A VERY SERIOUS Poll about bears

[cheezydemon3]

I didn't have my phone at the ready when they ambushed me. I was too busy swatting and kicking anyway.

FYI - polar bears + orcas + beer = epic battle & ruined beer
I think I'm just going to recruit a walrus and call it quits. The western alaska natives that brew on the sly will sell me one for a 24pack of toilet paper and 2 gallons of milk.

someone is having you on, mate.


I suspect that the gnomes parading around as faries in your brewery are also packing harpoons.

Bears only get a whale in the breathing hole scenario. How else in the name of all that is unholy would a bear catch a whale????

And as for a whale offing a bear? Never happen.

A whale could kill a bear, but prepare to get scratched and gored the eff up. No way a bear is getting mistaken for a flock of krill.

 

[Cromwell]

Krill don't come in flocks, silly. A bunch of krill is a field. Hence the movie, the krilling fields.

And who says a nice looking well-mannered bear can't catch a whale? Whales have needs too, my friend.

 

[HawksBrewer]

I thought we already had this discussion at length... at least I haven't had any bear OR gnome problems since I started adding laser-toting sharks to my primaries. Such a simple fix and yet so many have failed to act on it. Some things I guess I'll just never understand.

 

[cheezydemon3]

Every freaking post in this thread is a work of art. Where are the judges????????

Laser beams, as I noted on page 352 of my dissertation, cause instantaneous scalding of the wort. WHY?????

A shot here and there to fend off gnomes would be imperceptible, but NO!!!!!!!! The bastardleywhales shoot off their lasers for their wives, for their girlfriends, for their schoolmates, for passing flocks of dolphins.....GODS DAMN IT!!!!! The fracking things turned my 830 billion gallons of pale ale into a gods damned STOUT!!!!!!!!!

They shoot them off at passing froth!!!!!!!!! Arrogant frackers....

Is it any wonder why a National Geographic crew went in with a handfull of baked potatoes, and all that came out was a pair of burnt rubbers??????(no laughing)

 

[sudbuster]

Every freaking post in this thread is a work of art. Where are the judges????????

Laser beams, as I noted on page 352 of my dissertation, cause instantaneous scalding of the wort. WHY?????

A shot here and there to fend off gnomes would be imperceptible, but NO!!!!!!!! The bastardleywhales shoot off their lasers for their wives, for their girlfriends, for their schoolmates, for passing flocks of dolphins.....GODS DAMN IT!!!!! The fracking things turned my 830 billion gallons of pale ale into a gods damned STOUT!!!!!!!!!

They shoot them off at passing froth!!!!!!!!! Arrogant frackers....

Is it any wonder why a National Geographic crew went in with a handfull of baked potatoes, and all that came out was a pair of burnt rubbers??????(no laughing)

Yeah, and I scraped up enough to get a lifetime membership for this.....

 

[Airborneguy]

Cheezy, where do you live? I'm taking a road trip in April or May and might be able to make a pit stop to meet your madness.

 

[BobbiLynn]

do NOT use bear pellets. always use whole bears. trust me on this one.

I agree!!! The pellets really do give an off flavor.


My stomach will be sore tomorrow laughing at, I mean with, you all.

 

[Walshy87]

I wrap my carboy on tinfoil to prevent the gnomes from sexting the bears!

 

[Airplanedoc]

I wrap my carboy on tinfoil to prevent the gnomes from sexting the bears!

Does the tinfoil help prevent the wort scalding from the laser eyed sharks and whales as well? I know it has cut down on the negative waves from the gnomes. I kept telling them "Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?" but it didn't seem to work so I went with the tinfoil

 

[jerrodm]

At one point in this conversation (when it was still confined to bears, gnomes, faerie and turtles), I felt like I could contribute meaningfully. The level you guys have taken it to, however, is truly astounding. You're so far above me, I'm just sitting back in awe.

 

[cheezydemon3]

Yeah, and I scraped up enough to get a lifetime membership for this.....

Glad you are getting your money's worth.

Cheezy, where do you live? I'm taking a road trip in April or May and might be able to make a pit stop to meet your madness.

PM'd

I wrap my carboy on tinfoil to prevent the gnomes from sexting the bears!

I thought that tin foil was for hunting down were-pigs....

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f19/only-one-mythical-beast-life-293117/

At one point in this conversation (when it was still confined to bears, gnomes, faerie and turtles), I felt like I could contribute meaningfully. The level you guys have taken it to, however, is truly astounding. You're so far above me, I'm just sitting back in awe.

Oh, fear not, this is the culmination of 9 or 10 previous messed up threads. Your posts have been downright inspiring, and fit right in.

 

[Whattawort]

Cheezy, I've had it man. I'm stopping at the walrus and that's that. It seems like the bears, turtles, and whales just aren't doing a good enough job fending off the gnomes and fairies and it always seems to turn into a blood bath (which we all know causes a metallic off-flavor). I'll probably put up some concertina wire, sand bags, and a laser defense system around my fermenter for good measure, but I'm pretty sure the walrus will be enough. If it works for the inuits, it should work for me. I've got the toilet paper and milk so it's time to set off to meet my contact in Alaska.

 

[Airplanedoc]

While you are in Alaska could you check to see if a turbo trommel will clear my beer of bears, gnomes, walruses, turtles, and the like. I saw one on tv that filters to something like a micron. "Its the worlds best trommel" Maybe I should invest in one to clear the infestation.

Would the ASPCA or PETA frown on this?

 

[HawksBrewer]

Would the ASPCA or PETA frown on this?

Depends on current population levels.

 

[Whattawort]

While you are in Alaska could you check to see if a turbo trommel will clear my beer of bears, gnomes, walruses, turtles, and the like. I saw one on tv that filters to something like a micron. "Its the worlds best trommel" Maybe I should invest in one to clear the infestation.

Would the ASPCA or PETA frown on this?

That would mean a side trip to the interior. I'll procure one, but you're gonna have to share with the rest of the class. I'd think the SPCA would be ok with it since you're not trying to kill or maim the critters. Who gives a s*** about PETA? I've thought about offing a couple of them to feed to my salsa sharks.

 

[Obliviousbrew]

The part that scares me the most about chezzy´s threads is that they are starting to make perfect sense

 

[DrunkleJon]

I've thought about offing a couple of them to feed to my salsa sharks.

Man goes into the cage. Cage goes into the salsa. Shark is in the salsa. Our Shark.

And PETA? People for the Eating of Tasty Animals? Hey I am a member in good standing. I love animals, especially in a good gravy. Just eat your kills and you will be fine. They are already beer marinaded and everything.

 

[sweetcell]

Man goes into the cage. Cage goes into the salsa. Shark is in the salsa. Our Shark.

And PETA? People for the Eating of Tasty Animals? Hey I am a member in good standing. I love animals, especially in a good gravy. Just eat your kills and you will be fine. They are already beer marinaded and everything.

don't you mean bear marinated?

 

[jerrodm]

I'm pretty sure it's "bear meer-inated." As in, meer-kat.

 

[cheezydemon3]

The part that scares me the most about chezzy´s threads is that they are starting to make perfect sense

What's not to understand?

In my subterranian mash tun (number 487) which holds 8.3 billion pounds of grain, I pump in water that passes close to the center of the earth to be heated to a very specific temp.

Pumps then move the wort into the center of the earth where it actually boils in the pipes, picking up caches of hops set in inside the pipes at specific places for specific additions. The boiling wort eventually passes into pipes which run through the ocean and arctic glaciers (causing climate change) on it's way to my subterranian fermenter in the arctic.

Fermentation is complicated. The several cubic miles of actively fermenting wort in the center generates heat. Most of the surface and sides and bottom wort are allowed to freeze in order to keep the fermenting wort from going over 68F in any one place.

Bears and whales (usually 50 of each) are added at this point for flavor and gnome deterrant respectively.

The National Geographic crew was a favor to a friend of mine.........never again.

The national geographic crew was well equipped with a lot that made sense, and a few things that didn't. they had what looked like a small still and about 40 baked potatoes.

Evidently they made some "gone over" potato wine and died in the fermenter.

At that time I had whales equipped with lasers and all that was found was one burned up boot, but we are pretty sure that the whales only had their way with an already dead body, or maybe just a floating boot.

I, along with several others here, have a small stable of zombies that we harvest the occasional arm from to make a fantastic zombie arm lambic. Dry limbed.

Guess that about....OH!!! Were-pigs. Extremely powerful adversaries. You need tin foil and a baseball to effectively catch one. They evidently aid the gnomes and are a general nuissance.

So you see, Nothing complicated.

 

[Whattawort]

don't you mean bear marinated?

And now I have coffee on my monitor. Good thing the boss just left.

 

[DrunkleJon]

I sit corrected. So would that make it bear marinated beer? Or bear marinated bear for that extra bearey goodness?

 

[Whattawort]

I sit corrected. So would that make it bear marinated beer? Or bear marinated bear for that extra bearey goodness?

And for the mead lovers it would be for that extra beary berry goodness

 

[cheezydemon3]

And for the mead lovers it would be for that extra beary berry goodness

Silly Whatta

You put a bear in a vat of fermenting honey and you are just ASKING for trouble.

 

[Lushife]

Ok, now that you mentioned we're-pigs I have to ask about man bear pigs. Being that they are both bear and pig are they double agents, does it depend on the specie, or are just unpredictable and not worth your time?

 

[Obliviousbrew]

Ok, now that you mentioned we're-pigs I have to ask about man bear pigs. Being that they are both bear and pig are they double agents, does it depend on the specie, or are just unpredictable and not worth your time?

there is another thread for that issue please guys keep things on topic

 

[Lushife]

there is another thread for that issue please guys keep things on topic

Oh sorry about that. Do you have a link?

 

[JordanThomas]

A bunch of EAC's up in here...

 

[cheezydemon3]

Oh sorry about that. Do you have a link?

I think this is it.

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f19/only-one-mythical-beast-life-293117/

 

[Obliviousbrew]

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f19/only-one-mythical-beast-life-293117/
Edit: cheezy beat me