How about this recipe.
First. Procure a pair of new panty hose, if on a budget, used is OK, too.
3 - 5 boxes of Stove Top Stuffing or Lemon and Herb Chicken Helper.
10 lbs of some kind of grain that ferments or canned malt syrup
One or three cans of crushed cranberry sauce
A handful of poultry seasoning
one apple or pumpkin pie and crust, use both pies, if using XXXL panty hose
A few handfuls of hops. Preferably, hops that go good with fried turkey
A couple of handfuls of liquid or dry yeast. Bread, Champagne, or Ale, is OK
A couple of spackling buckets of water
Using the Enhanced BIAB method. Stuff the first five ingredients into the panty hose. Steep for an hour or so at 145-160 F to ensure conversion, if using grain. After conversion, remove the panty hose and squeeze the day lights out of it, to extract all the yummy goodness and sludge. If using canned syrup, add it to the steeping water, after the panty hose is squeezed. Pour the mixture through a high tech filter, made from paint strainers. If paint strainers aren't available. Use one leg or back side of the panty hose, as a strainer. Dump the mixture into a turkey roaster and boil, tossing in the hops at the beginning. Cool it down and dump into the spackling bucket. Toss in the yeast. (If a Christmas brew is desired, add pine cones from a white pine and Holiday scented potpourri.) Ferment for 10 days, drink it young. Remove the squished ingredients from the panty hose, add a quart of molassas, a pint of dark rum, mix and bake. Can be used as a dessert or for making flavored swizzle sticks.
