Bedroom Sanctity or: how I almost went crazy when my MIL was in town

[BrewKnurd]

So my wife and I just had a baby girl last week, and she's amazing, and that's what really matters.

That said, my mother in law has been in town (and staying with us) for almost 2 weeks, and probably will be for another week. In addition to wanting to cook dinner all the time, she's constantly wanting to clean. Now, I understand this sounds like a good thing. The one place where I have issues is.... she wants to clean our bedroom. The first time was the day after she showed up. She declared to me that morning that she was going to clean the living room and kitchen (and by clean i mean she was dusting up above the cabinets and everything) and that the bedroom would be the following day. So I spent all afternoon cleaning the living crap out of the bedroom so that she would have nothing to clean. I guess I failed, since during our second day at the hospital after my wife gave birth, the MIL me that while she was at our house that day she had swept the walls and washed the drapes and changed the sheets. Today it was the declaration that she would change the sheets tomorrow, so i went ahead and changed them in advance.

I dunno, am I crazy? I feel like our bedroom is... well, ours. And if you're not us, you don't belong in it, particularly without invitation. So don't go declaring what you're going to do in my bedroom.

That's all. Just wanted to vent. Go ahead, feel free to pile on about first world problems or about how terrible it must be to have a free maid service for three weeks, but I just had to gripe. Its been driving me bonkers.

 

[msehler]

I don't personally have that issue with someone (MIL) cleaning my bedroom, but I feel your general pain for MIL when coming to visit for extended periods (mine has to cook everything from scratch...including ketchup). Good luck, buddy, and good luck with the daughter! That's the important thing. My son (1st and only--currently) is 17 months old. Enjoy it...they grow up fast

 

[Dan]

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! Being a dad is one of the greatest joys in the world!

Respectfully, I have no sympathy for the first world problem issues. They are temporary, suck it up and get over them. Life's to short to get caught up in pettiness.

Just my 2 cents no offense meant.

 

[Chap]

1st congrats on the birth of your daughter

2nd I agree completely! The bedroom is off limits to anybody but Momma and I.

3rd damn I wish I had your problems :cross:

 

[cfonnes]

A year or so after I married I came home to find that my 23 yr old step daughter had rearranged my closet. That weirded me out having my pants all hung up, shirts sorted by color, etc...

 

[mattd2]

...she had swept the walls ...

What? Did you tell her she's doing it wrong, brooms are for floors

 

[TBaGZ]

Stay out of my bedroom and don't touch my laundry!

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Tell her (in a nice way) how you feel about it, after that, it should be problem solved.
Regards, GF.

 

[paulster2626]

Dude your wife's vagina is going to be leaking all kinds of ungodly things for the next couple weeks. Put a towel down, get one of those protective "pee liners" to go under the sheets, and let your MIL do the cleanup. That **** is disgusting - consider yourself lucky.

By the way, sticking a few maxi-pads in the freezer today for her will definitely get you some bonus points in a month or so when you're looking for some "oral stimulation".

 

[sethcros]

On the one hand it is kind of annoying, I can see that, but on the other free help is free help! I'm tempted to see if my MIL wants to come spend a few days so I can get some free labor!

 

[nutty_gnome]

Pro-tip: Learn (today) how to make an effective 'ice diaper'.

 

[progmac]

your MIL is cooking and cleaning and trying to be helpful so that you can focus on the new baby. suck it up.

 

[ajlee]

Congrats on the baby girl!! You're not crazy, there is definitely a boundary there that is being crossed in my opinion. I would talk to her about it. I'm thinking the reason she gave you a heads up that the bedroom would be tomorrow was to give you a chance to hide anything you wouldn't want her to see. She probably thinks she is respecting your privacy. I would think you could nicely tell her that you appreciate the help, but that you'll handle the bedroom. Of course I don't know her, and family dynamics can be interesting at times, so I can't guess as to how a comment like this would be received (by your MIL or your wife). You'd think she would have taken the hint when spent the day cleaning it yourself.

Anyway, I agree with you totally on this one.

 

[Whattawort]

Dude your wife's vagina is going to be leaking all kinds of ungodly things for the next couple weeks. Put a towel down, get one of those protective "pee liners" to go under the sheets, and let your MIL do the cleanup. That **** is disgusting - consider yourself lucky.

By the way, sticking a few maxi-pads in the freezer today for her will definitely get you some bonus points in a month or so when you're looking for some "oral stimulation".

Aaaannnnnddd that's a wrap folks. Thanks for playing. Oy!! Thankfully my wife never experienced that after my son was born. There was that pesky emergency c-section thing though.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Congrats on the baby girl!! You're not crazy, there is definitely a boundary there that is being crossed in my opinion. I would talk to her about it. I'm thinking the reason she gave you a heads up that the bedroom would be tomorrow was to give you a chance to hide anything you wouldn't want her to see. She probably thinks she is respecting your privacy. I would think you could nicely tell her that you appreciate the help, but that you'll handle the bedroom. Of course I don't know her, and family dynamics can be interesting at times, so I can't guess as to how a comment like this would be received (by your MIL or your wife). You'd think she would have taken the hint when spent the day cleaning it yourself.

Anyway, I agree with you totally on this one.

Agreed. But if anybody talks to the MIL about boundaries, it should be her daughter. Congrats on the new baby! Six months from now, you just may be inviting MIL over for some free housekeeping

 

[Airborneguy]

Congrats on your daughter! We just got home from the hospital also, another girl. My MIL stayed with my older one while we were there, and she made us some dinners and froze them, but other than that we chased her out. They're going to come back tomorrow for a visit. We only live about 45 minutes from them, so she really can't argue for staying much longer than a few days. I love my in-laws, but having anyone in my home for extended periods is uncomfortable.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

That's all. Just wanted to vent. Go ahead, feel free to pile on about first world problems or about how terrible it must be to have a free maid service for three weeks, but I just had to gripe. Its been driving me bonkers.

My MIL moved overseas to live with us for almost 2 years.

Twice.

 

[Homercidal]

I'm with the OP on this one. I don't see anything wrong with simply telling her that you'd rather not have her cleaning up the bedroom. Nothing personal, but you will clean up in there. There is plenty of the rest of the house for her to keep herself busy. Don't forget to tell her thanks for the hard work she's doing. And lastly, don't EVEN THINK about stepping foot in the garage!

On the one hand, having a baby is a big life change and surely there are things that aren't done like they used to be. On the other hand, there is no reason to go insane about it. millions of people manage to raise a family without MIL's hovering over the household hoping to feel needed.

 

[BrewKnurd]

What? Did you tell her she's doing it wrong, brooms are for floors

Well, the floors are carpet, so that wouldn't work well either. I understand the purpose behind sweeping the walls, they're slightly textured, so a bit of dust does accumulate on them. I usually opt for a damp rag as opposed to a broom, but whatever.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Tell her (in a nice way) how you feel about it, after that, it should be problem solved.
Regards, GF.

Yeah, that would be my advice if someone else told me this story as well. Alas, my MIL does not take anything that could possibly be perceived as anything close to criticism well at all. That conversation would not go well, no matter how nicely it was handled.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Aaaannnnnddd that's a wrap folks. Thanks for playing. Oy!! Thankfully my wife never experienced that after my son was born. There was that pesky emergency c-section thing though.

yeah, we had an unplanned c-section. Not emergency, but the baby did not appear to be wanting to come out normally.

 

[BrewKnurd]

My MIL moved overseas to live with us for almost 2 years.

Twice.

You, sir, should get some kind of award or something.

 

[BoomerHarley]

Dude your wife's vagina is going to be leaking all kinds of ungodly things for the next couple weeks. Put a towel down, get one of those protective "pee liners" to go under the sheets, and let your MIL do the cleanup. That **** is disgusting - consider yourself lucky.

By the way, sticking a few maxi-pads in the freezer today for her will definitely get you some bonus points in a month or so when you're looking for some "oral stimulation".

 

[BrewKnurd]

millions of people manage to raise a family without MIL's hovering over the household hoping to feel needed.

So anyways, this hits on why I am actually quite disinclined to say anything. The MIL has a very poor relationship with her son's wife. Very poor. As in at one point she was told "we don't want your opinion, we don't care what you want, we don't want you in our life" while being driven back to the airport.

As a result, she doesn't get to see those grandbabies very often, and doesn't feel welcome there when she visits. And it is for this reason that I suck it up and deal with it, because I don't want to pile on top of that.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

You, sir, should get some kind of award or something.

I did, sort of.

During her last visit her kidneys failed and she nearly plummetted into a diabetic coma. She's from Malaysia and thus dependant on the national healthcare system there and thus has no supplemental healthcare coverage.

The award I was given was an emergency plane ride for her back to Malaysia and a sense of peace in that she'd never be able to fly over here again.

Normally, I'd have some sense of sympathy for someone in this condition but she brought it on herself. Skimped on her meds, ate all the wrong foods, etc...

We tried to force her into better eating habits. Found out she was hiding sweets in her room. She'd walk 4 miles (each way) to buy a box of Krispy Kreme, while we were at work, and hid them under her bed.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

As a result, she doesn't get to see those grandbabies very often, and doesn't feel welcome there when she visits. And it is for this reason that I suck it up and deal with it, because I don't want to pile on top of that.

I dunno your MIL from nuttin' but, sometimes, they earn what they get from their kids.

 

[ajlee]

But if anybody talks to the MIL about boundaries, it should be her daughter.

Good point.

 

[Dan]

BK,

Hey man. Sorry if I came across as a jacka$$ in my post. Especially since you PM'd me with support when I posted something about life problems. I do feel for your situation, sounds like your in a tough spot with the MIL easily offended. Hang in there, all will get better in time. Best of luck to you guys and again congrats on the new baby.

 

[BrewKnurd]

BK,

Hey man. Sorry if I came across as a jacka$$ in my post. Especially since you PM'd me with support when I posted something about life problems. I do feel for your situation, sounds like your in a tough spot with the MIL easily offended. Hang in there, all will get better in time. Best of luck to you guys and again congrats on the new baby.

Oh, it's fine. And in general, i share your opinion that people worry about things they ought not. And I do my best to live that way. But no matter how hard I try, sometimes things irk me, and i find that just venting a little can prevent me saying our doing something that would have more lasting consequences.

it didn't help that on day 2 at the hospital, she walked over and just took my daughter out of my arms. I didn't say anything at the time, but next time she tried the same i told her (in that kind of joking but not really way) if she asked nicely she could have her. the point seems to have been made.

 

[dwarven_stout]

Do you have this mother in law: Human pacifier?

No?

Then you're good.

(although I agree that cleaning the bedroom is over the top).

 

[Homercidal]

Eh. Grandmas get get to hold babies whenever they want. It's in the rulebook.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Eh. Grandmas get get to hold babies whenever they want. It's in the rulebook.

Eh. Not in my rulebook.

That's cool if it works for you. As far as I'm concerned the only person that can take a kid from a parent without asking is the other parent.

 

[Homercidal]

Well at least she will not be there long. Then you won't have to make these tough decisions. You could always head out to the pub for a cold beer or two and let her do her thing.

As Creamy says; It will pass.

 

[the_bird]

Admit it. You just don't want your MIL stumbling across your collection of goat porn.

 

[petie]

My MIL passed away back in march. I'd give anything if she was still here to come over do that at my house. If you hurt her feelings for trying to help you'll regret it. This is fact. If I could talk to my MIL right now I'd apologize for a lot of stuff. I've always been labeled as a hard ass but even that don't stop regrets.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Admit it. You just don't want your MIL stumbling across your collection of goat porn.

Well of course. I figured that went without saying.

 

[BrewKnurd]

My MIL passed away back in march. I'd give anything if she was still here to come over do that at my house. If you hurt her feelings for trying to help you'll regret it. This is fact. If I could talk to my MIL right now I'd apologize for a lot of stuff. I've always been labeled as a hard ass but even that don't stop regrets.

Perhaps I should take this opportunity to clarify that the entire reason I'm here bitching is so that I don't actually do anything to hurt her feelings. I thought that was clear, maybe not.

 

[petie]

Just let it go like water off a ducks back. I'm just sayin one day you'll be happy you did.

 

[Airborneguy]

Thankfully my mother-in-law left quickly once we got back from the hospital. They're actually coming today for only their second visit. I get along with them and all, but I left home very early and am fiercely independent, so having grandparents snooping around is not cool to me, especially when my parents are very good at staying out of our business.

Brewknurd, how's the baby doing anyway? For us, so far this one is much easier than our first! She's sleeping most of the time in between feedings and the breast feeding is going great so far.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Brewknurd, how's the baby doing anyway? For us, so far this one is much easier than our first! She's sleeping most of the time in between feedings and the breast feeding is going great so far.

She's good. Last night was rough from about 3:30-4:15 she decided the wanted to eat but didn't want to eat (i'm guessing maybe her stomach was bothering her a bit?), so I ended up just taking her out in the living room for an hour or so so the wife could at least sleep for a bit. By the time I farted around on the web and did a crossword puzzle baby girl was asleep enough that I could take her back in and get some sleep myself. So I woke up pretty tired, but so it goes.