Bedroom Sanctity or: how I almost went crazy when my MIL was in town

[Homercidal]

Eh. Grandmas get get to hold babies whenever they want. It's in the rulebook.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Eh. Grandmas get get to hold babies whenever they want. It's in the rulebook.

Eh. Not in my rulebook.

That's cool if it works for you. As far as I'm concerned the only person that can take a kid from a parent without asking is the other parent.

 

[Homercidal]

Well at least she will not be there long. Then you won't have to make these tough decisions. You could always head out to the pub for a cold beer or two and let her do her thing.

As Creamy says; It will pass.

 

[the_bird]

Admit it. You just don't want your MIL stumbling across your collection of goat porn.

 

[petie]

My MIL passed away back in march. I'd give anything if she was still here to come over do that at my house. If you hurt her feelings for trying to help you'll regret it. This is fact. If I could talk to my MIL right now I'd apologize for a lot of stuff. I've always been labeled as a hard ass but even that don't stop regrets.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Admit it. You just don't want your MIL stumbling across your collection of goat porn.

Well of course. I figured that went without saying.

 

[BrewKnurd]

My MIL passed away back in march. I'd give anything if she was still here to come over do that at my house. If you hurt her feelings for trying to help you'll regret it. This is fact. If I could talk to my MIL right now I'd apologize for a lot of stuff. I've always been labeled as a hard ass but even that don't stop regrets.

Perhaps I should take this opportunity to clarify that the entire reason I'm here bitching is so that I don't actually do anything to hurt her feelings. I thought that was clear, maybe not.

 

[petie]

Just let it go like water off a ducks back. I'm just sayin one day you'll be happy you did.

 

[Airborneguy]

Thankfully my mother-in-law left quickly once we got back from the hospital. They're actually coming today for only their second visit. I get along with them and all, but I left home very early and am fiercely independent, so having grandparents snooping around is not cool to me, especially when my parents are very good at staying out of our business.

Brewknurd, how's the baby doing anyway? For us, so far this one is much easier than our first! She's sleeping most of the time in between feedings and the breast feeding is going great so far.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Brewknurd, how's the baby doing anyway? For us, so far this one is much easier than our first! She's sleeping most of the time in between feedings and the breast feeding is going great so far.

She's good. Last night was rough from about 3:30-4:15 she decided the wanted to eat but didn't want to eat (i'm guessing maybe her stomach was bothering her a bit?), so I ended up just taking her out in the living room for an hour or so so the wife could at least sleep for a bit. By the time I farted around on the web and did a crossword puzzle baby girl was asleep enough that I could take her back in and get some sleep myself. So I woke up pretty tired, but so it goes.

 

[BrewHobby1]

Hey, I feel for you. During grad school my wife and I had two very small kids and we lived with my MIL. It was not easy.

Almost 20 years later she lives with us. I love my amazing kids, but was looking for some quality empty nest time with my wife.

She is a sweet lady and very nosy and pushy. For me I had to explain to her that we love her but the rules of the house are not set by her anymore. There are boundaries, like my bedroom is off limits. A few others have been set also. My wife and I both work long hours and we need time to ourselves. To put it bluntly, she needed to find someone to play with.

My wife wouldn't have these conversations with her Mom. Discussing it with. My wife didn't work. The best course of action and most respectful one for me was to have direct conversations with my MIL. We get along pretty well now. But still, I did not plan to be a parent to my parents. It's the right thing to do.

Hang in there. I miss the late nights rocking my kids. You are lucky!

 

[CreamyGoodness]

. Suddenly, I feel like kindly Uncle Creamy.

Is it opposites day? Are BK and Homer taking a position I agree with?? I DIG THAT!!

It is perfectly ok to admit to yourself that while you appreciate the holy bejoobus out of what someone is doing for you that certain aspects of what they are doing is annoying or frustrating. MIL is trying to be helpful, yes, and she is invading your personal privacy, yes. These aren't mutually exclusive. I think what you have done, which is to complain to a group of people who are in no way invested in your situation as a way of releasing some tension, was 100% and wholly appropriate. I also agree with Sharona (not atypical) in that if anyone should mention that your bedroom is off-limits it should be your wife. Personally, I would wait until her next visit and leave some article out she wouldn't want to see (I think handcuffs could work) to really drive home the idea that this is YOUR space. "Thank you for all your help mom, but this is the one place in the house where things happen between your daughter and I that, trust me, you don't want to know anything about."

So, to recap...

1) Voicing a grief, even if it is a grief with someone who is perpetuating a kindness, is appropriate and cathartic so long as you voice it to people who arent personally involved.
2) Take no action at this time, because said party is perpetuating a kindness.
3) Dan is worried he sounds like a jack@$$, which is hilarious, because we all know he one of the nicest people in America
and finally
4) Congratulations to both BK and Airbourneguy (and their wives of course) on the births of their children. I wish you both the best of luck and every happiness.

 

[Dan]

CG, you have a nice way with words and I personally believe your're a pretty humble guy. Definetly witty, and a fellow with a big heart.

As always, I look forward to your next post or thread.

Just wanted to say to you personally and at the same time C/C it to the world wide internet web.

With great respect,

I'm "Mr Obvious"

aka - Dan

 

[BrewKnurd]

A large part of the reason I am just rolling with it instead of saying anything to her (in addition to the fact that she means well) is that I know a lot of what she does comes from issues with self confidence. She always needs to be right, even when she's not, and any time she does something wrong, she'll come up with a reason as to why that's really what she meant. I think the cleaning is part of wanting to feel needed.

The only annoyance today (other than telling me that back to the future part 2 took place in 2012, and when I said it was 2015, she got all huffy ) was that she went to make lunch, and I said "all i want is reheated jambalaya". And I ended up with jambalaya and a salad. And since I hate wasting food, i ate the salad. Its a tiny thing, I know, it just annoys me because its all part of her desire to do things that weren't requested, while being sure that this is what the person really wanted (and then being upset if what she assumed you wanted wasn't what you wanted). I wish she'd just ask. But I think to her, that's like admitting that she doesn't know everything. See self confidence issues above.

That's my not at all serious gripe for the day. I do love my MIL, I really do.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

A large part of the reason I am just rolling with it instead of saying anything to her (in addition to the fact that she means well) is that I know a lot of what she does comes from issues with self confidence. She always needs to be right, even when she's not, and any time she does something wrong, she'll come up with a reason as to why that's really what she meant. I think the cleaning is part of wanting to feel needed.

The only annoyance today (other than telling me that back to the future part 2 took place in 2012, and when I said it was 2015, she got all huffy ) was that she went to make lunch, and I said "all i want is reheated jambalaya". And I ended up with jambalaya and a salad. And since I hate wasting food, i ate the salad. Its a tiny thing, I know, it just annoys me because its all part of her desire to do things that weren't requested, while being sure that this is what the person really wanted (and then being upset if what she assumed you wanted wasn't what you wanted). I wish she'd just ask. But I think to her, that's like admitting that she doesn't know everything. See self confidence issues above.

That's my not at all serious gripe for the day. I do love my MIL, I really do.

I have so much to teach you about not-at-all-serious gripes, young Padawan...

 

[BrewKnurd]

I have so much to teach you about not-at-all-serious gripes, young Padawan...

Creamy, if I ever find myself as good at griping about not at all serious things as you, I will probably join a monastery and take a vow of silence.