly normal. Just leave it alone (no playing with it!) and after a year you can package your package.

 

[hunter_le five]

You have infected your nardledangers.

Hehe.... nardledangers...

 

[Zuljin]

Palmer is a hack and Micheal Jackson was barely a pop artist, let alone a brewer.

Generating your own electricity is commendable, but do be aware; if your shakra drops by as much as .07 milliamps per foot pound of horsepower, cubed, you will die. This is not a joke. More people die each year from low amperage drop than by being stepped on by cows while carrying glass carboys by the neck.

The flower and mushroom idea is quite intriguing. Yes. Floral and Earthy. But why not use actual Earth? Try some green lava sand. The green lava sand will not only add a genuine Earth flavor, the paramagnetism will align the sugar molecules of the nectar and allow the venom yeast to more efficiently consume them. You can increase this benefit ten fold if you use a bed of red dirt in your mash tun.

And while we're on the subject on tertiary fermentation, which is a necessity, use fish tank water to top off. Nothing works quite like it.

 

[boydster]

Hehe.... nardledangers...

The term is from an ancient Slovenian tribe originally, from when the land was first inhabited. Directly translated, it would have meant, "Sacred fruits of the hazelnut tree." Hazelnut trees, of course, were known as "nardles" at that time and were revered just as some animals and plants are by other cultures today. As time has passed, the etymology of the word has largely been lost and forgotten.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear HBT:

I've been following the instructions some have given in this illuminating thread: https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f45/wear-pants-while-brewing-475918/

Since I'm no longer allowed to use cod (court order, once again see referenced thread), I decided to try both randomly dunking my junk, and then alternatively dunking my junk the last 10 minutes of the boil.

The random batch seemed to kick off without a hitch. But with the last 10 minute batch, it's been 6 days and it's still not fermenting. Plus there's this black ooze coming off my junk that's quite painful. What happened? Did I ruin my batch? Or my nardledanglers?

Thanks in advance.

you have to alternate in this order for every new fermentation: 1)junk 2)anus 3)*****.

 

[boydster]

Generating your own electricity is commendable, but do be aware; if your shakra drops by as much as .07 milliamps per foot pound of horsepower, cubed, you will die.

Which part is cubed? The horses? I want to get this right, and cubing horses is doable but I haven't really made it a common practice yet. Sure they are easy to butcher, but cubing takes much longer.

If you mean (.07mA*hp^3)/(ft*lb), I can do the math but that doesn't account for the change in charge over time. I am sure there is a differential equation that would work. I'll have to mull this one over.

But why not use actual Earth? Try some green lava sand. The green lava sand will not only add a genuine Earth flavor, the paramagnetism will align the sugar molecules of the nectar and allow the venom yeast to more efficiently consume them. You can increase this benefit ten fold if you use a bed of red dirt in your mash tun.

This is why I love this forum. I've never even considered the paramagnetic qualities of different types of earth for brewing purposes. I can't wait to try this! Will my bee venom work here, or must I import a water moccasin? I just got done reinforcing my beekeeper suit, hoping to avoid the previous fiasco.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Palmer is a hack and Micheal Jackson was barely a pop artist, let alone a brewer.

I laughed so hard it hurt!

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear HBT. I want to brew up a glow in the dark beer. So far I have colleted 100 gallons of heavy water from Chernobyl, a dried sample of Godzillas blood (I could not find any that was fresh) as well as a leftover rod from Japan. The beer I have made so far has a tangy quality that I really like but just does not glow that beautiful shade of green I so desire. Do I need to add more cowbell?

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear HBT. I want to brew up a glow in the dark beer. So far I have colleted 100 gallons of heavy water from Chernobyl, a dried sample of Godzillas blood (I could not find any that was fresh) as well as a leftover rod from Japan. The beer I have made so far has a tangy quality that I really like but just does not glow that beautiful shade of green I so desire. Do I need to add more cowbell?

You need to prep the Godzilla blood with a positron collider. Assuming you don't have the funding to travel to CERN for beer, you best build yourself a proton pack. Also handy for those occasional ectoplasmic infestations.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

You could also add glow worms from Madagascar or Venezuela. It's a bit involved to gather them from the cave ceilings, but the mounds of bat guano make it easier. The pregnant worms have the best glow, so you might have some extra work to do, depending on whether you gather them during breeding season or not. BTW, they're easier to breed if you take them out to dinner & give them a few drinks to loosen them up.

 

[boydster]

There is a simple solution that has been completely overlooked. Before I get to that though, I need to ask about the cowbell. Do you have a fever or something? Anyway, head to your local dollar store. They will have glow sticks. DON'T CRACK THEM YET, just cut them open. Don't do this until immediately before bottling. If you keg, you're missing out on a great show, so I don't recommend kegging in this instance. Add the glow stick juice and the thingy that you crack to make it glow directly to the bottling bucket with your priming sugar and Godzilla blood. Did you remember to rehydrate the blood? Good. Now siphon the beer on top and bottle as usual. When you are ready to serve, shake the bottles violently to make the beer glow, then open and pour. Don't worry, glow stick juice is also an anti-foaming agent so the bottles won't gush.

 

[DrunkleJon]

Hmm... novel approach. The glow sticks seem too much like using an extract. I want more of the all grain approach to my glowing beer plus there is all that garbage from the glow stick casing. How much does it cost to store that kind of hazardous material? Should I just hide it behind the couch? I do seem to be a touch warm. It may be a fever.

 

[Zuljin]

You need to prep the Godzilla blood with a positron collider. Assuming you don't have the funding to travel to CERN for beer, you best build yourself a proton pack. Also handy for those occasional ectoplasmic infestations.

Hmmm. Spectral Sours.

You could also add glow worms from Madagascar or Venezuela. It's a bit involved to gather them from the cave ceilings, but the mounds of bat guano make it easier. The pregnant worms have the best glow, so you might have some extra work to do, depending on whether you gather them during breeding season or not. BTW, they're easier to breed if you take them out to dinner & give them a few drinks to loosen them up.

"Extra work", he says. "take them out to dinner & give them a few drinks to loosen them up", he says.

Hmm... novel approach. The glow sticks seem too much like using an extract. I want more of the all grain approach to my glowing beer plus there is all that garbage from the glow stick casing. How much does it cost to store that kind of hazardous material? Should I just hide it behind the couch? I do seem to be a touch warm. It may be a fever.

You'll be even warmer with all that glow stick juice in ya.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Hmmm. Spectral Sours.

I would be veritably shocked if someone out there hasn't brewed a Gose and called it Goser the Gosarian.

Oh look at that, DFH did it.

I bet they didn't cross the streams when they brewed it though...

 

[DrunkleJon]

I bet they didn't cross the streams when they brewed it though...

I almost bet they did.

 

[Zuljin]

I would be veritably shocked if someone out there hasn't brewed a Gose and called it Goser the Gosarian.

Oh look at that, DFH did it.

I bet they didn't cross the streams when they brewed it though...

That reminds me to drink a Gose, then brew one. Sea salt? Himalayan pink salt?

Wait. No. Sweat salt. Yes! Now I only need to find some sweat. Maybe I can collect some from one of those hot yoga classes.