Biggest lie on homebrew talk

[Velnerj]

I don't intend on this thread to be angry but rather a place to poke fun at ourselves.

After reading several threads both live and dead, old and new I kept on seeing the same bold face lie told over and over again... It looks something like this:

I just bottled/kegged XYZ beer with (the exact ingredient you are researching) I'll post back when I get a chance to taste it in a couple weeks.

How many of my brewing brothers and sisters have had their hopes dashed against the rocks while watching that poster disappear from that thread entirely?

Blessed are the few who return and actually report back. Narrow is that way and there are a few who find it....

What other quirks have you encountered here that bother you?

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

These are the quirks that really grind my gears -

(doesn't apply to HBT)
When I'm looking up cooking recipes and I click on whatever dish interests me with 1,000, 5 star reviews, and 900 of those reviews are people saying 'this looks AMAZING, can't wait to try it!' or something equally useless. IF YOU HAVEN'T COOKED THE RECIPE WHY ARE YOU REVIEWING IT??!

(applies to HBT)
Reading through a recipe that has medaled/finalist/BOS, etc and people post THEIR recipe on the same thread. If you wan't feedback, post it accordingly. Otherwise, what happens all too often, is it starts to confuse brewers trying to make the original recipe. Or someone will ask what temp to mash at because they didn't read the recipe all the way through...I need a beer lol

 

[rburrelli]

These are the quirks that really grind my gears -

(doesn't apply to HBT)
When I'm looking up cooking recipes and I click on whatever dish interests me with 1,000, 5 star reviews, and 900 of those reviews are people saying 'this looks AMAZING, can't wait to try it!' or something equally useless. IF YOU HAVEN'T COOKED THE RECIPE WHY ARE YOU REVIEWING IT??!

(applies to HBT)
Reading through a recipe that has medaled/finalist/BOS, etc and people post THEIR recipe on the same thread. If you wan't feedback, post it accordingly. Otherwise, what happens all too often, is it starts to confuse brewers trying to make the original recipe. Or someone will ask what temp to mash at because they didn't read the recipe all the way through...I need a beer lol

I hate reviews for much the same reasons. People give one star because the delivery was late or a part was missing. That is not a review but a complaint. Recipes as well. Don’t know how many times I looked at a recipe and the user did not make it as the recipe said,
Also.... when new brewers get a kit and want to modify it immediately with fruit or coffee or different hops. Brew it as is, then make mods the next time.

 

[Nokie]

I don't intend on this thread to be angry but rather a place to poke fun at ourselves.

After reading several threads both live and dead, old and new I kept on seeing the same bold face lie told over and over again... It looks something like this:

I just bottled/kegged XYZ beer with (the exact ingredient you are researching) I'll post back when I get a chance to taste it in a couple weeks.

How many of my brewing brothers and sisters have had their hopes dashed against the rocks while watching that poster disappear from that thread entirety?

Blessed are the few who return and actually report back. Narrow is that way and there are a few who find it....

What other quirks have you encountered here that bother you?

I notice that on dead threads... I’ll read through 30 pages of something I’m interested in finding out about that they’re going to come back and report on........
And still waiting.......
Or the totally new brewer that posts I brewed XY&Z in a mop bucket with whatever for a false bottom, pretty sure my efficiency was around 110%, is this krausen or an infection??
(I probably should move this to the drunken rambling thread)

 

[NGD]

I notice that on dead threads... I’ll read through 30 pages of something I’m interested in finding out about that they’re going to come back and report on........
And still waiting.......
Or the totally new brewer that posts I brewed XY&Z in a mop bucket with whatever for a false bottom, pretty sure my efficiency was around 110%, is this krausen or an infection??
(I probably should move this to the drunken rambling thread)

10/05/2001 Does this look infected? I spilled some on the floor, but recovered it with my shop vac. Gonna test it anyway. Will post back.

10/09/20 What sanitizer do you use?

 

[Nokie]

10/05/2001 Does this look infected? I spilled some on the floor
View attachment 701807

 

[Snark_Wolf_Brewing]

You want to know what really grinds my gears? Asking a question here in the HBT forums, waiting all day for a response, and then having someone finally answer with "There's already a thread that answers this question", but that person fails to provide any clue as to where that thread is. C'mon! A link. A simple link. Is that too much to ask for?! And that's what really grinds my gears! - Said in my best Peter Griffin voice

 

[tektonjp]

How about recipe threads where the reply is: I brewed one exactly like this, except I subbed this hop, used this yeast instead, and changed out the malt bill. Hmmm, have you googled "exactly" lately?

 

[Nokie]

I’ve looked all over and used the search but how do I.......(usually something simple or part of the brewing process) but they’re second guessing themselves and need an answer NOW!
And it’s easier to start a thread than search or read through however many pages

 

[pdcm]

These are the quirks that really grind my gears -

(doesn't apply to HBT)
When I'm looking up cooking recipes and I click on whatever dish interests me with 1,000, 5 star reviews, and 900 of those reviews are people saying 'this looks AMAZING, can't wait to try it!' or something equally useless. IF YOU HAVEN'T COOKED THE RECIPE WHY ARE YOU REVIEWING IT??!

On a related note for searching internet recipes....

Actually, before I get to my complaint, let me just tell you, I'm reminded of when I was younger, walking home from elementary school towards the end of the spring semester, just as summer was around the bend. There was a winding path that would take me through a field of what I might have at the time mistook for native plants, but were probably just weeds. I would stop on the path and find caterpillars, grasshoppers, katydids and the odd praying mantis.

Chasing down an elusive grasshopper was always a challenge, and then once you had it in your hands, it would spit up the black goop. It wasn't harmful, I guess, but it sure was gross. Anyway, the path would take us behind the old 7-Eleven, where once time I found an old hot-dog in plastic wrap. It obviously was full of bacteria, as the package was blown up like a balloon. We took the packet and left it on the railroad tracks which had to be traversed in order to enter the neighborhood. I typically picked up a piece or two of coal along the tracks as well.

Continuing on, the sweet scent of honeysuckle would be carried over the breeze, and I knew I was getting close to home. The fence that separated the path from the county property on the other side was alive with activity, bees a-buzz on the honeysuckle flowers. I would pick a few, then pull the stamen out through the back of the flower to get to that sweet droplet of nectar.

That nectar, the sweetness of it, but just a tease, as it was so small. That brings me back around to my complaint about recipes on the internet... having to wade through 15 pages of some family history in order to find the damn list of ingredients and instructions for preparation. Yeah. That's grinds my gears.

 

[FromZwolle]

Nah, biggest lie on this site: "I love brewing!"

no you don't, you hate it. everything about brewing is a pain in the butt. every little thing.




still worth it, though.

 

[Tobor_8thMan]

How about recipe threads where the reply is: I brewed one exactly like this, except I subbed this hop, used this yeast instead, and changed out the malt bill. Hmmm, have you googled "exactly" lately?

Similar to "I always do that, sometimes". WTF?

 

[JoeMamasIPA]

I'll play...

"I am thinking of using this hop schedule, grain bill, and fermentation approach. Please critique my recipe"

Responses "I would change X, Y, and Z"

Original Poster "No, I am going to do what I started with since I already thought about X, Y, and Z" *never reports back because it came out awful*

 

[TBC]

I’ve only had 1 beer.

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

On a related note for searching internet recipes....

Actually, before I get to my complaint, let me just tell you, I'm reminded of when I was younger, walking home from elementary school towards the end of the spring semester, just as summer was around the bend. There was a winding path that would take me through a field of what I might have at the time mistook for native plants, but were probably just weeds. I would stop on the path and find caterpillars, grasshoppers, katydids and the odd praying mantis.

Chasing down an elusive grasshopper was always a challenge, and then once you had it in your hands, it would spit up the black goop. It wasn't harmful, I guess, but it sure was gross. Anyway, the path would take us behind the old 7-Eleven, where once time I found an old hot-dog in plastic wrap. It obviously was full of bacteria, as the package was blown up like a balloon. We took the packet and left it on the railroad tracks which had to be traversed in order to enter the neighborhood. I typically picked up a piece or two of coal along the tracks as well.

Continuing on, the sweet scent of honeysuckle would be carried over the breeze, and I knew I was getting close to home. The fence that separated the path from the county property on the other side was alive with activity, bees a-buzz on the honeysuckle flowers. I would pick a few, then pull the stamen out through the back of the flower to get to that sweet droplet of nectar.

That nectar, the sweetness of it, but just a tease, as it was so small. That brings me back around to my complaint about recipes on the internet... having to wade through 15 pages of some family history in order to find the damn list of ingredients and instructions for preparation. Yeah. That's grinds my gears.

I read your entire post and was like 'what in the actual f*ck is this dude talking about and WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THAT HOTDOG?!'..then i got it lol. Agreed. That makes me want to slap someone.

 

[AzOr]

On a related note for searching internet recipes....

Actually, before I get to my complaint, let me just tell you, I'm reminded of when I was younger, walking home from elementary school towards the end of the spring semester, just as summer was around the bend. There was a winding path that would take me through a field of what I might have at the time mistook for native plants, but were probably just weeds. I would stop on the path and find caterpillars, grasshoppers, katydids and the odd praying mantis.

Chasing down an elusive grasshopper was always a challenge, and then once you had it in your hands, it would spit up the black goop. It wasn't harmful, I guess, but it sure was gross. Anyway, the path would take us behind the old 7-Eleven, where once time I found an old hot-dog in plastic wrap. It obviously was full of bacteria, as the package was blown up like a balloon. We took the packet and left it on the railroad tracks which had to be traversed in order to enter the neighborhood. I typically picked up a piece or two of coal along the tracks as well.

Continuing on, the sweet scent of honeysuckle would be carried over the breeze, and I knew I was getting close to home. The fence that separated the path from the county property on the other side was alive with activity, bees a-buzz on the honeysuckle flowers. I would pick a few, then pull the stamen out through the back of the flower to get to that sweet droplet of nectar.

That nectar, the sweetness of it, but just a tease, as it was so small. That brings me back around to my complaint about recipes on the internet... having to wade through 15 pages of some family history in order to find the damn list of ingredients and instructions for preparation. Yeah. That's grinds my gears.

Can I nominate this for post of the year?
Nobel Peace Prize?

 

[dwhite60]

Not just this forum but, someone posts a problem, lots of people offer help. Suddenly there's a post from the OP saying "Fixed it. Thanks for the help" with nothing saying what exactly they did to fix it.

Computer and car repair forums are the worst for this.

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

Can I nominate this for post of the year?
Nobel Peace Prize?

It's got my vote!

 

[seatazzz]

*several snarky comments deleted* I should NOT post in this thread when I've been drinking. You hear me @bracconiere ??? The only posts that really bother me are the ones where people (who are obviously underage) are trying to make hooch, and ask their questions here. Seriously? Get offa my spent grain fertilized lawn!!

*edit Not meant to p*ss off @bracconiere , my partner in occasional shenanigans.

 

[bracconiere]

How many of my brewing brothers and sisters have had their hopes dashed against the rocks while watching that poster disappear from that thread entirely?

i just was asking about making oat malt, and reported back....but i have no sense of taste, so take it for what it's worth.....

and @seatazzz , i really wanted to take the time to haha every post in this thread.....unfortanatly my oat beer only came out to 5%....i'm really trying to drink it fast enough, but between bathroom breaks i sober up to much before i can pour another one....

so in other words, @IslandLizard is general homebrewing or drunken rambling?

 

[BrewMan13]

Nah, biggest lie on this site: "I love brewing!"

no you don't, you hate it. everything about brewing is a pain in the butt. every little thing.




still worth it, though.

Hard disagree. If I didn't love brewing I wouldn't do it, it's much easier to just buy beer. I literally brewed a beer I plan to only drink a couple pints of, just for others. I love the process, and the resulting beer as well.

 

[bracconiere]

it's much easier to just buy beer

i strongly disagree....when you figure you have to earn the money to buy it normaly.....

back before i moved to high altitude and my brew started taking 7 hours, they were 3 hours, for 10 gallons of beer...and at the time i was making 8.40 an hour.....so that's almost 9 twelvers for $24....


but i'd agree with

Nah, biggest lie on this site: "I love brewing!"

after 16 years of brewing once a week....let's just say cider is becoming more appealing to me....

 

[passedpawn]

On a related note for searching internet recipes....

Actually, before I get to my complaint, let me just tell you, I'm reminded of when I was younger, walking home from elementary school towards the end of the spring semester, just as summer was around the bend. There was a winding path that would take me through a field of what I might have at the time mistook for native plants, but were probably just weeds. I would stop on the path and find caterpillars, grasshoppers, katydids and the odd praying mantis.

Chasing down an elusive grasshopper was always a challenge, and then once you had it in your hands, it would spit up the black goop. It wasn't harmful, I guess, but it sure was gross. Anyway, the path would take us behind the old 7-Eleven, where once time I found an old hot-dog in plastic wrap. It obviously was full of bacteria, as the package was blown up like a balloon. We took the packet and left it on the railroad tracks which had to be traversed in order to enter the neighborhood. I typically picked up a piece or two of coal along the tracks as well.

Continuing on, the sweet scent of honeysuckle would be carried over the breeze, and I knew I was getting close to home. The fence that separated the path from the county property on the other side was alive with activity, bees a-buzz on the honeysuckle flowers. I would pick a few, then pull the stamen out through the back of the flower to get to that sweet droplet of nectar.

That nectar, the sweetness of it, but just a tease, as it was so small. That brings me back around to my complaint about recipes on the internet... having to wade through 15 pages of some family history in order to find the damn list of ingredients and instructions for preparation. Yeah. That's grinds my gears.

Haha, we called that tobacco juice. That's the black stuff the grasshoppers spit. Way back when I was wee and gettin taller in the midwest, it was AOK for kids to chew tobacco. We supposed those grasshoppers were doing it too. Beechnut for the win BTW.

 

[IslandLizard]

so in other words, @IslandLizard is general homebrewing or drunken rambling?

Since the discussion isn't technical or even remotely about brewing, it really didn't belong in General Homebrewing.
So I've been contemplating if HBT Feedback would be the more appropriate forum for this... NOT!

It's in DRMM now. And surely an interesting topic.

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

Beechnut for the win BTW.

Redman tops the list for me. Beechnut is a close second, though!

I used to fight forest fires for a long time and I always had a wad of Redman in my cheek and a packet of Backwoods cigars in my pocket (or a lit cigar in my mouth and the Redman pouch in my pocket).

I can't count the number of times I'd hear the comment 'why are you smoking a cigar, the fire isn't smokey enough for ya?!' and I'd laugh and explain that if we were trying to put the flames out on a tobacco farm I wouldn't be smoking!

Or how many times people would tell me smoking is bad for me (which it is, don't get me wrong. But, they were referencing my endurance/fitness) as they're getting left behind as I'm out hiking everyone.

Long gone are the days where I could drink endless beers, get 4 hours of sleep, wake up at 6 and be done with a 10 mile run by 8. Now I get excited if I can skip a step going upstairs without my knees cracking or my back giving out!

 

[Pkrd]

On a related note for searching internet recipes....

Actually, before I get to my complaint, let me just tell you, I'm reminded of when I was younger, walking home from elementary school towards the end of the spring semester, just as summer was around the bend. There was a winding path that would take me through a field of what I might have at the time mistook for native plants, but were probably just weeds. I would stop on the path and find caterpillars, grasshoppers, katydids and the odd praying mantis.

Chasing down an elusive grasshopper was always a challenge, and then once you had it in your hands, it would spit up the black goop. It wasn't harmful, I guess, but it sure was gross. Anyway, the path would take us behind the old 7-Eleven, where once time I found an old hot-dog in plastic wrap. It obviously was full of bacteria, as the package was blown up like a balloon. We took the packet and left it on the railroad tracks which had to be traversed in order to enter the neighborhood. I typically picked up a piece or two of coal along the tracks as well.

Continuing on, the sweet scent of honeysuckle would be carried over the breeze, and I knew I was getting close to home. The fence that separated the path from the county property on the other side was alive with activity, bees a-buzz on the honeysuckle flowers. I would pick a few, then pull the stamen out through the back of the flower to get to that sweet droplet of nectar.

That nectar, the sweetness of it, but just a tease, as it was so small. That brings me back around to my complaint about recipes on the internet... having to wade through 15 pages of some family history in order to find the damn list of ingredients and instructions for preparation. Yeah. That's grinds my gears.

Did you have an onion tied to your belt?

 

[BrewMan13]

i strongly disagree....when you figure you have to earn the money to buy it normaly.....

back before i moved to high altitude and my brew started taking 7 hours, they were 3 hours, for 10 gallons of beer...and at the time i was making 8.40 an hour.....so that's almost 9 twelvers for $24....

Maybe if I only spent money on beer, I would see your point. But I work to pay the bills, having spending money is a bonus.
And I was taking about simplicity, not value. I agree that homebrew is cheaper by the pint. But time wise, I go from setup to everything cleaned up and put away in 4 hours. But if it was just about the beer, I could go grab something and be back home in 20min or less.

 

[bracconiere]

And I was taking about simplicity, not value

LOL, when i want it REALLY simple and am to tired to brew.....i have instacart deliver 10 gallons of apple juice, and a 4lb bag of sugar...

 

[camonick]

before i moved to high altitude and my brew started taking 7 hours, they were 3 hours, for 10 gallons of beer..

Why does it take longer? I think I’ve seen you post before that you’re around ≈4500 feet. That’s exactly where I’m at in northeast Colorado and I can do 5 gallon BIAB start to finish in about 3 1/2 hours.
Just curious.

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

I'm at 1,100' ASL and my brew day takes like 6 hours...WtF am I doing wrong??! And that's single infusion mash, batch sparge, 60 minute boil and a 50' IC for 6 gallons of wort I didn't think my burner was that inefficient...?

Edit: Now I'm really questioning my idea of brewing a double decocted Wee Heavy next...at my pace that will take 9-10 hours!

 

[NGD]

LOL, when i want it REALLY simple and am to tired to brew.....i have instacart deliver 10 gallons of apple juice, and a 4lb bag of sugar...

Lol! Do you get alot of ad’s for diabetic products? Instacart algorithms must be having a field day selling your shopping cart info to pharma companies

 

[NGD]

Why does it take longer? I think I’ve seen you post before that you’re around ≈4500 feet. That’s exactly where I’m at in northeast Colorado and I can do 5 gallon BIAB start to finish in about 3 1/2 hours.
Just curious.

Thats nothing. 1200ft, 45 minutes for an extract batch and I’m out the door.



And before you call BS; remember the name of this thread.

 

[bracconiere]

Why does it take longer? I think I’ve seen you post before that you’re around ≈4500 feet. That’s exactly where I’m at in northeast Colorado and I can do 5 gallon BIAB start to finish in about 3 1/2 hours.
Just curious.

i have no idea, it's just been that way ever since i moved here, someone said maybe because i brew on the stove with NG...Which might be a factor, but i had the same problem on my propane burner, whoever it was said less pressure, just means you can boil it higher easier, and still takes more energy...kinda like nitro for a car, just let you burn more fuel....

Lol! Do you get alot of ad’s for diabetic products? Instacart algorithms must be having a field day selling your shopping cart info to pharma companies

LOL, i don't want them to know...they'd probably jack up 2.99 gallon to 8 bucks or something.....


But anyway my last A1C was 4.6, probablty because alcohol decreases blood glucose.......

 

[Sailingeric]

On a related note for searching internet recipes....

Actually, before I get to my complaint, let me just tell you, I'm reminded of when I was younger, walking home from elementary school towards the end of the spring semester, just as summer was around the bend. There was a winding path that would take me through a field of what I might have at the time mistook for native plants, but were probably just weeds. I would stop on the path and find caterpillars, grasshoppers, katydids and the odd praying mantis.

Chasing down an elusive grasshopper was always a challenge, and then once you had it in your hands, it would spit up the black goop. It wasn't harmful, I guess, but it sure was gross. Anyway, the path would take us behind the old 7-Eleven, where once time I found an old hot-dog in plastic wrap. It obviously was full of bacteria, as the package was blown up like a balloon. We took the packet and left it on the railroad tracks which had to be traversed in order to enter the neighborhood. I typically picked up a piece or two of coal along the tracks as well.

Continuing on, the sweet scent of honeysuckle would be carried over the breeze, and I knew I was getting close to home. The fence that separated the path from the county property on the other side was alive with activity, bees a-buzz on the honeysuckle flowers. I would pick a few, then pull the stamen out through the back of the flower to get to that sweet droplet of nectar.

That nectar, the sweetness of it, but just a tease, as it was so small. That brings me back around to my complaint about recipes on the internet... having to wade through 15 pages of some family history in order to find the damn list of ingredients and instructions for preparation. Yeah. That's grinds my gears.

Yep, I hate those too. Give me a damn pic, list of what I need, how long to cook, and at what temp

 

[Tobor_8thMan]

Not just this forum but, someone posts a problem, lots of people offer help. Suddenly there's a post from the OP saying "Fixed it. Thanks for the help" with nothing saying what exactly they did to fix it.

Computer and car repair forums are the worst for this.

Or, the OP continues arguing...

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

I thought the biggest lie was:

"I've been brewing for 6 months and my beer is better than most commercial craft beer..."

 

[IslandLizard]

I thought the biggest lie was:

"I've been brewing for 6 months and my beer is better than most commercial craft beer..."

In a similar vein:

"I brewed my first kit, a Lager from Mr. Beer (Coopers, Muntons, ...). Came out real good!"

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

I thought the biggest lie was:

"I've been brewing for 6 months and my beer is better than most commercial craft beer..."

That's a pretty good one. I've been brewing for a few years with varying frequency and my beers can't hold a match to the pros. I think my Saison would hold up pretty well against any Saison at my local breweries but that's it. I've still got a LOT to learn

 

[dawn_kiebawls]

In a similar vein:

"I brewed my first kit, a Lager from Mr. Beer (Coopers, Muntons, ...). Came out real good!"

It's not so much a lie on HBT, so a little off topic - I always cringe when someone creates an account to seek advice because they've never brewed before and told their best friend that they're going to brew all the beer for their wedding . It's a nice gesture, but do everyone a favor and buy a couple kegs of whatever the crowd wants to drink.

 

[bracconiere]

I'm totally honest about my beer! i am curious about my malt though.