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Old 01-05-2013, 02:07 PM   #1
Billy-Klubb
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this is a short list of stupid things I've said to people in conversation. because I'm a smart ass.

When I invented welding, it was a cold process. But people complained it was too cold, so I made it hot. Then they complained it was too hot. I told them, "Tough. I'm not changing it back."

I invented water.

Back when I was your age, before I invented electricity, we had to rub the steel together to make it stick. That's why people think pipe welding is tricky.

It was so hot in my house, I had to turn the oven on just to cool down.

On a windy day, I like to tie a rope around my ankle & fly like a kite.

If I walk into the wind at the wrong angle, my ears will catch it & I'll spin like a top.

The frost on my windshield was so thick this morning, I had to use a pay loader to scrape it off.
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There is a difference between pride and arrogance. Which do you hold in your heart?
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"If ceramic squirrels are banned, only druks will have ceramic squirrels!"
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I've plenty of legit material... No need to go making up quotes for your sig.

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Old 01-05-2013, 10:30 PM   #2
littletommy
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An elderly woman in a rather nice restaurant once asked me if I was a professional wrestler, to which I replied, "no, but I once took taxidermy classes".

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Old 01-05-2013, 10:52 PM   #3
Billy-Klubb
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to my boss after taking my false teeth out: Do my balls look fat in these pants?
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There is a difference between pride and arrogance. Which do you hold in your heart?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen Williams View Post
"If ceramic squirrels are banned, only druks will have ceramic squirrels!"
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I've plenty of legit material... No need to go making up quotes for your sig.

 
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:03 PM   #4
littletommy
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When sitting on the curb in front of the methadone clinic, I tend to reflect on my 14 years in junior college with some regret.

 
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:22 PM   #5
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While shopping yesterday, the directv guy was roaming the store trying to get customers. He tried to hand me something, I responded "No Thanks, I'm trying to Quit" He had the strangest look on his face as I went on by.

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Old 01-14-2013, 01:08 AM   #6
Billy-Klubb
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Everyone needs a little anal leakage now and again. (I think it was a conversation about boy bands and how they suck. I may have been slightly intoxicated.)

in regards to a flat tire: Just rub some Bag Balm on it. It'll be alright.
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There is a difference between pride and arrogance. Which do you hold in your heart?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen Williams View Post
"If ceramic squirrels are banned, only druks will have ceramic squirrels!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randar View Post
I've plenty of legit material... No need to go making up quotes for your sig.

 
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:49 PM   #7
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Told a young kid once my grandpa was so old he had to wait 3 months after being born for dirt to be invented so he could play in it.

I've used the "No thanks, I quit." a few times.
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If you want to know what weird is, ask yourself "Is this weird?" and if you just asked yourself that question it is.
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OK, So I searched "Betty White nude" ...........At the top of the results, instead of 'Did you mean......" it asked "Are you f#cking serious?....."

 
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