I broke pretty much every rule in the book...

[onelegout]

Speaking of Pratchett, this certainly sounds like an Alchemist's Guild sort of experiment. I just hope the house in insured if you do plan to carb in these bottles.

Hahah yeah doesn't the alchemists guild building always blow up?
I almost cried when I found out Pratchett had alzheimer's

 

[llazy_llama]

I know, it sucks. He's the only author I've ever read who would consistantly make me laugh out loud at his books. My wife would look at me like I was crazy... until she started reading them too.

 

[onelegout]

Let's hope my house doesn't blow up then eh? I think it will be fine Is there anything I can do to reduce the bittereness of the beer or am I pretty much stuck with it?
I'm not going to try and carbonate the beer, because it would be a shame to lose it after all this hilarity!

 

[llazy_llama]

You could use some lactose or even Splenda to back sweeten it. Since neither are fermentable, you could add them at any time... but I would wait until bottling time to decide it's too bitter. You never know, it could end up being the best beer you've ever tasted.

Edited: Have you come up with a name for it yet? I was thinking Accidental Ale. Oh, but you're British, aren't you? You could call it "Bollocks! Brew"

 

[Bert]

You could also brew another batch with little to no hops and blend the two batches.

 

[onelegout]

Haha bollocks brew is a great one!
Before brewing it my plan was to create a lemony refreshing light ale, - It's got quite a bit of lemon zest and juice in it - I was planning to call it 'Pissed With a Twist'

Edit: I'll taste it when it comes to bottling and if it's undrinkably bitter then, I'll add a little sweetener to it before bottling - I figure that as it's not exactly the most refined of beers it won't do any harm to falsely raise the sweetness level to balance it out!
How will I know that it's stopped fermenting? I don't have a hydrometer, so I've got no idea what the gravity is/should be/will be - is it safe to just wait 'til it's stopped fizzing, then wait another day, then bottle it?

 

[llazy_llama]

Hah, Pissed With a Twist! I like it.

 

[Homercidal]

Ok, I would not add sweetener. I'd cut with some other brew.

Frankly, I would be surprised if this is drinkable in any shape or form, but you never know until you know. This thread might become one of Revvy's go-to threads for "is my beer ruined?" responses.

Pratchett's condition is a tragedy IMO. I'm very nearly finished reading the Discworld books. I am honestly concerned where I will turn after I'm all caught up with his books. I have found nothing like them yet. I'm currently reading Catch-22 while waiting to get Making Money, but it's just not cutting it. I read Discworld to my daughters and they love it. I even try to do different voices for the different characters.

I am considering naming my beers after Discworld elements, although I am not sure if my beer would appreciate it or not. I don't think it has ever read Pratchett. At least I've never seen it reading Pratchett. But what the heck, what can it do locked away in those small glass bottles. I do believe I have it at my mercy.

 

[bernerbrau]

if it's undrinkably bitter then, I'll add a little sweetener to it before bottling

Be sure to use an artificial sweetener or lactose, or your sweetener will be consumed by the yeast and converted to alcohol and CO2. That's why we bottle brewers use sugar to carbonate our beer, after the primary fermentation is finished.

 

[llazy_llama]

Ok, I would not add sweetener. I'd cut with some other brew.

Frankly, I would be surprised if this is drinkable in any shape or form, but you never know until you know. This thread might become one of Revvy's go-to threads for "is my beer ruined?" responses.

Pratchett's condition is a tragedy IMO. I'm very nearly finished reading the Discworld books. I am honestly concerned where I will turn after I'm all caught up with his books. I have found nothing like them yet. I'm currently reading Catch-22 while waiting to get Making Money, but it's just not cutting it. I read Discworld to my daughters and they love it. I even try to do different voices for the different characters.

I am considering naming my beers after Discworld elements, although I am not sure if my beer would appreciate it or not. I don't think it has ever read Pratchett. At least I've never seen it reading Pratchett. But what the heck, what can it do locked away in those small glass bottles. I do believe I have it at my mercy.

You could always read Pratchett to your beer as it ferments. It'll give you something productive to do while airlock-gazing.

 

[onelegout]

I am considering naming my beers after Discworld elements, although I am not sure if my beer would appreciate it or not. I don't think it has ever read Pratchett. At least I've never seen it reading Pratchett. But what the heck, what can it do locked away in those small glass bottles. I do believe I have it at my mercy.

There are actually quite a few ales here in the UK named after discworld characters/novels - there have also been a few discworld beer festivals!

Be sure to use an artificial sweetener or lactose, or your sweetener will be consumed by the yeast and converted to alcohol and CO2. That's why we bottle brewers use sugar to carbonate our beer, after the primary fermentation is finished.

Yep I was going to use something like Splenda which has no actual sugars in it; If I can avoid doing so I will though!

 

[Homercidal]

There are actually quite a few ales here in the UK named after discworld characters/novels - there have also been a few discworld beer festivals!

Well, I am torn between dismay and exultation! On one hand, I would hate to inadvertently use the same name as someone else, but it would be cool to try one of them if I could. But unless there is some way to ship them to the USA, I'm out of luck.

I guess Dismay wins this round. Dismay is currently on a streak. Only last week it was discovered that one of our dogs had removed the other dog's collar somewhere in the nearby neighborhood and now her tags are missing. And my wife's Durango has a steering problem that may require replacement of either the rack or the pump, and I can't figure out which one!

Damn you Dismay! Back to the Dungeon Dimensions with you!

 

[njnear76]

Dude, do you always try new things without researching them first? I'm not trying to be cruel, but proceeding through life this way can be downright dangerous and costly.

Making your own beer is easy. Driving a car is easy. Doing your own plumbing is easy. Wiring a new outlet is easy. Writing code is easy. But doing any of these things without proper instruction or guidance decreases your chance of success dramatically.

Lucky for you, homebrew no matter how poorly made will not kill you.

Good luck with this thing you are working on. We'll be here to help you out when you decide to make beer properly.

 

[bernerbrau]

Lucky for you, homebrew no matter how poorly made will not kill you.

I suppose it's good he didn't decide to try home-distilling without first reading up on it...

 

[onelegout]

Dude, do you always try new things without researching them first? I'm not trying to be cruel, but proceeding through life this way can be downright dangerous and costly.

Making your own beer is easy. Driving a car is easy. Doing your own plumbing is easy. Wiring a new outlet is easy. Writing code is easy. But doing any of these things without proper instruction or guidance decreases your chance of success dramatically.

Lucky for you, homebrew no matter how poorly made will not kill you.

Good luck with this thing you are working on. We'll be here to help you out when you decide to make beer properly.

Actually I'm usually completely the opposite - I taught myself to DJ just by reading up on how to do it on the net, I taught myself online marketing which I ended up doing as a job, I taught myself computing, web design, stencil graffiti, etc. This is actually the first time I've gone head on into something that I've not known anything about!

I'm now looking up how to do things properly - I think if this beer ends up drinkable my next beer will be done 100% properly; although I don't think I like the idea of using malt extract - I'd rather do it from scratch.... I'm going to buy the proper equipment needed once I've been paid (end of this month) and choose a nice, light ale to start with. This time I'm going to do everything strictly to the book.

 

[njnear76]

I suppose it's good he didn't decide to try home-distilling without first reading up on it...

Good call. I forgot about that.

 

[bernerbrau]

I think if this beer ends up drinkable my next beer will be done 100% properly;

Word to the wise -- only time I ever had a perfect brew day, I wound up with a just-ok beer. Don't obsess too much over getting the process down, you'll learn the more you brew. Just remember to sanitize sanitize sanitize, do a full boil if possible, and chill rapidly.

I don't think I like the idea of using malt extract - I'd rather do it from scratch....

Proper mashing equipment can get very expensive very fast, and all malt extract does is have the mashing done for you. You can achieve a wide variety of beers with light extract and specialty grains.

For what it's worth, when you buy grains to mash, the malting (sprouting the seed then freezing its growth with heat) has already been done for you, and if you buy unmalted grains, they've already been grown, harvested, and milled for you! Few people really "do it from scratch" in that sense. A lot of homebrewers grow their own hops, though.

 

[njnear76]

I've made many fine beers with extract and steeping grains that can go head to head with my all grain beers.

If I were in your shoes I would do extract and steeping grains first in order to get the hang of things.

All grain is more expensive and does not automatically equal good beer. Like anything in life, practice makes perfect.

 

[Hegh]

Wow... I'm subscribing to this just to see how it turns out. >100 IBUs, poorly mashed wheat beer flavored with honey and enough sugar to get cidery...

Not saying it'll taste awful (actually, my guess is that it'll taste like really really bitter, watered-down hard lemonade). Good luck!

Oh, and if you decide you do want to carbonate, you might as well just go with some 2L soda bottles. They're more than strong enough to hold the pressure, and they're pretty much free with the soda

 

[AJ_in_HD]

new member and first time brewer...my batch is fermenting now. I read through How to Brew and some brewing friends directed me to this forum.

I just wanted to add that this thread has been very entertaining and quite funny. Thanks!

subscribing now! I want to know how this turns out...I can't look away from an impending train wreck.

 

[Homercidal]

There are actually quite a few ales here in the UK named after discworld characters/novels - there have also been a few discworld beer festivals!

Alas, it seems the place that was brewing most of the DW beers has stopped making them. Which opens up the possibility of me using some discworld names for my own homebrew (not that I was likely to come up with Ridcully's Revenge...)

I'm thinking about doing one for The Librarian, and naming it... Oook.

If I do it right, it could have banana esters...

 

[Hegh]

Alas, it seems the place that was brewing most of the DW beers has stopped making them. Which opens up the possibility of me using some discworld names for my own homebrew (not that I was likely to come up with Ridcully's Revenge...)

I'm thinking about doing one for The Librarian, and naming it... Oook.

If I do it right, it could have banana esters...

I was thinking about naming one after Nanny Ogg or Greebo... Didn't realize how popular Discworld was here

 

[onelegout]

I just wanted to add that this thread has been very entertaining and quite funny. Thanks!

Fantastic! You're one of the few people who has understood the whole idea of this! I've got plenty of years left in my life to practice brewing fantastically refined beers - why not start things off with an eccentric blind stab in the dark?

I'm far too drunk and my girlfriend has run off due to me being pissed off at the ridiculous miming bollocks on the Brit Awards. Oh, Happy Days.

 

[onelegout]

Alas, it seems the place that was brewing most of the DW beers has stopped making them. Which opens up the possibility of me using some discworld names for my own homebrew (not that I was likely to come up with Ridcully's Revenge...)

I'm thinking about doing one for The Librarian, and naming it... Oook.

If I do it right, it could have banana esters...

Make an amber banana-ale called OOooook!
Or make a very, very heavy stout called 'HELLO.'

I ran out of beer and started mixing up sex-on-the-beaches. Oh Dearey me.

 

[Rhymenoceros]

onelegout, do you ever post on here sober?

 

[onelegout]

onelegout, do you ever post on here sober?

Good Sir, I rarely am sober, so that explains it. No.

 

[Rhymenoceros]

Good Sir, I rarely am sober, so that explains it. No.

Fair enough.

 

[KayaBrew]

onelegout, You sound like my kind of guy! If you ever make it to the States and wand to get pissed in some Northern New York redneck bars, let me know. You can stay at my place (although my wife would likely leave me and take the dog).

 

[llazy_llama]

I was thinking about naming one after Nanny Ogg or Greebo... Didn't realize how popular Discworld was here

We were going to adopt a male cat and name him Greebo... but my wife decided she loved a female kitten the shelter had. So now we have a Magrat instead.

 

[baru]

We were going to adopt a male cat and name him Greebo... but my wife decided she loved a female kitten the shelter had. So now we have a Magrat instead.

But no one has mentioned the lemon Juice in the brew. Isn't fermented citrus juice
said to taste like vomit?
That would be my prediction.
Maybe a bitter sweet vomit.
But then I read somewhere that the best beer in the world is the one in your hand.
I think I'd have to drink a couple o dozen pints and be outa anything else to drink before
I would try that brew. Oh why lie, I drink just about anything.
One time I killed a can o beer that I had opened a couple of days before and lost track of. It was warm and a little flat, and when I burped gnats flew out o my nose. I hate when that happens, it makes me sneeze. Especially when they try to fly back up my nose.
They say the nose knows, but in this case the nose gnats.
Now which one is being pulled? I don't hear any bells .
baru'sky

 

[onelegout]

onelegout, You sound like my kind of guy! If you ever make it to the States and wand to get pissed in some Northern New York redneck bars, let me know. You can stay at my place (although my wife would likely leave me and take the dog).

Hahah thanks for the invite! Never been to New York - My brother lives in California and writes for the new york times though, and my other brother lives in Atlanta... Will have to give New York a go sometime; I'm sure you won't miss the wife too much!

But no one has mentioned the lemon Juice in the brew. Isn't fermented citrus juice
said to taste like vomit?
That would be my prediction.
Maybe a bitter sweet vomit.
But then I read somewhere that the best beer in the world is the one in your hand.
I think I'd have to drink a couple o dozen pints and be outa anything else to drink before
I would try that brew. Oh why lie, I drink just about anything.
One time I killed a can o beer that I had opened a couple of days before and lost track of. It was warm and a little flat, and when I burped gnats flew out o my nose. I hate when that happens, it makes me sneeze. Especially when they try to fly back up my nose.
They say the nose knows, but in this case the nose gnats.
Now which one is being pulled? I don't hear any bells .
baru'sky

Eeek well hopefully the bitterness of the hops will destroy any kind of vomit flavour I had a massive house party two weeks back and one of the guys took a swig out of a beer can that had been used as an ashtray.... eugh.

 

[llazy_llama]

Only thing worse than that is dip spit. I know it's not big in the UK, but here in the US a lot of people use smokeless tobacco... which makes you spit. The last time I saw someone accidentaly drink out of a spitter bottle, they went from zero to puke in about 1.2 seconds.

 

[onelegout]

Ewh Grosss!
I'm thinking of starting work on a Kegerator but it seems like nowhere in the UK sells kegerator kits! I can find a cornelius keg and stuff but can't find a single tap for sale with a shank for extending it so it can go through the fridge door! Just my luck!
H

 

[llazy_llama]

Have you tried searching at www. the friggin internet.com?

I'm just saying

 

[onelegout]

haha yeah that's what I meant - I've been trawling the net for the last 3 hours with no luck!

Edit: Just tasted a tiny bit of the beer; you're not going to believe me but it actually tastes pretty good! Still quite bitter but no more than a regular every day pint of bitter; the bitterness is kind of disguised by the strong citrus taste from the lemon zest/juice - it kind of tastes like the bitterness that you get when you mix a dry lemonade with lager (not sure if you guys call that a shandy but we do in england). 'tis definately a wheat beer too - it's a very strange feeling to think that in a few days I'm actually going to be able to drink my first homebrew! I suppose I won't really know what it tastes like until I've taken a nice swig of it when it's ready
H

 

[stevenryals]

onelegout.. . the real question is ... who do you support? who's your football team?

 

[onelegout]

onelegout.. . the real question is ... who do you support? who's your football team?

Never really been interested in football myself!

 

[stevenryals]

it tastes great with beer

 

[Rhymenoceros]

So I really want you to try you beer un "fixed" first just to see how it tastes, but I read here:https://www.homebrewtalk.com/f39/unhopping-dehopping-104253/index2.html#post1145423 that salt will cancel out bitterness. If you beer is undrinkable then I would try that. But please let us know how it tastes unfooled around with.

P.S. I could definately have imagined onelegout as a crazy soccer hooligan.

 

[stevenryals]

So I really want you to try you beer P.S. I could definately have imagined onelegout as a crazy soccer hooligan.

FOOTBALL hooligan