Biggest lie on homebrew talk

[TheBluePhantom]

In a similar vein:

"I brewed my first kit, a Lager from Mr. Beer (Coopers, Muntons, ...). Came out real good!"

Depends on what you are comparing to, and what aspect you are looking at. Being maltier than Coors Light is not a high bar to jump...

edit: commented too soon... yes, BMC is amazing at producing millions of gallons of perfectly consistent beer. And you can't argue with their success, a lot of people adore the products. My problem is that I want something interesting. Now my version of "interesting" may extend to someone else's version of "dumper", but I do have fun.

And I do intend to get back to that thread, it is still in the primary right now!

 

[IslandLizard]

In a similar vein:

"I brewed my first kit, a Lager from Mr. Beer (Coopers, Muntons, ...). Came out real good!"

Depends on what you are comparing to, and what aspect you are looking at. Being maltier than Coors Light is not a high bar to jump...

edit: commented too soon... yes, BMC is amazing at producing millions of gallons of perfectly consistent beer. And you can't argue with their success, a lot of people adore the products. My problem is that I want something interesting. Now my version of "interesting" may extend to someone else's version of "dumper", but I do have fun.

And I do intend to get back to that thread, it is still in the primary right now!

Sorry, you misunderstood. That's not what I meant at all, it IS to be taken literally:
"I brewed my first kit ... a Lager from Mr. Beer ... Coopers, Muntons, ... Came out real good!"
Sure, the first homebrewed beer can make one proud, gives a decent amount of satisfaction.
But there are contradictions (and lies), the most important being that the resulting beers from those kits are never real[ly] good!

The lies:
Those kits are never a Lager, as that would require use of Lager yeast, controlled, low temp fermentation, and a relatively long period of ice cold lagering to clarify.

Those kits are "selling an illusion" of brewing certain classic style beers, look at their packaging. Sadly, more money is spent on marketing, packaging, profits, etc. than on providing quality ingredients and instructions to make such. None of the results can shake a stick at what they try to mimic. And no, the beer that can be made from those kits is not good, by any standard.

 

[InspectorJon]

If the BMC brewers decided one day they were going to produce an IPA, Stout, Quad, ::insert literally any beer style here:: it would be better than anything we can produce on our equipment.

I agree that they "can", but I don't think their corporate cultures would ever really fit with it. I worry that they'd test the beer in front of a bunch of focus groups and tasting panels to make sure it will be a commercial success, and end up rounding all the sharp corners that appeal to craft beer drinkers (many of whom, this thread shows, will snub it simply because it's BMC). I worry that approach would end up with something too aggressive for typical BMC drinkers and too toned down for typical craft drinkers.

It's what happened with Budweiser American Ale, in my opinion.

Or they might just get into something like Space Dust and distribute it nation wide for $12 a six pack.

 

[InspectorJon]

I don't intend on this thread to be angry but rather a place to poke fun at ourselves

I made this delicious, juicy hop flavored beer that looks like orange juice. It smells just like pineapple juice. It's an IPA...

 

[Nubiwan]

I made a wheat beer from a Panama Jack (????) extract kit about 2 years ago. I am pretty sure wheat beer doesn't taste like what I made. I still have 16 pints left in bottles.

plan to put to the test another big lie....... leave it sitting for a while, have patience, all beer eventually tastes good.

At present, I am hoping whatever is in the bottles will clean out the inside so I can avoid sterilizing them.

 

[easttex]

If we're airing the dirty laundry about things we dislike reading in forums - that seems to be what this thread has become, here's my submission:

1. The folks who don't close the loop on an idea or recipe. Inquiring minds need closure.
2. Noobies who can't Google...
3. Overly excited new participants in need of constant and immediate validation (e.g. No, it's not infected. That's just what yeast looks like. Now close the damn lid and stop jacking with it before it does get infected.)
4. The propensity for one-upmanship wrought by participating in a discussion online. There's always somebody looking down their nose at you or your method....chill dude, we're brewing beer not saving lives here...
5. Thread drift. I just scanned two pages of discussion about InBev to get to this point...

 

[TheBluePhantom]

The lies:
Those kits are never a Lager, as that would require use of Lager yeast, controlled, low temp fermentation, and a relatively long period of ice cold lagering to clarify.

0.0
Is there a lager outside of home and micro brewing? lager means 'to store', not filter and ship. How many of the macro brews are guilty of that? Or is that too big of a lie for this forum....

 

[soccerdad]

I'm sitting here thinking how I could monetize spoof reviews. " Hey man, I brewed your recipe for Baltic Porter and it was amazing. If I close my eyes drinking it I feel transported to the Hofbrau Haus and imagine sipping the finest Helles. But the complimentary t-shirt really sealed the deal. Thanks a million."

 

[Abrayton]

The absolute Biggest Lie on Homebrewtalk.... "I'm all done buying stuff for my brew set up."

I can’t remember who to quote, but “getting into home brewing to save money is like getting married to have more sex.”

 

[lawngnomehitman]

HA - I was at my LHBS (checks calendar) yesterday... they made an offhand comment that's been bugging me, about how much stuff I've bought. I didn't realize it until I thought about it... I've bought a lot of ingredients, and been making a lot of beer lately. I've only got 25 gallons fermenting at the moment though, so I'm just dabbling in this hobby here...

 

[cmac62]

While American light lagers are little more than hydration devices to me, I think Coors Banquet and MGD are actually pretty tasty brews. They're not exciting, and I will usually choose something else more in my style preference when the choices exist, but I'd rather have a Coors Banquet than a mediocre craft IPA. The good thing is that there is so much GOOD craft beer available that I don't have to make that choice.

A mediocre craft IPA can be hideous, give me the Banquet all day long.

I am living proof, as one lazy assed, and cheap brewer, that you can still make a pretty good quality ale, whilst avoiding some, if not all the above mentioned steps.

Just don’t ask me to make the same beer twice . The beauty of brewing right there.....

Nubiwan, we must be brothers I make okay beer and never the same twice.

My first beer was and chocolate coffee alt lager ale brewed with choke cherries and pomegranate rind steeped in apple cider vinegar. The flavor was kind of muddy. What did I do wrong.

 

[Konadog]

My first beer was and chocolate coffee alt lager ale brewed with choke cherries and pomegranate rind steeped in apple cider vinegar. The flavor was kind of muddy. What did I do wrong.

You forgot the avocado seeds, they remove the "muddy" flavor.

 

[AZ Maverick]

I like the recipe reviews that go something like this:
I tried your recipe and it tasted funny, but I did replace the Bavarian Lager yeast with English ale yeast and I used German Pilsner instead of Munich Malt because that's all I had on hand at the time....

All The Comments on Every Recipe Blog - The Toast

 

[lawngnomehitman]

"thanks for the recommendation, but I've read enough blogs to know that I can XYZ and be alright" - then why'd you ask, lol

 

[Nubiwan]

0.0
Is there a lager outside of home and micro brewing? lager means 'to store', not filter and ship. How many of the macro brews are guilty of that? Or is that too big of a lie for this forum....

Pretty much guarantee none of the local craft breweries (and I bet many commercials) lager beyond 2 weeks. Just do not have capacity or space to let a beer sit and take up valuable $$$$. I must ask one of them. Certainly not the much promoted 12 weeks, as most haven't even been in business that long.

Be worth polling a few breweries to see how much they do in fact lager their lagers? Perhaps I am way out of line, but I bet smaller brewers just cant afford to let product sit and age.

 

[Nubiwan]

While I am here (again), I find one of the biggest fallacies on home brew forums - and the craft industry as a whole, to be:

Bigger ABV means "has to be a better beer". That if a beer is 12.1% it must taste like nectar.

It's like it gives you a bigger "packet" if you brew heavier ABV beer. Look at my ABV, its bigger!

Who has the biggest ABV ever? That's what I want to know.

 

[Barbarossa]

Be worth polling a few breweries to see how much they do in fact lager their lagers? Perhaps I am way out of line, but I bet smaller brewers just cant afford to let product sit and age.

I know it's a stout and not a lager, but this brewery is aging beer in a lake. I thought it was amusing. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5808464

I also wonder why it's practically impossible to buy an actual lagered lager and not a cheated one. I get that it has a cost, but I would be willing to pay. Just write it down on the bottle and I'll buy it.

I have a lot of respect for breweries that tells you what you are buying. Im in fact more incline to buy a beer if there's indication about the process and/or ingredients. Rainbow cans with fancy names that means nothing? Hard pass. Vienna lager? Sure, give me some.

 

[InspectorJon]

The lie: "I wouldn't be caught dead drinking something like that."

Who has the biggest ABV ever? That's what I want to know.

I'm sure it's not the strongest ever but this has got to be near the to of the long list.

Scary beer from Europe. Tastes like a doppelbock on steroids.

View attachment 654852S View attachment 654853

 

[Nubiwan]

The lie: "I wouldn't be caught dead drinking something like that."



I'm sure it's not the strongest ever but this has got to be near the to of the long list.

15% ? Must be delicious. Its like Wine Beer. But stronger still.

 

[cmac62]

1. Brewmeister Snake Venom
While it sadly doesn’t contain real venom, the Snake Venom from Brewmeister is just as deadly. At 67.5% ABV, the brew is not only the highest ABV beer in the world, it’s also one of the most worrisome. The hoppy, malty, carbonated beast is best sipped like a relatively mild spirit and it has the flavour profile to match. Brewmeister created Snake Venom using everything from smoked peat malt to two types of yeast during production to achieve that high alcohol volume. Such an astounding ABV was also reached by freezing the brew multiple times during fermentation. If you only plan on having one beer on a night out, the Brewmeister Snake Venom is as much bang as your buck is going to get.

Brewery: Brewmeister
Origin: Scotland
ABV: 67.5%

The strongest beer in the world. Good luck getting any.

 

[InspectorJon]

1. Brewmeister Snake Venom
While it sadly doesn’t contain real venom, the Snake Venom from Brewmeister is just as deadly. At 67.5% ABV, the brew is not only the highest ABV beer in the world, it’s also one of the most worrisome. The hoppy, malty, carbonated beast is best sipped like a relatively mild spirit and it has the flavour profile to match. Brewmeister created Snake Venom using everything from smoked peat malt to two types of yeast during production to achieve that high alcohol volume. Such an astounding ABV was also reached by freezing the brew multiple times during fermentation. If you only plan on having one beer on a night out, the Brewmeister Snake Venom is as much bang as your buck is going to get.

Brewery: Brewmeister
Origin: Scotland
ABV: 67.5%

The strongest beer in the world. Good luck getting any.

So this is supposed to be fun and not spiral into debate. So seriously but in the “spirit” of jest I’ll propose that that’s a big fat lie. 67.6% is not beer at all but some kind of 130 proof spirits. Not a mild spirit either. Perhaps made with beer ingredients and a highly specialized process that doesn’t include traditional distillation. Leave it to the Irish to come up with a strong drink.

 

[soccerdad]

Biggest lie on any forum. "I stopped watching NFL football 5 years ago."

 

[cmac62]

So this is supposed to be fun and not spiral into debate. So seriously but in the “spirit” of jest I’ll propose that that’s a big fat lie. 67.6% is not beer at all but some kind of 130 proof spirits. Not a mild spirit either. Perhaps made with beer ingredients and a highly specialized process that doesn’t include traditional distillation. Leave it to the Irish to come up with a strong drink.

I think they are Scot

 

[passedpawn]

Biggest lie on any forum. "I stopped watching NFL football 5 years ago."

I don't watch it. But I quit a lot longer ago than that. Too many penalties, too much time watching the refs deliberate. College football is far better.

Anyway, the biggest lie on HBT, and one that will cause quite a disturbance here, but what the hell, life is short, right, is

 

[Nubiwan]

I don't watch it. But I quit a lot longer ago than that. Too many penalties, too much time watching the refs deliberate. College football is far better.

Anyway, the biggest lie on HBT, and one that will cause quite a disturbance here, but what the hell, life is short, right, is

Well, lets have it....

 

[Nubiwan]

Another big lie i hear is:

My wife likes to help me on brew day.

 

[InspectorJon]

Anyway, the biggest lie on HBT, and one that will cause quite a disturbance here, but what the hell, life is short, right, is

Left

 

[bracconiere]

Ambidextrous?