The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

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RIP, Don Zimmer.

pedro-throws-don-zimmer-o.gif
 
Ok so I need some 'medical advice.' About a month ago my idiot daughter decided to have a mid life crisis at 26. She quit her job, broke up with The Captain, packed 900 pounds of **** into a car designed to hold a bud vase and an aging hippy and drove to Florida with less than a thousand dollars in her pocket.

Yes. She's a f'ing idiot.


But it gets worse. Since she's been in FL it appears she's been aggressively trying to cure a nonexistent case of glaucoma and has sparked up a bale or two of weed.

Yesterday she gets offered a job. (Can I get an Amen?)

Tomorrow she needs to go for a preemployment physical, which I'm assuming will involve pissing in a cup. Anyone know how to fix a urine test. The kid needs a job and other than being remarkably stupid is actually pretty smart and a good kid.

"The Wizinator" is not a viable option.
 
Fly down there immediately and take the test for her. The only bad thing that will happen to her is they'll find out that she has premenopausal osteoporosis.

Actually, just tell the truth. Say you might have indulged when you were living up in Mass (where it is legal) and you might fail the test. It's FL and they might be afraid of ACLU implications. I know people that have used the Whizinator and it does work. They do frown upon drugs in those kind of screenings tho. I've had to reply back to a very intense screening with "what exactly do you mean by 'ever been arrested before?'" and flew thru the process just by saying no to drugs.
 
Depends on when she last smoked, but drink a lot of water. Keep drinking water. Not much else you can do in that short of time. Good luck..I hope she gets the job.
 
Tell her to put a bit of soap under her fingernail and drop it in the sample. It should ruin the sample and hopefully she can be good to go by the time they retest.

That is if you don't find a better alternative. This is usually a better option if you already have the job.
 
There are many options available to her. The last thing you want to do is create a false positive and retake a test. It shows something might have been/was something there.

They have a couple of drinks that you take 24, 12, and an hour before a test.

Ask rick.


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Is it my imagination or do more guy go down in a World Cup Soccer game than went down in the first fifteen minutes of 'Saving Private Ryan?' Wtf? One second you look like you caught a German machine gun bullet in your brain and the next "It's a MIRACLE!!!!!!" and you're shaking it off and able to keep on playing? These f'ing prima donnas make PK Suban look like a tough guy! What's it going to be like when Italy plays Brazil? The ref will roll the ball out onto the pitch and every f'ing guy one the grass will fall down writhing in agony. Wtf?
 
Hey all,
just got back from NHC. Wasn't as good as Philly overall, but still a very good time - local breweries and bars in Grand Rapids were far better than expected, as well. PTN, sorry I didn't see your post earlier about your daughter. If she needs to take another, the most important this is to do a short term water purge. Drink tons of water (i.e. at least a gallon a day) and pee as much as possible, even if it means getting up 2-3 times during the night. Also, the worse pee to "donate" would be the first in the morning, with all the nighttime "chemicals" having a chance to come out of solution. Best if she goes a few times right before the test, and then keeps drinking water, so she'll have to go when needed.

And Mel & Big John, - that's a great looking wine covered trellis - can imagine very comfortable summer afternoons under there in the shade, with cocktails, or homebrew...
 
Uggggg. Don't even say it.. Freakin' Az will be in here gloating.

You'rrrrrrrre the best Az. Whoopity freakin do.

I bet he didn't even put his own spin on any of the styles.


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew because it impresses people
 

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