Non-Smoker's Hosting Gathering with Some Smokers - Seeking Advice

[Jiffster]

I wanted to see how folks handle having guests that smoke cigarette's when you don't and don't allow it in your house.

I grew up around smokers. My parents and siblings all smoked but I didn't. I grew up to hate the smell of cigarette's. My wife and I are both very sensitive to it.

I don't want to sound like a snob but I can't stand the smell at all. Almost none of the friends in my social circle smoke.

So.... we're having some people over and some are smokers. The weather is a little cold and my sister has asked if it would be ok if her friends (our guests) smoke in the garage.

We did this in the past and could smell it upstairs inside the home a little.

I don't want to say no and my wife is a little upset about it. She's mad at me now because I'm saying we should let them and keep the garage door open. She's saying she's going to have to pull her car out because the smell will get in it, etc.

I don't know how I should handle this. I know it sounds petty but when you're a non-smoker, and especially one that is very sensitive to it, the smell of cigarette's can just spoil the fun in a big way. It lingers for days.

Keep in mind, the main smokers are both ladies, mother and daughter in their late 50's and 70's.

 

[treacheroustexan]

I wanted to see how folks handle having guests that smoke cigarette's when you don't and don't allow it in your house.

I grew up around smokers. My parents and siblings all smoked but I didn't. I grew up to hate the smell of cigarette's. My wife and I are both very sensitive to it.

I don't want to sound like a snob but I can't stand the smell at all. Almost none of the friends in my social circle smoke.

So.... we're having some people over and some are smokers. The weather is a little cold and my sister has asked if it would be ok if her friends (our guests) smoke in the garage.

We did this in the past and could smell it upstairs inside the home a little.

I don't want to say no and my wife is a little upset about it. She's mad at me now because I'm saying we should let them and keep the garage door open. She's saying she's going to have to pull her car out because the smell will get in it, etc.

I don't know how I should handle this. I know it sounds petty but when you're a non-smoker, and especially one that is very sensitive to it, the smell of cigarette's can just spoil the fun in a big way. It lingers for days.

Keep in mind, the main smokers are both ladies, mother and daughter in their late 50's and 70's.

You're hosting the gathering at your house, they should respect your rules. If they want a cigarette bad enough they can go outside. I wouldn't feel bad about it. I smoked from my teen years up until last year, and now I can't even stand the smell of cigarette smoke so I know where you're coming from.

 

[atom]

your house, your rules. smoke outside or don't smoke.

 

[z-bob]

Your house, your rules -- and I don't just mean you but your wife too. This isn't worth fighting about; "no smoking in the house" apparently means the garage too, and don't make her the bad guy.

That said, if you were going to allow them to smoke in the garage, the best way is with the garage door closed but blocked open a few inches, and an exhaust fan in a window (blowing in or blowing out probably doesn't matter). Y'all might try this ahead of time with some incense and see if it would be acceptable to her.

 

[HopHeavy]

I smoked for years, but never in my house or anyone else's. Put an ashtray on the deck, they might trash your yard with cigarette butts!

 

[JonM]

Smokers today almost certainly understand that most folks don't like it. I'd say there's a very strong likelihood that they will understand when you make the very, very reasonable request that they smoke outside. If they're not? Well, your and your wife's house, your and your wife's rules.

 

[ColoHox]

"If you would like to smoke, please smoke outside." Done. Easy. Keeping your wife happy is far more important than letting a few people smoke.

As a smoker, I try to respect the people around me, especially if I am a guest at someone's house. I can fully appreciate that many people don't like the smell and that it tends to stick around. Your house, your rules.

 

[benco]

I would say your sister and her friends have no respect for your family!

 

[TheCADJockey]

Smokers understand. If they don't and are your friends, you've got bigger issues at hand. Just put a can outside, point them to it, even go chill with them on a smoke break once and chat. Regardless where they smoke, it's still going to permeate your home to some extent when they come in. If you're going to have a party with friends that smoke, it's going to happen.

Good luck. Just stick to your guns.

 

[Yooper]

I went through this dilemma myself about 30 years ago.

My dad was coming for the first time to my house, about a 13 hour drive for him. I had always gone "home" to his house, and the smoking in his living room and kitchen was insane but it was his house and it was the way I grew up.

I was so worried on how to tell him that with a new baby and a new house that I wouldn't want anyone to smoke and that he would be offended and angry.

When he arrived and brought in his stuff, he said, "I assume that you would like me to smoke only outside?" I almost fell over! I never heard my dad defer like that, EVER.

My point is- if my own dad could respect my desire to keep my environment clean, safe, and odor-free ANYbody could and I never even considered anyone's feelings after that.

It sucks that the weather may be cold for them to go outside to smoke, but really that is their choice. You don't have to kowtow to their addiction.

 

[Jiffster]

Thanks folks. I feel better asking them to smoke outside.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Yep. They'll understand if you want them to take it outside. SWMBO is right on this one.

 

[beergolf]

Smokers today all pretty much understand that they have to go outside to smoke. That have to go outside at work, at bars, restaurants and most homes. It should not be a big deal to them.

 

[Jiffster]

Hey,since we're on the subject..... Do you designate areas for smokers if you have an outdoor gathering?

 

[treacheroustexan]

Hey,since we're on the subject..... Do you designate areas for smokers if you have an outdoor gathering?

Maybe have an ash tray outside and put it where you want them to smoke at. Tell them there is an ashtray out there and they will probably stay in that area.

 

[Yooper]

Hey,since we're on the subject..... Do you designate areas for smokers if you have an outdoor gathering?

I don't- but I have ONE friend who smokes. He and his wife both smoke, and they smoke outside and away from their kids always anyway, so it's never been an issue.

I would definitely put an ashtray somewhere where smoking would be ok- I hate butts in my yard and would find that objectionable for sure.

 

[TheCADJockey]

If you don't want butts in your lawn, driveway or trash can yeah.. you have to provide something or they are going to get flicked. Even when I smoked constantly, I'd pinch it off or hold my breath when I walked by a family. At my friends house where they smoke inside all day, I would still go outside if they had non-smoking company. Away from the house. Not everyone is a jerk about it, but if you don't provide a butt bin, the butts will end up all over.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Smokers are pretty much resigned to the fact that they have to smoke outside. I'm even hesitant to smoke outside of someone's home. I'll usually wander off and hide somewhere, then put the butt near my car, and take it when I leave.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Hey,since we're on the subject..... Do you designate areas for smokers if you have an outdoor gathering?

away from the food. unless it's me. I'll smoke my pipe where ever the hell I want in my yard, but I sure as hell won't have anyone dropping cigarette ash in the floccin' potato salad.

 

[The_Bishop]

One of my biggest pet peeves is smokers that toss butts on the ground. It's disgusting, selfish, and disrespectful. It's littering.

Actually had an argument with a good friend of mine. They came to visit, and were smoking outside. When I went outside later, I saw a few butts on the ground. Came back in and told him to go pick up his trash from my yard.

He got indignant and complained about it. Said 'they'll go away on their own' and 'they'll break up when you mow the grass.' I flipped my lid and told him that if he felt that he could toss his trash generated by his disgusting habit on my property and where my daughter plays, he could also feel free to get the f*** out of here and never come back.

He packed up his wife and kids, and left in a huff.

Didn't talk to him for about a month or so. Finally, he called to talk and apologized. Previous to this incident he had lived in the city where street sweepers cleaned up all the stuff tossed into the gutter. Now he had his own place and discovered that it's a lot different when it's your lawn that your kids play on and other people throw garbage on it that you have to clean up.

 

[kh54s10]

I would want to put some urban restrictions in place beyond outdoors and say 100 feet away from the house... Though I probably wouldn't. It would be outside if you want to smoke....

But then again I think anyone under the age of 50 that smokes is just stupid. (really anyone that smokes at all). The idea that it won't be me that gets disease from smoking after seeing all the misery since the mid sixties is just stupid. And selfish. They bring misery to their families and costs to everyone else who end up paying more for insurance etc.

 

[Black Island Brewer]

I went through this dilemma myself about 30 years ago.

My dad was coming for the first time to my house, about a 13 hour drive for him. I had always gone "home" to his house, and the smoking in his living room and kitchen was insane but it was his house and it was the way I grew up.

I was so worried on how to tell him that with a new baby and a new house that I wouldn't want anyone to smoke and that he would be offended and angry.

When he arrived and brought in his stuff, he said, "I assume that you would like me to smoke only outside?" I almost fell over! I never heard my dad defer like that, EVER.

My point is- if my own dad could respect my desire to keep my environment clean, safe, and odor-free ANYbody could and I never even considered anyone's feelings after that.

It sucks that the weather may be cold for them to go outside to smoke, but really that is their choice. You don't have to kowtow to their addiction.

I wish my dad had been as gracious. We rented a house that had a ban on smoking, and dad bitched and moaned constantly about having to smoke on the porch. Then when we moved, he said "I hope this one allows smoking". We said the landlord didn't have an issue with it, but that we decided to not allow smoking in the house. It was hard to put my foot down with him. He visited us one time, and when he couldn't talk me into letting him sit in front of an open window to smoke, he never came to our home again. He didn't protest very long, though. He died from cancer less than two years later, at the age of 60.

His last Christmas gift to us was a set of melmac ashtrays.

 

[osgrimmy]

I'm exactly the same way and I kick them outside regardless of who they are. if they choose to smoke that's their decision not yours

 

[BrewingTravisty]

As someone who smokes, it's a nasty habit and one that's hard to kick but honestly, it's not so bad that I can't go 5-6 hours without one and if I'm at a party where they don't allow smoking inside and I need one that bad then I'll go outside. It's very understandable. I smoke and I hate the smell of it. I don't allow smoking in my house or car either. If anyone has a problem with it then that's on them. Your house, your rules.

Now I definitely agree that if they're smoking outside then you need to put a couple ash trays out so you don't have to worry about picking up butts for the next week.

Edit: as far as the 100 feet thing that's a bit much in my opinion but I would understand a 20 foot away from any doors or windows rule. That's the law for restaurants in most places, if it's good enough for them it's good enough for me.

 

[stpug]

...I don't want to say no and my wife is a little upset about it...

She's your wife. Give her the respect she deserves (and grow a spine). That is all.