The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Saturday morning tea and/or coffee,

You are very boring and lonely without accompanying Premier League.

Sincerely,
International Break Means Boring Weekend

 

[Komocabo]

Dear Direct Hops,

Thank you for getting the 2014 crop of leaf hops in stock. That said, I should be able to buy more than one pound of Amarillo, or Citra per order.

Sincerely,
I want to buy more than one pound of a proprietary variety

 

[Zepth]

Dear SSR,
Thanks for being DOA. It's not like you were an integral part of the operation or anything. Just be ruined like that. You'll match my day.
Sincerely, Me.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear legs,

I would be most grateful if you would wake up and get out of bed at the same time as the rest of me.

Sincerely,
Sound sleeper.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear Saturday morning tea and/or coffee,

You are very boring and lonely without accompanying Premier League.

Sincerely,
International Break Means Boring Weekend

I have no problem drinking beer at 10am if there is footy involved. I suggest you may have a non-drinking problem.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear thread fascist,

Sorry to go OT in my last post.

Sincerely,
Rebel.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear thread fascist,

Sorry to go OT in my last post.

Sincerely,
Rebel.

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

Dear double post,

Pleas stop embarrassing me

Sincerely,
Embarrassed

 

[TXCrash]

Dear double post,

Pleas stop embarrassing me

Sincerely,
Embarrassed

Dear gnome,
Double posting is the least of your worries.

Sincerely,
One who's read your posts.

And it's spelled please.

 

[PackerfaninSanDiego]

Dear Jazmena Jameson,
Your cell or my cell?

Sincerely, OJ
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/oj-simpson-transsexual-who-claims-4416395

 

[drainbamage]

Dear Jazmena Jameson,
Your cell or my cell?

Sincerely, OJ
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/oj-simpson-transsexual-who-claims-4416395

Dear Karma,

If that is true, you are indeed a b***h.

Sincerely,
Yuck.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear Yard & Gardens,
Will you please learn how to take care of yourself? You're f*****g up my brew days.
Sincerely,
The G̶a̶r̶d̶e̶n̶e̶r̶ Homebrewer

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear parents of my girlfriend,

Thanks for not hating me on first sight.

Sincerely,
The guy dating your daughter.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear DrunkleJon,
If they don't hate you, they think you're gay. And what you're doing to their daughter is not spelled d-a-t-i-n-g.
Sincerely,
A guy who always slipped under the parents' radar.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear bed,

Part of a good night's sleep involves actually sleeping through the night. Waking up a few minutes every hour is not acceptable.

Sincerely,
Quite literally tired of this sh**

 

[beavers]

Dear "Dating Our Daughter",

Thank you for not greeting us this way.

Sincerely,
As Far as You're Concerned, Our Daughter does not have Nipples

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear DrunkleJon,
If they don't hate you, they think you're gay. And what you're doing to their daughter is not spelled d-a-t-i-n-g.
Sincerely,
A guy who always slipped under the parents' radar.

That, or her previous boyfriends were the below type.

Dear "Dating Our Daughter",

Thank you for not greeting us this way.

Sincerely,
As Far as You're Concerned, Our Daughter does not have Nipples

Dear 4 day workweek,

Why cant you be 3 days instead? I have some nipples to lick.

Sincerely,
3 more days to go.

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Bachelor Party,

Be gentle. It's my first time.

Sincerely,
The Bachelor

 

[cannman]

Dear nipple lickers on this thread,

I have infant twins therefor there is no nipple available for said licking activity anymore. May I suggest finding girlfriend specimens with a third nipple?

All the best,
20/20 hindsight

 

[Newsman]

Dear nipple lickers on this thread,

I have infant twins therefor there is no nipple available for said licking activity anymore. May I suggest finding girlfriend specimens with a third nipple?

All the best,
20/20 hindsight

Dear 20/20 hindsight,

Just because YOU'RE on a diet, doesn't mean the rest of us can't eat cake! :cross:

Sincerely,
Every other guy

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear area body shops,

If I had put out this quality of work back in the day I would have been fired on the spot. You should be ashamed.

Sincerely,
Could do better work with playdoh and spray paint. Oh wait that's what YOU did.

 

[cannman]

Dear propane man,

Thank you for not charging me to top off my tank for tonight's 100min boil. I'm not sure if you don't know how to read fractions or it just wasn't worth your time to calculate .79 of a gallon of propane. I know I might be the paranoid a$$hole here driving to your station during the lunch rush with a full tank of propane... But thank you for installing confidence that I will not run out of fuel tonight.

All the best,
That Crazy Guy With A Full Tank of Propane

 

[Zepth]

Dear TCGWAFToP
You sound like a prime candidate for the 2 tank system.
Sincerely,
Reason

 

[TheCADJockey]

Friend who thinks "beer is not a science" and disregards sanitation, made me try his beer. Tastes like burnt plastic. Not trying to be rude but it's bad. And I have a pint to drink of it right now. Thinks it's the fault of my hops.

 

[Komocabo]

Dear Thinks it's the fault of my hops,

That sounds like a real drag. Tell him the truth. Be a friend, even if you have to be a d!ck about it. Sounds like he deserves it.

Sincerely,
You should give your friend a good old punch in the berries.

 

[PackerfaninSanDiego]

Friend who thinks "beer is not a science" and disregards sanitation, made me try his beer. Tastes like burnt plastic. Not trying to be rude but it's bad. And I have a pint to drink of it right now. Thinks it's the fault of my hops.

Dear whoever you are,
you are in the wrong thread
Sincerely, PFISD

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear HBT,

Sorry for drunk posting last night at 830. It was a rough day.

Sincerely,
Disheveled

 

[brew_ny]

Dear Disheveled,

if it was not for drunk posting this place would be dead

Sincerely

HBT

 

[beavers]

Dear Disheveled,

if it was not for drunk posting this place would be dead

Sincerely

HBT

Dear This Place,

If it weren't for the dead, I'd be drunk posting.

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Mortician

 

[hunter_le five]

Dear Disheveled,

Druck posting is the best posting. Keep 'em coming.

Sincerely,

Habitual Druck.

 

[cannman]

Dear Disheveled,

Just be glad that HBT is not your cell phone's texting app.

Sincerely,
Habitual Drunk-Texter

 

[VApatriot]

Dear President Obola,

Thanks for not shutting down flights from Liberia...

Sincerely,

Everyone who came in contact with everyone else who came in contact with everyone else who, you know, came in contact with the healthcare workers that treated the dead ebola guy in Dallas. Soon to be tons and tons of people across this country.....

 

[Fedora]

Dear, Guy Welding Across From Me,

Aaoooww!!! My eyes!!!!!

Sincerely,
Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn

 

[DrunkleJon]

Dear, Guy Welding Across From Me,

Aaoooww!!! My eyes!!!!!

Sincerely,
Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn

Dear Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn,

Or does it?

Sincerely,
You may be doing it wrong

 

[TXCrash]

Dear, Guy Welding Across From Me,

Aaoooww!!! My eyes!!!!!

Sincerely,
Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn

Dear flashburn,
Punch him in the ebola.

Sincerely,
Yes that's a thing. I should know, I'm from Dallas.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear, Guy Welding Across From Me,

Aaoooww!!! My eyes!!!!!

Sincerely,
Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn

Dear Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn,

Or does it?

Sincerely,
You may be doing it wrong

Dear These Two Guys,

I'm a professional beer a-hole. beer does not cure flash burned eyes, but it helps.

Sincerely,
Don't Watch Me Weld

Dear My Poop,

Thank you for offending everyone else in the bathroom at work today!

Sincerely,
Seriously Impressed

 

[Fedora]

Dear Beer Does Not Cure Flashburn,

Or does it?

Sincerely,
You may be doing it wrong

Dear I'm doing it wrong,

Sadly after many years of independent research and testing I can say with some certainty that beer does not cure flashburn..... yet.
However, in the name of science and for the good of all mankind (ok, mostly just welders), I will continue to explore the possibilities of this miracle cure through rigorous testing in my personal laboratory( home brewery).
Starting right now...

Sincerely, Bout To Get Farkin Wasted

 

[Fedora]

Dear flashburn,
Punch him in the ebola.

Sincerely,
Yes that's a thing. I should know, I'm from Dallas.

Dear Ebola Does Dallas,

Unfortunately, the guy was born in the southern hemisphere so his ebola spins counter clockwise, making it difficult for me to hit since i'm right handed.

Sincerely,
I Did Give Him An Elbow To The Coriolis

 

[Natdavis777]

Dear Don't Watch Me Weld,

Beer also doesn't cure some good ole slag burns, but sure helps as well

Sincerely,
Guy who didn't have enough C-clamps to secure fire blanket


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[number40fan]

Dear, Dow.

See you soon.

Sincerely,
<10,000