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I know what you mean, Glenn - when I had to close out my Mom's accounts it was a very big reminder of her passing. It was also about 6 months after she had passed that I did that.

The whole first year is a year of "firsts" - once you get through all them the first time around it IS easier. In fact it's now hard to believe she's been gone almost two years - July 30 will be th second anniversary of her passing.

How nice of your daughter to come do some stuff with you and for you! You raised some good kids there, my friend.
 
glenn514 said:
The most recent one was removing my wife's name from our bank accounts, and adding my youngest daughter...she will be the "executor" of my "estate"...as "co-owner" of my checking and savings accounts. glenn514:(
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Glen going through much of this after my father passed in October.

One of the things I really appreciate that he did was establishing a Living Trust.

Take a look at what a Living Trust can provide here.

Of course do some independent research on it, but I think the biggest benefit is "Avoiding Probate" i.e. not getting the blood sucking layers or the courts involved. I think it was a couple hundred bucks and it has made it relatively painless to manage the folks financials, bills, and assets.

I now have decided to set up a Living Trust for my wife and I.

Take care!
 
Sunday was a hard day for me. On the "happy" side was the sixth wedding anniversary of my oldest daughter. She and her husband and their youngest child spent a few days in Boston and out into Cape Cod for the anniversary, while Nathan's parents cared for the other two children at home in Texas.

The "sad" side was the first anniversary of Marie's first massive stroke. I can vividly see her struggling to get out of the recliner in the family room, to no avail. I immediately called 9-1-1. My mind knows and understands that, now that she is "with the Lord," she is singing with the angels, archangels and the whole company of heaven. But my heart misses her so very much.

Two weeks ago, I went to visit Marie's family in central Michigan. My mother-in-law is 89 and is having increased difficulty doing just about anything. But she was glad to see me, and I enjoyed my visit.

Next week Thursday, I am traveling up to Yooper-land to visit my third daughter and son-in-law. We plan to put Marie's cremains to rest in a couple of locations up there that she really loved. That will be another hard time, because we'll do it on our wedding anniversary...which is also my daughter and son-in-law's wedding anniversary! So, we'll put Mama to rest, shed our tears, and go out for a lovely anniversary dinner...with Dad picking up the check!

glenn514:(
 
Sounds like you are getting on with the things you must do, as well as reminiscing and new memory making. My heart goes out to you Glenn. Relish in the time you spend with Marie, spreading her ashes, I'm sure it will do your heart some good. I don't know if you would have time, or be all that close, but I'm sure @Yooper would be more than happy to see you, if she's not galavanting all over the place, [emoji1]
 
Yes, beernbourbon, I have messaged Yooper. We tried to connect three years ago when Marie and I were up there, but we just couldn't get together. This time, however, I believe we'll hoist a beer or five together! Anyway, I'm going to try and connect with them.

glenn514:)
 
Hi Glenn, it's good to see a man of such great faith post such a devastating loss, and see how he is progressing through it all. You truly are amazing! I am very happy that you are slowly getting through this and have such a great positive outlook. Thanks for posting, you are a good witness to us all. I will keep you in my prayers brother!

God Bless!

John
 
Glenn, I think of you often and am always happy to see an update from you, even though it may be bittersweet - I like knowing you're OK and doing what you gotta do.

Hope you and Yooper and Bob can toast Marie with some of that good homebrew from the UP! :tank:
 
glenn514 said:
Thanks! I am looking forward to it very much!

glenn514:)
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Me too! Can't wait to see you!


Melana said:
I hear she brewed a heady topper clone....
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I did, and I dryhopped it yesterday. I'm not kegging it until about Tuesday, though, so it may not be ready but we'll see!
 
Today will be filled with both joy and sadness. I have been in Wisconsin's northwoods for several days, visiting my daughter Gretchen, and her husband Joe. Today is their SECOND wedding anniversary! And we WILL celebrate that today. But today is also MY 47th wedding anniversary...the first one without my bride. She truly enjoyed these northwoods trips, and especially enjoyed sitting on the shore of Black Oak Lake, just a few miles west of Land o' Lakes. So, Gretchen, Joe and I will lay Marie's cremains to rest today at Black Oak Lake, a place she truly loved. This evening, we plan to go to an up-scale restaurant nearby and enjoy ourselves...my treat!

glenn514:(
 
The year of "firsts" is usually the toughest. It takes time to become accustomed to the new normal. May peace be with you, as you have this bittersweet day. I'm glad you'll be with family.
 
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Temptd2! All things considered, I think I'm doing OK. Not great, but OK. For some reason, Saturday was a sad day. I got a phone call from my oldest daughter, and I shared with her that I was having a "sad day." So, we both shed a few tears over the phone, and then I was OK. I don't know what prompted it, but I got over it.

I'm heading out in a few minutes to go practice for playing for worship this Sunday. Then, I need to stop at the grocery store and get some Kaiser buns for my homemade Italian beef for dinner tonight! And I think I'll have a bottle of homebrewed stout with that dinner!

glenn514:)
 
glenn514 said:
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Temptd2! All things considered, I think I'm doing OK. Not great, but OK. For some reason, Saturday was a sad day. I got a phone call from my oldest daughter, and I shared with her that I was having a "sad day." So, we both shed a few tears over the phone, and then I was OK. I don't know what prompted it, but I got over it.



I'm heading out in a few minutes to go practice for playing for worship this Sunday. Then, I need to stop at the grocery store and get some Kaiser buns for my homemade Italian beef for dinner tonight! And I think I'll have a bottle of homebrewed stout with that dinner!



glenn514:)
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Yep, you'll have those days, my friend. Random, no darn good reason, why the heck did I suddenly think of that..... And the tears flow.
Dinner sounds good, especially with a stout. Of course, pretty much any meal is great with a good homebrew, right?
 
Thanks for the update, Glenn! It's not surprising that a bad day will roll through every now and then, or a sad day - you're still processing your new "normal" I'm sure.

Your dinner sounds really good! :)
 
Thanks, again, for all the kind words of caring and support. I am most definitely still processing my "new normal." As I've stated before, this is the first time in my almost 70 years that I've lived alone. And it sure does take some getting used to! And I have not touched my late wife's clothing or her crafts or her dresser...nothing. I know a time will come when I will be able to do those things...but not yet.

One thing I have discovered is that I really miss having Marie on the motorcycle behind me. This year, I've ridden the bike once...from the repair shop home to my garage! I didn't trust my left leg when I had cellulitis in it, but that's all cleared up now, and I still don't have any interest in going for a ride.

And a quick comment on my homemade Italian beef! I work really, REALLY hard at making it...NOT! I use my slow cooker, cut up about three pounds of beef chuck roast, add one package of Louie's Italian Beef seasoning, and add enough water to cover the meat. Let the slow cooker work all day, and by dinner time, the beef is tender, juicy, flavorful and oh, so damn good! If you want some, but can't find it in your grocery store [in with the packaged gravies, rubs and other envelope-packaged spices], give me a holler, and I'll send you the address of the company right here in Illinois!

Again, I do appreciate your words and kind concern. They help me wrestle with this "new normal."

glenn514:confused:
 
glenn514 said:
And a quick comment on my homemade Italian beef! I work really, REALLY hard at making it...NOT! I use my slow cooker, cut up about three pounds of beef chuck roast, add one package of Louie's Italian Beef seasoning, and add enough water to cover the meat. Let the slow cooker work all day, and by dinner time, the beef is tender, juicy, flavorful and oh, so damn good! If you want some, but can't find it in your grocery store [in with the packaged gravies, rubs and other envelope-packaged spices], give me a holler, and I'll send you the address of the company right here in Illinois!

:
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Next time - try adding beer instead of the water, and often I throw in a few pepperoncinis too. REALLY good stuff!
 
I had some fun this afternoon, perhaps at my late wife's expense. For whatever reason, I ended up trying to find something in our spice drawers [TWO full kitchen drawers] of in the cabinet [another spice "stash"]. And then I wondered: did I really, REALLY, R-E-A-L-L-Y need FIVE open containers of ground cinnamon, or THREE open containers of Cajun seasoning, or EIGHT boxes of round toothpicks? No, I didn't think so either. So, after consolidating and pitching a few things, I got rid of almost A DOZEN empty plastic bottles of spices along with some other stuff, like home dehydrated Fresno peppers. While I am not done with the cabinet yet, I have begun to make headway. And I even laughed and shook my head! Thank you, Marie, for making me laugh today.

glenn514:mug:
 
I am currently in Texas, visiting my oldest daughter, her husband and my three grandchildren. Today, I drove from Mansfield, TX [near Ft. Worth] to Bryan/College Station [closer to Houston] to have lunch with my youngest daughter, the Ph.D.! This is my second solo trip from northern Illinois to Texas, and I'm getting used to it. And I guess that's what is happening with the "new normal." I'm getting used to it. But this past Sunday in many Christian Churches was "All Saints Day," a day to remember those of faith who have gone before us. And I really missed Marie. One phrase of a hymn for All Saints Day states, "...we feebly struggle; they in glory shine." Indeed.

glenn514:mug:
 
It's great to hear that you are developing that "new normal" - it's a good thing. Remembering Marie is natural and missing her even more-so. But moving ahead with your life is a tribute to HER and I'm certain what she would have wanted - so go, visit your kids/grandkids, and enjoy your life to the fullest extent possible!
 
This time of Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas has quickly become a very bittersweet time for me. Thanksgiving was hard, but I did almost all the cooking, which kept me out of trouble. And the food was DELICIOUS! [Deep-fried 16 lb. turkey; REAL mashed potatoes; green bean casserole; Stove Top stuffing] One of my daughters and her husband came out to share it with me...and remind me to stay with our "traditions," like eating in the dining room, rather than at the kitchen table.

It's been a bit over a year since I suddenly became Marie's full-time care giver. My daughters and I were fully aware of the final outcome, which explains why I would come downstairs in the morning, fearing that the she had died overnight. She hung in there as long as the Lord let her, which was a blessing to me and the family.

Now, with each decoration for Advent and Christmas that I put out, I am reminded of her love for this season. My tears still flow...and always will...but I have not "lost" her. I KNOW where she is! And I'll be there one day, too. In the meantime, I, too, will celebrate Advent, Christmas and Epiphany just like the shepherds, angels and Wise Men of long ago celebrated.

In dulci jubilo...Christ was born for this!

glenn514:mug:
 
Glenn, you're very wise to hold onto the traditions you and Marie and your family have always loved! As hard as it is, I really do believe it's cathartic to do this.

I lost my Dad at age 91 on November 18th. I intend to carry on his Christmas tradition of prime rib and all the fixin's. It honors him to do so.

Many hugs for you as you navigate the holiday season.
 
Good to see you still keeping your family traditions going Glenn. I know the holidays are especially hard but you seem to be hanging in there pretty well considering all you have been through. Your faith is your rock Glenn and it's great to see!

John
 
Today is the first anniversary of the death of my dear wife of 46 years, Marie. If I were to say I've shed no tears today, that would be a lie. But I had an "epiphany" a couple of weeks ago. I had found myself dwelling on the sadness and pain her death has brought to me. I realized that I was focused on the wrong things! I needed to refocus on the facts that all of Marie's pain was gone; all of her medical problems were over; she did not need me any longer to wipe her butt and change her diapers; she could run, dance, skip, hop, jump and sing "...with angels, archangels and the whole company of heaven." Her "passing" was a victory over sin and death, and she now rests forever in the arms of Jesus. And that, my friends is a victory to be celebrated! We'll do that here the next couple of days, with 3/4 of the Mahnke children home at Christmas...along with a couple of sons-in-law.

I know I've said it before, but a profound THANK YOU for all your words of encouragement, warmth and friendship over those 5 1/2 months.

glenn514:mug:
 
Thank you Glenn for being strong for Marie, your family and yourself.
Reading your post brought a few tears to my eyes as it speaks volumes to the changes we go through with the loss of a loved one. Having lost my first wife 15 years ago, I still get a little off center as August 4th comes around. My family knows and understands this and is there for me just as I am there for them. Just as it will be for you and your family.

A very Merry Christmas to you and your family.
 
Very tough day for you Glenn, but so good to hear that you can see what has transpired in a new light and can focus on the positive aspects of this journey your wife and you have been on. I'll say it again you are an amazing man! I pray you and your family get through this day and that you and them have a truly blessed Christmas!

Keep the faith brother,

John
 
Glenn, so glad of your epiphany, as I'm sure that is the way Marie would want you to think of her! Enjoy your family and your remembrances.

My sister is coming Christmas day and we will, indeed, have prime rib and the fixin's up at Dad's house. Don't know what the coming year will bring as far as that house goes - we may lease it out, we may sell it - but I know that THIS year, the tradition will live on in Dad's honor. And yes, I'm sure a few tears will be shed as well, along with laughter about the funny things Dad did and said, even up to a few days before he passed.

Seems impossible that it has been a year since Marie left this earthly plane but I bet she is kicking up her heels and enjoying her freedom from pain and the confines of her body, which was failing her here on Earth. You are wise to celebrate that! :)
 
glenn514 said:
Today is the first anniversary of the death of my dear wife of 46 years, Marie. If I were to say I've shed no tears today, that would be a lie. But I had an "epiphany" a couple of weeks ago. I had found myself dwelling on the sadness and pain her death has brought to me. I realized that I was focused on the wrong things! I needed to refocus on the facts that all of Marie's pain was gone; all of her medical problems were over; she did not need me any longer to wipe her butt and change her diapers; she could run, dance, skip, hop, jump and sing "...with angels, archangels and the whole company of heaven." Her "passing" was a victory over sin and death, and she now rests forever in the arms of Jesus. And that, my friends is a victory to be celebrated! We'll do that here the next couple of days, with 3/4 of the Mahnke children home at Christmas...along with a couple of sons-in-law.

I know I've said it before, but a profound THANK YOU for all your words of encouragement, warmth and friendship over those 5 1/2 months.

glenn514:mug:
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What a year for you and your family. You made it through the year of "firsts" and that's always so hard- the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first everything without her. I know you will always miss her but you can also rejoice at the 46 wonderful years you were married. You have your girls as proof of a wonderful life together.

I will keep thinking of you this weekend, and send you warm thoughts and prayers.
 
Today is Marie's 72nd birthday, as well as my brother's 87th[!]. In the Mass, used by the Church for centuries, not only in Roman Catholic churches, but also in Lutheran churches, the priest/pastor speaks some sentences just before the assembly sings the "Sanctus" [Holy, holy, holy, Lord, God of pow'r and might]. The words just before the assembly sings are important: "with angels, archangels and the whole company of heaven..." I know that Marie is in that "whole company of heaven." And when I sub as organist for churches in the area, the hairs on my arms stand up when I accompany that, because I know she's in that holy bunch, singing her heart out!

I have shed a few tears today, and will probably shed a few more. But more often these days, they are NOT tears of sorrow, but of joy, tender love, and delight at remembering some little thing she said or did.

So, hoist a beer or two today and help celebrate Marie's heavenly birthday and my brother's 87th[!] birthday!

glenn514:mug:
 

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