Specialist stores

RANT:

Wouldn't you think that a "specialist store" should have specialist knowledge about what they are selling you?

Last week I went to "Cheese Haven" at Port Clinton in Ohio.They boast that they are the most diverse cheese shop in the state, selling 125 varities of cheese.....I thought great!! Although I already know a very good cheese place nearer to me that does a terrific cheddar clone, and some excellent local American cheeses, maybe at this place I can get some authentic cheddar, some good camembert and a bit of really good Stilton.

Since when did the assheaded race from the planet Dimwit swoop down from the heavens and invade the brains of half-witted sheep and send them to work in local cheese stores!!

Looking into a cabinet stuffed with great looking cheese I proceeded to ask this malformed goat-dick about his offerings:-

"Cheshire...I like cheshire...can I have a taste?".... "No. It's imported. You can't taste our imported cheeses."....... "Well, how do I know it's any good?"....."It's good because it is imported. It comes from England. It is the English equivelant of cheddar"....Now this bloke was so damn dimwitted that he didn't pick up on my OBVIOUS english accent. "The English equivelant of cheddar?" I asked. "yes. It tastes a bit like cheddar, except it has a different texture"......"Is it crumbly?" ....Oh no! It's not crumbly!! (Cheshire should be crumbly) "It's just like cheddar, except it's English (Cheddar is English) Having realised that this guy had no clue, I didn't pursue it any further and turned my eye to the French Roquefort (Pronounced rock-for) .....No, you can't taste the rockfert either....you can't taste the blue cheeses"

Anyone see where this cheese shop story is going? I don't care how Fu cking runny it is! Go forth and ....etc. etc.

I will be sticking to our alernative store in future, they don't import, but at least they know how to make good local cheeses and very respectable clones of the ones I grew up with.

Not much of a rant, I know....but at least i feel better now! :rockin:

Similar to this perhaps?

[youtube]c3c3qJIwMDc[/youtube]

adrock said:

Similar to this perhaps?

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Seriously, I was thinking of that sketch during the entire ordeal. It was the only thing that kept me sane(ish)!

OhioBrit said:

Since when did the assheaded race from the planet Dimwit swoop down from the heavens and invade the brains of half-witted sheep and send them to work in local cheese stores!!

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That's the best comment I've heard since Dennis Miller called the contestants on Wheel of Fortune "chicklet lobed Morelocks"

Were there bazouki players? Can't have a cheese shop without bazouki players serenading the comestibles.

You should have just shot him.

Next time you're near by you should stop in and try to talk to the owner (hopefully that dim bulb) wasn't it about their ill prepared sales people as well and the no tasting policy...I've never heard of a cheese shop not allowing sample...heck, even the cheese/deli counter of most grocery stores will allow you to sample before purchasing...

"Imported!" Yeah just like skunky beer in green bottles is thought to be "better" because it is imported...even though it tastes like ass!

Sheesh...Ain't America grand?

Revvy said:

Next time you're near by you should stop in and try to talk to the owner (hopefully that dim bulb) wasn't it about their ill prepared sales people as well and the no tasting policy...I've never heard of a cheese shop not allowing sample...heck, even the cheese/deli counter of most grocery stores will allow you to sample before purchasing...

"Imported!" Yeah just like skunky beer in green bottles is thought to be "better" because it is imported...even though it tastes like ass!

Sheesh...Ain't America grand?

Click to expand...

Well, they did have about 6 (not nearly enough) of their 125 cheeses out for tasting. And some of the other salespeople were a lot more forthcoming than just that one guy that was standing guard over the imports and blue cheese. It was only him that was the real problem. We still came out of there $100 lighter. And all the cheese we have eaten so far has been excellent. I reckon I just let this one idiot get to me a bit too much. However, we will still be staying with our previous source.

OhioBrit said:

Well, they did have about 6 (not nearly enough) of their 125 cheeses out for tasting. And some of the other salespeople were a lot more forthcoming than just that one guy that was standing guard over the imports and blue cheese. It was only him that was the real problem. We still came out of there $100 lighter. And all the cheese we have eaten so far has been excellent. I reckon I just let this one idiot get to me a bit too much. However, we will still be staying with our previous source.

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Don't take this the wrong way, but you owe the owner a bit of feedback. It may come back in spades...

Ring up and ask to speak to the owner. Relate your experience in the most positive and pleasant way possible. Explain your love for cheese and your purchasing habits. Most importantly, let him know of your disappointment with your shopping experience. He may sack the worthless feck and give you a gift certificate

PeteOz77 said:

Don't take this the wrong way, but you owe the owner a bit of feedback. It may come back in spades...

Ring up and ask to speak to the owner. Relate your experience in the most positive and pleasant way possible. Explain your love for cheese and your purchasing habits. Most importantly, let him know of your disappointment with your shopping experience. He may sack the worthless feck and give you a gift certificate

Click to expand...

+1 on this..I'd call and capitalizing on the your British Accent repeat this exchange to him/her verbatum;

"Cheshire...I like cheshire...can I have a taste?".... "No. It's imported. You can't taste our imported cheeses."....... "Well, how do I know it's any good?"....."It's good because it is imported. It comes from England. It is the English equivelant of cheddar"....Now this bloke was so damn dimwitted that he didn't pick up on my OBVIOUS english accent. "The English equivelant of cheddar?" I asked. "yes. It tastes a bit like cheddar, except it has a different texture"......"Is it crumbly?" ....Oh no! It's not crumbly!! (Cheshire should be crumbly) "It's just like cheddar, except it's English (Cheddar is English)

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Free Cheese for a month I say...:rockin:

Ya know, next time I'm up that way again I may just try that! I'd sell the missus for some free cheese! I'm no shrinking violet, and have even dickered succesfully in department stores. (Much to the horror and embarrasment of the missus)

T'was funny though, normally I would have told the guy what I thought at the time. This time though was one of those instances that I found myself totally dumbstruck, unable to string a good rant together while in awe of his stupidity.

OhioBrit said:

Ya know, next time I'm up that way again I may just try that! I'd sell the missus for some free cheese! I'm no shrinking violet, and have even dickered succesfully in department stores. (Much to the horror and embarrasment of the missus)

T'was funny though, normally I would have told the guy what I thought at the time. This time though was one of those instances that I found myself totally dumbstruck, unable to string a good rant together while in awe of his stupidity.

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I have to say that your rant is among the most amusing without even being a druken rant.

Of course it still pales next to this one.

https://www.homebrewtalk.com/showthread.php?t=52640&highlight=code+monkey

I know me cheeses....

Cheshire is nothing like cheddar in taste or texture and usually not in colour.
My locality gives me a little advantage.

orfy said:

I know me cheeses....

Cheshire is nothing like cheddar in taste or texture and usually not in colour.
My locality gives me a little advantage.

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BWAHAHAHA...


So does that mean you know cat's as well?



How bout grins?

orfy said:

I know me cheeses....

Cheshire is nothing like cheddar in taste or texture and usually not in colour.
My locality gives me a little advantage.

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So you can understand why I was dumbstruck by this jerk!

PS. You aren't anywhere near Glossop are you? If so, I would like to hire you to give my brother a kick in the nutsacks.

OhioBrit said:

PS. You aren't anywhere near Glossop are you? If so, I would like to hire you to give my brother a kick in the nutsacks.

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*Revvy runs off to the memoriable quote thread!!!!*

aye,

not so far away.

Orfy .....HBT official nutsack kicker......promoting relations across the pond.

Lewis carol lived around these parts.

orfy said:

aye,

not so far away.

Orfy .....HBT official nutsack kicker......promoting relations across the pond.

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Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

My Brother's local is the Hare and Hounds at the top of a stonking great hill. I will Paypal $100 to the Landlord so he can pay you when your mission is accomplished.

The best time to catch my brother is Sunday lunchtime. He will enter the pub from the car park entrance. He will be accompanied by a skinny little twonk wearing glasses. My brother will be the guy imediately behind him keeping a safe "I'm not buying the first round" distance. It will first be necessary to somehow divert his right hand away from his crotch area before you can get a really good kick in (He will be scratching his balls)

Good luck. This forum will self destruct in 5 seconds.

orfy said:

Lewis carol lived around these parts.

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And Alice from wonderland has a hole near my parts! er, let me re-phrase that! She is buried in Lyndhurst, Hampshire....Near where I come from. True though.